So we are new to the Life, we had a FMF about 6 years ago that didn't turn out well. The girl was kinda crazy. Every time I would look away she would tell my wife she loved her. Also, she would do things that hurt my wife. WAS NOT FUN!
Anyway, we have been talking about this for about seven or eight months. She needed some outside advice from some one she trusted, she decided to confide in a male friend, not an issue, who asked her all the right questions. He even talked to me, a bonus for him, about what I was expecting or wanting. After about four months of talking with him we invited him over to just hang out and see how we all felt about things.
Turns out we were a little more ready than we thought. But, now my wife and I are having a slight problem. she feels weird because while she did oral on both of us and vaginal penetration with both of us she never kissed him. She isn't having an issue with not kissing him or being uncomfortable, the issue is that I was, until that point, the only man she had ever been with.
I guess what I need to know is how have some of you others, male and female, handled the feeling of emotional attachment with a partner? We are not apposed to having him over to play again, we are just not sure how to approach kissing with a friend in a very intimate situation.
Anyway, we have been talking about this for about seven or eight months. She needed some outside advice from some one she trusted, she decided to confide in a male friend, not an issue, who asked her all the right questions. He even talked to me, a bonus for him, about what I was expecting or wanting. After about four months of talking with him we invited him over to just hang out and see how we all felt about things.
Turns out we were a little more ready than we thought. But, now my wife and I are having a slight problem. she feels weird because while she did oral on both of us and vaginal penetration with both of us she never kissed him. She isn't having an issue with not kissing him or being uncomfortable, the issue is that I was, until that point, the only man she had ever been with.
I guess what I need to know is how have some of you others, male and female, handled the feeling of emotional attachment with a partner? We are not apposed to having him over to play again, we are just not sure how to approach kissing with a friend in a very intimate situation.
Advice is cheep. That is why it is so easy to give it to others.
Every couple I have met has intimacy issues and boundaries. That is to say that they reserve certain things for their significant other only. Kissing is one of the basic things that most lifestylers learn to discuss before hand with prospective FWB because it is often off the table. It is not unusual to decide not to kiss or not do any particular act. No one should be offended when they are asked to leave out this or that part. Do what you like and determine what feels right for you as a couple.
Every couple I have met has intimacy issues and boundaries. That is to say that they reserve certain things for their significant other only. Kissing is one of the basic things that most lifestylers learn to discuss before hand with prospective FWB because it is often off the table. It is not unusual to decide not to kiss or not do any particular act. No one should be offended when they are asked to leave out this or that part. Do what you like and determine what feels right for you as a couple.
Agreed. Just do what is comfortable for the both of you. As time goes by, you will probably expand your horizons as most do. But not all.
Most importantly, always communicate with each other. Dont be afraid to talk about any issue, no matter how big or small.
This lifestyle can be a lot of fun but the trust has to be there.
Most importantly, always communicate with each other. Dont be afraid to talk about any issue, no matter how big or small.
This lifestyle can be a lot of fun but the trust has to be there.
Yes!! communicate with eachother first and then with the party/parties involved. If they dont like the rules dont play!
One bit of advice I can offer,, to her,, to you,, set your limits,if any, and remember them! And never do something with the other party, that you refse to do with your own mate. If you (the female)mwon't do oral,, or will not swallow, don't do it with the other guy, don't give up the booty to the FWB if you don't give it to hubby. Don't eat the other lady if you won't do the wife. If you agree on condoms,, do not "forget". and most of all,, if one says, "no", or is hesitant, then stop,,, do not push
Personally , I never could figure out how one could be okay with taking another in their mouth,but don't kiss! But if that is a problem,, then say so,and work it out
Personally , I never could figure out how one could be okay with taking another in their mouth,but don't kiss! But if that is a problem,, then say so,and work it out
Well we've had a MMF 3some and all I can say is like most other people, Do what feels right, don't put yourself in an uncomfortable situation with your partners. Its all about how you feel about the other person and if your partner is comfortable with others then Just enjoy the pleasure of your company. Know your boundaries if Any and Have FUN.
Like others have said, as you progress, you'll find your boundaries change. They could be different with each play partner. Something you do with one, may not be ok with the next. The things we've found that helps us (we've only been in for a year, married 28), is to fully discuss boundaries with our play partners. We also have a pact that if one does something that the other felt uncomfortable with but had never been discussed as a boundary, we never hold that over each others head, but agree not to do that going forward. The last thing is communication. We discuss everything that happens (it actually heightens our own time together). Communication is the best thing for a marriage. This is probably why a lot of swinger's relationships are so strong, increase communication.
When it comes to KISSING.....Really it is about personal choice. Does not mean you have intimacy issue everyone is different. When and if you are both ready for that next step that is all that matters and yes great communication with everyone involved is a good thing. Most people who like to kiss will tell you or might send body language. However, if it is something you are not sure of then take your time and really talk about it. Be very open with each other and you will see that you both figure it out one step at a time holding hand!!!
SUGARSANDSPICE wrote:Agreed. We found that as we got more comfortable, our "no kissing" rule kinda went out the window. It seemed silly to be doing so many intimate things, and be hung up on something like that, but it's really a case by case basis as well. It's simply a comfort thing.
Advice is cheep. That is why it is so easy to give it to others.
Every couple I have met has intimacy issues and boundaries. That is to say that they reserve certain things for their significant other only. Kissing is one of the basic things that most lifestylers learn to discuss before hand with prospective FWB because it is often off the table. It is not unusual to decide not to kiss or not do any particular act. No one should be offended when they are asked to leave out this or that part. Do what you like and determine what feels right for you as a couple.
HOTFIRELOVERS wrote:
When it comes to KISSING.....Really it is about personal choice. Does not mean you have intimacy issue everyone is different. When and if you are both ready for that next step that is all that matters and yes great communication with everyone involved is a good thing. Most people who like to kiss will tell you or might send body language. However, if it is something you are not sure of then take your time and really talk about it. Be very open with each other and you will see that you both figure it out one step at a time holding hand!!!
Thank you. We have been talking about this. We are getting closer to having "firm" boundaries set. We do agree that if we are willing to do oral than kissing shouldn't be seen as different.
I believe that it was a Swedish study that determined that shaking hands spreads more germs than kissing. It may follow that kissing may spread more germs than oral provided you don
There are actually a fair number of people who have a no kissing policy. There are at least as many for whom no kissing would be a deal breaker. You get to decide what your rules, boundaries and limits are. Just make sure you let people know ahead of time, in your profile and in person, what they are. Don't be shocked if/when you run into a person or couple who, knowing your preferences, decides to try to circumvent them. There ARE fucktards out there who don't respect things like that and, indeed, enjoy seeing how much they can get away with. Telling them what they can't have makes it a challenge and all that much more naughty to try and do it. Easier to ask forgiveness than permission (ask permission and you may say no). We carry a handy Acme Amateur Neutering Kit for just such occasions (yeah it's more often than not a guy, shocking huh?). 
I GUESS I'M LOOKING AT THIS FROM A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT LEVEL. IF A GUY HAS HIS COCK IN YOUR WIFE'S PUSSY, WHAT DOES IT MATTER WHAT HE'S DOING WITH HIS TOUNGE? IF HE COMES INSIDE HER PUSSY, I THINK IT WOULD BE NICE TO GIVE HER AT LEAST A LITTLE KISS. BUT MY WIFE IS DIFFERENT, WHEN WE GO INTO A ROOM OF GUYS, SHE PICKS OUT ONE AND STARTS SMOTHERING HIM WITH KISSES WHICH USUALLY PRODUCES AN IMMEDIATE ERECTION. BUT MY WIFE WAS VERY SEXUALLY ACTIVE BEFORE WE GOT INTO THE LIFE STYLE SO KISSING AND FUCKING GUYS WAS NOT NEW TO HER. SHE USED TO HUMP GUYS ON THE DANCE FLOOR AT A LOCAL CLUB UNTIL THEY CAME IN THEIR PANTS. SHE DIDN'T FEEL SUCCESSFUL IF THE GUY SHE DANCED WITH DIDN'T HAVE A WET SPOT ON HIS PANTS.
Advice: Never make a sexual decision in the moment. When turned on people do things they would never normally consider. These decisions can lead to a lot of regret later. So agree on limits before you get in the situation. Further I would give yourself a