Riddle me this, ok, just answer me this: The Mrs. is so caught up in the discretion piece of the lifestyle that she hasn't actively taken part in this wonderful website. I mean yah, she nibbles here and there, but doesn't dive in.
She is mostly playing with someone who she knows is discreet and also doesn't know anyone in "our" circles. She has kind of a high profile job (comparatively) and has thought of the worst case scenario where she is dealing with someone who she has played with. Her words: "It would be my luck to call someone to my office and after shutting the door and really looking at them, realizing I'd gone down on them the saturday before." My response: "Than it would be easiest ____ you've ever done!" She didn't like my humor.
However, she is still getting out there and doing it, living the lifestyle man. I am really not. Because of her anxiety about that we haven't really done the couples thing and are more the "open relationship" type. Which is so hawt. But, I don't feel comfortable going up to one of my acquaintances and saying, "Hey, you have really pretty eyes, wanna fuck?" I mean really, in the vanilla world, with a ring on my finger, I'd get slapped silly. Might be fun though....
I also know that most people on here would assume I'm just some randy dude looking to cheat on my wife. So I've been somewhat reluctant to put myself out there to much on here.
Now that I've rambled on, let me get to my question: Who do I have to sleep with to get laid around here? Wait... actually, my real question is, how do I start a fun and carefree friendship that also could, but doesn't have to include a little hard core action? But also might lead into the couples thing as well? That's my ultimate goal. Sorry for length of this, wow, I don't think I've ever said that before, but any feedback would be gratefully accepted.
She is mostly playing with someone who she knows is discreet and also doesn't know anyone in "our" circles. She has kind of a high profile job (comparatively) and has thought of the worst case scenario where she is dealing with someone who she has played with. Her words: "It would be my luck to call someone to my office and after shutting the door and really looking at them, realizing I'd gone down on them the saturday before." My response: "Than it would be easiest ____ you've ever done!" She didn't like my humor.
However, she is still getting out there and doing it, living the lifestyle man. I am really not. Because of her anxiety about that we haven't really done the couples thing and are more the "open relationship" type. Which is so hawt. But, I don't feel comfortable going up to one of my acquaintances and saying, "Hey, you have really pretty eyes, wanna fuck?" I mean really, in the vanilla world, with a ring on my finger, I'd get slapped silly. Might be fun though....
I also know that most people on here would assume I'm just some randy dude looking to cheat on my wife. So I've been somewhat reluctant to put myself out there to much on here.
Now that I've rambled on, let me get to my question: Who do I have to sleep with to get laid around here? Wait... actually, my real question is, how do I start a fun and carefree friendship that also could, but doesn't have to include a little hard core action? But also might lead into the couples thing as well? That's my ultimate goal. Sorry for length of this, wow, I don't think I've ever said that before, but any feedback would be gratefully accepted.
P.S. I love the saying because I just realized it meant the knights of the round were horny bastards but just didn't talk about it.
Well I think you have the male condition pretty well mapped out and it is difficult to solve. Try talking with your wife about equity and fairness. It other words she doesn
I may have misrepresented what I was talking about. I appreciate the comments so far. We definitely talk and communicate (which is different than talking) about it often. It's not that I'm upset that she is playing, it's more that I really don't know how to put myself out there without looking like the creepy guy just wanting to leer at all the beauties out there. I like the idea of her pimping me out though....
VANAHEIM wrote:
I may have misrepresented what I was talking about. I appreciate the comments so far. We definitely talk and communicate (which is different than talking) about it often. It's not that I'm upset that she is playing, it's more that I really don't know how to put myself out there without looking like the creepy guy just wanting to leer at all the beauties out there. I like the idea of her pimping me out though....
There is no one out there that can confidently tell you how best to go about this. I am going to make some suggestions. Everything you do will help with some and hurt with others. So don
Thanks for the input guys! Much appreciated.
Being the female half here and in a "open" relationship.....
Your profile photos are bad... I mean in this lifestyle people like what they like and if you dont have enough photos to show what you are like in general.... then pass (at least for us anyway)
I always get more action then my hubby, he has the same issue....how to start up the conversation. Its hard enough for a actual single guy to get laid, let alone a married one without the woman thinking your a freak or cheating.
We go to parties, and then follow up with the ladies there. Thats where he's got the most single guy action from. Even then that conversation can be a hard one to start haha
I have a issue with my hubby not wanting to be "outed" in his professional circle so thats a difficult one. I'm very very very open and honest and that can be difficult for me to hide stuff like this (side note, I would NEVER out someone else, I just have a hard time keeping my own secrets!)
All I can say about that being outed thing. Take a walk in the mall, you'll see a couple hundred people that your more then likely never to see again, even though logically you live in the same area and do some of the same general things.
Loosen up, live a little. If she does see someone at work that she's slept with.. guess what... they've seen her too! All of the swingers I have met are very respectful and wouldnt come up and high five and say "Nice fucking you Sat, when can we do it again?" at a board meeting or something HAHA Just sayin'
Your profile photos are bad... I mean in this lifestyle people like what they like and if you dont have enough photos to show what you are like in general.... then pass (at least for us anyway)
I always get more action then my hubby, he has the same issue....how to start up the conversation. Its hard enough for a actual single guy to get laid, let alone a married one without the woman thinking your a freak or cheating.
We go to parties, and then follow up with the ladies there. Thats where he's got the most single guy action from. Even then that conversation can be a hard one to start haha
I have a issue with my hubby not wanting to be "outed" in his professional circle so thats a difficult one. I'm very very very open and honest and that can be difficult for me to hide stuff like this (side note, I would NEVER out someone else, I just have a hard time keeping my own secrets!)
All I can say about that being outed thing. Take a walk in the mall, you'll see a couple hundred people that your more then likely never to see again, even though logically you live in the same area and do some of the same general things.
Loosen up, live a little. If she does see someone at work that she's slept with.. guess what... they've seen her too! All of the swingers I have met are very respectful and wouldnt come up and high five and say "Nice fucking you Sat, when can we do it again?" at a board meeting or something HAHA Just sayin'
It's a tough one. Women will ALWAYS get more action here than men. Sex is theirs when it comes to power and control. The "you can only get as much as I can get" has never worked for us. But our situation is a little different in that I travel a ton for work so when I'm home I can't see spending what little time I have with someone else. And being on the road, I don't have time to get any action. So the equality in playing separate isn't there. As a result, Mrs. Sexperimentor doesn't play without me unless it's another woman. That's her choice and a bone thrown to equality, which I appreciate.
As for the issue of not playing because you're afraid you'll run into a playmate in your vanilla life... To me that's horse pucky. The person you run into will be at just as much risk as you of being "outed". You'll have a lot more in common than a whole lot of other people you meet. And if you have a little discretion about who you play with, you'll have similar attitudes on how to conduct yourselves in a vanilla situation. Actually, I don't think we have EVER, in all the years we've been doing this, just run into anyone we've played with. There are people we've known to be swingers but haven't played with that we've run into, one lady I run into frequently, but life in the lifestyle has never even been discussed in vanilla settings.
I hope this isn't your situation, but the last couple I knew that would play separately but not together, with a story told essentially the same way you told yours, didn't end well. She was more interested in having other romantic relationships than she was in maintaining her marriage. Frankly, while playing without my wife is fun, and we share the tales and details afterward, I'd really rather play as a couple. Our playing together has enhanced our relationship and that's what I'd encourage you to do.
Mr. Sexperimentors
As for the issue of not playing because you're afraid you'll run into a playmate in your vanilla life... To me that's horse pucky. The person you run into will be at just as much risk as you of being "outed". You'll have a lot more in common than a whole lot of other people you meet. And if you have a little discretion about who you play with, you'll have similar attitudes on how to conduct yourselves in a vanilla situation. Actually, I don't think we have EVER, in all the years we've been doing this, just run into anyone we've played with. There are people we've known to be swingers but haven't played with that we've run into, one lady I run into frequently, but life in the lifestyle has never even been discussed in vanilla settings.
I hope this isn't your situation, but the last couple I knew that would play separately but not together, with a story told essentially the same way you told yours, didn't end well. She was more interested in having other romantic relationships than she was in maintaining her marriage. Frankly, while playing without my wife is fun, and we share the tales and details afterward, I'd really rather play as a couple. Our playing together has enhanced our relationship and that's what I'd encourage you to do.
Mr. Sexperimentors
Mr. Sexperimentors. I so agree and couldn't put it better.