I have to say, having children and trying to meet with couples can be very hard on your lifestlye. Family always comes first in my book, but it doesn't seem like every parent thinks that, which is why I'm letting you know why they should start thinking about it.
We thought that maybe if we could meet with a couple that also have a child or has children, that we could have a better, lasting relationship and have other things to enjoy with these couples, besides just swinging. Well, one couple didn't work out with us and I don't know how to go about letting them know they were wrong in what happened.
I'm the only one that even seemed to get upset about the situation and I wanted to get others opionion to make sure I don't owe an opology to them. Here's what happened.....
Me and my husband met with a couple at a swingers club, which was off-premise, and we talked some and explained we had children and that we wanted to meet with couples, but it was hard with younsters and it was also hard to find a reliable and trusting babysitter to be able to enjoy the night out. They the told us they had a child and that if we wanted to talk more and get to know each other better, that we could come to their home for a dinner, with our kids. Now...we explained up front that we don't play seperate and we definitely did not play if we had our children with us. They said that it wouldn't be a problem, no hank-panky with kids around, because they too had a small one. This sounded really great to us, because we thought we found a good couple to be friends with and have some extra benefits too, if we wanted.
Well, things started out okay. We were greeted at the door by the family, and our kids was introduced to their child, and was showed some computer games and such to play. That gave us time to talk a little to the couple and was shown the outside of their home and such before dinner. After dinner is when everything went WRONG. First, I had to go to the bathroom. Well, while I was gone to the bathroom, the Mrs. decide to give my hubby a tour of the rest of the house, mainly the extra bedroom....and when I asked the hubby where my hubby was, he said.."Don't worry about them, they'll be okay for awhile"...well, that really ticked me off, especially knowing our children were now mixed up in this...and our oldest asking where his daddy went with that lady.....that was about the last straw for me....but I was in these peoples home, not mine, and I respect others homes, but in this situation, I was ready to leave, and without my other half....because he too knew our rules of playing.
Well, when the Mrs. and mine came back up, my other half knew I was mad, but for some strange reason, he felt like he had to still play around with her, and in the same room all the children were in!!!! Not to mention, she couldn't keep her hands off him, which was not making my situation of trying to calm down any easier.
When I finally got my hubby alone, I "very persistantly" told him me and the kids were leaving...NOW..and if he was smart he had better be out the front door before me or I would leave him there, and I truely meant it. I was so angry and hurt by all of the happenings around me, I thought that if this is what it's like to try and swing...FORGET IT...my nerves or marriage weren't going to stay together if this is what I had to look forward to everytime.
My hubby didn't get out the door before me..he was too busy kissing the Mrs good-bye....and I mean french-kissing..... but, thank Goodness I got the kids out the door before me....and that didn't help out any on his part, believe me. We stopped swinging for many years after that because of trust with one another and with other couples saying one thing and then doing another.
This particular couple apparently feels that nothing was wrong with what happened, and actually contacted us again after many, many, many years after this incident happened.
I'm not one either to "shun" anyone, but this expereince really bothered me then, and still does, and after them contacting us again, through an e-mail, not by phone, it makes me wonder about my feelings on the matter.
Am I wrong to feel this way, even after all these years? I do trust my husband NOW, after the bad expereinces, because there was one more after that, but it took alot of talking, yelling, and regaining a trust that is hard to achieve after something that drastic that involved your kids in the process.
I e-mailed them back, but I know it was short and blunt, nothing mean, I don't do things like that, but what if they try again to contact us...what do I say?
Any help/advice/opinions is appreciated.
Hope no one ever has to expereince something like this...most marriages would never have lasted unless you really had a great understanding with your mate, and we put ours to the test and passed.......barely.
We thought that maybe if we could meet with a couple that also have a child or has children, that we could have a better, lasting relationship and have other things to enjoy with these couples, besides just swinging. Well, one couple didn't work out with us and I don't know how to go about letting them know they were wrong in what happened.
I'm the only one that even seemed to get upset about the situation and I wanted to get others opionion to make sure I don't owe an opology to them. Here's what happened.....
Me and my husband met with a couple at a swingers club, which was off-premise, and we talked some and explained we had children and that we wanted to meet with couples, but it was hard with younsters and it was also hard to find a reliable and trusting babysitter to be able to enjoy the night out. They the told us they had a child and that if we wanted to talk more and get to know each other better, that we could come to their home for a dinner, with our kids. Now...we explained up front that we don't play seperate and we definitely did not play if we had our children with us. They said that it wouldn't be a problem, no hank-panky with kids around, because they too had a small one. This sounded really great to us, because we thought we found a good couple to be friends with and have some extra benefits too, if we wanted.
Well, things started out okay. We were greeted at the door by the family, and our kids was introduced to their child, and was showed some computer games and such to play. That gave us time to talk a little to the couple and was shown the outside of their home and such before dinner. After dinner is when everything went WRONG. First, I had to go to the bathroom. Well, while I was gone to the bathroom, the Mrs. decide to give my hubby a tour of the rest of the house, mainly the extra bedroom....and when I asked the hubby where my hubby was, he said.."Don't worry about them, they'll be okay for awhile"...well, that really ticked me off, especially knowing our children were now mixed up in this...and our oldest asking where his daddy went with that lady.....that was about the last straw for me....but I was in these peoples home, not mine, and I respect others homes, but in this situation, I was ready to leave, and without my other half....because he too knew our rules of playing.
Well, when the Mrs. and mine came back up, my other half knew I was mad, but for some strange reason, he felt like he had to still play around with her, and in the same room all the children were in!!!! Not to mention, she couldn't keep her hands off him, which was not making my situation of trying to calm down any easier.
When I finally got my hubby alone, I "very persistantly" told him me and the kids were leaving...NOW..and if he was smart he had better be out the front door before me or I would leave him there, and I truely meant it. I was so angry and hurt by all of the happenings around me, I thought that if this is what it's like to try and swing...FORGET IT...my nerves or marriage weren't going to stay together if this is what I had to look forward to everytime.
My hubby didn't get out the door before me..he was too busy kissing the Mrs good-bye....and I mean french-kissing..... but, thank Goodness I got the kids out the door before me....and that didn't help out any on his part, believe me. We stopped swinging for many years after that because of trust with one another and with other couples saying one thing and then doing another.
This particular couple apparently feels that nothing was wrong with what happened, and actually contacted us again after many, many, many years after this incident happened.
I'm not one either to "shun" anyone, but this expereince really bothered me then, and still does, and after them contacting us again, through an e-mail, not by phone, it makes me wonder about my feelings on the matter.
Am I wrong to feel this way, even after all these years? I do trust my husband NOW, after the bad expereinces, because there was one more after that, but it took alot of talking, yelling, and regaining a trust that is hard to achieve after something that drastic that involved your kids in the process.
I e-mailed them back, but I know it was short and blunt, nothing mean, I don't do things like that, but what if they try again to contact us...what do I say?
Any help/advice/opinions is appreciated.
Hope no one ever has to expereince something like this...most marriages would never have lasted unless you really had a great understanding with your mate, and we put ours to the test and passed.......barely.
You are 100% correct. Some people just don't know how to follow the rules.
I can't believe the nerve of that woman to kiss and put her hands on your husband in front of the children! You DO NOT owe them an apology. What they did put you in a very uncomfortable situation, causing potential "unanswerable" questions from your children. They were WRONG. So was your husband. I am glad your marriage survived, and believe me there are couples out there who understand and respect the rules when children are around. The single men I have dated have had more common courtsey around my daughter than this couple showed. Stand your ground. If hubby wants to swing, YOU chose the couples. Good luck to you.
HH
HH
Personally I think your husband is a jerk and contributed to the problem as well.
We agree with the others..........I (male) have been in HIS position before and have reminded the other couple of the agreement that was shared back at the club.
The ms. and i would NEVER, NEVER do anything of that magnitude in ours nor anothers home with children in the same house.
When we have a couple over to our house to meet or play we ask our children to spend the night at a friends house unless it is my youngest in which case we just dont meet anyone when she is with us. (Three kids)
Our other two are 26and23 and both know we are in the lifestyle.
Hell i even have a hard time playing with MY ms. when ANY of our kids are in the house.
I(male) feel your husband was wrong for "ALLOWING" the situation to get to the point it got to.
TRUST is the main stay of any true relationship and breaking that trust is unforgivable for such a long time and so hard to regain that you never regain "TRUE TRUST".IT JUST ISNT WORTH IT!
Even tho you may have forgiven him and say now that you do "TRUST" him, there is still some untrust and resentment left in your heart and mind. Otherwise there would be no question to the situation in which you have shared with us.
I hope for his sake and all others involved that this was a big learning experience ,NEVER to be repeated.
We are glad to hear you two have worked your relationship thru this difficult time and hope the two of you keep growing together.
As for the other couple be truthful. If or when they contact you make sure that they understand the true reason for your feelings that night and why you were so uncomfortable at the situation.
This lifestyle involves many many different beleifs,and understandings. The ONLY way for everyone to understand is to lay ALL the cards on the table at the first meet and reitterate them again at the second meet. Let the other couple know the consequences of breakingthe "rules ".
Everyone we meet knows that if in any situation MY Ms. doesnt feel comfortable we will be out of there.........
I have left my play partner and gone into a closed door room to retreive my ms. when her play partner started trying to do something against the rules . She calls my name and she knows i am there.
They have asked us to play since and the answer has been "NO".We were straight forward and told them the reason why.We have seen them before at parties HE came up to apologize to me ,after explaining I am NOT the one he needed to apologize to he went to the Ms.
She saw him coming and she headed str8 for me.
He apologized and we left.
Good luck in your situation and remember HONESTY is the best policy .
M&L (aka PAPPA SMURF AND SMURFETTE)
The ms. and i would NEVER, NEVER do anything of that magnitude in ours nor anothers home with children in the same house.
When we have a couple over to our house to meet or play we ask our children to spend the night at a friends house unless it is my youngest in which case we just dont meet anyone when she is with us. (Three kids)
Our other two are 26and23 and both know we are in the lifestyle.
Hell i even have a hard time playing with MY ms. when ANY of our kids are in the house.
I(male) feel your husband was wrong for "ALLOWING" the situation to get to the point it got to.
TRUST is the main stay of any true relationship and breaking that trust is unforgivable for such a long time and so hard to regain that you never regain "TRUE TRUST".IT JUST ISNT WORTH IT!
Even tho you may have forgiven him and say now that you do "TRUST" him, there is still some untrust and resentment left in your heart and mind. Otherwise there would be no question to the situation in which you have shared with us.
I hope for his sake and all others involved that this was a big learning experience ,NEVER to be repeated.
We are glad to hear you two have worked your relationship thru this difficult time and hope the two of you keep growing together.
As for the other couple be truthful. If or when they contact you make sure that they understand the true reason for your feelings that night and why you were so uncomfortable at the situation.
This lifestyle involves many many different beleifs,and understandings. The ONLY way for everyone to understand is to lay ALL the cards on the table at the first meet and reitterate them again at the second meet. Let the other couple know the consequences of breakingthe "rules ".
Everyone we meet knows that if in any situation MY Ms. doesnt feel comfortable we will be out of there.........
I have left my play partner and gone into a closed door room to retreive my ms. when her play partner started trying to do something against the rules . She calls my name and she knows i am there.
They have asked us to play since and the answer has been "NO".We were straight forward and told them the reason why.We have seen them before at parties HE came up to apologize to me ,after explaining I am NOT the one he needed to apologize to he went to the Ms.
She saw him coming and she headed str8 for me.
He apologized and we left.
Good luck in your situation and remember HONESTY is the best policy .
M&L (aka PAPPA SMURF AND SMURFETTE)
I agree that the majority of the blame should go to your husband. After all he is the ONE person that you should be able to trust in that situation especially if your kids are around!
You do not owe anyone an apology. In fact everyone owes you one. You made it very clear about your rules for that meeting and everyone disrespected you in that sense. I can understand that there was an attraction and will even go as far as saying that maybe a little flirting and a very very discreet flash or something may be ok if handled properly just to give everyone something to look forward to on another more private meeting. But for your husband to totally disregard your feeling about the matter right up to the point where he knew you were very mad about things, he STILL disrespected you when you told him to get out the door first and STILL french kissed the other woman when your kids could have very easily seen them. He was only thinking about himself and not you or your children.
That being said
You do not owe anyone an apology. In fact everyone owes you one. You made it very clear about your rules for that meeting and everyone disrespected you in that sense. I can understand that there was an attraction and will even go as far as saying that maybe a little flirting and a very very discreet flash or something may be ok if handled properly just to give everyone something to look forward to on another more private meeting. But for your husband to totally disregard your feeling about the matter right up to the point where he knew you were very mad about things, he STILL disrespected you when you told him to get out the door first and STILL french kissed the other woman when your kids could have very easily seen them. He was only thinking about himself and not you or your children.
That being said
I agree with everyone.
I had a similar experience with a couple who had a teenager who was still home for the first couple hours of my dinner visit.
The wife was very discreet, but the husband kept talking too loud about things that they had done or wanted to do. I kept having to remind him to be more quite.
He also seemed to be thinking too much with his penis and not keeping his wifes feelings in mind.
We did play later that night after the daughter went to some friends for an overnight.
I don't believe your husband IS a jerk, but he definately WAS behaving like one then.
I have heard others complain about behavior early on in couples emergence into the lifestyle.
I think its because one or both are eager to "live the fantasy", that their brains shut off.
I have a child and don't do anything while he is home.
He is completely sheltered from the lifestyle and my dates in general until I reaaalllyyy get to know them.
Thats why I don't show my face pic on my profile.
I'm not ashamed of the lifestyle, I just don't want any custody or other problems.
The children come first.
One other note.
I saw a story on a network news show a couple years ago that showcased a swinger couple with 2 teenage boys.
The couple openly admits their lifestyle to the boys to the point where they know what their parents are going to do when they leave the house.
Am I the only person who sees a major problem with that?
They showed a shot of the 2 sons watching their mom in sexy clothing putting on her makeup and you could tell the boys were "interested"
EWWW!!!!!!
Scott
I had a similar experience with a couple who had a teenager who was still home for the first couple hours of my dinner visit.
The wife was very discreet, but the husband kept talking too loud about things that they had done or wanted to do. I kept having to remind him to be more quite.
He also seemed to be thinking too much with his penis and not keeping his wifes feelings in mind.
We did play later that night after the daughter went to some friends for an overnight.
I don't believe your husband IS a jerk, but he definately WAS behaving like one then.
I have heard others complain about behavior early on in couples emergence into the lifestyle.
I think its because one or both are eager to "live the fantasy", that their brains shut off.
I have a child and don't do anything while he is home.
He is completely sheltered from the lifestyle and my dates in general until I reaaalllyyy get to know them.
Thats why I don't show my face pic on my profile.
I'm not ashamed of the lifestyle, I just don't want any custody or other problems.
The children come first.
One other note.
I saw a story on a network news show a couple years ago that showcased a swinger couple with 2 teenage boys.
The couple openly admits their lifestyle to the boys to the point where they know what their parents are going to do when they leave the house.
Am I the only person who sees a major problem with that?
They showed a shot of the 2 sons watching their mom in sexy clothing putting on her makeup and you could tell the boys were "interested"
EWWW!!!!!!
Scott