We must confess that we are confused about where the line is between 'expressing interest' and 'being pushy' while at lifestyle events. We have always tried to be an upfront with couples when showing interest in others, including expressing interest in getting better acquainted. Are we the only couple that has problems deciding what's appropriate and what's over the line? Are we being overly sensitive in thinking that no touching at all is preferable to unwelcome touching? How can we tell whether touching would be welcome or not without trying? Or are we over-thinking the whole thing??
Where's the line between expressing interest and being aggressive?
Where's the line between expressing interest and being aggressive?
Usually it's as simple as not really taking "no" for an answer. In other words if someone says "no thanks" or "not right now" or something along those lines an overly agressive person will keep trying. Now a REALLY agressive person will add getting into someone's personal space and/or outright touching or even groping to "persuade" someone. Confidence is sexy. Arrogance or an overbearing agressive attitude is where a person starts becoming a total douche canoe. That's our take on it anyway.
So, what your saying is, if we are at a party, and we meet a new couple, and the wife starts sucking on my cock, but after 2 minutes, stops and says
EVILDOERS wrote:
Usually it's as simple as not really taking "no" for an answer. In other words if someone says "no thanks" or "not right now" or something along those lines an overly agressive person will keep trying. Now a REALLY agressive person will add getting into someone's personal space and/or outright touching or even groping to "persuade" someone. Confidence is sexy. Arrogance or an overbearing agressive attitude is where a person starts becoming a total douche canoe. That's our take on it anyway.
I agree with your statement completely.........Sexy is confident......while pushy is in your face at all time.....Take your time......Cause no one likes a Ka Douche....hehehe
For the most part just relax and let nature take its course. If you not sure if its okay then just patiently wait and the time might happen. If you push it then they will not come and it really turns people off even if they are smiling at you because being nice is just polite!!!
People always get weird when I just strip and lay on their bed. I'm just "putting it out there", you know subtle-like. No I didn't realize I went in to the kids room, great star wars blanket though! 
For reals though, I (mr) am always worried about being perceived as pushy. The last thing I want is to make someone uncomfortable like that. I'll drop hints here and there, and maybe some light touching, then gauge whether she's comfortable or planning her escape. I've seen some crazy escapes though, I wonder if it's me?...
For reals though, I (mr) am always worried about being perceived as pushy. The last thing I want is to make someone uncomfortable like that. I'll drop hints here and there, and maybe some light touching, then gauge whether she's comfortable or planning her escape. I've seen some crazy escapes though, I wonder if it's me?...
SPEXDEX wrote:
People always get weird when I just strip and lay on their bed. I'm just "putting it out there", you know subtle-like. No I didn't realize I went in to the kids room, great star wars blanket though!
For reals though, I (mr) am always worried about being perceived as pushy. The last thing I want is to make someone uncomfortable like that. I'll drop hints here and there, and maybe some light touching, then gauge whether she's comfortable or planning her escape. I've seen some crazy escapes though, I wonder if it's me?...
People might not be looking for an escape if you hadn't put, R2D2 on your dick. I'm just saying.....
SPEXDEX wrote:
People always get weird when I just strip and lay on their bed. I'm just "putting it out there", you know subtle-like. No I didn't realize I went in to the kids room, great star wars blanket though!
For reals though, I (mr) am always worried about being perceived as pushy. The last thing I want is to make someone uncomfortable like that. I'll drop hints here and there, and maybe some light touching, then gauge whether she's comfortable or planning her escape. I've seen some crazy escapes though, I wonder if it's me?...
Ohhhh boy I sat Butt nakkid in a hot tub with you and you stayed on your side and I on mine. lol You are a perfectly fine the way you are. I dont think you are pushy just who you are.....just chilling like the rest of us!!!
I always wonder about this topic too. I pretty much don't go where I'm not invited, but I wonder how much I missed out on by being too passive. Mrs. Sexperimentors gets a little more engaged than I do, but I think women can do that and not get ostracize where men have to be a lot more cautious. Ladies should not be afraid to show interest in a man if they are interested. Chances are he's interested too, but doesn't want to appear too pushy.
Mr. Sexperimentors
Mr. Sexperimentors
We met a few couples, had a nice time meeting them, became friends and are still friends today. Although, we met this one couple and had a video chat. The male half seemed really nice, not pushy but his wife began pushing me beyond my comfort level.My husband and I told her that she was making me uncomfortable, she backed off. She tried again during a couple more video chats but we repeatedly told her to backoff, politely of course. We met with them in person and the husband was nice, not pushy at all. The woman got pushy and kept going. We were polite about things as we were in public. Needless to say, we never saw them again after that. Sometimes, saying no or telling them you're uncomfortable isn't enough and maybe you should get up and just leave. I wish we did.....Sincerely, the wife of Margin2011
Lmao. sounds like someone we know.
SEXPERIMENTORS wrote:
I always wonder about this topic too. I pretty much don't go where I'm not invited, but I wonder how much I missed out on by being too passive. Mrs. Sexperimentors gets a little more engaged than I do, but I think women can do that and not get ostracize where men have to be a lot more cautious. Ladies should not be afraid to show interest in a man if they are interested. Chances are he's interested too, but doesn't want to appear too pushy.
Mr. Sexperimentors
I agree 100% with you Mr. Sexperimentors i am not willing to be know as one of them pushy guys that are out there so if i dont get much response from the female i just leave it alone. It would be nice to see the females show more interest.
I've been thinking of this topic a lot since it first came out. I appreciate all of the comments made. EVILDOERS said, "Confidence is sexy", and I agree. I see a coupe of things here worthy of comment. First, in this game, women are totally in control. Sex is probably the strongest power position they have. All men want it, women control it. When they say no, or not interested, it's the end of the line for a man. HOW they say it is different. And how a man receives the rejection is different. Anybody who knows me social or professionally would never characterize me as shy. I'm outspoken and engaged most of the time. Because I've been rejected less than politely for advances in the swingers scene before, and after a lot of retrospection didn't deserve the rudeness of the rebukes, I'm a little more reserved, maybe even gun shy.
The fact is, in this lifestyle, no matter how good you are, sooner or later you're going to get rejected. The person doing the rejecting may have had a bad day and be less than polite, but it also could be that you're not handling rejection well.
Recently at a meet and greet I made an advance that seemed more than just welcomed, almost asked for, but was politely refused. I misread the signals, obviously. That happens to all of us at some time or another. The lady was polite in her refusal, and I think that's the key. I think at some time or another we all will give signals that welcome an advance, but do so in error. When an advance comes that we don't want we can reject it, but doing so politely is key. It's simple common courtesy. If the person making the advance persist, then something stronger may be necessary. Again, common courtesy would be to desist when told to do so.
It's all about treating people with respect. We're in this lifestyle to be sexually connected with others. Advances are generally, but not always, welcome and expected. We need to be polite and respectful in both our advances and rejections, whichever side we're on.
Mr. Sexperimentors
The fact is, in this lifestyle, no matter how good you are, sooner or later you're going to get rejected. The person doing the rejecting may have had a bad day and be less than polite, but it also could be that you're not handling rejection well.
Recently at a meet and greet I made an advance that seemed more than just welcomed, almost asked for, but was politely refused. I misread the signals, obviously. That happens to all of us at some time or another. The lady was polite in her refusal, and I think that's the key. I think at some time or another we all will give signals that welcome an advance, but do so in error. When an advance comes that we don't want we can reject it, but doing so politely is key. It's simple common courtesy. If the person making the advance persist, then something stronger may be necessary. Again, common courtesy would be to desist when told to do so.
It's all about treating people with respect. We're in this lifestyle to be sexually connected with others. Advances are generally, but not always, welcome and expected. We need to be polite and respectful in both our advances and rejections, whichever side we're on.
Mr. Sexperimentors
MARGIN2011 wrote:
I have a question though......just recently, we met a single guy. He kept insisting we meet and just get into it. What do you do when a single guy gets really pushy, insisting on coming to your place when you can't host because you have a little one at home or you can't get a sitter? What do you do when he doesn't take NO for an answer or what do you do when you need time to make arrangements and he's not accepting of it?
EASY, ...NEXT!!
You shouldn't touch anyone without first seeing if it's ok. You don't just put your fuckin hands on someone to see if the reaction is favorable or you take some palm to your teeth in a rapid horizontal motion. That's a given. Never take liberty, like that, in a lifestyle that's all about respect, trust, mutual consent etc. Touching someone you don't know or have history with is ill-advised.
SEXPERIMENTORS wrote:
I always wonder about this topic too. I pretty much don't go where I'm not invited, but I wonder how much I missed out on by being too passive. Mrs. Sexperimentors gets a little more engaged than I do, but I think women can do that and not get ostracize where men have to be a lot more cautious. Ladies should not be afraid to show interest in a man if they are interested. Chances are he's interested too, but doesn't want to appear too pushy. Mr. Sexperimentors
Pretty much the way it is.
Men desire Women. Women don't desire men. Women desire the desire of Men. Men, its your job to show your desire (there are better ways of doing this than what most have learned, or not learned as may be the case, but that's another topic altogether. Pushy is definitely not the way to go about it.). If the woman responds then chemistry begins to develop. Now getting that to occur between two couple is not always easy. Men, if the woman is not responding to your expressed desire, move on (i.e. she is not looking at you while you speak to her, she moves away from you, turns her back to you, leaves your proximity all together). You will not have chemistry with everyone. (There are also overbearing women who turn men off just as easily.) Women hate being the instigator by overtly showing interest. It goes against all that is feminine. They will give hints, but resent when they have to throw themselves at you to get your attention.
@ SEXPERIMENTORS...
Perfect!! It's rare to find a man or couple that has character to see "outside the box". And we all know the "box" is good "juju". Confidence is sexy, but arrogant confidence is a HUGE turn-off, male OR female.
Make me want you...allow me to make you want ME!!! The sexual tension and respect of one another is mind-blowing!!! Then comes the fruit, but only when it's ripe and picked delicately with respect. There's a time to gently squeeze the produce, and there's a time to throw that shit down and make jam! And you don't have to have a food-handler's license, but you DO have to have a "learner's permit". Be perceptive. Capish???
~ROCK~
Perfect!! It's rare to find a man or couple that has character to see "outside the box". And we all know the "box" is good "juju". Confidence is sexy, but arrogant confidence is a HUGE turn-off, male OR female.
Make me want you...allow me to make you want ME!!! The sexual tension and respect of one another is mind-blowing!!! Then comes the fruit, but only when it's ripe and picked delicately with respect. There's a time to gently squeeze the produce, and there's a time to throw that shit down and make jam! And you don't have to have a food-handler's license, but you DO have to have a "learner's permit". Be perceptive. Capish???
~ROCK~
We all know that you like getting the cuffs before you get in the car.
If you really want to make her hot though, cuff her and put her in the back... Lol
If you really want to make her hot though, cuff her and put her in the back... Lol
I think this is an area where we all struggle, both men and women. Not sure there is a "one answer fits all" for this one, as so many of us like to be approached differently. The spectrum seems to run from "don't approach me at all..I'll let you know" to the end I'm on...."Do what you want with me, I'm just waiting for you".
I very seldom approach anyone very suggestively, for fear of offending them. Thank goodness for the girls who have recognized that and molested me! WhooHooo!
Tif, on the other hand, tends to lean a bit more toward the "what the hell"..and goes for it! Guess that's why we get along so well! LOL
I very seldom approach anyone very suggestively, for fear of offending them. Thank goodness for the girls who have recognized that and molested me! WhooHooo!
Tif, on the other hand, tends to lean a bit more toward the "what the hell"..and goes for it! Guess that's why we get along so well! LOL
There are an untold number of ways to say "NO" wihout actually saying it.
If someone doesn't pick up on the fact that you're not showing any interest - move on.
That's an obvious (or should be) indication that it's just not gonna happen.
But we've all been there - people who are just too dense, or too ignorant to pick up on the "NOT INTERESTED" signs.
NO MEANS NO.
And the obvious (or should be) lack of a "yes", a "maybe", a "we'll see", a "maybe later" or "I/we will let you know" - is - 99% of the time - a NO!!!
Any further attempt/action/solicitation/prodding beyond that point is "PUSHY".
Our rule of thumb is - when it gets to "PUSHY" - WE are no longer bound by the rules of ettiquite to be nice.
It's here that a well planned, and well placed FUCK OFF may be appropriate.
If someone doesn't pick up on the fact that you're not showing any interest - move on.
That's an obvious (or should be) indication that it's just not gonna happen.
But we've all been there - people who are just too dense, or too ignorant to pick up on the "NOT INTERESTED" signs.
NO MEANS NO.
And the obvious (or should be) lack of a "yes", a "maybe", a "we'll see", a "maybe later" or "I/we will let you know" - is - 99% of the time - a NO!!!
Any further attempt/action/solicitation/prodding beyond that point is "PUSHY".
Our rule of thumb is - when it gets to "PUSHY" - WE are no longer bound by the rules of ettiquite to be nice.
It's here that a well planned, and well placed FUCK OFF may be appropriate.
LETSGONUTS wrote:
Men desire Women. Women don't desire men. Women desire the desire of Men. Men, its your job to show your desire (there are better ways of doing this than what most have learned, or not learned as may be the case, but that's another topic altogether. Pushy is definitely not the way to go about it.). If the woman responds then chemistry begins to develop. Now getting that to occur between two couple is not always easy. Men, if the woman is not responding to your expressed desire, move on (i.e. she is not looking at you while you speak to her, she moves away from you, turns her back to you, leaves your proximity all together). You will not have chemistry with everyone. (There are also overbearing women who turn men off just as easily.) Women hate being the instigator by overtly showing interest. It goes against all that is feminine. They will give hints, but resent when they have to throw themselves at you to get your attention.
You took the words out of my mouth.
If I am looking at you, holding a involved conversation with you, flirting or touch you in a flirty way then guess what I'm interested. For me personally this is a relatively short window; I am not the pursuer in my opinion. On the flip side of this as LetsGoNuts stated if I move away from you, turn me back to you or disappear then I'm not.
I am polite to everyone, but chemistry with a select few who can pick up where I leave off, and know the difference in polite and interested.
YING-YANG wrote:MARGIN2011 wrote:You tell them to go f#$% themselves, because they aren't going to get to do it with you.
I have a question though......just recently, we met a single guy. He kept insisting we meet and just get into it. What do you do when a single guy gets really pushy, insisting on coming to your place when you can't host because you have a little one at home or you can't get a sitter? What do you do when he doesn't take NO for an answer or what do you do when you need time to make arrangements and he's not accepting of it?
We 2nd this!
YING-YANG wrote:MARGIN2011 wrote:You tell them to go f#$% themselves, because they aren't going to get to do it with you.
I have a question though......just recently, we met a single guy. He kept insisting we meet and just get into it. What do you do when a single guy gets really pushy, insisting on coming to your place when you can't host because you have a little one at home or you can't get a sitter? What do you do when he doesn't take NO for an answer or what do you do when you need time to make arrangements and he's not accepting of it?
We 2nd this!
All I can say as being an "ASS MAN" and meeting someone like LGSBCS I would be in big trouble if not being able to at lease touch that "BEAUTIFUL ASS"
LETSGONUTS wrote:
Men desire Women. Women don't desire men. Women desire the desire of Men. Men, its your job to show your desire (there are better ways of doing this than what most have learned, or not learned as may be the case, but that's another topic altogether. Pushy is definitely not the way to go about it.). If the woman responds then chemistry begins to develop. Now getting that to occur between two couple is not always easy. Men, if the woman is not responding to your expressed desire, move on (i.e. she is not looking at you while you speak to her, she moves away from you, turns her back to you, leaves your proximity all together). You will not have chemistry with everyone. (There are also overbearing women who turn men off just as easily.) Women hate being the instigator by overtly showing interest. It goes against all that is feminine. They will give hints, but resent when they have to throw themselves at you to get your attention.
I, Mrs. ACC totally agree. I don't envy the position it seems the men are in. Flirt/ don't flirt... too pushy/ not pushy enough. Out of the lifestyle I was use to being the one that was getting chased. I must say the being in it had made me much more independent in ways of going after what I want. However, I don't do it very often. I do need to work on that myself... it just doesn't come naturally to me.