We are new to the scene. If you get a chance to browse my profile, you will see that I am registered as a couple and the people that know me know that I bring 2 girls with me to parties (hence the username). You will also see in my profile that I have described our relationship as a group of friends. We enjoy coming to parties as there is nothing quite like them. The people are amazing and the freedom experienced at these parties is unmatched. I am the guy for this username and I've found myself thinking, what if my friends that I come to these parties with end up not wanting to go anymore or they find themselves unavailable? As a single guy, I'm mostly an outcast. I wouldn't be as accepted at the parties that I go to the same way I would if I showed up with one or both of the girls. As I browse through some of the single female users out there I see that most of them say something along the lines of "Single guys, don't even try adding me as a friend. If I want a single guy, I know where to find you." Yet the profiles also say that they would be interested in Single Males. With that being said, how do the singles that are on this site ever get a chance to connect and start a new relationship. I feel that one of this sites purposes is to bring like minded people together. However, the more I'm around it I find that it's more common that it brings couples together or couples in search of a Single Females. Where's the spirit behind starting new romances and bringing the singles together? I'd love to hear some single women respond to this post so that I can get your thoughts.
MEANDTHEGIRLS, I feel your pain. I've written in other threads this morning about experiencing the single male experience in LA. There are literally hundreds of couples in LA in my age bracket that say in their profile that they want to meet single males, yet I've had not one response to queries about meeting for drinks, etc. Face it, it's the plight of the single male.
Here's why, from my perspective as the male half of a couple. It's really all about parity, fairness. When we are seeing others as a couple, or going to a party as a couple, I don't really want to see a single male there as a single. There's no parity. There's candy for my lady, but no candy for me. No parity. With other couples, there's candy for each, plenty to go around.
So you're probably thinking that the situation is the same with single gals at a predominantly couples event, but that isn't so. Most gals in the lifestyle are either bi or bi-curious. There's candy for both me and my lady. See the difference? It's all about parity.
As a single male, you'll likely have to continue as you have, pairing up with single ladies to make a couple (or triple in your case) in a couples world.
Mr. Sexperimentors
Here's why, from my perspective as the male half of a couple. It's really all about parity, fairness. When we are seeing others as a couple, or going to a party as a couple, I don't really want to see a single male there as a single. There's no parity. There's candy for my lady, but no candy for me. No parity. With other couples, there's candy for each, plenty to go around.
So you're probably thinking that the situation is the same with single gals at a predominantly couples event, but that isn't so. Most gals in the lifestyle are either bi or bi-curious. There's candy for both me and my lady. See the difference? It's all about parity.
As a single male, you'll likely have to continue as you have, pairing up with single ladies to make a couple (or triple in your case) in a couples world.
Mr. Sexperimentors
Yep. Swinging is couples centric. If there weren't couples what would swinging even be? Hooking up. But there are plenty of couples who also like to add the occasional single to the mix. Hell, some even play that way exclusively. As far as single swingers meeting each other to form relationships (if I'm reading you correctly) that's a much tougher row to hoe. We've seen a few singles become couples over the years but they're in the minority unfortunately. The lifestyle is a tough place to date and find love for many reasons. Many couples WILL give you more than a casual look if you indeed have a regular play partner that you can bring to add to the mix. Otherwise you'll just kind of have to resign yourself to the plight of a single guy in the lifestyle. Sorry, life isn't always fair.
I agree with both of you. I just had the thought pop in my head and I thought if throw it out there. I'm still hoping to hear from a single girl because I understand its easy for girls to find single men but I'm curious to hear their thoughts about finding a single man who's also in the lifestyle. If a girl goes out and finds a guy and then tells the guy she's a swinger that could change the dynamic of the relationship. Being a good swinger isn't serving that just anyone can pick up. Initially, the guy will think it's awesome because hey they are dating this girl and now she's saying I can have sex with other women. However, the day will come when he realizes she's sleeping with other men too. That's when his true colors will come out and the relationship I be over. I would think single girls in the lifestyle would want to avoid that.
I was a vanilla girl who was brought into the LS by a guy that had been in before. I always new I was more sexual than most, more adventurous and experimental, more open-minded. But I knew NOTHING about swinging and any exposure previously was totally misrepresented. But even so, had I been introduced to it by anyone else, I wouldn't have even given it a shot. My assumptions were way off. It HAD to be someone that I really cared about and wanted to see a future with, and it HAD to be presented in a way that I knew a) it was a big part of him & difficult to let go of, and b) that he would do everything in his power to be forthcoming and respect my wishes. At that point, I was like? "Well, I know nothing about it, so tell me the truth. How does it work, what's involved. I don't promise that I'll be into it, but I promise I'll be open and consider it." And low and behold, it's perfect for me.
I guess what I'm saying is this, find someone that fits you, mentally, emotionally, and sexually, whether they're in the LS or not, and be honest about who you are. Maybe you can find that common element with someone. It may take some work (who are we kidding, it WILL take work), but you two will be stronger together because of it. Don't limit yourself to girls already involved, look for qualities in girls that compliment yours, all around. The rest will come.
Oh, and I know of a bunch of kittens of you'd like an introduction!
I guess what I'm saying is this, find someone that fits you, mentally, emotionally, and sexually, whether they're in the LS or not, and be honest about who you are. Maybe you can find that common element with someone. It may take some work (who are we kidding, it WILL take work), but you two will be stronger together because of it. Don't limit yourself to girls already involved, look for qualities in girls that compliment yours, all around. The rest will come.
Oh, and I know of a bunch of kittens of you'd like an introduction!
Verily, LADYLUCK doth speak the truth. Heed well her council.
EVILDOERS wrote:
Yep. Swinging is couples centric. If there weren't couples what would swinging even be? Hooking up. But there are plenty of couples who also like to add the occasional single to the mix. Hell, some even play that way exclusively. As far as single swingers meeting each other to form relationships (if I'm reading you correctly) that's a much tougher row to hoe. We've seen a few singles become couples over the years but they're in the minority unfortunately. The lifestyle is a tough place to date and find love for many reasons. Many couples WILL give you more than a casual look if you indeed have a regular play partner that you can bring to add to the mix. Otherwise you'll just kind of have to resign yourself to the plight of a single guy in the lifestyle. Sorry, life isn't always fair.
This ^^ it isn't always about "hooking" up. Sometimes it's about having open-minded friends that you can just hang with, sometimes it's about treating your significant other for their birthday... but we all know, she runs the show, if she's not into it, nothing is happening!
Trulie wrote:EVILDOERS wrote:
Yep. Swinging is couples centric. If there weren't couples what would swinging even be? Hooking up. But there are plenty of couples who also like to add the occasional single to the mix. Hell, some even play that way exclusively. As far as single swingers meeting each other to form relationships (if I'm reading you correctly) that's a much tougher row to hoe. We've seen a few singles become couples over the years but they're in the minority unfortunately. The lifestyle is a tough place to date and find love for many reasons. Many couples WILL give you more than a casual look if you indeed have a regular play partner that you can bring to add to the mix. Otherwise you'll just kind of have to resign yourself to the plight of a single guy in the lifestyle. Sorry, life isn't always fair.
This ^^ it isn't always about "hooking" up. Sometimes it's about having open-minded friends that you can just hang with, sometimes it's about treating your significant other for their birthday... but we all know, she runs the show, if she's not into it, nothing is happening!
You got it right buddy.
We miss our friends
