After some time in the lifestyle, we have recently started to break the news to some of our close friends that we are swingers.
We have great friends and so far they have taken the information really well. However, we have other friends that would never want to hear it, and god forbid if we ever told our family about it.
What are everyone else's thoughts about coming out of the "Swinger" closet?
We have great friends and so far they have taken the information really well. However, we have other friends that would never want to hear it, and god forbid if we ever told our family about it.
What are everyone else's thoughts about coming out of the "Swinger" closet?
Midgets, dwarves, little people (whatever is the pc term this week) scare me. We have told a few close friends we swing and we get a lot of questions and comments like "we've been curious about trying that, we're just scared that we might change or realize we don't enjoy our partner as much as we do now." Something to that effect. With us we've only gotten stronger in our relationship. Then again we fully trust each other too, which is a big part of it.
SLCCOUPLE,
Agreed... It exciting to have a few secrets in life. Especially LP porn, S&M, Bondage you know all the good stuff.
Agreed... It exciting to have a few secrets in life. Especially LP porn, S&M, Bondage you know all the good stuff.
Agree 100% with SLCCOUPLEFUN (especially about the midget porn). Unless you're trying to convert your friends...BAD idea, big mistake, HUGE (to paraphrase Julia Roberts) we see no upside to telling them. We've been doing this a LONG time and have yet to see coming out of the swinger closet yield positive results across the board. It's great that you're happy and secure indulging in our little hobby here but trust us, swinging is NOT for everyone and there are a lot of people who not only could never handle it but also have a big problem with it on a fundamental level. Telling one or two close friends who kind of suspect and are pretty liberal anyway might not come back to bite you but jumping on Oprah's couch and telling everyone you're a swinger is not a good idea. Trust us.
Midgets, dwarves, little people (whatever is the pc term this week) scare me. We have told a few close friends we swing and we get a lot of questions and comments like "we've been curious about trying that, we're just scared that we might change or realize we don't enjoy our partner as much as we do now." Something to that effect. With us we've only gotten stronger in our relationship. Then again we fully trust each other too, which is a big part of it.
EVILDOERS wrote:
Agree 100% with SLCCOUPLEFUN (especially about the midget porn). Unless you're trying to convert your friends...BAD idea, big mistake, HUGE (to paraphrase Julia Roberts) we see no upside to telling them. We've been doing this a LONG time and have yet to see coming out of the swinger closet yield positive results across the board. It's great that you're happy and secure indulging in our little hobby here but trust us, swinging is NOT for everyone and there are a lot of people who not only could never handle it but also have a big problem with it on a fundamental level. Telling one or two close friends who kind of suspect and are pretty liberal anyway might not come back to bite you but jumping on Oprah's couch and telling everyone you're a swinger is not a good idea. Trust us.
Have to agree with Mr Evil, here....as long as there is ANYONE you wouldn't want to know..don't tell anyone. Too many people are of the kind that never met a secret that wasn't worth sharing, especially, if they have nothing invested in the secret. You take enough risks just going to public places for meet and greets, etc.
We have to agree as well. If we are trying to convert or suspect that they are in the LS then we might hint, or make comments just to see where they may sit. But its part of OUR intimate life. Why would we want all to know? Not that its a bad thing, because it isnt. But I could only imagine what many would say, and blow out of proportion. The is a need to know basis...Sadly one of my step-sons knows... He was floored, but suspected. Come to find out one of his best friends parents are swingers and suspected that we were. Other than that it remains with our LS friends.
Be careful which friends you come out to I've lost 2 jobs aka just over broke because of it of people thinking I was going to get everyone into the lifestyle.
We've "come out" to a couple people we're friends with, but only because they are in the lifestyle as well, but they didn't know we were. We have crossed paths with some of their friends, so we know that at one point we're going to run into them and don't want it to be an uncomfortable situation.
People are freaking out about "hidden" messages in Disney movies and t-shirts at PacSun. Do you think most are REALLY gonna be okay with wife swapping? Our advice? On average you'll probably get a more positive response telling your friends that you like to cuckold your stuffed pet ferrets so if you want to play truth or dare with them...take the dare every time. 
People are offended too easily. So why go out of your way to offend them. If you really want them to know then take your chances. I just told people on here that I don't know that I don't like beer and already they bitching about it. I wouldn't be suprised if some of the people on here don't object to other people that swing. It is kind of like closited gays bashing gays. I think that is one of the reasons why most people don't put face pics on here.
SUGARSANDSPICE wrote:
People are offended too easily. So why go out of your way to offend them. If you really want them to know then take your chances. I just told people on here that I don't know that I don't like beer and already they bitching about it. I wouldn't be suprised if some of the people on here don't object to other people that swing. It is kind of like closited gays bashing gays. I think that is one of the reasons why most people don't put face pics on here.
To be fair I think the real reason people took issue with your dislike of beer was mostly because you took the time to post in a thread about LIKING beer to state that you didn't like beer. A little like posting in a classical music thread that you don't really like classical music just jazz. Kind of non sequitur.
Precisely my point evil. People close their minds over the smallest things and then take shots at those that don't agree with them. Being a swinger is diametrically opposite to manogamy. Hell we even bitch, in this state, about same sex marriage. I think that there are a lot of paralels here.
I think a closet is to small, I like to look at it as more of a swinging living room....
SJA wrote:
After some time in the lifestyle, we have recently started to break the news to some of our close friends that we are swingers.
We have great friends and so far they have taken the information really well. However, we have other friends that would never want to hear it, and god forbid if we ever told our family about it.
What are everyone else's thoughts about coming out of the "Swinger" closet?
Have you even considered the implications for others that may want to stay "in the closet"? You may be committing "Swinger Suicide" as it were... your openness might be great for you, but other may want to stay behind the curtain and would not want to be outed by association.
CNTRLCPL wrote:SJA wrote:
After some time in the lifestyle, we have recently started to break the news to some of our close friends that we are swingers.
We have great friends and so far they have taken the information really well. However, we have other friends that would never want to hear it, and god forbid if we ever told our family about it.
What are everyone else's thoughts about coming out of the "Swinger" closet?
Have you even considered the implications for others that may want to stay "in the closet"? You may be committing "Swinger Suicide" as it were... your openness might be great for you, but other may want to stay behind the curtain and would not want to be outed by association.
This is an excellent point we hadn't thought about. Luckily, we've only shared with a couple VERY close friends. Plus, we keep our vanilla friends and swinger friends quite separate to avoid this situation.
DELICIOUSLYWET wrote:
Wait a few years and non monogamy may no longer be considered a strange way to conduct your marriage and you won't even have to come out as if it is some big deal.
This is exactly how we feel. It's just unfortunate that something so fun is so frowned upon.
Maybe we're approaching this from the wrong angle. Why exactly do you think you want to tell people you're swingers? Are you friends constantly asking you why you dress like cheap hookers whenever you are "just going out for a drink"? Do they wonder why you drag yourselves home at 5am looking like you lost a fight with a family of rabid raccoons? Do they think it's a little odd that when they walk up to you that SLAM your new laptop shut so hard the screen shatters or fling your new iPhone over the hedge in your yard? Are you tired of making up elaborate excuses to people that would make Jules Verne or Quentin Tarantino blush and say, "WTF?"? Or are you just major horn dogs who think that fucking other people is so fun that you might as well just fuck ALL you friends (and maybe even a few not TOO close relatives) while you're at it? I think answering WHY might give you some insight as to the real reason you think it's anyone's (other than your own) fucking business who you fuck or why you fuck them.
I haven't really considered telling people. On the other hand, I have reached te point at which I wouldn't care any more if they know. Except my mom, maybe. 
Whew! That's good cuz I just told yer mom. Hope that's okay. 
Oh, and I was talking about the OTHER Jules Verne...in case there was any confusion.
Oh, and I was talking about the OTHER Jules Verne...in case there was any confusion.
Been swinging for decades,, we are basically the same people we were 30 years ago. However, if certain friends found out, they would definetly disown us! and a few would be sure to spread the word and probably try an intervention. The ones who would understand, would probably keep it quite. We, at present have no friends that I think would be interested in the lifestyle, but if they were, and brought up the discussion,, we probably still would not tell. I can see no real upside to telling. If discovered, with no doubt, would have to just figure then on how to proceed. If they really came down on us for personal choices, that affect no one else, then I would probably treat them like those who wish to argue about politics or religion, or how to raise kids,, ,,,, ain't none of their business. All in all, I think telling,, as tempting as might be,, is bad idea,, words said can not be unsaid,, knowledge gained is always there,, somewhere. there are peopele who lived this lifestyle forever , who after seeing the error of their ways, will condemn others and try to "save " them.
It is fascinating to observe someone cheat over and over on their husband or wife and then judge a swinger as being an awful degenerate? It seems to come back to the reality that people have two sets of standards:
1) The very standards they have for themselves that they do not live up to but think they do, and
2) The incredibly high standards they have for you that no one could ever live up to.
I have just made it a point to never discuss anything about my friends on here with anyone else. What happens on swingular stays on swingular.
1) The very standards they have for themselves that they do not live up to but think they do, and
2) The incredibly high standards they have for you that no one could ever live up to.
I have just made it a point to never discuss anything about my friends on here with anyone else. What happens on swingular stays on swingular.