We personally are out to family and friends but was wondering at what point do you or have you outed yourselves and why?? Our son *15* knows but he more less figured it out for himself,thanks television LOL. He doesn't make a huge deal out of it and doesn't tell his friends either,he is aware of my bi-sexuality because a so called friend told her daughter *his gf* who told him. He doesn't care one way or the other,we don't flaunt it in his face either though which is proably the difference. Both of our family's know but there again no flaunting it,in fact my family *Becky* loves the woman we were involved with for a yr. She still comes around and they love to see her funny how that worked out. But would be interested in hearing other opions.
Jimmy and Becky
Jimmy and Becky
Why tell anybody. This is your private life. Would you tell your family the different ways you have sex? Oral anal bondage or anything else? I wouldn't thik so. This is something that is personal and fun to do. If everybody knew it would take some of the fun and mystery out of it. So my advice would be keep it to yourselves unles it is eating you away.
I really don't think it makes that big a difference. What ever you are comfortable with is what you should do. Me personally, I let the people I work with that we are swingers, after they had guessed. Didn't see any reason to lie to them. Hell I was hoping to get in the pants of a couple of them. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer.
Thanks for the replys we have recieved so far,I always find it interesting to see other ppls spin on things.
Jimmy and Becky
Jimmy and Becky
Family, no never. Friends? IF we want to swing with them maybe, but to straight vanilla friends, we never tell them, it is our private business and will leave it at that.
Posted By: DESTINFLCPL Reply posted on:
Sep 15, 2003 - 8:45 am
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Family, no never. Friends? IF we want to swing with them maybe, but to straight vanilla friends, we never tell them, it is our private business and will leave it at that.
Pretty much how DESTINFLCPL put it. We would never tell family. Why, what's the point? And friends don't need to know unless they are going to be involved as well. Nothing to be ashamed of really, but equally at the same time, that doesn't mean you gotta go and shove it in people's faces. It's a private issue and one that shouldn't really come up in the first place.
Sep 15, 2003 - 8:45 am
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Family, no never. Friends? IF we want to swing with them maybe, but to straight vanilla friends, we never tell them, it is our private business and will leave it at that.
Pretty much how DESTINFLCPL put it. We would never tell family. Why, what's the point? And friends don't need to know unless they are going to be involved as well. Nothing to be ashamed of really, but equally at the same time, that doesn't mean you gotta go and shove it in people's faces. It's a private issue and one that shouldn't really come up in the first place.
More people know than you think. We have two small kiddos and so mums the word around them, but as for adults well we don't tell anyone except the vibe we throw off to the univeres is contantly comeing back. Hell we don't even know we are throwing it, but We surely are even other swingers in Wal Mart, Gas stations anywhere and more and more we notice them too and then confirm it with them. They might as well be wearing a T-Shirt that say "I'm A Swinger" LOL So the answer lyes in you your vibe is the answer to your ?
Great ?
kisses Jeaaica and Tre
Great ?
kisses Jeaaica and Tre
We think that you are comfortable with telling your family and you think they will acept you for who you are then go for it. We on the other hand would never tell family, we just know they wouldnt be able to handle it. A few of our friends know. They are the ones that either swing themselves in one way or the other, and no we havent swung with them, we were friends first and just happen to find out in converstaion that they have and we have. The other friends that know just happened to have found out we did not out ourselves to them and they were fine with it! It all comes down to how comfortable yo uare with others knowing what you like to do!
We were outed by Paul's ex to our familys and anyone else who would listen. His older brother took it the hardest- didn't even return calls for almost a year, but life goes on and exciting things like that finally take a back seat. We don't advertize to everyone we know about our sexual preferences, but at least we didn't have to break the news to the world. We would have preferred to keep our lifestyle adventures quiet to family and friends (at least non-swinging friends).
Never! They seem to always find out on their own anyway.
Besides, the friends always just end up getting jealous!
Besides, the friends always just end up getting jealous!
Most of our long-term friends know we've always had an "open relationship" (and the guys are all jealous LOL), and a couple of my wife's close girlfriends know about the nature of the "clubs" we go to on weekends sometimes. (We've even managed to play with one or two of those friends )
As for family, we'd never tell either side. Hers would have a real hard time I think, my siblings are younger than me but not kids anymore and probably wouldn't care. I'd say both sides would be comfortable with a "don't ask, don't tell" philosophy.
Just a comment on Dr. Ziggy's post - we're the "live & let live type," and we're not at all ashamed of what we do. We wouldn't care if the whole world knew if it didn't affect our lives, but the reality would be very different, I'm sure.
A new swing friend once asked how I'd feel if our kids became swingers one day. My response was that, if they were making a responsible decision when they did so, that I'd hope they find as much enjoyment in it as we have. He said that was the first time anyone had ever given him that answer, and it was the one he was looking for.
)As for family, we'd never tell either side. Hers would have a real hard time I think, my siblings are younger than me but not kids anymore and probably wouldn't care. I'd say both sides would be comfortable with a "don't ask, don't tell" philosophy.
Just a comment on Dr. Ziggy's post - we're the "live & let live type," and we're not at all ashamed of what we do. We wouldn't care if the whole world knew if it didn't affect our lives, but the reality would be very different, I'm sure.
A new swing friend once asked how I'd feel if our kids became swingers one day. My response was that, if they were making a responsible decision when they did so, that I'd hope they find as much enjoyment in it as we have. He said that was the first time anyone had ever given him that answer, and it was the one he was looking for.
I completely agree with you on the fact about "IF" our son became a swinger oneday. We wouldn't care either way as long like you said he was making a responsible decision and not just going along with someone because he thought it sounded fun or he though hell mom and dad did it I can too. However I must say there are alot of ppl we know personally that would die if their children found out or indeed became swingers themselves,I am of the mind set ppll who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. But of course thats just our .02 and our son does know about our lifestyle and my bisexuality.
We have not told family or many friends. Neither of our families would be accepting. They are both very closed minded.
Also I'm in full agreement. Why would you ever tell your family, they don't need to know anything about your sex life. Would you really want to know about theirs? Perhaps some people find it cleansing to have the family know and perhaps accept it, but bottom line is that it's a personal/private interest and I think it strange to be discussing your sex life with your parents or such.
Now if you decide to run for public office you might want to let them know before the media finds out.
Also I'm in full agreement. Why would you ever tell your family, they don't need to know anything about your sex life. Would you really want to know about theirs? Perhaps some people find it cleansing to have the family know and perhaps accept it, but bottom line is that it's a personal/private interest and I think it strange to be discussing your sex life with your parents or such.
Now if you decide to run for public office you might want to let them know before the media finds out.
The point for us telling my parents as well as Jimmys is because both my sister and his found out by accident and were trying to hold it over our heads. So we figured the best way to stop the two headed beast was just tell them,we never discussed it with them just informed them,in doing so it stopped anyone freaking because we told them. My father doesn't talk about it at all and my sister takes great pleasure in calling me names because I am bi trying to cause issue but like my dad said "its their lives they have to live with it". Sometimes its alot easier to head trouble off at the pass if possible. Thank goodness both sets of our parents are pretty liberal and don't ask and we don't offer info. Would I like to know about their sex lives HELL NO lol,I am certain my parents bought me at may cohens there was no sex involved and its my fantasy I like it that way LOL. As for Jimmy his got him at a sporting goods store I know they had to as much as he loves sports.
and its my fantasy I like it that way LOL. As for Jimmy his got him at a sporting goods store I know they had to as much as he loves sports.I agree with the sentiment that just 'outting' yourself when what you're outting is a lifestyle choice, not a complete sexual orientation is a bit different.
Let me be specific example wise.
If I was a lesbian, outting would be an enormous deal. I couldn't live with myself, if I was a lesbian, and didn't admit it to the world. That isn't a lifestyle choice, that's a LIFE decision.
My bisexuality on the other hand is a lifestyle choice. While I adore women, count them as my absolute favorite lovers, and would never consider not being bi sexual, it's not the same in my mind as being totally lesbian.
Finally, I have told my oldest daugher, because she's smart enough to figure it out. My parents wouldn't understand. My other two daughters are too young.
Let me be specific example wise.
If I was a lesbian, outting would be an enormous deal. I couldn't live with myself, if I was a lesbian, and didn't admit it to the world. That isn't a lifestyle choice, that's a LIFE decision.
My bisexuality on the other hand is a lifestyle choice. While I adore women, count them as my absolute favorite lovers, and would never consider not being bi sexual, it's not the same in my mind as being totally lesbian.
Finally, I have told my oldest daugher, because she's smart enough to figure it out. My parents wouldn't understand. My other two daughters are too young.
I was worried for a while, but once it was out to friends I figured why hide it? Most of my friends and family knows - Between my revelation to them that I have pierced nipples and my distraction when a good looking woman is around , something must have clued them in. LOL
The only problems that have come out of it is that some friends think that being bi makes me like the George Carlin bit about "fucking everybody". They'll come up to my husband and ask to "borrow me", and he'll haveto give them what he call "Lecture Number 1" where he explains I'm not property to be loaned out, that don't get with couples or men, etc etc..
But on the whole it's not been bad. In fact some friends have pointd some bi women our way!
The only problems that have come out of it is that some friends think that being bi makes me like the George Carlin bit about "fucking everybody". They'll come up to my husband and ask to "borrow me", and he'll haveto give them what he call "Lecture Number 1" where he explains I'm not property to be loaned out, that don't get with couples or men, etc etc..
But on the whole it's not been bad. In fact some friends have pointd some bi women our way!
I'm not sure why anyone would want to lay their sex life out on the table to anyone. Everyone assumes that people have a sex life but people just don't go around talking about it.. Some men brag to their friends about conquests but would, I am sure, hesitate to mention that he was a swinger...The concept is just to far out from the norm for many people. If there is a situation that may cause you to tell family and or friends about your swinging then so be it.. Why would anyone feel the necessity to tell anyone about their involvment in swinging , just to get it off their chest, so to speak.
There was a television show a couple of years ago about swinging with real couples participated in the show.... Some were working for themselves but some worked for other people or companies. Every single one of those couples had ramifications as a result of participation in that film.
Recently in NC a 5 year on going On Premise club was closed down for alleged NC liquor violations... The bust became a big public issue and papers all over the state carried the story...The Sherrif was running for reelection... The couple who had been running that club had to take their daughter out of the school she was in...(religious school) and they had to enrole her out of state...So while I do not consider swinging a problem, society looks dimly upon individules who swing. So telling anyone who does not know, does not guess is just not something that should be done... On the other hand I will not or would not lie if asked...by an individual.... To tell co workers?.... to coin a phrase..."ain't no friggin way", but if I met a coworker at a party or club I think I'd walk up and say something like ... Wish we'd known .... isn't it a small world....
But to cum out just to cum out.......NADA...
Ray
There was a television show a couple of years ago about swinging with real couples participated in the show.... Some were working for themselves but some worked for other people or companies. Every single one of those couples had ramifications as a result of participation in that film.
Recently in NC a 5 year on going On Premise club was closed down for alleged NC liquor violations... The bust became a big public issue and papers all over the state carried the story...The Sherrif was running for reelection... The couple who had been running that club had to take their daughter out of the school she was in...(religious school) and they had to enrole her out of state...So while I do not consider swinging a problem, society looks dimly upon individules who swing. So telling anyone who does not know, does not guess is just not something that should be done... On the other hand I will not or would not lie if asked...by an individual.... To tell co workers?.... to coin a phrase..."ain't no friggin way", but if I met a coworker at a party or club I think I'd walk up and say something like ... Wish we'd known .... isn't it a small world....
But to cum out just to cum out.......NADA...
Ray