One of the things we have learned over the last few years is that the "Lifestyle" has different meanings to different people. Some are here to make friends. Some are here to socialize and party. Some are here to cheat. Some are here to make money off us poor horny folk. Some are here to watch. And some are here to just fuck. Where do you see yourself?
For us, we enjoy the friendships we make. We have found that when there's some knowledge and rapport between couples; that any play time that happens is so much more comfortable, and intense since you can know the little things that make them tick. Also this way, you're not just getting off on a warm body. We don't like to feel solely like a piece of meat, nor do we want that of others. Just our .02, to each their own though. 
This question seems to come up a lot..and it seems our answer changes very little. For us, friendship has always been paramount. We have never been into "just a fuck", for fucks sake. We have many friends that we enjoy being around who we have never even seen naked, let alone had sex with. But we enjoy their company!
But, that being said...we are in this lifestyle to enjoy the experience of intamacy, and yes, sometimes, SEX with others! We've just found it to be so much better with friends! No real nervousness or pressure to perform. When the whole evening doesn't hinge on this one single activity, everyone seems to be way more comfortable with the whole thing. THAT is paramount to us. What happens..happens! It's all good..and fun!
But, that being said...we are in this lifestyle to enjoy the experience of intamacy, and yes, sometimes, SEX with others! We've just found it to be so much better with friends! No real nervousness or pressure to perform. When the whole evening doesn't hinge on this one single activity, everyone seems to be way more comfortable with the whole thing. THAT is paramount to us. What happens..happens! It's all good..and fun!
We are here "TRYING" to meet "FRIENDS" who are interested in having fun in & out of the bedroom, "BUT" even though some others say that's what they are looking for if you don't fuck on first meeting you never hear again from them.
The wife is just about to give up on the lifestyle.
The wife is just about to give up on the lifestyle.
The perception of this lifestyle is that there is a whole lot of sex going on between everyone. Maybe if you are young slim and trim and willing to go to bed with everyone at the drop of a hat that is true. But that pretty much describes the young anyway. If that is your perception of all swingers, and you are here in Utah, then you are bound to be disappointed.
I think that this question comes up a lot because it is not a simple question for many of us and it seems to be posted by those seeking friends first. The end goal may be sex. But if that is your only goal then why do you say you are seeking friends. Friendships are not made in 30 seconds or a drink over at the pub. If that is what makes friendships in your mind then you are really just here for sex.
For us it is finding friends. Some folks that we meet we will play with and some we will be just friends with. It really boils down to a 4 way vote when it comes to the bedroom and maybe even being friends in the first place. And that is what makes finding friends and bedroom partners difficult. There is always the added fear of rejection that gets in the way when you want to anything anyone.
I look at all the complaints of one-nighters and couples that never speak again after sex. I can only surmise that for those folks sex is the only yard stick of friendship. You do not have to be sexually compatible to be friends.
We have found that if what you are looking for is friends, then it is easy to be part of the lifestyle. If what you are looking for is based on having sex then it is easy to be disappointed and difficult to be part of the lifestyle.
Furthermore we look at those that just want to screw and think how lonely their existence must be.
I think that this question comes up a lot because it is not a simple question for many of us and it seems to be posted by those seeking friends first. The end goal may be sex. But if that is your only goal then why do you say you are seeking friends. Friendships are not made in 30 seconds or a drink over at the pub. If that is what makes friendships in your mind then you are really just here for sex.
For us it is finding friends. Some folks that we meet we will play with and some we will be just friends with. It really boils down to a 4 way vote when it comes to the bedroom and maybe even being friends in the first place. And that is what makes finding friends and bedroom partners difficult. There is always the added fear of rejection that gets in the way when you want to anything anyone.
I look at all the complaints of one-nighters and couples that never speak again after sex. I can only surmise that for those folks sex is the only yard stick of friendship. You do not have to be sexually compatible to be friends.
We have found that if what you are looking for is friends, then it is easy to be part of the lifestyle. If what you are looking for is based on having sex then it is easy to be disappointed and difficult to be part of the lifestyle.
Furthermore we look at those that just want to screw and think how lonely their existence must be.
I generally approach the lifestyle from the friendship angle. Because of my particular parameters, I avoid sexxin any one person long term, as I avoid emotional entanglements... however, I don't just fuck and disappear, I like having a bit of history with a friend or 14.... I tend to continue a friendship long past the time I play with someone. It's fun to have friends with the same wry sense of humor about sex as me.
VIRANI wrote:
I generally approach the lifestyle from the friendship angle. Because of my particular parameters, I avoid sexxin any one person long term, as I avoid emotional entanglements... however, I don't just fuck and disappear, I like having a bit of history with a friend or 14.... I tend to continue a friendship long past the time I play with someone. It's fun to have friends with the same wry sense of humor about sex as me.
/like!
Friendship vs Spontanaeity?
Sheez, can't we just spontaneously fuck our friends? Emo_49[/em]
I think it's good to be upfront as soon as possible as to what you're looking for. We're actually into making friends with some open-minded folks at this point. We really only play with others every month or two -- and even that is generally with folks that we already know. If it works into something more later ... great! If not, that's OK too.[em]
Sheez, can't we just spontaneously fuck our friends? Emo_49[/em]
I think it's good to be upfront as soon as possible as to what you're looking for. We're actually into making friends with some open-minded folks at this point. We really only play with others every month or two -- and even that is generally with folks that we already know. If it works into something more later ... great! If not, that's OK too.[em]
As the lifestyle isn't just about sex, we find that making friends first, is far more rewarding. Sure we can make friends outside of the lifestyle, but their vanilla and don't connect with us on the same level. Swinger friends, whether we find them fuck-worthy or not, are what we're looking for in the lifestyle, sex is the bonus, should their be a connection on that level. We're not into the bedpost notching thing. To each their own though. Whatever floats your boat.
D
D
For me, the lifestyle is all about the friendships and the expression of sexuality within the bounds of those friendships. I was a lifestyler before I joined Swingular, and I met a lot of really good friends by being introduced to singles or couples that I had friendships with. It worked really well, since we were usually compatible. Here on Swingular, the dynamics have been a little different. I still would like to meet friends though.
I like the spontaneous hook-ups. I can enjoy a random fuck with a stranger once in a while. But I find it easier to find that kind of thing in the single's scene, and I much prefer a longer-term friendship that involves sex or even a long term sex-only friendship over a one-night stand anyway.
In addition, I like the idea of the party scene, although I have yet to participate in one. We never did anything like that back in California since the scene I was in wasn't as organized for that kind of thing as the local scene seems to be.
I like the spontaneous hook-ups. I can enjoy a random fuck with a stranger once in a while. But I find it easier to find that kind of thing in the single's scene, and I much prefer a longer-term friendship that involves sex or even a long term sex-only friendship over a one-night stand anyway.
In addition, I like the idea of the party scene, although I have yet to participate in one. We never did anything like that back in California since the scene I was in wasn't as organized for that kind of thing as the local scene seems to be.
I'm all for making new friends but they need to respect the fact that just cause were friends doesn't mean were gonna go on the bedroom every time. Id prefer meeting people you can just hang out with and do stuff together like friends do not just sex and as long as they don't get attached to your partner