When does a good time turn to something more? We have seen friends marriages fall apart, as one would leave for another person in the lifestyle. So I ask you where do you draw the line? Should the one who starts too have feelings for another stop it then, or should it be the spouse who tries to stop it. We have seen both these things happen. So where is the line? Give us some feed back.
Good topic, hard one though not sure if there is an answer. Keeping personal feelings for others out of swinging is a must.
If you have problems in your marriage, swinging is not going to fix them. I think the excitment of swinging will, perhaps, camoflage them for a short time. But in the long run if there are problems the level of trust that is required to swing -- just will not be there.
But I wonder how our statistics compare to the general public? Are swinging couples getting divorced at a higher or lower rate? Comparing our swinging friends with our vanilla friends, the swingers seem far more happy with and into their mate.
The scenarios and issues raised by this question, happen in and out of swinging.
Remember the joke -- "my wife ran off with my best friend, and boy I am going to miss him". That is a vanilla life joke.
We all need to take care to respect the intimate relationship between other swinging couples. We should all expect others to respect our relationship with our spouse. But in the end, if you trust each other enough to swing successfully, then I think the other issues of life will prove to be fairly easy to handle together.
But I wonder how our statistics compare to the general public? Are swinging couples getting divorced at a higher or lower rate? Comparing our swinging friends with our vanilla friends, the swingers seem far more happy with and into their mate.
The scenarios and issues raised by this question, happen in and out of swinging.
Remember the joke -- "my wife ran off with my best friend, and boy I am going to miss him". That is a vanilla life joke.
We all need to take care to respect the intimate relationship between other swinging couples. We should all expect others to respect our relationship with our spouse. But in the end, if you trust each other enough to swing successfully, then I think the other issues of life will prove to be fairly easy to handle together.
I think that the question poses a number of possibilities... If only one person is starting to feel something beyond sexual attraction then that person should step back and examine why they are feeling this way. If it is only one way then the person who is having the feelings needs to take stock of the reality of the situation and realize the potential problems involved. If the situation is mutual and noone else realizes it then the two involved need to discuss it... and they both have to weigh the situation. Why is this happening and are the possible ramifications worth the risks involved... If it is possible talk about it with everyone concerned and make a determination as to what needs to be done. I've actually heard about a situation where a couple split over a swinging situation and the lady from the one couple went with the guy from the other couple and the gal from the other couple went with the husband of the woman that went with her husband.. A real twist on the concept of swapping....
Being poly may put a totally different slant on how I look at this problem... since I am involved with a married woman. My wife and her husband are not poly... The other couple are not swingers and we are very good friend as couples... and everyone knows about she and I. It's very difficult to explain to anyone how this works but it does and it can..... So I have a unique perspective on love and swinging... or just married people and love between non married people in married situations.
I would generally say, however, that swingers should not get into love situations unless you and your mate and the other couple can handle this situation.. If a love relationship starts to happen run don't walk to the nearest exit and don't turn around.
Just possibilities .. There are quite a few poly people involved iin swinging...including some of the older people entering into swinging... They are looking to expand their sexual and love relationships as well. THere are also younger people in the lifestyle who are poly.. The subject has come up a surprising number of times of various swinger sites...
So if you're not poly and start to feel love for someone other than you mate... Assess you first as to why... but regardless, if you love your mate....get away fromo that particular situation...
Ray
Being poly may put a totally different slant on how I look at this problem... since I am involved with a married woman. My wife and her husband are not poly... The other couple are not swingers and we are very good friend as couples... and everyone knows about she and I. It's very difficult to explain to anyone how this works but it does and it can..... So I have a unique perspective on love and swinging... or just married people and love between non married people in married situations.
I would generally say, however, that swingers should not get into love situations unless you and your mate and the other couple can handle this situation.. If a love relationship starts to happen run don't walk to the nearest exit and don't turn around.
Just possibilities .. There are quite a few poly people involved iin swinging...including some of the older people entering into swinging... They are looking to expand their sexual and love relationships as well. THere are also younger people in the lifestyle who are poly.. The subject has come up a surprising number of times of various swinger sites...
So if you're not poly and start to feel love for someone other than you mate... Assess you first as to why... but regardless, if you love your mate....get away fromo that particular situation...
Ray
FITZNBELINDA
Actually, swinging will very quickly bring out and magnify flaws in a relationship, even in good relationships. The difference is that a good relationship/marriage will use this info to increase the trust and communications and make that relationship stronger.
You asked about swingers as compared to the general public... The divorce rate in the general public is between 66 and 77% depending on which figures you are looking at.. THis is both for 1st and 2nd marriages. Approx 70% of all married people, both male and females, in the general public, now will admit to extramarital affairs. Since extramarital sex is the essence of swinging that is not an issue but marriages in the swinging community are stable approximately 85% of the time or only 15% of swingers marriages fail... as compared with 75% failure in the general public... In other words non swingers are 340% more likely to get divorced than swigners... or 3.4 times as likely.
Respect is one thing but sometimes Stuff just happens. We don't ask for it we are not open for it but still it still happens.... My love for others has no effect on my wife and my relationship.. She understand who I will be going home with and that I don't wish to cause others grief.. If people are honest with themselves as well as others and you respect people enough to understand what's going on and care about their feelings you just walk away before any damage is done...
Actually, swinging will very quickly bring out and magnify flaws in a relationship, even in good relationships. The difference is that a good relationship/marriage will use this info to increase the trust and communications and make that relationship stronger.
You asked about swingers as compared to the general public... The divorce rate in the general public is between 66 and 77% depending on which figures you are looking at.. THis is both for 1st and 2nd marriages. Approx 70% of all married people, both male and females, in the general public, now will admit to extramarital affairs. Since extramarital sex is the essence of swinging that is not an issue but marriages in the swinging community are stable approximately 85% of the time or only 15% of swingers marriages fail... as compared with 75% failure in the general public... In other words non swingers are 340% more likely to get divorced than swigners... or 3.4 times as likely.
Respect is one thing but sometimes Stuff just happens. We don't ask for it we are not open for it but still it still happens.... My love for others has no effect on my wife and my relationship.. She understand who I will be going home with and that I don't wish to cause others grief.. If people are honest with themselves as well as others and you respect people enough to understand what's going on and care about their feelings you just walk away before any damage is done...
To answer the original post, I think the one who is beginning to feel an emotional attachment has to be the one to at the very least slow it down if not end it. The object of your longings may not be aware and you can't expect another to save your marriage. Now if you are in a poly relationship I believe you then have to take it up with the other members of your "family". As the third in a threesome situation, I might be watchful of potential problems. That, for me any way, is rarely a problem.