We ben talking to this couple for a few days , text and email, but have not met.
Tonight we are supposed to meet for a playdate but I am not sure about this .
We only seen pictures of her, not him and what do we say when we get there and I am not "feeling the love" to play with the guy?
The lady is pretty heavy set and my husband is not really into heavy ladies but he said she is attractive and he is ok with it.
So , what are your suggestions?????????
Tonight we are supposed to meet for a playdate but I am not sure about this .
We only seen pictures of her, not him and what do we say when we get there and I am not "feeling the love" to play with the guy?
The lady is pretty heavy set and my husband is not really into heavy ladies but he said she is attractive and he is ok with it.
So , what are your suggestions?????????
No means no
Even if you meet you can always say thanks but no thanks. No always means No. It might be good to meet and at least go thru the date process, most couples do not play on a first date. Good luck!
Having been on both sides of that situation, I can tell you that it can be upsetting for everyone depending on how it's handled.
The I have a headache, or I'm not in the mood seems like a rude brushoff to me, and it has the additional detriment of possibly creating false expectations.
Be honest, but try not to be cruel. I like to think people in the LS are, by and large, more accepting people than the average Joe and hopefully if you're honest about it, they'll understand.
The I have a headache, or I'm not in the mood seems like a rude brushoff to me, and it has the additional detriment of possibly creating false expectations.
Be honest, but try not to be cruel. I like to think people in the LS are, by and large, more accepting people than the average Joe and hopefully if you're honest about it, they'll understand.
Most couples we know in the lifestyle don't play on their first date. The first date is usually just meeting over coffee or drinks, and/or sometimes dinner. It's not a big deal and it's very normal to tell the other couple that you don't play on a first date. Most couples do that, because until you meet, you have no idea if there will be any chemistry and any desire to play. It's very much like buying a car - before you commit to the deal, you at least want to see the car in person, take a test drive, etc. That'a basically what a first date is for - meeting the other people in person, talking to them, and finding out if you do "feel the love."
We state in our profile that we rarely play on the first date.We also choose to have the first meeting a little more informal like a bar or coffee shop.That way If you are not interested you don't have to suffer through a long dinner.If a couple doesn't post pics of both then there is probably a reason why.We never meet a couple unless we have seen pics of both.Even then there is no guarantee that you will be attracted to them.People post old pics all the time.Just our .2 cents worth...lol
PARTNERZNCRIME wrote:
We state in our profile that we rarely play on the first date.We also choose to have the first meeting a little more informal like a bar or coffee shop.That way If you are not interested you don't have to suffer through a long dinner.If a couple doesn't post pics of both then there is probably a reason why.We never meet a couple unless we have seen pics of both.Even then there is no guarantee that you will be attracted to them.People post old pics all the time.Just our .2 cents worth...lol
I concur ! My suggestion is to go into meeting of others is this, have NO EXPECTATIONS, outside of a meet and greet over drinks.
Most people in the LS are pretty easy going. A simple we had a good time and enjoyed your company but we don't feel the chemistry to take it any further. If we are on the fence and want to discuss it further we tell them we had a good time and we can try to make plans another night. Gives us and them time to talk about everything.
As for people not playing on the first date we have found that most of them do if the chemistry is right but we always go with no expectations.
As for people not playing on the first date we have found that most of them do if the chemistry is right but we always go with no expectations.
@NEWBIES123...you may have already had some pretty sexy texts and emails between you, and you're kinda feeling like you're committed to play now that it's "showtime". It happens. The flirty "sexting" and emails can be so much fun and exciting! Trust me on this one! LOL. But NEVER feel obligated to anyone but each other! It's not worth a bad experience together or a regret. It can cause resentment later and that's not what this is all about. Politely send a message to the couple and explain AHEAD of time that you two have talked, you're nervous about the meeting, and you just wanna enjoy each other's company and THEN see if the sparks fly. Hopefully that way, they won't come in so "expecting" and go home hurt. We sure as hell never wanna hurt or offend anyone, and this is all EXACTLY why we have only played 3 times in 3 years. Be picky, but be honest. No "fakes, flakes, or mistakes"!!! Good luck!
~ROCK~
~ROCK~
I say just be honest and say that the chemistry isn't there for everyone, and that you think it best to pass on the playtime. If they get offended, then you end the evening altogether...
Swinging is a women's game...if she isn't into it's not going to happen..no matter how bad the guy wants it...lol
Swinging is a women's game...if she isn't into it's not going to happen..no matter how bad the guy wants it...lol
STICKYANDSWEET wrote:
Most people in the LS are pretty easy going. A simple we had a good time and enjoyed your company but we don't feel the chemistry to take it any further. If we are on the fence and want to discuss it further we tell them we had a good time and we can try to make plans another night. Gives us and them time to talk about everything. As for people not playing on the first date we have found that most of them do if the chemistry is right but we always go with no expectations.
We agree...we have found LOTS of people who play on the first date...but the chemistry must be right. and I love the idea of a nice message like you said...we had a great time, but the feeling just isn't there for us to play...over all, set yourself up for success - if you're not sure about the couple, meet somewhere neutral, plan NOT to play on the first date, then discuss things with your other half before talking to the couple about what's in store for next time.
One of the first things anyone and everyone in the Lifestyle needs to know and remember is this:
At ANY point, and for ANY reason (or even WITHOUT reason), the mission can be aborted!!!
If your comfort meter is registering lower than your preset/predetermined criteria, END IT!!!
Even if it happens BEFORE it actually starts - YOU are the one holding the ON/OFF switch.
Using it is YOUR call.
Of course it's always nice to do so in a mannerly fashion, but if circumstances dictate otherwise - so be it.
At ANY point, and for ANY reason (or even WITHOUT reason), the mission can be aborted!!!
If your comfort meter is registering lower than your preset/predetermined criteria, END IT!!!
Even if it happens BEFORE it actually starts - YOU are the one holding the ON/OFF switch.
Using it is YOUR call.
Of course it's always nice to do so in a mannerly fashion, but if circumstances dictate otherwise - so be it.
No one should ever meet new couples with expectations of play. Meet see if there is attraction and go from there...
Here is our suggestion. Go ahead and meet, but with no expectations. Let the other couple know that alao. In the future its a good bet you will run into them again. No sense in there being any hard feelings.
In our case, we met peoole that at the time we did not want to play, but as we got to know them over time, things have changed. The better we got to know them, the more attracted we have gotten to them.
So our suggestion is to not close the soor, but to stay friendly. You never know what the future holds.
Lee n Deb
In our case, we met peoole that at the time we did not want to play, but as we got to know them over time, things have changed. The better we got to know them, the more attracted we have gotten to them.
So our suggestion is to not close the soor, but to stay friendly. You never know what the future holds.
Lee n Deb
Skype works wonders. If you're unsure about a couple, tell them you like to Skype, couple to couple, to see if everyone's on-board with the idea of the whole "connecting genitalia" thing.
We also agree with Don we wont meet anyone if we havent seen both parts of the couple on can and visa versa. While personality can still be a trump card, at least we know if there is physical attraction
Meet if you want to, but I'd recommend checking each other out on cam first as a policy. IE, both couples get to see each other on cam before you decide if to meet. It might not be 100% accurate, but it's a lot harder to fake than a set of pics. Yes, skyping or just do it on swingular in the chat room.
No means no.....Dont let her make you do that!!! lol Boys get raped to you know!!! lol
Rolling in my dirty head.....I got a strap on lol
Rolling in my dirty head.....I got a strap on lol
Haha I was teasing I speed read....Forgive me for I have sinned....I missed what your question was about was trying to tease jeffy pooh!!!
So meeting people does not mean you have to sleep with them. Do any of us want to make that mistake....Thats like if you talk to someone you should do it...Just be nice and see where it goes. Though someone is not your type by seeing a picture. Does not mean when you meet them they may surprise you with their sexy charm. You will know if you click....just relax things will happen the way they should. Never rush sexy that would be like making a masterpeice of art into water color.
Go get your groove on all will be just fine!!!
hotfire, I think I see the light!!!
FYI Im tipsy hehehe
So meeting people does not mean you have to sleep with them. Do any of us want to make that mistake....Thats like if you talk to someone you should do it...Just be nice and see where it goes. Though someone is not your type by seeing a picture. Does not mean when you meet them they may surprise you with their sexy charm. You will know if you click....just relax things will happen the way they should. Never rush sexy that would be like making a masterpeice of art into water color.
Go get your groove on all will be just fine!!!
hotfire, I think I see the light!!!
FYI Im tipsy hehehe
We had a simular experiance. The woman wss very Heavy set but we thought what the hell we had drove 70 miles and it might be fun. Well for all their bustering about not taking one for the team seems my man ended up being the one who took it for our team. From now on its meet for drinks and talk about it before we commit to any kind of play. Oh and we have always been the type of couple who will play on the first day, just have gotten a lot more picky...