I have to say, having children and trying to meet with couples can be very hard on your lifestlye. Family always comes first in my book, but it doesn't seem like every parent thinks that, which is why I'm letting you know why they should start thinking about it.
We thought that maybe if we could meet with a couple that also have a child or has children, that we could have a better, lasting relationship and have other things to enjoy with these couples, besides just swinging. Well, one couple didn't work out with us and I don't know how to go about letting them know they were wrong in what happened.
I'm the only one that even seemed to get upset about the situation and I wanted to get others opionion to make sure I don't owe an opology to them. Here's what happened.....
Me and my husband met with a couple at a swingers club, which was off-premise, and we talked some and explained we had children and that we wanted to meet with couples, but it was hard with younsters and it was also hard to find a reliable and trusting babysitter to be able to enjoy the night out. They the told us they had a child and that if we wanted to talk more and get to know each other better, that we could come to their home for a dinner, with our kids. Now...we explained up front that we don't play seperate and we definitely did not play if we had our children with us. They said that it wouldn't be a problem, no hank-panky with kids around, because they too had a small one. This sounded really great to us, because we thought we found a good couple to be friends with and have some extra benefits too, if we wanted.
Well, things started out okay. We were greeted at the door by the family, and our kids was introduced to their child, and was showed some computer games and such to play. That gave us time to talk a little to the couple and was shown the outside of their home and such before dinner. After dinner is when everything went WRONG. First, I had to go to the bathroom. Well, while I was gone to the bathroom, the Mrs. decide to give my hubby a tour of the rest of the house, mainly the extra bedroom....and when I asked the hubby where my hubby was, he said.."Don't worry about them, they'll be okay for awhile"...well, that really ticked me off, especially knowing our children were now mixed up in this...and our oldest asking where his daddy went with that lady.....that was about the last straw for me....but I was in these peoples home, not mine, and I respect others homes, but in this situation, I was ready to leave, and without my other half....because he too knew our rules of playing.
Well, when the Mrs. and mine came back up, my other half knew I was mad, but for some strange reason, he felt like he had to still play around with her, and in the same room all the children were in!!!! Not to mention, she couldn't keep her hands off him, which was not making my situation of trying to calm down any easier.
When I finally got my hubby alone, I "very persistantly" told him me and the kids were leaving...NOW..and if he was smart he had better be out the front door before me or I would leave him there, and I truely meant it. I was so angry and hurt by all of the happenings around me, I thought that if this is what it's like to try and swing...FORGET IT...my nerves or marriage weren't going to stay together if this is what I had to look forward to everytime.
My hubby didn't get out the door before me..he was too busy kissing the Mrs good-bye....and I mean french-kissing..... but, thank Goodness I got the kids out the door before me....and that didn't help out any on his part, believe me. We stopped swinging for many years after that because of trust with one another and with other couples saying one thing and then doing another.
This particular couple apparently feels that nothing was wrong with what happened, and actually contacted us again after many, many, many years after this incident happened.
I'm not one either to "shun" anyone, but this expereince really bothered me then, and still does, and after them contacting us again, through an e-mail, not by phone, it makes me wonder about my feelings on the matter.
Am I wrong to feel this way, even after all these years? I do trust my husband NOW, after the bad expereinces, because there was one more after that, but it took alot of talking, yelling, and regaining a trust that is hard to achieve after something that drastic that involved your kids in the process.
I e-mailed them back, but I know it was short and blunt, nothing mean, I don't do things like that, but what if they try again to contact us...what do I say?
Any help/advice/opinions is appreciated.
Hope no one ever has to expereince something like this...most marriages would never have lasted unless you really had a great understanding with your mate, and we put ours to the test and passed.......barely.
We thought that maybe if we could meet with a couple that also have a child or has children, that we could have a better, lasting relationship and have other things to enjoy with these couples, besides just swinging. Well, one couple didn't work out with us and I don't know how to go about letting them know they were wrong in what happened.
I'm the only one that even seemed to get upset about the situation and I wanted to get others opionion to make sure I don't owe an opology to them. Here's what happened.....
Me and my husband met with a couple at a swingers club, which was off-premise, and we talked some and explained we had children and that we wanted to meet with couples, but it was hard with younsters and it was also hard to find a reliable and trusting babysitter to be able to enjoy the night out. They the told us they had a child and that if we wanted to talk more and get to know each other better, that we could come to their home for a dinner, with our kids. Now...we explained up front that we don't play seperate and we definitely did not play if we had our children with us. They said that it wouldn't be a problem, no hank-panky with kids around, because they too had a small one. This sounded really great to us, because we thought we found a good couple to be friends with and have some extra benefits too, if we wanted.
Well, things started out okay. We were greeted at the door by the family, and our kids was introduced to their child, and was showed some computer games and such to play. That gave us time to talk a little to the couple and was shown the outside of their home and such before dinner. After dinner is when everything went WRONG. First, I had to go to the bathroom. Well, while I was gone to the bathroom, the Mrs. decide to give my hubby a tour of the rest of the house, mainly the extra bedroom....and when I asked the hubby where my hubby was, he said.."Don't worry about them, they'll be okay for awhile"...well, that really ticked me off, especially knowing our children were now mixed up in this...and our oldest asking where his daddy went with that lady.....that was about the last straw for me....but I was in these peoples home, not mine, and I respect others homes, but in this situation, I was ready to leave, and without my other half....because he too knew our rules of playing.
Well, when the Mrs. and mine came back up, my other half knew I was mad, but for some strange reason, he felt like he had to still play around with her, and in the same room all the children were in!!!! Not to mention, she couldn't keep her hands off him, which was not making my situation of trying to calm down any easier.
When I finally got my hubby alone, I "very persistantly" told him me and the kids were leaving...NOW..and if he was smart he had better be out the front door before me or I would leave him there, and I truely meant it. I was so angry and hurt by all of the happenings around me, I thought that if this is what it's like to try and swing...FORGET IT...my nerves or marriage weren't going to stay together if this is what I had to look forward to everytime.
My hubby didn't get out the door before me..he was too busy kissing the Mrs good-bye....and I mean french-kissing..... but, thank Goodness I got the kids out the door before me....and that didn't help out any on his part, believe me. We stopped swinging for many years after that because of trust with one another and with other couples saying one thing and then doing another.
This particular couple apparently feels that nothing was wrong with what happened, and actually contacted us again after many, many, many years after this incident happened.
I'm not one either to "shun" anyone, but this expereince really bothered me then, and still does, and after them contacting us again, through an e-mail, not by phone, it makes me wonder about my feelings on the matter.
Am I wrong to feel this way, even after all these years? I do trust my husband NOW, after the bad expereinces, because there was one more after that, but it took alot of talking, yelling, and regaining a trust that is hard to achieve after something that drastic that involved your kids in the process.
I e-mailed them back, but I know it was short and blunt, nothing mean, I don't do things like that, but what if they try again to contact us...what do I say?
Any help/advice/opinions is appreciated.
Hope no one ever has to expereince something like this...most marriages would never have lasted unless you really had a great understanding with your mate, and we put ours to the test and passed.......barely.
Kids and lifestyle do not mix you are not wrong the other cpl should have made sure they either had sent the kids to a sitter or broughta sitter to thier house and the four of you go get a room in a nearby hotel. We have played witha cpl who waits tillthier son goes to sleep and to be honest it was awkward we were always concerned he may wake up and come strolling in the room he didn't but we stillfelt uneasy and now tell cpls if kids are anywhere close lets make it another night when they can arrange sitters.
Norm&Sharon
Norm&Sharon
Tammy you are not wrong at all. You went their to talk and introduce the children not play. That was totally disrespectful for her to give him a tour of the home without you. She was deceitful and sneaky. Your hubby should have said no and waited to tour their house with you. Glad you worked the issues out with your hubby. In regards to them contacting you, they have balls. I would politely say Thanks but no thanks. Good luck to you.
Missy & Vern
Missy & Vern
This is one wierd thread. I mostly blame your husband. Other couple was wrong for asking but your husband had no business going along with what he knows is against your rules. 90% you husbands fault, 10% the other couple... all he had to do was say no.
Hi Tammy,
One thing has me puzzled. Did you hubby and the other Mrs. just take a tour of the house, or did they take a tour of eachother? If it was just a tour of the house I don't see a problem. Many couples will give you a tour of their house, at some point, when it is the first time you have been there. And could what the Mr. of the other couple said be taken as a light hearted joke? Maybe he was teasing.
I do understand your concern about them hanging on eachother ( your hubby and the other Mrs that is). Around children that is strickly a no no. Being adults they should have shown some restraint.
We too have played with a couple while their kids were sleeping in another room, and yes it was very awkward.
In any case, if you say that your not willing to play while your children are anywhere near then they should have took it at that. If they didn't agree they should not have continued the invite.
As for what to do if they write back. I would give them the truthful reason as to why you no longer wish to meet with them. Be nice about it, but let them know that you didn't appreciate the way they handled thing with your kids present and don't wish to get into a situation like that ever again. Thank them for thinking about you, then tell them that you are no longer intrested in seeing them. Unless of course you would like to try to patch things up with them. But by the sound of your letter I wouldn't think that was true.
In short, just be stright with them, but try to be nice about it.
Goodluck.
One thing has me puzzled. Did you hubby and the other Mrs. just take a tour of the house, or did they take a tour of eachother? If it was just a tour of the house I don't see a problem. Many couples will give you a tour of their house, at some point, when it is the first time you have been there. And could what the Mr. of the other couple said be taken as a light hearted joke? Maybe he was teasing.
I do understand your concern about them hanging on eachother ( your hubby and the other Mrs that is). Around children that is strickly a no no. Being adults they should have shown some restraint.
We too have played with a couple while their kids were sleeping in another room, and yes it was very awkward.
In any case, if you say that your not willing to play while your children are anywhere near then they should have took it at that. If they didn't agree they should not have continued the invite.
As for what to do if they write back. I would give them the truthful reason as to why you no longer wish to meet with them. Be nice about it, but let them know that you didn't appreciate the way they handled thing with your kids present and don't wish to get into a situation like that ever again. Thank them for thinking about you, then tell them that you are no longer intrested in seeing them. Unless of course you would like to try to patch things up with them. But by the sound of your letter I wouldn't think that was true.
In short, just be stright with them, but try to be nice about it.
Goodluck.
we would have never took our kids to a cpls house that we met at a swing club first and for most. if we didnt me cpls because of our kids then the world didnt stop.sounds like poor communiations....the cpl mite not have known the problem sence ole hubby went with her with out a fight. something tell us this was doomed from the start.but you got one thing rite unless you know the folks very very well a family get-to-gether with swingers is a bad idea but thats just our thoughts on this....
roger and vickie
ps i hope all the english majors forgive my country boy spell
roger and vickie
ps i hope all the english majors forgive my country boy spell
They had balls???? No they were dumber than shit. OOOPS sorry. I can't believe people do that to their kids. I am afraid my response to their e-mail would be short and sweet. "DROP DEAD", I also know my wife would have had my balls in a jar if I did what the husband did. Not that I would do that.
Sorry for the extreme reaction but have had too many situations where a child was molested or abused. I can't stand people who do that to children.
Sorry for the extreme reaction but have had too many situations where a child was molested or abused. I can't stand people who do that to children.
You and your husband are not ready for the lifestyle.
You know it too
You know it too
This is a though one to answer four to me any ways. I know when I start thinking with the wrong head I end up pushing the line. With the rules. Thinks to my wife she. Know what I am thinking be four I do so she is right on top of me which is grate four me and her but the bottom line is that the line was crossed. But as fare as the other couple tell them the truth but be nice as possible. Some thing like this the last time we meet thing did not work out as planed there four I don
2 important words "communication" & "understanding"
your hasband was the most at fault in that situation you and he had your agreement the coupke should have kept their word in just talk so they can't be trusted which is what this lifestyle is based on so couldn't play with them ever again but the big thing is your hubby is no better I am shocked you made it throughthat and even more shocked you'd even think of trying again good luck wish you well
Ampussy .. we like your answer. We play with a couple that still has a child at home and the child is of sufficient age to understand what is going on. They have been truthful with the child about what they do. We don't ever cross the line when visiting and the child is home. We feel that children and playing are not to happen in the same house at the same time. There can always be arrangements made to get together for fun times when Children are not around.
I think in this instance you could talk with the other couple since you really liked them when you first met. But, do not talk to them via emails. This should be face to face. Go out for a Coke or Coffee. Talk with them and explain that "your" hubby crossed the line and this totally changed your attitude for the evening. See what they say. They may have been totally off the mark to begin with but, they only have their side of things. Do this only if you want to settle it all out. After all you may end up still liking the couple or things still stay ended. You now have a chance to see what happened and get "Their" side of it. Maybe they think you are a cold fish.
Just a suggestion. We don't have to walk in your shoes but, you are asking for everyone's input. So you just got another opinion.
Good luck in future meetings. We enjoy the lifestyle and have made some very great friends.
I think in this instance you could talk with the other couple since you really liked them when you first met. But, do not talk to them via emails. This should be face to face. Go out for a Coke or Coffee. Talk with them and explain that "your" hubby crossed the line and this totally changed your attitude for the evening. See what they say. They may have been totally off the mark to begin with but, they only have their side of things. Do this only if you want to settle it all out. After all you may end up still liking the couple or things still stay ended. You now have a chance to see what happened and get "Their" side of it. Maybe they think you are a cold fish.
Just a suggestion. We don't have to walk in your shoes but, you are asking for everyone's input. So you just got another opinion.
Good luck in future meetings. We enjoy the lifestyle and have made some very great friends.
O.K. we went back and had to read the original post again and without a doubt your hubby blew it!
Maybe the other lady came on to him but he could have simply told her "hey not now this is only suppose to be a social visit kids are present".
You sound like you both have now put this past you and want to know how you should proceed in the lifestyle? Its called COMMUNICATION you and hubby have to know BEFORE you meet each and every couple just what you BOTH expect out of that evening.
First off ask your self if there is any level of Jelousy between you two? In our opinion if there is you are not yet ready to take this lifestyle any further!
Every couple who begins this lifestlye struggles to some degree with what the "other" is doing and lots begin with "same room sex" if you can do that with a smile on both your faces then you are ready to take it a step further. Hell, we started with only watching others (that lasted one whole night in a club in europe lol) then we discussed it among each others and decided we would have the same room sex rule along with a "no kissing rule" that lasted a very short time too :-)
See, we realized no matter "who" we fucked or played with we knew that we would always go home to our own bed wih just us and once we realized this then it made moving on in the lifestyle that much easier and fun.
We may be one of the only cpls to tell you this but we would not hold anything against the other couple except for "bad judgement" at that moment everyone makes mistakes.
How would we proceed with that couple? Very simple NO meetings at thier home then go out with them to dinner a time or two then work on finding sitters and when you did then meet at a hotel. The other lady may have come on to your husband but the best analogy we can make is "she started the engine but your hubby put the vehicle in gear and let her do the steering till you came in and put the brakes on"(sorry my mechanical mind in gear here lol).
We look forward to meeting you someday soon and feel free to get it off your chest when we meet as we are great sounding boards wehave been in the lifestyle for going on 7 yrs now and have seen it from both a european and american perspective and we can tellyou some outrageous yet funny stories about some of the peoplewe have met in this lifestyle but not in this forum the stories are toodamn long lol best told in person we look forward to FINALLY meeting you in person
Norm&Sharon
Maybe the other lady came on to him but he could have simply told her "hey not now this is only suppose to be a social visit kids are present".
You sound like you both have now put this past you and want to know how you should proceed in the lifestyle? Its called COMMUNICATION you and hubby have to know BEFORE you meet each and every couple just what you BOTH expect out of that evening.
First off ask your self if there is any level of Jelousy between you two? In our opinion if there is you are not yet ready to take this lifestyle any further!
Every couple who begins this lifestlye struggles to some degree with what the "other" is doing and lots begin with "same room sex" if you can do that with a smile on both your faces then you are ready to take it a step further. Hell, we started with only watching others (that lasted one whole night in a club in europe lol) then we discussed it among each others and decided we would have the same room sex rule along with a "no kissing rule" that lasted a very short time too :-)
See, we realized no matter "who" we fucked or played with we knew that we would always go home to our own bed wih just us and once we realized this then it made moving on in the lifestyle that much easier and fun.
We may be one of the only cpls to tell you this but we would not hold anything against the other couple except for "bad judgement" at that moment everyone makes mistakes.
How would we proceed with that couple? Very simple NO meetings at thier home then go out with them to dinner a time or two then work on finding sitters and when you did then meet at a hotel. The other lady may have come on to your husband but the best analogy we can make is "she started the engine but your hubby put the vehicle in gear and let her do the steering till you came in and put the brakes on"(sorry my mechanical mind in gear here lol).
We look forward to meeting you someday soon and feel free to get it off your chest when we meet as we are great sounding boards wehave been in the lifestyle for going on 7 yrs now and have seen it from both a european and american perspective and we can tellyou some outrageous yet funny stories about some of the peoplewe have met in this lifestyle but not in this forum the stories are toodamn long lol best told in person we look forward to FINALLY meeting you in person
Norm&Sharon
i think it was the fact that they knew you did not want anything of the sort near your children. everyone has their own preferences, beliefs, ideals and rules for what their kids can and cannot be exposed to as far as their parents showing affection to others. and that is the absolute and final word. that is what upsets me about your story is that even though they may have thought what they were doing/exhibiting was ok or kid appropriate, it sounds like you had made it very clear that NOTHING was ok for you two. and they should have respected that. dont be discouraged. our kids have lots of friends that are the children of our friends and it really can work if everyone is on the same page 
hi from up the road.lol
ok we have 4 children as well and have met other cpls and introduced the kids to there kids
but we have made it very very clear to the other cpl friends first and dont disrespect ua as we want you. and have never had a problem with it at all.
i have had many chances to play without holly but have always told everybody if holly doesnt know we dont play. thats cheating plane and simple. and holly has had the same chances and has told the others the same.
your husband should have known better .no suger coating and you did have a reason to be pissed . if i did that with holly all heck would have broke loose.
but you should have also said something to the other cpl well the other woman.
even if you was in there home she still disrespected you.
it just may be us but we have rules and we do beleave in them
carl and holly
ok we have 4 children as well and have met other cpls and introduced the kids to there kids
but we have made it very very clear to the other cpl friends first and dont disrespect ua as we want you. and have never had a problem with it at all.
i have had many chances to play without holly but have always told everybody if holly doesnt know we dont play. thats cheating plane and simple. and holly has had the same chances and has told the others the same.
your husband should have known better .no suger coating and you did have a reason to be pissed . if i did that with holly all heck would have broke loose.
but you should have also said something to the other cpl well the other woman.
even if you was in there home she still disrespected you.
it just may be us but we have rules and we do beleave in them
carl and holly
say didnt you guy suse to have a club thing called destinys socials in knoxville at the airport?
carl and holly
carl and holly
Kristie and I have always had a code word to say to each other "Let's get out of here" That being said:
You have gotten some great advice and some honest advice!
They are right, hubby did know your rules and he screwed up on that end....
The other couple, did not stick to the premis of the invite... as for them writing you back.... Stay away!
There are a lot of Great couples out there with your same feelings and values, Find them if this is the life style you want.
It has worked for 27 years for Kristie and I and we do have kids and have always kept it seperate from them except for the last few years (our kids are 26 & 23 now and they know us, our lifestyle and respect and love us) on't know if they will follow in our ways, but do know that they respect our relationship and our honest with each other.
most of their friends are divorced or married multiple times.. and Kristie and I are still both on our first marrage and have no anticipation on changing that.
All I can say is Communication...
Good luck to you guys, you sound like nice people!
Dave
You have gotten some great advice and some honest advice!
They are right, hubby did know your rules and he screwed up on that end....
The other couple, did not stick to the premis of the invite... as for them writing you back.... Stay away!
There are a lot of Great couples out there with your same feelings and values, Find them if this is the life style you want.
It has worked for 27 years for Kristie and I and we do have kids and have always kept it seperate from them except for the last few years (our kids are 26 & 23 now and they know us, our lifestyle and respect and love us) on't know if they will follow in our ways, but do know that they respect our relationship and our honest with each other.
most of their friends are divorced or married multiple times.. and Kristie and I are still both on our first marrage and have no anticipation on changing that.
All I can say is Communication...
Good luck to you guys, you sound like nice people!
Dave
We agree with many and not completely with some. Tour of the house. Not a problem, but being gone for an extended period of time and what may have gone on is. The other hubby could have done the same with you and or the kids too for that matter, as long as it was "just a tour". You didn't say, but suggested that hubby and the other wife carried things a lot further on the "tour". At least it was away from the rest of the household, but was wrong to do and it makes no difference who may have initiated it, both your hubby and she were wrong to do so.
Where it really goes south is your hubby and the other wife hanging all over eachother afterwards where the kids could be present. Huge no no there and you were right in grabbing the kids and making an exit.
Up to this point, you have issues that would stop any swinging activity for many couples and has often broken up couples that have experienced such. The fact that you were able to work thru this and continue to enjoy the life style is a major credit to your relationship and I think says that you are very much able to deal with the lifestyle and have fun. Kudo's to you on that one for sure. Yes I did not only read the message thread, but also read your profile and comparing that with what occured several years ago does speak volumes.
In our own personal experiances we like to be able to mix swinger friends with non swinger friends just because they are all fun people and we share common interests. That requires a pretty high level of trust with our swinger friends to keep things appropriate to the situation at hand. We do that and it has been successfull. As for physical contact, we are huggy kinda folks, so a hug or a pat on the back is normal around our house including the kids, so that is fine. A hug to great folks or say goodbye is fine and we do that all the time. Anything beyond that would not be good.
As for the other couple, it sounds like you and hubby have resolved your personal home front issues and such will not happen again. Now it kinda boils down to how you both feel about the other couple. You liked them to start with but some mistakes were made and at least you have worked out your end of the problem. Now it is time for you two to discuss how you feel about the other couple and if you have any desire to get back together with them. If not, then be polite in declining their invitation. Afterall, they were not totally to blame in this. If you do think that you would like to try and get back together, then both of you get a baby sitter and go out to dinner where you can have an enjoyable time out and be able and talk and just lay it on the line about what you were upset about and that it will never happen again.
People make mistakes and that doesn't mean that they are bad people, just human. Hubby made a mistake and you worked it out and are still together. The other wife made a mistake and now are interested in getting back together. The main thing here is if you two are interested and then firmly lay down the rules with the other couple and go from there.
Just my 2 cents worth, your miliage may vary.
Where it really goes south is your hubby and the other wife hanging all over eachother afterwards where the kids could be present. Huge no no there and you were right in grabbing the kids and making an exit.
Up to this point, you have issues that would stop any swinging activity for many couples and has often broken up couples that have experienced such. The fact that you were able to work thru this and continue to enjoy the life style is a major credit to your relationship and I think says that you are very much able to deal with the lifestyle and have fun. Kudo's to you on that one for sure. Yes I did not only read the message thread, but also read your profile and comparing that with what occured several years ago does speak volumes.
In our own personal experiances we like to be able to mix swinger friends with non swinger friends just because they are all fun people and we share common interests. That requires a pretty high level of trust with our swinger friends to keep things appropriate to the situation at hand. We do that and it has been successfull. As for physical contact, we are huggy kinda folks, so a hug or a pat on the back is normal around our house including the kids, so that is fine. A hug to great folks or say goodbye is fine and we do that all the time. Anything beyond that would not be good.
As for the other couple, it sounds like you and hubby have resolved your personal home front issues and such will not happen again. Now it kinda boils down to how you both feel about the other couple. You liked them to start with but some mistakes were made and at least you have worked out your end of the problem. Now it is time for you two to discuss how you feel about the other couple and if you have any desire to get back together with them. If not, then be polite in declining their invitation. Afterall, they were not totally to blame in this. If you do think that you would like to try and get back together, then both of you get a baby sitter and go out to dinner where you can have an enjoyable time out and be able and talk and just lay it on the line about what you were upset about and that it will never happen again.
People make mistakes and that doesn't mean that they are bad people, just human. Hubby made a mistake and you worked it out and are still together. The other wife made a mistake and now are interested in getting back together. The main thing here is if you two are interested and then firmly lay down the rules with the other couple and go from there.
Just my 2 cents worth, your miliage may vary.
Really bad situation all around. Most of all, lacking in simple good manners and common sense. How many years ago was this? When did you get back into swinging and how old are the children now?
We have played with people who have children. We have always been extremely careful that nothing even close to doubtful happens while they are around. Now they are all grown up and have their own children.
I hope your husband doesn't show such dreadful judgment all the time. You probably should have stormed out in high dudgeon just as soon as you got the drift. After all, outside your family, you don't owe anyone else anything at all.
We have played with people who have children. We have always been extremely careful that nothing even close to doubtful happens while they are around. Now they are all grown up and have their own children.
I hope your husband doesn't show such dreadful judgment all the time. You probably should have stormed out in high dudgeon just as soon as you got the drift. After all, outside your family, you don't owe anyone else anything at all.
Well, you've gotten loads of good advice from everyone, but I'd like to address the kid issue.
We have kids (4 of them). We have nowhere to send our kids for the night since all of our family lives out of state. We do entertain after the kids go to bed sometimes, mostly because we can't always find a sitter so we can go out and when the kids go to bed, they will not be seen or heard from for the rest of night unless they have a bad dream or come down with an illness (both of which are exceptionally rare). Our children's bedrooms also are on the other side of the house from our bedroom. If they weren't, we wouldn't be inviting ppl over at all. If things proceed to the getting naked stage we take our activities (and all evidence of them) to our bedroom, which has a door that locks. For that matter we lock our door when we are having "playtime" with just the two of us so it really isn't that different a situation. And while we (again just the two of us) will have sex with our kids occupied in the next room on a Saturday afternoon, we don't play with our friends till the kids are asleep. That being said nothing inappropriate happens in front of our children. We will hug our friends hello and goodbye, give them a kiss on the cheek, but that's the way we treat our regular friends and family.
The male half of a couple, who had two toddlers, had this habit of making inappropriate comments toward me in front of my children. I, personally, would have chewed Cidd's ass from one end to the other if he had ever dared to make those very same comments to me in front of our children. In private, no problem. But those comments by no means showed the kind of respect that ought to be displayed between parents in front of their kids, let alone be said by friends in front of your children, no matter how close they are. That was one of the many reasons why we stopped seeing that couple.
We take more time to evaluate people now because of that couple, before we introduce them to our kids (if we feel there might be some need to introduce them at all- ie. family outing to the beach, bbq, etc - some couples just do not fit into that category). We can't trust that most adults (and parents especially) would act appropriately and with some discretion in front of impressionable children (whether those children are theirs or ours).
My .02 and some change
-SG
We have kids (4 of them). We have nowhere to send our kids for the night since all of our family lives out of state. We do entertain after the kids go to bed sometimes, mostly because we can't always find a sitter so we can go out and when the kids go to bed, they will not be seen or heard from for the rest of night unless they have a bad dream or come down with an illness (both of which are exceptionally rare). Our children's bedrooms also are on the other side of the house from our bedroom. If they weren't, we wouldn't be inviting ppl over at all. If things proceed to the getting naked stage we take our activities (and all evidence of them) to our bedroom, which has a door that locks. For that matter we lock our door when we are having "playtime" with just the two of us so it really isn't that different a situation. And while we (again just the two of us) will have sex with our kids occupied in the next room on a Saturday afternoon, we don't play with our friends till the kids are asleep. That being said nothing inappropriate happens in front of our children. We will hug our friends hello and goodbye, give them a kiss on the cheek, but that's the way we treat our regular friends and family.
The male half of a couple, who had two toddlers, had this habit of making inappropriate comments toward me in front of my children. I, personally, would have chewed Cidd's ass from one end to the other if he had ever dared to make those very same comments to me in front of our children. In private, no problem. But those comments by no means showed the kind of respect that ought to be displayed between parents in front of their kids, let alone be said by friends in front of your children, no matter how close they are. That was one of the many reasons why we stopped seeing that couple.
We take more time to evaluate people now because of that couple, before we introduce them to our kids (if we feel there might be some need to introduce them at all- ie. family outing to the beach, bbq, etc - some couples just do not fit into that category). We can't trust that most adults (and parents especially) would act appropriately and with some discretion in front of impressionable children (whether those children are theirs or ours).
My .02 and some change
-SG
Well our veiw on the subject is that if everyone keeps priorities straight then it can work with kids. What I mean is for us our family is the MOST important priority and we would never waiver from that. By family I mean our marriage and our baby. I think that your hubby was very wrong and so was the other couple, at least you had your head on straight and your kids didnt have to witness thier daddy kissing on some other woman. We have a baby who is 20 months old and though he would not understand at this point we would never "play" with him around. We have gone to a couples house for dinner and a movie and they have come to ours. We have a really good time with them and we all understand that if we want to play then the kids will not be there. But I do think that it can work with kids if you make sure that your kids are in NO way involved.
ok someone said 90% hubbies fault and 10% the other couples fault .. this we will agree with and we also have kids and have never and will never play around them or even in the same house they are in at any point sitter and we go to a motel or if the kids are away and we are kid free then we do play at home .. and i really dont think i could have been as calm as you were either of us would have went off on the other for something like that we have rules as well and we dont break them for any reason or anyone .. no exceptions
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<b>E'ONE,</b>
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My wife woulda punched the bitch in the grill. I would never let it go there. My kids come way before this lifestyle.
<br>
<br>
<font color="#000000" face="brush script MT" size="5"><b>-Don-</b></font>
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<i>"Ich habe einen kleinen Vogel in meinem Kopf." </i></font><br>
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<b>E'ONE,</b>
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My wife woulda punched the bitch in the grill. I would never let it go there. My kids come way before this lifestyle.
<br>
<br>
<font color="#000000" face="brush script MT" size="5"><b>-Don-</b></font>
<font size="-3">
<i>"Ich habe einen kleinen Vogel in meinem Kopf." </i></font><br>
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What I want to know is why anyone would take their children to the house of someone that they met for the express purpose of swinging with. You did not know these people. The only thing you knew about them for sure is that they wanted to have sex with you. So when it happened you where shocked? Really?
The kids should NEVER have been there. Everything else is secondary.
The kids should NEVER have been there. Everything else is secondary.
I'm not sure what categor "No kids" falls under. Is it a moral thing, and smart move, or just a preference like "we only play within our race"?
At any rate, I think the original poster was on the money. You let them know up front and they violated your trust. You don't want to be in that situation again.
I still can't believe they almost kissed in front of the kids.
None of my biz, but how long was the Mr gone that your child thought to ask about his whereabouts?
PS- Glad ya'll could work it out, though.
At any rate, I think the original poster was on the money. You let them know up front and they violated your trust. You don't want to be in that situation again.
I still can't believe they almost kissed in front of the kids.
None of my biz, but how long was the Mr gone that your child thought to ask about his whereabouts?
PS- Glad ya'll could work it out, though.
don
yellow is hard to read.....
xoxo
ms. sunshine
yellow is hard to read.....
xoxo
ms. sunshine
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<b>Mrs Sunshine,</b>
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It's only hard to read if you have it on a light background. I haven't converted all my old posts over yet. Thanks for pointing this one out. I can't wait until the flash issue is resolved as these non-animated gifs look like shit. After all how is everyone suppose to watch the profile videos since they are Flash files? Thanks again cutie.
(sun)
<br>
<br>
<font color="#000000" face="brush script MT" size="5"><b>-Don-</b></font>
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<i>"Ich habe einen kleinen Vogel in meinem Kopf." </i></font><br>
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<b>Mrs Sunshine,</b>
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It's only hard to read if you have it on a light background. I haven't converted all my old posts over yet. Thanks for pointing this one out. I can't wait until the flash issue is resolved as these non-animated gifs look like shit. After all how is everyone suppose to watch the profile videos since they are Flash files? Thanks again cutie.
(sun)
<br>
<br>
<font color="#000000" face="brush script MT" size="5"><b>-Don-</b></font>
<font size="-3">
<i>"Ich habe einen kleinen Vogel in meinem Kopf." </i></font><br>
</p><p style="background-image:url(photos/t/1592389351462450ce01bb8TEQUILAROSE.jpg); color: #000000; padding:8px; text-align: justify; margin-left:0.2cm; margin-right:0.2cm; border:3px double #000000; font-family: stencil; font-size: 16; text-align: center;"><center><font color="#ffffff" size="-3">Note: Best if viewed with Microsoft Internet Explorer version 7</font></center></div>
We agree with you. Children should not be in the same house as the party. There was no excuse for your husband to follow thru with what he did. I am the husband and I would have said it was time to go when the line was crossed. The children are under our protection as parents and should never be that close to anything that could change their impressionable minds.
Your husband is at fault here. He's lucky you didnt dump him. \
As for the other couple I would never meet with them again.
They didnt respect your limitations the first time what makes you think
the will if you meet again.
As for the other couple I would never meet with them again.
They didnt respect your limitations the first time what makes you think
the will if you meet again.
Theres nothing wrong with meeting people with kids, especially if they have kids too, but its not cool to have sex when your kids can figure out whats going on, that is if you want your kids to turn out good and have some moral values
Theres nothing wrong with meeting people with kids, especially if they have kids too, but its not cool to have sex when your kids can figure out whats going on, that is if you want your kids to turn out good and have some moral values
.......you mean to be like us? We have our friends over for movies and what not. But its just that movies, dinner. Playfull flirting but never anything like what was being pushed onto this cpl....From the sounds of it, he wasnt thinking with the right head.....We would never take our kids over to someones house untill we have gotten to know them first...Whos to say they werent some Pyhso nuts and you just walked into their house freely.....I dont even want to think of those things.......Kids and Adult playtime should never be mixed...kinda worries me about some of these ppl that have cams on when the kids are roaming about....I will be in chat but unless the kids are down, my cam might be on but the video is off....just makes better safe practice that way.
and as fpr the copie and paste from PITMOMMIE I didnt mean any harm, was ment to be a joke as we are all PREVS in one way or another, in here
~D~
.......you mean to be like us? We have our friends over for movies and what not. But its just that movies, dinner. Playfull flirting but never anything like what was being pushed onto this cpl....From the sounds of it, he wasnt thinking with the right head.....We would never take our kids over to someones house untill we have gotten to know them first...Whos to say they werent some Pyhso nuts and you just walked into their house freely.....I dont even want to think of those things.......Kids and Adult playtime should never be mixed...kinda worries me about some of these ppl that have cams on when the kids are roaming about....I will be in chat but unless the kids are down, my cam might be on but the video is off....just makes better safe practice that way.
and as fpr the copie and paste from PITMOMMIE I didnt mean any harm, was ment to be a joke as we are all PREVS in one way or another, in here
~D~
i dont want my kids to turn out like me, but i dont think iam to bad since i grew up with parents that smoked weed and took acid and walked in on them having orgies a few times,
but weve had several couples over and weve never had any wierdos yet, everybodies been just like you and me, its just that its so common for people to not match what they advertise, it got old getting one sitter after another for the many letdowns weve had, if we ever do meet the right couple, when we meet to play we sure as hell wont have our kids with us, just because i want to do the best job raising them that i can, and hopefully they will turn out better than me.
but weve had several couples over and weve never had any wierdos yet, everybodies been just like you and me, its just that its so common for people to not match what they advertise, it got old getting one sitter after another for the many letdowns weve had, if we ever do meet the right couple, when we meet to play we sure as hell wont have our kids with us, just because i want to do the best job raising them that i can, and hopefully they will turn out better than me.
Hi there hubby here, I have to agree with SUNDANCETAO there is a lot of red flags in her post. But as far as the origanal post we have friends with kids & we have kids, Its a simple rule YOU DON'T PLAY WITH KIDS AROUND! . we have a great time with are friends but you have to be resonseible foe your own actions. Yes the hubby blew it my wife would have had my balls in a jar ,as far as contacting them NO stay away from them & sort out your own .
Jeff & Lori
Jeff & Lori
First of all the whole thing sounds like hormones and no judgment at all. A few said you were not thinking when you really don't know a couple and you take kids to visit with them. Ih, I don't think they are real pervertsm but aren't we all deviants in the sense that we do not follow the norm? Sounds like the poster and her husband were not really ready for the lifestyle....Too many mistakes on all parts. Maybe this other couple has grown up since the last meeting. Maybe they didn't realize what the real rules were. The wife and the husband didn't do anything in front of the kids until they were reasy to leave. I'm a touchie feelie person and have always greeted close friends with a kiss and a hug.... Kisses to the ladies and hugs to the guys..... If these people were kissy types then maybe it wasn't so bad.... The there is the question of the age of all of the kids... Granted kids should not be anywhere near or able to come into contact with adults playing ( I was going to use the word swinging but playing is broader and more encompassing ) ... but babies and very young toddlers do not understand if they hear sounds in the other side of the house and doors are locked.... But to go to someone's house that you have just met, regardless of their explained purpose is like putting gasoline on a fire.
Bad judgement was had by all. As for answering a contact from this other couple ..... Why not tell them why you have not contacted them... They broke their covenant with you about the get together.... Your husband did not do right and you do not want to be put in that situation again....PERIOD! That allows the other couple 1. something to reflect on and 2 if they wish to explain and maybe even apologize about. If they come back nastily, Block them out of your lives. As for your marriage you say it is back solid again (not exactly your words but that was the gist I got for your post). Are you two totally honest with each other? DO you really know how to act if a situation comes up that you were unprepared with? And to paraphrase someone else..... WHy are you asking for direction in this at all? It has been my experience in life that one has to take the bull by the balls and sometimes squeeze.... or make the tough decissions even if it's not what you think you really want to do. There are other ways to handle this ... Like getting to gether in a neutral place and talking it out... No play no expectations other than or you to let them know what happened, how you felt, how it affected your marriage and relationship and why oyu feel it was dead wrong. Don't forget that they should also know that you feel responsible as well for using bad judgement in the first place.
I don't think I've said anything much different than many of the posters here but maybe added a little different slant.... Sometimes being a Libra is a bitch...both sides and all....
If you two do not have ABSOLUTE trust and communications then talk abut the lifestyle for a while ...participate on the fringes... maybe some soft swing before you go hog wild into the fire again... Jealousy is about possessiveness and fear. Rules are about either TRUST or LacK thereof. Judgement is about trusting your own self and making decissions... How do you want this to play and take appropriate steps to make things cum out that way....
I'm not trying to be judgemental here but simply say what I feel. I don't know you and can't walk in your moccasins for even a step let alone a mile. "Be true to thyself", the old philosopher said.... and I mirror those thoughts to you...
Ray
Bad judgement was had by all. As for answering a contact from this other couple ..... Why not tell them why you have not contacted them... They broke their covenant with you about the get together.... Your husband did not do right and you do not want to be put in that situation again....PERIOD! That allows the other couple 1. something to reflect on and 2 if they wish to explain and maybe even apologize about. If they come back nastily, Block them out of your lives. As for your marriage you say it is back solid again (not exactly your words but that was the gist I got for your post). Are you two totally honest with each other? DO you really know how to act if a situation comes up that you were unprepared with? And to paraphrase someone else..... WHy are you asking for direction in this at all? It has been my experience in life that one has to take the bull by the balls and sometimes squeeze.... or make the tough decissions even if it's not what you think you really want to do. There are other ways to handle this ... Like getting to gether in a neutral place and talking it out... No play no expectations other than or you to let them know what happened, how you felt, how it affected your marriage and relationship and why oyu feel it was dead wrong. Don't forget that they should also know that you feel responsible as well for using bad judgement in the first place.
I don't think I've said anything much different than many of the posters here but maybe added a little different slant.... Sometimes being a Libra is a bitch...both sides and all....
If you two do not have ABSOLUTE trust and communications then talk abut the lifestyle for a while ...participate on the fringes... maybe some soft swing before you go hog wild into the fire again... Jealousy is about possessiveness and fear. Rules are about either TRUST or LacK thereof. Judgement is about trusting your own self and making decissions... How do you want this to play and take appropriate steps to make things cum out that way....
I'm not trying to be judgemental here but simply say what I feel. I don't know you and can't walk in your moccasins for even a step let alone a mile. "Be true to thyself", the old philosopher said.... and I mirror those thoughts to you...
Ray
Having someone come to our home and play will remain just a fantasy as long as there are kids around. We wouldn't think of playing or talking about any of this anywhere kids are.
They already have enough crazy stuff to sort out in their lives.
We're sorry you even have to deal with this issue. We are all learning and this lifestyle gives us plenty of opportunities to test our commitment to our relationships.
Go and "sin" no more
They already have enough crazy stuff to sort out in their lives.
We're sorry you even have to deal with this issue. We are all learning and this lifestyle gives us plenty of opportunities to test our commitment to our relationships.
Go and "sin" no more
We would love this and all other sites to be able to make sure people dont have their kids on here.
That was way wronge, On there part and you'r Husband's part. My husband and i have children, and they r number one!! they will remain that way tell they are 18 years of age. We do not mess, or even kiss other's when they are awake and around us. I dont think that was right at all, Children see or asking why a parent is messing around with some one who is not there mom nor dad??? It confuses them. What Haden and i..Amanda, do is find a sitter, and then go meet. We have played while the children were home, but they were in bed asleep, and they r just little baby's. But when they get older that will stop. We will still play, just not while they are around. I think all parents should think of there children first, I know we do!!And i think you have every right to still fill a little worried and upset of what happend in the past, I sure wish you both the best!! Kisses Amanda n Haden xoxoxoxo
for what it is worth. they should not be swinging. quite simply he is a jerk. i doubt if they will stay together anyway.
The other couple disrespected you by not respecting the ground rules of the meeting...even in THEIR home, that was wrong. Kind of like the ole "come into my parlor said the spider to the fly."
Your husband KNEW the ground rules too. And he totally disrespected you and his own children for a chance to 'get some.' This is NOT a guy who can be trusted to swing with.
You should have nothing to do with the other couple, and there is no way either my wife or I would swing with a spouse after such a breech of trust and monumentally poor judgment.
Now, to answer your question...
Not just no, but HELL NO! Kids and swinging do NOT mix!
Your husband KNEW the ground rules too. And he totally disrespected you and his own children for a chance to 'get some.' This is NOT a guy who can be trusted to swing with.
You should have nothing to do with the other couple, and there is no way either my wife or I would swing with a spouse after such a breech of trust and monumentally poor judgment.
Now, to answer your question...
Not just no, but HELL NO! Kids and swinging do NOT mix!
tammy should cut jeff some slack, i meen hes not that good looking compared to her, jeffs probably sick of meeting couples that want 3somes with his wife and not him, she ever done a couple or a chick without you jeff? i think jeff deserved what ever action he got, way to go jeff!
Just to jump in on this!
I have an issue with the agreement being broken...That shows a very large disregard for the feelings of the other party! That should have been a large red flag!!! That was your time to leave..
so the bond of trust is broken, it also shows a very bad mind set of the other party for the unwilling onlookers...the kids!! Now that being said...we have children...and...NO we do not explain what is going on..like i have read others say in this forum!! It is none of their business about the details of my or my ladies sex life any more than i want to know the details of theirs(in the far distant future!!!!i hope!!!) Discretion is the key which it seems some here can't keep lives separate from sex lives....Maybe i see it from a different prospective. I have family in the life..and no we don't intertwine for the sickos who will ask...lol...but its somthing that is common knowlage...but we don't sit around talking about who did what over the weekend!! We have friends who have kids..our kids interact with theirs and you would never guess us adults knew each other in any other way other than casual friendship!! Its a separation that some can't pull off...others just want the sexual nature of this life without concern of the effects they create, and there are a precious few who get it!! And you know who you are!!!We all work and function in the same world...but we all live in different ones!! Thats my opinion!!!! Stick it where you like...lol
I have an issue with the agreement being broken...That shows a very large disregard for the feelings of the other party! That should have been a large red flag!!! That was your time to leave..
so the bond of trust is broken, it also shows a very bad mind set of the other party for the unwilling onlookers...the kids!! Now that being said...we have children...and...NO we do not explain what is going on..like i have read others say in this forum!! It is none of their business about the details of my or my ladies sex life any more than i want to know the details of theirs(in the far distant future!!!!i hope!!!) Discretion is the key which it seems some here can't keep lives separate from sex lives....Maybe i see it from a different prospective. I have family in the life..and no we don't intertwine for the sickos who will ask...lol...but its somthing that is common knowlage...but we don't sit around talking about who did what over the weekend!! We have friends who have kids..our kids interact with theirs and you would never guess us adults knew each other in any other way other than casual friendship!! Its a separation that some can't pull off...others just want the sexual nature of this life without concern of the effects they create, and there are a precious few who get it!! And you know who you are!!!We all work and function in the same world...but we all live in different ones!! Thats my opinion!!!! Stick it where you like...lol