My husband and I have been together since jr high school and despite the sex with each other being great.. we both like to play with others in each others company. However how do you sensibly meet another couples to play with that has all that you are looking for: attractive,emotionally mature, fun loving and not too cynical as well as D&D free and without any relationship drama.We know what a tall order!!!!!!!!!!!!! We have a hard time finding couples but have but have came very close many times and have played against our better judgement, ... is are our criteria too high?? What do you think?
Honestly....if our experience is typical...until you get past the "gotta have a perfect hour glass figure, or a great looking six pack, etc"...and learn to see the real beauty in a persons charactor, it will always be tough to find playmates. Not saying to settle for less than your standards... nope... just saying it mat be time to take another look at them...and decide for yourself how important each of those particulair qualifications really are, and are they worth excluding some very good potential playmates and friends.
Just my opinion..of course...some think that's not worth much..lol
Just my opinion..of course...some think that's not worth much..lol
TIFFND wrote:
Honestly....if our experience is typical...once you get past the "gotta have a perfect hour glass figure, or a great looking six pack, etc"...and learn to see the real beauty in a persons charactor, it will always be tough to find playmates. Not saying to settle for less than your standards... nope... just saying it mat be time to take another look at them...and decide for yourself how important each of those particulair qualifications really are, and are they worth excluding some very good potential playmates and friends. Just my opinion..of course...some think that's not worth much..lol
Oh you got it exactly right Tiff! We just kind of fit together, nice and sweet!
Only you can judge your own criteria. Clearly the tighter the criteria the harder it is to find couples that match. You will find that there are a lot more people you call friends than be buddies. At least that is how I see it.
TIFFND wrote:
Honestly....if our experience is typical...once you get past the "gotta have a perfect hour glass figure, or a great looking six pack, etc"...and learn to see the real beauty in a persons charactor, it will always be tough to find playmates. Not saying to settle for less than your standards... nope... just saying it mat be time to take another look at them...and decide for yourself how important each of those particulair qualifications really are, and are they worth excluding some very good potential playmates and friends.
Just my opinion..of course...some think that's not worth much..lol
Very well said!
On the other hand, if either or both of you are unwilling to compromise on your listed expectations, perhaps swinging is just not for you. Think very deeply about what TIFFND is saying: unless you can get past your need for perfection, it will always be tough to find playmates. Are you able to open up to other people? Or not?
Seems like we are in the same boat. The last few months, we've been chatting with some seemingly nice couples, and a few single females. The conversations seem quite friendly and promising, and then slowly come to an end. Are we taking too long? Too much talk and no action? We aren't the type of people to just say "hey we would like to get together Friday night and get naked", because I feel like it's way too forward and pushy, and if it's a couple, we wanna take extra time to get to know them first because the attraction has to work 4 ways. The wife is already more interested in the girls as it is, so we are extra cautious and curious, only to prevent leading anyone on if she isn't interested in the male half. But I feel like we're missing the boat. We have only played with a couple a couple times ever. It's been about a year since we've done ANYTHING. We thought we were very friendly, and maybe kinda cute, but our phone sure isn't ringing off the hook. However, we are mostly interested in a couple or female that doesn't play very much or have very many playmates. Is that asking too much? Do we lower our standards so to speak? We would love any criticism good or bad, because our lifestyle seems to be a lonely one. Many of you know us, and maybe can see things we can't. What's up with these two lonely trolls???
PEBBLEROCK wrote:
Seems like we are in the same boat. The last few months, we've been chatting with some seemingly nice couples, and a few single females. The conversations seem quite friendly and promising, and then slowly come to an end. Are we taking too long? Too much talk and no action? We aren't the type of people to just say "hey we would like to get together Friday night and get naked", because I feel like it's way too forward and pushy, and if it's a couple, we wanna take extra time to get to know them first because the attraction has to work 4 ways. The wife is already more interested in the girls as it is, so we are extra cautious and curious, only to prevent leading anyone on if she isn't interested in the male half. But I feel like we're missing the boat. We have only played with a couple a couple times ever. It's been about a year since we've done ANYTHING. We thought we were very friendly, and maybe kinda cute, but our phone sure isn't ringing off the hook. However, we are mostly interested in a couple or female that doesn't play very much or have very many playmates. Is that asking too much? Do we lower our standards so to speak? We would love any criticism good or bad, because our lifestyle seems to be a lonely one. Many of you know us, and maybe can see things we can't. What's up with these two lonely trolls???
Well just from a math point of view. If you don't play very much and are looking for another female/couple that doesn't play very much, then the odds for both of you agreeing to play are taking a huge nose dive.
My (he) experience has been that, initially, people set the bar too high for what they're looking for and what they'll accept.
As time goes on, they usually relax some of their parameters.
It's NOT lowering your standards if you decide to accept folks 5 - 10 years older or younger than you initially had in mind.
Same goes for 10 - 15 pounds either way.
Too many people enter the Lifestyle thinking it's a dating service where you can build your "dream date" and that person or persons will suddenly appear.
NOT so.
Lighten up on your criteria a bit - you'd be surprised how much fun is waiting for you, just on the other side of your fine line.
As time goes on, they usually relax some of their parameters.
It's NOT lowering your standards if you decide to accept folks 5 - 10 years older or younger than you initially had in mind.
Same goes for 10 - 15 pounds either way.
Too many people enter the Lifestyle thinking it's a dating service where you can build your "dream date" and that person or persons will suddenly appear.
NOT so.
Lighten up on your criteria a bit - you'd be surprised how much fun is waiting for you, just on the other side of your fine line.
If anything we are becoming MORE picky as time goes on. We attribute that to the fact that we've been doing this for a long time and have more or less fulfilled most of our fantasies and more or less satisfied our curiousity about fucking other people. Now, for us, it's all about the connection. We love meeting people and getting to know them but the sex part is just icing on the cake and not our raison de'etre. We never get upset or feel cheated if we don't end up playing with someone. We know from experience that the best sex is with each other (why wouldn't it be since we know so well what we both like and don't like) so if we don't fuck someone and just have a fun time then end up banging each other later it's still totally a win/win for us. :-)
Awww
Don't think you are trolls at all...lol And honestly, think you guys are about the same as most..I'm guessing. We have made the best of the situation by making lot's of friends.
That came about by attending parties...and m&g's...and trying to be as sociable as we can. We have lot's of friends we enjoy hanging with...many we don't play with and most likely never will.
We have been fortunate to find a few couples who feel real comfortable together, so, admittingly, we usually get to play with them, as often as time allows. But new playmates...are always a challenge. Like you, we prefer to get to know partners a bit, and feel like friends before playing. Sometimes we can arrive at that place of feeling like friends fairly soon....others times..we never do. We have learned to never really push....what happens..happens..it's all good!At the very least...hopefully, we've made new friends. Honestly, as EvilDoers said above, the sex for us is not the main objective anymore...it is just a wonderful "extra" if it works out.
I know it's a ways for you guys to come..but come to one of our parties sometime, and hangout! Bet you make new friends! BTW..there is a brbq coming up in Aug!
PEBBLEROCK wrote:
Seems like we are in the same boat. The last few months, we've been chatting with some seemingly nice couples, and a few single females. The conversations seem quite friendly and promising, and then slowly come to an end. Are we taking too long? Too much talk and no action? We aren't the type of people to just say "hey we would like to get together Friday night and get naked", because I feel like it's way too forward and pushy, and if it's a couple, we wanna take extra time to get to know them first because the attraction has to work 4 ways. The wife is already more interested in the girls as it is, so we are extra cautious and curious, only to prevent leading anyone on if she isn't interested in the male half. But I feel like we're missing the boat. We have only played with a couple a couple times ever. It's been about a year since we've done ANYTHING. We thought we were very friendly, and maybe kinda cute, but our phone sure isn't ringing off the hook. However, we are mostly interested in a couple or female that doesn't play very much or have very many playmates. Is that asking too much? Do we lower our standards so to speak? We would love any criticism good or bad, because our lifestyle seems to be a lonely one. Many of you know us, and maybe can see things we can't. What's up with these two lonely trolls???
Don't think you are trolls at all...lol And honestly, think you guys are about the same as most..I'm guessing. We have made the best of the situation by making lot's of friends.
That came about by attending parties...and m&g's...and trying to be as sociable as we can. We have lot's of friends we enjoy hanging with...many we don't play with and most likely never will.
We have been fortunate to find a few couples who feel real comfortable together, so, admittingly, we usually get to play with them, as often as time allows. But new playmates...are always a challenge. Like you, we prefer to get to know partners a bit, and feel like friends before playing. Sometimes we can arrive at that place of feeling like friends fairly soon....others times..we never do. We have learned to never really push....what happens..happens..it's all good!At the very least...hopefully, we've made new friends. Honestly, as EvilDoers said above, the sex for us is not the main objective anymore...it is just a wonderful "extra" if it works out.
I know it's a ways for you guys to come..but come to one of our parties sometime, and hangout! Bet you make new friends! BTW..there is a brbq coming up in Aug!
IMAGINATION wrote:TIFFND wrote:
Honestly....if our experience is typical...until you get past the "gotta have a perfect hour glass figure, or a great looking six pack, etc"...and learn to see the real beauty in a persons charactor, it will always be tough to find playmates. Not saying to settle for less than your standards... nope... just saying it mat be time to take another look at them...and decide for yourself how important each of those particulair qualifications really are, and are they worth excluding some very good potential playmates and friends.
Just my opinion..of course...some think that's not worth much..lol
Maybe I'm misreading things, but the only reference to looks at all that I read in the initial post was "attractive" - not a perfect six pack or hour glass figure.Just curious as to how it got taken there so quickly...the qualifications I thought they were looking for were much deeper (and more important) than physical characteristics and truly not things that one would want to compromise on (emotionally mature, fun loving, not too cynical).. Smiles and Happy Friday!!
Perhaps I was hasty....and assuming....and I DO agree with what you said in the last part of your post. We wouldn't discount any of those qualities, either.
In my defense.....not knowing these folks personally..All I can do is speak in generalities...sorry. And..being brutily honesy here..sorry if it offends some...the fact that their wants included the word "attractive", led me down that path...right or wrong in this case, as I said, I don't know these folks...the word has become a keyword to us to mean they are not looking for OUR body type...a bit overweight, etc...We've found most do NOT use that word if it doesn't imply that. Again..just our experience and my opinion...which I stated...dosen't always mean much..LOL
[quote/]Thankyou for an incredibly freaking cool reply!!! To me, personally, the soul...the internal being defines the sexy in anyone. I fall for the soul, the personality, the true inner energy - that magnetism makes the housing it is cased in sexy - Tiffnd...can I just say, you are sooo sexy!!!![/quote]
Why thank you Ms Imagination! I guess I'm proof that even a blind squirrel finds an acorn every once in awhile! LOL
Why thank you Ms Imagination! I guess I'm proof that even a blind squirrel finds an acorn every once in awhile! LOL