My most sexual insecurity is when we hook up with a new couple.
They both want me and not my Husband.
They never understand we are both straight.
They have to be tipsy to meet with us and not sober.
They don't want to meet us because my husband smokes.
They only want sex instead letting us know if there clean or not of a disease.
My list could go on but this is an idea of meeting new couples in the lifestyle anymore.
And for singles that's a different insecurity list.
They both want me and not my Husband.
They never understand we are both straight.
They have to be tipsy to meet with us and not sober.
They don't want to meet us because my husband smokes.
They only want sex instead letting us know if there clean or not of a disease.
My list could go on but this is an idea of meeting new couples in the lifestyle anymore.
And for singles that's a different insecurity list.
It seems like most of your comments are based on equity and reciprocity - making sure that both you and your husband are treated with equal respect and enthusiasm. In that respect, I might view these as your ideals rather than insecurities. But I do see your point of bringing this discussion forward since the way others tend to act leads to you feeling less secure about the situation than you would like. My situational insecurities have varied depending on the encounter. But the most common one is that I tend to talk a lot, which bugs people that just want to be quiet and do whatever the sex thing is they expect to do. I love to make jokes even during sex and that can make people feel sometimes less important since they might view humor as a way of belittling a moment. And yet for me, sharing humor is one of the best ways I know of showing someone I like or love them.
MORKANDMINDY wrote:
It seems like most of your comments are based on equity and reciprocity - making sure that both you and your husband are treated with equal respect and enthusiasm. In that respect, I might view these as your ideals rather than insecurities. But I do see your point of bringing this discussion forward since the way others tend to act leads to you feeling less secure about the situation than you would like. My situational insecurities have varied depending on the encounter. But the most common one is that I tend to talk a lot, which bugs people that just want to be quiet and do whatever the sex thing is they expect to do. I love to make jokes even during sex and that can make people feel sometimes less important since they might view humor as a way of belittling a moment. And yet for me, sharing humor is one of the best ways I know of showing someone I like or love them.
Man that just went on and on... do you ever be quiet? I am totally kidding... I love to laugh when my husband and I are having sex... to me humor during sex brings the two individuals together and it is proven that laughter during sex is very healthy.
I don't know about the rest of ya but to me it sound like couple or individuals that are trying to get with you aren't paying attention to your profile or your wishes... I think right there they are not respecting you and they aren't worth your time. If they don't want to be with your husband than that is their lose not yours.
Well looks like a few of you made comments to my wife. We've been in the lifestyle along time and on this site since August 17, 2005 and been married 14 wonderful years now. I think her concern was does anyone else have this run through there mind when hooking up with a new couple or 3rd wheel.
since every time she logs in. All she reads is negative threads and was wondering others insecurity and shared some of hers.
Poet
since every time she logs in. All she reads is negative threads and was wondering others insecurity and shared some of hers.
Poet
I worry about wearing appropriate attire. I mean, my birthday suit is getting kinda old and doesn't fit right anymore...
Just sayin...
Mr. Secperimentors
Just sayin...
Mr. Secperimentors
When it comes to the lifestyle my only insecurity is not being able to completely please the woman I am with. I don
I have ED from years of suffering from diabetes. I use a prosthetic, but too few couples are willing to play that way. My sexual fun time has dropped severely in the last 24 months.
Oh fuck! lighten up, meet and have fun, if it doesn't happen with another couple, enjoy the time for YOU, be it a couple or single person. Insecurity? you may die tomorrow...live today! No psychobabble, you only live once...I know! Quit over thinking shit and take a chance, if its a no move on to the next shot. We have met nothing but the best people in this lifestyle and a lot are more afraid than you may be.
Wolf
Wolf
The best part of having an insecurity is having the chance to reflect on your personal reactions and emotions. It's safe to assume that most people have experienced different levels of doubt or concern, we are human and a lot of our living happens inside our head. What matters is how we use it.
I like making my personal concerns a part of the "meeting process" I say what im thinking and listen for feedback. I'm relatively flat chested, for example, and any time that causes concern for me, I mention it... Usually while burying my face in the bountiful endowment of a lady friend. I don't ignore the fact that I'm occasionally jealous, but I prefer to celebrate her good fortune than bemoan my differences.
To put it bluntly.... Insecurities only hurt you if you don't face them. Communication is as essential within this lifestyle as it was when you were first dating your SO. Open your mouth and say something and if it turns out that your concern is a deal breaker, at least you have the integrity to bow out gracefully instead of utilizing passive agressive resentment.
I like making my personal concerns a part of the "meeting process" I say what im thinking and listen for feedback. I'm relatively flat chested, for example, and any time that causes concern for me, I mention it... Usually while burying my face in the bountiful endowment of a lady friend. I don't ignore the fact that I'm occasionally jealous, but I prefer to celebrate her good fortune than bemoan my differences.
To put it bluntly.... Insecurities only hurt you if you don't face them. Communication is as essential within this lifestyle as it was when you were first dating your SO. Open your mouth and say something and if it turns out that your concern is a deal breaker, at least you have the integrity to bow out gracefully instead of utilizing passive agressive resentment.
CREAMANDSUGAR wrote:
I guess the point I'm trying to make is that insecurity is part of being human. And even if nobody else notices the things that bother us ...we do.
Probably OUR biggest insecurity, if it actually is one, is the fear that anyone in any given swinging situation is doing it out of fear, pressure or compulsion. We promised ourselves early on that neither of us would "take one for the team" and would NOT play with a couple if we had any inkling that one of them (yes, usually the wife) was being pressured or coerced in any way to participate (it happens WAY more than many people might realize).
Interestingly we now realize that we've both taken one for the team in small ways over the years. There have been more than a few times where we've each played with someone who might not have been our ideal choice (hey, a really strong four way match is tough!) of a play partner but we did it anyway because we each realized that our spouse was really into their prospective partner. Of course if we were really turned off by the person we were paired with we definitely invoked the taking one for the team rule.
Interestingly we now realize that we've both taken one for the team in small ways over the years. There have been more than a few times where we've each played with someone who might not have been our ideal choice (hey, a really strong four way match is tough!) of a play partner but we did it anyway because we each realized that our spouse was really into their prospective partner. Of course if we were really turned off by the person we were paired with we definitely invoked the taking one for the team rule.
My biggest insecurity is that I'm 1000 times more open than my wife. I can really just meet a couple and just go and fuck that same night where she is very judgmental and reserved. With her it's like an interview process she will ask every possible question and then later determine if she even wants to play at a much later time. I'm more of the lets play and have a good time and I forget she is not at my level nor will she ever entertain the idea. Because of this the actions I've done have caused many problems with us in this lifestyle and as WOLFMAJESTIC has said just fuck it and have fun is not a concept that all couples share. Most are a 50/50 type. One side wants to really go out and just get wild without being under the watchful eye where as the other half is very modest and doesn't agree to the lets just fuck and laugh...guess that's why we no longer play but the forums are still nice to read and post opinions
We( (I ) have had a few insecurity for the first 10 years of our marriage, but as we talked about joining the lifestyle it made us talk about things we never did before and thus made our marriage so much better, so now we really dont have any.
Ok so I have one, will they find out she tells me what to were because I have very little taste and would dress like a bumb without her.
Ok now I will have to call my therapist and talk about this after telling you.lol
Ok so I have one, will they find out she tells me what to were because I have very little taste and would dress like a bumb without her.
Ok now I will have to call my therapist and talk about this after telling you.lol
I don't see the point of this post !!!! If you have insecurities keep it between you and your spouse ...... if it's just as ll about couples only wanting you and not him then your not looking for the right people. ....... most people's problems in this lifestyle is when they look for couples they don't read profiles or age or weight they see a pic and say oh let's Fuck them ...... find people your comparable to ..... there is a match for you out there but you got to find them not cry about them only wanting the wife ....... just sayin 
Badboy
Badboy
Everyone has some type of insecurity but if you think about them and dwell on it then it is worse. We do not take anything in the lifestyle to seriously. When it starts to feel uncomfortable we leave or excuse ourselves. We don't feel bad about it and if its taken wrong, well then we are sorry but thats not our intention. I guess what I'm saying is alot of what has already been said but you cannot let this stuff bother you. If it bothers you then it may not be the right thing for you. If people cannot accept you as you are then move on. Someone will like you for who you are and thats the people that are probably going to be the most fun.