Did it make you feel closer? How? Did it make your sex better? How? We'd love to hear others' stories.
Made us closer too. That being said, entering the lifestyle to "fix" a marriage will not work, it will only drive you further apart. You must have unconditional love and trust in your partner to enjoy it together
It made us realize how much time we were wasting trying to raise our kids when we could be out boning other people instead. That's what tv is for, right?
Communication breakdown is one of the biggest signs of major underlying problems in a marriage (in my opinion). It takes a tremendous amount of deep, honest and in depth communication to be involved in this lifestyle.That type of communication actually strengthens the relationship. I could go on but I think I'll just stop there.
I couldn't agree with FUCKCHASTITY more...it will not save a damaged marriage, it will just do more damage.
I couldn't agree with FUCKCHASTITY more...it will not save a damaged marriage, it will just do more damage.
...made me more attentive, as I now see that she can definitely upgrade and send me down the road, if I don't behave! lol
Thanks for everyone's comments so for. I'd love more if anyone has different perspectives or different ways it made it better for them.
Seems like swinging is a catalyst to enhance whatever you already have. If its bad it will get worse, if its good, it can get better.
Seems like swinging is a catalyst to enhance whatever you already have. If its bad it will get worse, if its good, it can get better.
It's definitely enhanced ours. It's also taught us to communicate much better.
Sage advice people. The best way to shut your wife up is to make sure she has another dude's weenus in her mouth.
Meeting new people, giving us more adult friendly activities and a social life has its benefits... These parties are keeping us active and physical. The new awakening in our bedroom has the Mrs. trying new things that she didn't think she would ever do (she says)...and enjoying the pleasure and discussions. We have re-discovered our sexual, adventurous sides and it is exciting enough that we want to share with others.
The Swinging Lifestyle enhances whatever you have. If your marriage is solid and happy then you will have more of that. If your marriage is broken and having difficulties then you will have more of that.
As for me and my wife, nothing but enhancement for us. Some of the best sex we have ever had. Wehave grown closer together and have no intents on stopping we love it.
As for me and my wife, nothing but enhancement for us. Some of the best sex we have ever had. Wehave grown closer together and have no intents on stopping we love it.
We truly are soulmates becuz of it, it enhances your sex, appreciation for one another, its the best of both worlds.
I wouldn't say it has improved our marriage (we are still really new though, so I have no idea what effects it will have, bad or good as we continue), but then again, we were never viewing this as a way to improve our relationship.
It was seen as something fun and adventurous to do and discover together. Everything about our relationship was already great. We love each other, laugh together all the time, and always wish we had more time together to spend, and already had a great sex life. The only thing entering the lifestyle did was give us a new and exciting conversation to have. It opened us up to finding new social events, meeting new people that we may have never run into otherwise, mostly do to location and our different hobbies/likes.
We've met some really nice people, and even some that we'd like to know better.
Our marriage is the same, although maybe we find ourselves stepping out of our comfort zone more often, but the fun part is doing it together. It's always mainly for us, been about doing something fun together.
It was seen as something fun and adventurous to do and discover together. Everything about our relationship was already great. We love each other, laugh together all the time, and always wish we had more time together to spend, and already had a great sex life. The only thing entering the lifestyle did was give us a new and exciting conversation to have. It opened us up to finding new social events, meeting new people that we may have never run into otherwise, mostly do to location and our different hobbies/likes.
We've met some really nice people, and even some that we'd like to know better.
Our marriage is the same, although maybe we find ourselves stepping out of our comfort zone more often, but the fun part is doing it together. It's always mainly for us, been about doing something fun together.
No
It definitely spices up our own sex lives with each other at home. It keeps us happier and closer. However if any marriage is having any problems swinging will not help. It definitely takes trust and happiness to be able to have swinging not cause problems.
HISHERSATISFACTION wrote:
Thanks for everyone's comments so for. I'd love more if anyone has different perspectives or different ways it made it better for them.
Seems like swinging is a catalyst to enhance whatever you already have. If its bad it will get worse, if its good, it can get better.
SHADOWINGWHISPERS wrote:
To me those who have issues before hand just make it worse when doing this. I don't think it's specifically because of this, I think it's lack of communication, honesty, trust and understanding. I hate when people blame it on this lifestyle because it's so much deeper than that... but I guess it's just easy to blame.. meh..
You guys both hit the nail on the head! My fiance and I have first hand experience on this matter. We both entered the lifestyle married to other people. I (female) was married for 15 years and he was married for 20. In the beginning, in both situations, the lifestyle helped tremendously. Our sex lives and communication increased instantly but these positive aspects were temporary and short lived. The true underlying problems in each marriage were still there and eventually began to intensify. Being in the lifestyle now while in a truly healthy, loving, and mutually respectful relationship is COMPLETELY different than before. And with hindsight being 20/20 both of us can look back and see all the clear warning signs that we were both blind to in the beginning. Neither of us blames the lifestyle for our marriages ending in fact we are both grateful that it opened our eyes to the unhealthy and destructive relationships we were in.
I sorta have to disagree with you a little bit SLC. We've been doing this north of 25 years and started counting how many couples we've known who have divorced. We stopped counting at 31 because we've lost track of many as we've moved and life circumstances have changed. Yes the majority probably had other shit going on (we weren't always privy to the inner workings of each relationship but some were quite apparent) but there were definitely those who were blindsided by the additional pressures that swinging can put on a relationship. Most often it was one partner wanting to do more swinging and one wanting to do less or none (not always the guy!). Another big one was those who started gravitating towards the poly side of things and "fell in love" with another play partner. How the fuck can a LTR where you have to pay the bills, deal with a leaky roof or a crappy car that keeps breaking compete with the excitement and hormone cascade (yeah it's a thing) of a fresh new relationship? The "grass is greener on the other side of the fence" phenomenon is magnified in swinging because you not only get to see the grass but you get to roll around in it, smell it, taste it, etc.. And for some people it's hard to crawl back over the fence to "real" life and not want the obviously superior grass they were just lying in. LOL
Fisticuffs? 
Marquess of Queensberry Rules I assume? 
Marquess of Queensberry Rules I assume? We come from a pretty conservative background as well and although we get very excited about thinking about doing this, we are going slow and trying to do our research and figure out some tips and tricks before we jump in. So far, we've gotten some great advice. Its very interesting to hear the different perspectives too. Thanks
EVILDOERS wrote:LoL!
Sage advice people. The best way to shut your wife up is to make sure she has another dude's weenus in her mouth.
Swinging is the reason why the internet was created.
The best thing i ever did was find my wife a boyfriend! ! Soon after we became divorced ...that was a great change in my marriage! !! She was such a "nice"person that he shot himself in the head to get away from her! Now see what i mean by the best thing i ever done was find my wife a boyfriend ...btw we were not in the lifestyle .....
Our decision to join the lifestyle was meticulous and deliberate. To be honest, it was scary at first. But it was a mutual effort and we worked together to decide what was best for us. Developing that sort of teamwork brought us closer in so many ways.
As other people have said, our trust in each other increased dramatically. Many marriages end because of infidelity, we don't have to worry about that ever while we are in the lifestyle. If either one of us wants to fuck someone else then we can talk to each other about it and even figure out how to make it happen so that we both enjoy it. Monogamous couples can't even talk about stuff like that with each other.
At risk of making this post a novel, I have one last thought. Our communication has definitely gotten better. We are more open with each other and share our deep fantasies no matter how naughty they are. There are things I tell my spouse now that I would have never mentioned when we were first married.
As other people have said, our trust in each other increased dramatically. Many marriages end because of infidelity, we don't have to worry about that ever while we are in the lifestyle. If either one of us wants to fuck someone else then we can talk to each other about it and even figure out how to make it happen so that we both enjoy it. Monogamous couples can't even talk about stuff like that with each other.
At risk of making this post a novel, I have one last thought. Our communication has definitely gotten better. We are more open with each other and share our deep fantasies no matter how naughty they are. There are things I tell my spouse now that I would have never mentioned when we were first married.
Communication (REAL communication) is the key but still it's not enough if someone really wants to stray or outright leave. There's been an interesting discussion on another swing site we're on about some of this topic and an old timer on there (who's now divorced) brought up something that we found interesting and that seems to be fairly ubiquitous in the lifestyle. It turns out that most women who have been in the lifestyle for a decent length of time have at one time or another (multiple times for Ms. Evil and some of the ladies we've known for some time) been told by a play partner (more often by a single male or even more often a vanilla guy...lot's of swingers seem to get a thrill out of vanilla hunting I guess) that if they were THEIR partner they would NEVER share them with another man. Think about that for a minute. With the way most women are raised and the messages society pounds into their heads about love, romance, fidelity, etc., how powerful are those words are. In fact let's take a little poll. Are there any women who've been in the lifestyle for, say, at least 5 years and play fairly frequently who have never had a guy tell them or insinuate that? Just curious.
Curious... how many of the previous posters (or anyone on here for that matter) are on their FIRST marriage and have been "successful" swingers for 4-5 years+ ?
Tally those numbers and see if it makes marriages better. Would also be curious about second, third, fourth marriages (but those are harder because a lot have met in the lifestyle and/or came from a marriage that ended in infidelity). Still, have wondered.
P.S. EVILDOERS Mrs cntrl has been told that a couple of times as well.
Tally those numbers and see if it makes marriages better. Would also be curious about second, third, fourth marriages (but those are harder because a lot have met in the lifestyle and/or came from a marriage that ended in infidelity). Still, have wondered.
P.S. EVILDOERS Mrs cntrl has been told that a couple of times as well.
First marriage. Successful swingers (not sure exactly what you mean by successful-lol) for over 25 years! :-)
EVILDOERS wrote:
First marriage. Successful swingers (not sure exactly what you mean by successful-lol) for over 25 years! :-)
OK, that's 2 of us... 23 years here..
Well it was the cause of my divorce. She aid it would have been fine if she was invited.