A year and a half ago, my lady blew me away and said that she wanted to explore the lifestyle. We took a weekend getaway to Boise and attended a meet and greet. We had no idea what to expect but put ourselves out there. We met several couples, and talked for many hours. We invited a couple back to our hotel, but something must have happened because they never showed up, but we had amazing sex for several hours regardless, having been so aroused by the idea of playing.
We joined this site and SLS to meet other like minded people, and have had several dinner and drink dates, and even went to a swinger's Halloween party last year. To date our lifestyle experiences are limited to talking, us getting started with another couple before they had to leave suddenly, and my lady playing with one of her girlfriends while I watched.
We've talked about rules, limits, expectations, choices, and even what to do if you have a sudden change of heart. We've talked about taking baby steps and have been looking for a single male for a MFM or for her to get fucked hard as I watch. We want to enjoy the lifestyle as a couple and explore the hedonistic pleasures that accompany it, but she has reservations when it comes to me with another woman. Her fear is that she will be jealous if I am playing with another woman and "go all Gemma Teller on her ass" (forgive the SOA reference, but its on tonight
I don't want to jeopardize what we have together for a night of pleasure, so I haven't pushed her at all. We agreed in the beginning that other than my veto power, that she has all the control over lifestyle decisions, communication with other singles/couples, and who we add to our friends list. I am sure that others have had these same issues, so I am looking for some feedback from the ladies to give her direction.
Thanks for your input!
Chip
This is the Ms. Editing. Just to clarify I am not the jealous crazy type. And as far as feedback goes I would personally like to hear from both sides.
Thanks.
Ms.New
We joined this site and SLS to meet other like minded people, and have had several dinner and drink dates, and even went to a swinger's Halloween party last year. To date our lifestyle experiences are limited to talking, us getting started with another couple before they had to leave suddenly, and my lady playing with one of her girlfriends while I watched.
We've talked about rules, limits, expectations, choices, and even what to do if you have a sudden change of heart. We've talked about taking baby steps and have been looking for a single male for a MFM or for her to get fucked hard as I watch. We want to enjoy the lifestyle as a couple and explore the hedonistic pleasures that accompany it, but she has reservations when it comes to me with another woman. Her fear is that she will be jealous if I am playing with another woman and "go all Gemma Teller on her ass" (forgive the SOA reference, but its on tonight
I don't want to jeopardize what we have together for a night of pleasure, so I haven't pushed her at all. We agreed in the beginning that other than my veto power, that she has all the control over lifestyle decisions, communication with other singles/couples, and who we add to our friends list. I am sure that others have had these same issues, so I am looking for some feedback from the ladies to give her direction.
Thanks for your input!
Chip
This is the Ms. Editing. Just to clarify I am not the jealous crazy type. And as far as feedback goes I would personally like to hear from both sides.
Thanks.
Ms.New
Take it slow...
NEVER continue when the word STOP/NO is uttered, even under their breath....
ALWAYS be prepared to stop, mid stroke even, if there's a hint of a problem...
My big one, whenever I keep eye contact with my lady, making sure I caress her a bit even though I am fucking someone else, and the like always helps...
BTW...This is the male, didn't see the female feedback request until I already typed it, not gonna waste my typing time..LOL
NEVER continue when the word STOP/NO is uttered, even under their breath....
ALWAYS be prepared to stop, mid stroke even, if there's a hint of a problem...
My big one, whenever I keep eye contact with my lady, making sure I caress her a bit even though I am fucking someone else, and the like always helps...
BTW...This is the male, didn't see the female feedback request until I already typed it, not gonna waste my typing time..LOL
so your wife wants to be free to play with men and women but you cant? who runs this planet?
ahhh....women?
MAYBEMOR wrote:
so your wife wants to be free to play with men and women but you cant? who runs this planet?
This is the Ms. I guess it needs to be clarified. I have not said that I can play and he can not. As I have told him one-sided is not right. I know what we have discussed, what we are interested in. Its just the how I suppose over all. To have the mind set outside of the box of ethical standard "norms". If I felt that it was fine for me to play and him not, I sure wouldn't need advice on the plunge now would I?
JSTJIM72 wrote:
Take it slow...
NEVER continue when the word STOP/NO is uttered, even under their breath....
ALWAYS be prepared to stop, mid stroke even, if there's a hint of a problem...
My big one, whenever I keep eye contact with my lady, making sure I caress her a bit even though I am fucking someone else, and the like always helps...
BTW...This is the male, didn't see the female feedback request until I already typed it, not gonna waste my typing time..LOL
Ms. here , Your feedback is welcome.I would like to hear what you have to say.
There are lots of different ways for swinging to go. Find one that is comfortable for you. It is not unusual to spend a significant time period looking and not getting together with anyone. Finding the right couple for the first time is very important.
We often find it hard to pin down exactly why we love our partner. Swinging gives us the opportunity to compare techniques and improve ourselves as lovers.
Realize that people drop out of a date or the lifestyle for many reasons including you make them feel fat or skinny or too hairy. Most people, for some unknown reason, seem to feel inferior or superior in some way and let those little things interfere with getting together.
I am going to guess that your SO was not the first person you dated. It is going to most likely be that way here. In reality couples are dating other couples and that is harder than dating a single. There will be lots of firsts with no following action.
Not everyone is cut out for it or partakes of the lifestyle in exactly the same way. Successful couples learn to explore together and make swinging a team sport. Set rules and limits but be willing to rethink them.
Almost always threesomes are easier than foursomes to arrange or agree upon. Don
We often find it hard to pin down exactly why we love our partner. Swinging gives us the opportunity to compare techniques and improve ourselves as lovers.
Realize that people drop out of a date or the lifestyle for many reasons including you make them feel fat or skinny or too hairy. Most people, for some unknown reason, seem to feel inferior or superior in some way and let those little things interfere with getting together.
I am going to guess that your SO was not the first person you dated. It is going to most likely be that way here. In reality couples are dating other couples and that is harder than dating a single. There will be lots of firsts with no following action.
Not everyone is cut out for it or partakes of the lifestyle in exactly the same way. Successful couples learn to explore together and make swinging a team sport. Set rules and limits but be willing to rethink them.
Almost always threesomes are easier than foursomes to arrange or agree upon. Don
MAYBEMOR wrote:
so your wife wants to be free to play with men and women but you cant? who runs this planet?
"She who controls the Box, controls the Universe"
Just sayin
One thing that I think helped us considerably has been the agreement we both made to each other that this was an "equal" type thing, meaning basically that we both are doing the same thing..and typically, when we are with a new couple, it is usually happening at the same time, as we learn the other couples boundries.
Pretty hard to look over and get angry or jealous of your partner doing the same thing you are currently engaged in!
That said...we try never to engage in anything that EVERYONE isn't comfortable with starting. We generally start out simply by getting naked in the hot tub....and often it never progresses past that. And that honestly is just fine. We most often have no expectations past just getting to know each other in that intimate setting. We have found folks really do tend to open up a bit more with each other when you are all naked..LOL
Pretty hard to look over and get angry or jealous of your partner doing the same thing you are currently engaged in!
That said...we try never to engage in anything that EVERYONE isn't comfortable with starting. We generally start out simply by getting naked in the hot tub....and often it never progresses past that. And that honestly is just fine. We most often have no expectations past just getting to know each other in that intimate setting. We have found folks really do tend to open up a bit more with each other when you are all naked..LOL
first things first...take your pants off....nothing is gonna happen if you are still dressed!
OK formalities out of the way now lets talk business. Slow or fast, speed is of no consequence. The only thing that matters is the C word....no not THAT C word! COMFORT!!! Play to your level of comfort, period. I would suggest that fair play is a good idea, but it may not happen at the same time. Mrs CNK had sex first and she wanted it fair so when the time came for the Mr to have sex she just bit her lip and thought to herself "I did it so it is only fair and I am just going into it with an open mind just once, and if I don't like it, it will never happen for either of us again"
Well that was almost 8 years ago and she was the super jealous type and was sure she would throw up watching it she would be so upset, instead she was immensely turned on. So I would say just remember, what ever happens, you are there to have fun and that your spouse is doing something fun, they are not screwing someone just to hurt your feelings, so don't treat them like they are if it happens.
If you don't like it say "I don't like it" if you do like it or are even unsure say it nothing wrong with saying "I am not sure how I felt, but we can/cannot do that again"
OK formalities out of the way now lets talk business. Slow or fast, speed is of no consequence. The only thing that matters is the C word....no not THAT C word! COMFORT!!! Play to your level of comfort, period. I would suggest that fair play is a good idea, but it may not happen at the same time. Mrs CNK had sex first and she wanted it fair so when the time came for the Mr to have sex she just bit her lip and thought to herself "I did it so it is only fair and I am just going into it with an open mind just once, and if I don't like it, it will never happen for either of us again"
Well that was almost 8 years ago and she was the super jealous type and was sure she would throw up watching it she would be so upset, instead she was immensely turned on. So I would say just remember, what ever happens, you are there to have fun and that your spouse is doing something fun, they are not screwing someone just to hurt your feelings, so don't treat them like they are if it happens.
If you don't like it say "I don't like it" if you do like it or are even unsure say it nothing wrong with saying "I am not sure how I felt, but we can/cannot do that again"
The absolute, positive, single most erotic turn on (for me) of playing is watching GeekGirl with another guy.
And I am NEVER too busy to either look over, or actually GO over to her, and tell her I love her, and give her a kiss.
I played as a Single Male for a LOT of years before her and I met - so I can't begin to express what a treasure she is for me.
And I make sure and remind her of that OFTEN.
And I am NEVER too busy to either look over, or actually GO over to her, and tell her I love her, and give her a kiss.
I played as a Single Male for a LOT of years before her and I met - so I can't begin to express what a treasure she is for me.
And I make sure and remind her of that OFTEN.
CNKISS is right. I was the one in our relationship that was concerned about being so jealous I'd throw up. I did exactly as CNKISS advised and made my mind up that we'd do what felt right just once and if afterward there was huge concern we agreed to not do it again with no harm and no foul. As it turned out it took me a short amount of time to become comfortable. We talk about every experience we have, what was good, what wasn't, what we like, what we didn't, every time we play with another couple or single lady. For me, the after glow and after conversation are as hot as the play date. We get so horney for each other just reliving the event that we often have crazy sex with just the two of us afterward - but I digress. My point is simply that, having respect for your partners feelings, taking it one step at a time as you build your comfort level while experimenting, you have to give it a no harm no foul try with ample communication before and after.
Mr. Sexperimentors
Mr. Sexperimentors
Always communicate, and don't let anyone tell you what's right for you. This experience was made for you both to share, and however you two agree to enjoy is entirely your choice to make! Best of luck!
No one couple/single is the same. You may find that you don't like it and want out and your partner wants in. The only real way to find out, is to test the waters, just be sure you're both on the same page. As many have said, just take baby steps and find out what you both can and can't tolerate. No one should ever do what they don't want to do. If you're in love and you don't want to see your S.O. have sex with another person, you shouldn't give consent to them, regardless if they want to. Remember, they should be respecting what makes you happy as well. It takes two to make it work. It's selfish to choose your own desire for strange over the happiness of your S.O. The lifestyle isn't for everyone.
D
D
"women rule the world because they control the boob supply."
We've run into the situation where there are always a bunch of married or single guys that want to play but the elusive single female isn't anywhere to be found. So we've had a ton of MFM experiences and 3 FMF experiences in 3 yrs of playing. I don't mind the lopsided numbers. Its just the fact that you both are in this together is what really counts. Communication is always the top priority in your marriage and in this lifestyle.
It is not unusual to experience jealousy, but rather than hiding it deep until it becomes overly painful- talk it out. Nobody is a bad partner for having emotions. I often admit my boobie envy to the full figured women I prefer. It does not signify that I hate them, merely that I want to make time to properly adore something I don't have on my own.
Trust isn't a package deal that is bound up in your commitment to your partner - and yes, i have seen relationships end when a partners trust is betrayed. But by admitting a desire to pursue these curiosities to each other, you are being more honest than ever. Most couples don't start swinging to get as much sexxin as possible, they do it to explore their interests TOGETHER. Even if its solo play, they plan to discuss it later.
Trust isn't a package deal that is bound up in your commitment to your partner - and yes, i have seen relationships end when a partners trust is betrayed. But by admitting a desire to pursue these curiosities to each other, you are being more honest than ever. Most couples don't start swinging to get as much sexxin as possible, they do it to explore their interests TOGETHER. Even if its solo play, they plan to discuss it later.
if your not comfortable with your mate having a good time with someone else this life style isnt for you, its about sharing, and having fun together, its that simple for us.