HELLO AGAIN; WOULD YOU COMMENT ON THIS MATTTER THAT I HAVE POSTED BELOW. I WOULD LIKE AN HONEST OPINION ON DOES MY PARTICULAR SITUATION HAVE MERIT OR NOT? -------------------------------------------------------- I FELT FROM YOUR PICTURES AND PROFILE THAT YOU ARE AN HONEST PERSON AND UNDERSTANDING...I BELIEVE ONE MUST BE TO BE IN THE LIFESTYLE! ------------------------------------------ FREQUENTLY I GET A RESPONSE THAT DWELLS ON ME BEING MARRIED AND LOOKING! FRANKLY;.. YOU AND YOUR PARTNER(S) DO NOT REALIZE HOW FORTUNATE YOU ARE!!! YOU STILL HAVE AN INTEREST IN THE PASSION OF SEX!!! I am MWM, stg8, d&d free., n/s,n/d., MARRIED FOR 35 YEARS, MY SPOUSE HAS NO INTEREST IN SEX!..IT IS SOME WHAT A DILEMMA, AS I HAVE SEEKED AN UNDERSTANDING, A PROFESSIONAL COUNSELOR SUGGESTED INDIVIDUALS OFTEN IN MY PARTICULAR SITUATION END UP WITH A FUCKBUDDY!! MY SPOUSE WOULD NOT UNDERSTAND , AND IF SHE KNEW I WANTED TO "SWING ALONE" SHE WOULD NEVER, NEVER AGREE!AS SHE DOES NOT UNDERSTAND NOR AGREE TO MY DILEMMA..HER COMMENTS ARE ON THE DEGREE OF " LIVE WITH IT"! I WANT TO REMAIN IN THE RELATIONSHIP WITH MY SPOUSE, BUT FEEL THAT THE BEST PART OF ME IS MISSING! THAT IS WHY I WISH TO BE "MARRIED BUT DOING IT ALONE". HOW ELSE CAN ONE COPE WITH THE LOSS OF INTIMACY AND THE DESIRE LIKE I STILL HAVE! THAT IS WHY I WISH( SWING ALONE ONLY) ---------------------------------------------- SHE HAS NO DESIRE FOR COUNSELING AND IN FACT, IT IS ME THAT HAS THE PROBLEM..IE! INTEREST IN SEX! WHAT WOULD YOU SUGGEST AND UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES, AM I AS A MARRIED BUT LOOKING HAVE TO ACCEPT THE FACT THAT COUPLES LIKE YOU ARE OFF LIMITS? I WANT FRIENDSHIP FIRST, I'M OF THE AGE THAT EVEN WHEN I WAS IN MY EARLY 20'S I STILL HAD TO HAVE THE COMFORT BEFORE THE SEX..CALL ME OLD FASHION! --------------------------------------------- THANKS FOR A RESPONSE AND AN HONEST ANSWER..HATE TO ASK!
ANY THOUGHTS OR SUGGESTIONS OR IS A MWM IN MY SITUATION OUT OF LUCK AND SHOULD JUST FORGET ABOUT IT? OR, IS THERE A WAY OF CORRESPONDING WITH THOSE IN THE LIFESTYLE THAT ALLOWS FOR UNDERSTANDING AND THAT A PERSON LIKE MYSELF IS SOMEONE OTHER THAN A "CHEATER"? AND COULD BE A FRIEND AND A OCCASIONALLY LOVER WITH NO ATTACHMENTS?
ANY THOUGHTS OR SUGGESTIONS OR IS A MWM IN MY SITUATION OUT OF LUCK AND SHOULD JUST FORGET ABOUT IT? OR, IS THERE A WAY OF CORRESPONDING WITH THOSE IN THE LIFESTYLE THAT ALLOWS FOR UNDERSTANDING AND THAT A PERSON LIKE MYSELF IS SOMEONE OTHER THAN A "CHEATER"? AND COULD BE A FRIEND AND A OCCASIONALLY LOVER WITH NO ATTACHMENTS?
this is my take on this(roger) i love my wife for 27 yrs now .if for some reason be it mental or medical she didnt want sex any more then so be it i love her for herself not only the sex.sex is a part of a marrage but not the ONLY thing . i would never go behind her back for sex. and yes it has happened to us. not long ago hers was both caused by meds the dr gave her but i love her for her not the sex she gives me. so in my eyes its cheating big time and has no place in this lifestyle
THE ABOVE IS MY THOUGHTS ALONE
roger
ps sorry for the bad spelling
THE ABOVE IS MY THOUGHTS ALONE
roger
ps sorry for the bad spelling
Fish or cut bait!
She unwilling to have sex with him AND unwilling to support him in having fuckbuddies, well, that's pretty fucked up. If there is still love then they're both full of shit. The problem isn't sex at all. My guess is that he fucked up along the way somewhere and she's waiting for him to clear things up. In my experience, 17 years of marriage, 2 1/2 years with a post-marital soul mate, women often express an emotion through actions or words that don't give ANY clue as to the real cause of the emotion. We men must play detective and discover what the source of the emotion is, address it and enjoy the fruits of a closer, more meaningful and YES, more intimate relationship. Women respond to penetration, sexually AND emotionally.
If he's unable to penetrate her mood and re-engage her in sex, then he should move on. It will kill both of them in many ways. Divorce for me, which had some similiar themes as this couples woes, was one of the best decisions ever.
That's my perspective on the situation.
Regarding swinging as a married man who's wife objects - NO WAY. That type of activity would be supporting him in messing things up even worse.
If a wife has an illness, then support her in getting well. Find a cure. I don't think one should ever just 'settle' for a passionless marriage.
Artemas
She unwilling to have sex with him AND unwilling to support him in having fuckbuddies, well, that's pretty fucked up. If there is still love then they're both full of shit. The problem isn't sex at all. My guess is that he fucked up along the way somewhere and she's waiting for him to clear things up. In my experience, 17 years of marriage, 2 1/2 years with a post-marital soul mate, women often express an emotion through actions or words that don't give ANY clue as to the real cause of the emotion. We men must play detective and discover what the source of the emotion is, address it and enjoy the fruits of a closer, more meaningful and YES, more intimate relationship. Women respond to penetration, sexually AND emotionally.
If he's unable to penetrate her mood and re-engage her in sex, then he should move on. It will kill both of them in many ways. Divorce for me, which had some similiar themes as this couples woes, was one of the best decisions ever.
That's my perspective on the situation.
Regarding swinging as a married man who's wife objects - NO WAY. That type of activity would be supporting him in messing things up even worse.
If a wife has an illness, then support her in getting well. Find a cure. I don't think one should ever just 'settle' for a passionless marriage.
Artemas
Divorce seems to be a good idea here. If the spouse's attitude is "live with it," then perhaps you shouldn't. Not a lot of love or even attempt at understanding in those words.
As I read this I wondered how long this situation has been going on. The wondered if she is pre memopausal and the doc has her on some HRT.
Been there done that.... B was, about 18 yrs ago starting the change. The doc put her on HRT and our sex life went ot hell in a handbasket. Not only that but she had and on again off again "I don't feel anything... I don't think I want to be married.. Not just to you but not to anyone".... "I don't want sex with you or anyone." That went on for almost 7 years.. Yes we occasionallyl had sex maybe once a year, whether I needed it or not. She had a slight stroke and several things came out of it... The prime thing was that the HRT was using Estrogen at levels "almost 3 times" what should hve been used on anyone. Dr had retired so we found a female GYN and she went off HRT and things got back to normal in a NY minute. She should have her hoermone levels checked by her GYN with the knowledge that she is flat about sex.. They hace no idea that there is anything wrong...when the hormones are FUBAR.
Since you didn't document that there was some sort of mess up by you prior to all this going down, the above is a possibility. IF, on the other hand, you did mess up then you need to sit down with her and see what you can do, together, to fix the problem.. If, under this assumption, there is no resolution then you two should consider a split.
It seems quite unethical for a councellor to suggest cheating. You may call it swinging..he or she may call it swinging but the reality is that if it is not consensual between you and your wife it is cheating. It will fix nothing and eventually the split will occur any way. So what's the point...
With my own story.... after she got over the problem with hormones we began to swing...after about 2 years of talk and looking into things... But the lesson is that you can go as long as is necessary without if you really love this woman... Maybe your councellor can arrange a serogate.... in office hers or his...since he is suggesting you get gratification outside...
What do you think.....????!!!!!!
Been there done that.... B was, about 18 yrs ago starting the change. The doc put her on HRT and our sex life went ot hell in a handbasket. Not only that but she had and on again off again "I don't feel anything... I don't think I want to be married.. Not just to you but not to anyone".... "I don't want sex with you or anyone." That went on for almost 7 years.. Yes we occasionallyl had sex maybe once a year, whether I needed it or not. She had a slight stroke and several things came out of it... The prime thing was that the HRT was using Estrogen at levels "almost 3 times" what should hve been used on anyone. Dr had retired so we found a female GYN and she went off HRT and things got back to normal in a NY minute. She should have her hoermone levels checked by her GYN with the knowledge that she is flat about sex.. They hace no idea that there is anything wrong...when the hormones are FUBAR.
Since you didn't document that there was some sort of mess up by you prior to all this going down, the above is a possibility. IF, on the other hand, you did mess up then you need to sit down with her and see what you can do, together, to fix the problem.. If, under this assumption, there is no resolution then you two should consider a split.
It seems quite unethical for a councellor to suggest cheating. You may call it swinging..he or she may call it swinging but the reality is that if it is not consensual between you and your wife it is cheating. It will fix nothing and eventually the split will occur any way. So what's the point...
With my own story.... after she got over the problem with hormones we began to swing...after about 2 years of talk and looking into things... But the lesson is that you can go as long as is necessary without if you really love this woman... Maybe your councellor can arrange a serogate.... in office hers or his...since he is suggesting you get gratification outside...
What do you think.....????!!!!!!
There is of course always two sides to the story. But it seems in todays society that women often lose interest in sex after marriage. There can be many reasons. But if it is unresolvable even after seeing a marriage counselor then its time to move on. Life is too dam short to put up with it. Why do you want to be with someone who doesn't meet your needs? Whats in it for you? If I had $5.00 for eveytime I heard a guy complain about his wife not wanting sex I could retire by now. Move on.
Here's another question..... who says she has no interest in sex? Him? How truthful is he being? Maybe they have a normal sex life but he wants to cheat and is making up a story, its not like it hasn't been done before.
If I had a $1 for every guy who wrote me and said my wife doesn't understand me.... well, I could have quite a party........
Maybe he's being truthful, maybe not.........But I have to agree if both partners aren't willing to each give 100% then divorce is probably something he should consider
If I had a $1 for every guy who wrote me and said my wife doesn't understand me.... well, I could have quite a party........
Maybe he's being truthful, maybe not.........But I have to agree if both partners aren't willing to each give 100% then divorce is probably something he should consider
I'm with fun4suxx who knows what's actually going on. It also seems supicious that he put his info (i.e. Str8, d&d, free etc) when he's looking for advice.
Why would you envolve me in your problem. I am not a part of it. But, if I have sex with you and you get caught, I am part of a bigger problem that has just been created. NO THANK YOU! You don"t belong in the lifestyle under these circumstances. (By the way this is the M half, but we both feel the same about this)
My wife and I were Soft Swingers for about 8yrs before she decided to go the full swap route. She is happy with her decision to do so, and enjoys the fun WE are having now. I would have liked to have got to this point a lot sooner and had often encouraged her to go for it. She told me several times, it would be alright for me to have sex with someone else if I really wanted too. There was no way I would take that chance of messing up the good thing we had. Neither of us had ever cheated on each other. This doesn't make us goody-two-shoes. It did build a trust which makes it posible for us to share the benefits of this lifestyle with confidense in each other, now.
We feel Trust and Honesty are two things that have to exist if you are going to enjoy the swinging as a couple. Sorry to hear about your situation, but we could not solve your problem if we were to play with you, only possibly make it worse. Thats just the way it is for us.
I feel some of the suggestions offered in the previous post may be your best route to go.
My wife and I were Soft Swingers for about 8yrs before she decided to go the full swap route. She is happy with her decision to do so, and enjoys the fun WE are having now. I would have liked to have got to this point a lot sooner and had often encouraged her to go for it. She told me several times, it would be alright for me to have sex with someone else if I really wanted too. There was no way I would take that chance of messing up the good thing we had. Neither of us had ever cheated on each other. This doesn't make us goody-two-shoes. It did build a trust which makes it posible for us to share the benefits of this lifestyle with confidense in each other, now.
We feel Trust and Honesty are two things that have to exist if you are going to enjoy the swinging as a couple. Sorry to hear about your situation, but we could not solve your problem if we were to play with you, only possibly make it worse. Thats just the way it is for us.
I feel some of the suggestions offered in the previous post may be your best route to go.
For some people, instead of saying, " I love you very much", they should say, " I trade you very much." " I'll trade you your needs if you trade me my needs." A relationship is not about what you can get out of it, but instead, what can you do to help the other experience - "The greatest version of the grandest vision they ever had about themselves." The purpose of life is to experience joy in the physical realm and thus evolve. It's a never ending process. Joy!, Joy, Joy! This couple's relationship is obviously not about experiencing joy together, and they should move on and be grateful for what they once had. As the old saying goes-- If you love something , set it free!
Well I guess I might as well weigh in too. Right up front, I completely disagree with the attitude that you should be able to fool around if your wife does not want to put out. It is entirely possible that your lack of concern for her feelings is why she is not servicing you as you wish to be serviced.
When you say your "wife would not understand" and "if she knew", it becomes clear that you have not even discussed this with her. Those who have suggested divorce may be doing her a bigger favor than you. I have been married for 35 years as well, and we have always had an open and honest relationship. It was our honest relationship and open discussion that led us to the lifestyle some 30 years ago. Clearly your relationship is missing that and it is unlikely you will find it after 35 years, no matter how much counseling you get.
About the only positive point I can make for you is you did at least post a profile that states you are married. I am sick to death of the married cheaters out there who claim to be single but cannot provide a phone number or a place to meet up, or can only meet between 3PM and 7PM Tuesday thru Saturday, because they are lying to us and their spouses. In looking at your profile, you also claim that your oblective is to satisfy the female first. Perhaps if you were always so attentive to your female you would not find yourself in the predicament you are in now?
Am I overly harsh? Perhaps. But I have become somewhat jaded by all the time and energy wasted with people who who lie in their profiles and turn out to be just another guy who figures he is not getting enough at home and decides to cheat on his wife. Why are you looking at the lifestyle for your relief? Why not find a hooker? Aren't there any escort services in Punts Gorda? The lifestyle is not about cheating, or facilitating cheaters. It is about honest, open relationships that allow the freedom to explore fantasies and desires with other like minded people. Searching here for relief makes as much sense as looking for a car that gets great mileage at a Hummer dealership. You might get lucky and find a good trade-ine but the odds are against it and you would really be better off at the Toyota dealer.
To help you on your way to fulfilling your desires, try http://www.sex-on-the-side.org which bills itself as
When you say your "wife would not understand" and "if she knew", it becomes clear that you have not even discussed this with her. Those who have suggested divorce may be doing her a bigger favor than you. I have been married for 35 years as well, and we have always had an open and honest relationship. It was our honest relationship and open discussion that led us to the lifestyle some 30 years ago. Clearly your relationship is missing that and it is unlikely you will find it after 35 years, no matter how much counseling you get.
About the only positive point I can make for you is you did at least post a profile that states you are married. I am sick to death of the married cheaters out there who claim to be single but cannot provide a phone number or a place to meet up, or can only meet between 3PM and 7PM Tuesday thru Saturday, because they are lying to us and their spouses. In looking at your profile, you also claim that your oblective is to satisfy the female first. Perhaps if you were always so attentive to your female you would not find yourself in the predicament you are in now?
Am I overly harsh? Perhaps. But I have become somewhat jaded by all the time and energy wasted with people who who lie in their profiles and turn out to be just another guy who figures he is not getting enough at home and decides to cheat on his wife. Why are you looking at the lifestyle for your relief? Why not find a hooker? Aren't there any escort services in Punts Gorda? The lifestyle is not about cheating, or facilitating cheaters. It is about honest, open relationships that allow the freedom to explore fantasies and desires with other like minded people. Searching here for relief makes as much sense as looking for a car that gets great mileage at a Hummer dealership. You might get lucky and find a good trade-ine but the odds are against it and you would really be better off at the Toyota dealer.
To help you on your way to fulfilling your desires, try http://www.sex-on-the-side.org which bills itself as
Find out the reason why she does not want to have sex maybe its because you forgot all the other things that leads up to sex.Try treating her like you did when you dated her wine and dine her win her love back just because she won't lay on her back and open her legs for you gives you absolutely no right to play behind her back its called "CHEATING"!
Just because you are not getting any is no reason to screw up the rest of your married life its called Pre menapause deal with it.
We are going through some of the same her sex drive has diminshed quite a bit but because I do the dishes, do the laundry, sweep the floors, maintain the vehicles, do household repairs etc... guess what I do get some why? Simply because she sees that our married life is more than sex as soon as you step back analyze the "why" then and only then will you find the secret to reigniting her fire. Heres a tip ,its not all HER there obviously is something you are NOT doing to satisfy her needs and her needs are more than what lays between your legs!
Wake up and go back to the days where the sex was great and figure out what it was YOU did back then and CHANGE your attitude stop trying to get something on the side by playing the woe is me card most people will see right through your selfish attitude its all about her especially during pre-menapause good luck
Just because you are not getting any is no reason to screw up the rest of your married life its called Pre menapause deal with it.
We are going through some of the same her sex drive has diminshed quite a bit but because I do the dishes, do the laundry, sweep the floors, maintain the vehicles, do household repairs etc... guess what I do get some why? Simply because she sees that our married life is more than sex as soon as you step back analyze the "why" then and only then will you find the secret to reigniting her fire. Heres a tip ,its not all HER there obviously is something you are NOT doing to satisfy her needs and her needs are more than what lays between your legs!
Wake up and go back to the days where the sex was great and figure out what it was YOU did back then and CHANGE your attitude stop trying to get something on the side by playing the woe is me card most people will see right through your selfish attitude its all about her especially during pre-menapause good luck
all has already been said, no you do not belong in the lifestyle! I was contacted by such a guy as a single female, he wants me to be his cheat! Why would I involve myself in is postitvely a total big big ugly mess just asking to explode! Get a divorce then play!
DWB Heres a simple formular you can try:
Add one squirt of dishwash liquid
to one sink of water add dishes and follow instructions on dish washing liquid bottle lol
Follow this with dinner for two at her favorite restraunt
Then fold in a night of dancing, karaoke, or whatever it is that she likes to do
add to this a few drinks of her choice
once you get back home try a bit of cuddling and here is the secret to this formular
Kiss her good night and go to sleep (do not mention sex at all) this should eventually lead to a wild women one of these nights take the focus off the sex and re-kindle your love life FIRST then the sex life will follow one more thing take a look in the mirror and if you don't like what you see CHANGE it its called lose weight and exercise if you instead choose to try to play behind her back in our eyes you are nothing but a "CHEATER".
Add one squirt of dishwash liquid
to one sink of water add dishes and follow instructions on dish washing liquid bottle lol
Follow this with dinner for two at her favorite restraunt
Then fold in a night of dancing, karaoke, or whatever it is that she likes to do
add to this a few drinks of her choice
once you get back home try a bit of cuddling and here is the secret to this formular
Kiss her good night and go to sleep (do not mention sex at all) this should eventually lead to a wild women one of these nights take the focus off the sex and re-kindle your love life FIRST then the sex life will follow one more thing take a look in the mirror and if you don't like what you see CHANGE it its called lose weight and exercise if you instead choose to try to play behind her back in our eyes you are nothing but a "CHEATER".
Cool, Ampussy! You wanna get married?
I'll throw my 2 cents in.
The bottom line is that there are as many specific situations as there are combinations of people in the world, so we don't know all about this particular man and woman, so we begin some observations and advice based on our own experiences.
That said, *my* experience is that there are LOTS of women now who just decide that they don't want sex - ever again - and that their dirty, nasty, perverted, disgusting husband can just "deal with it" - meaning that he doesn't get any from her, from anybody else - and even is "forbidden" to jerk off.
When the swinging community - in general - is asked about such situations, it seems nearly universal that everybody assumes that the guy isn't "giving" enough. I know far too many guys who are far too loving, giving and romantic - yet find themselves in this situation - to say that "it's the guy's fault" all the time.
There also seems to be an almost-universal attitude now that men are entitled to exactly as much sex *as their wives want*. If the woman wants to fuck 10 men upside down in town square, she's told "you go, girl". But if she wants less - or none, somehow it is always "the man's fault" and he's told to just deal with it.
Yeah. I've spent some time thinking about this one - and watching LOTS of middle-aged men try to deal with it - and I'm a bit hostile about the whole thing.
Try this thought experiment. Turn it around. Imagine that it is the husband who has NO interest, forbids the wife to do him, do anybody else, or even masturbate. Then explore your feelings.
Of course, life isn't well-defined. There isn't *one* answer for all of the billions of married couples. So perhaps the swinging community might consider being a bit less judgemental of guys who find themselves not wanting to end a *marriage* over "just sex" - but still feeling that they shouldn't have to "just deal with it" when their partner decides that she doesn't want *anything* to do with it.
The bottom line is that there are as many specific situations as there are combinations of people in the world, so we don't know all about this particular man and woman, so we begin some observations and advice based on our own experiences.
That said, *my* experience is that there are LOTS of women now who just decide that they don't want sex - ever again - and that their dirty, nasty, perverted, disgusting husband can just "deal with it" - meaning that he doesn't get any from her, from anybody else - and even is "forbidden" to jerk off.
When the swinging community - in general - is asked about such situations, it seems nearly universal that everybody assumes that the guy isn't "giving" enough. I know far too many guys who are far too loving, giving and romantic - yet find themselves in this situation - to say that "it's the guy's fault" all the time.
There also seems to be an almost-universal attitude now that men are entitled to exactly as much sex *as their wives want*. If the woman wants to fuck 10 men upside down in town square, she's told "you go, girl". But if she wants less - or none, somehow it is always "the man's fault" and he's told to just deal with it.
Yeah. I've spent some time thinking about this one - and watching LOTS of middle-aged men try to deal with it - and I'm a bit hostile about the whole thing.
Try this thought experiment. Turn it around. Imagine that it is the husband who has NO interest, forbids the wife to do him, do anybody else, or even masturbate. Then explore your feelings.
Of course, life isn't well-defined. There isn't *one* answer for all of the billions of married couples. So perhaps the swinging community might consider being a bit less judgemental of guys who find themselves not wanting to end a *marriage* over "just sex" - but still feeling that they shouldn't have to "just deal with it" when their partner decides that she doesn't want *anything* to do with it.
I have to say I do agree with Beard on a lot of things. With my first wife I went without sex for the last four years of marriage. No amount of flowers, cards, little love notes would do a thing to move her. Attempts at kissing, cuddling or anything else would work. She refused to let me get near her. We tried counseling and the counselor said she felt I was the only one truly working on making things work. After 17 years it ended. Then I met the love of my life. Funny thing is that I do the EXACT same things for her that I did for the first one. The first one even told my kids that I didn't know how to show love. My wife now thinks I am the most romantic cuss to walk the earth. In fact one day my youngest son was talking to a friend about how to win the heart of a girl. He kept giving his friend advise and things to do. When his friend asked how he came up with all of these GREAT ideas my son said "I watched my dad and how he treated my mom and step mom."
I also know that my current wife has some medical problems that curtailed our sex for a while. Luckily we found the cause and got it treated. Now she is as hot and horny as when we first met. :-)
I also understand the scepticism you could come to feel from the ones that are really cheating. So I guess this ramble leads to my point. We don't know the real conditions this guy is going thru and even though he could be cheating it would just be a simple matter of askin him to prove his claim. If he can't move on. But try not to judge too harshly.
My two cents worth.
I also know that my current wife has some medical problems that curtailed our sex for a while. Luckily we found the cause and got it treated. Now she is as hot and horny as when we first met. :-)
I also understand the scepticism you could come to feel from the ones that are really cheating. So I guess this ramble leads to my point. We don't know the real conditions this guy is going thru and even though he could be cheating it would just be a simple matter of askin him to prove his claim. If he can't move on. But try not to judge too harshly.
My two cents worth.
I just don't understand why what this person says is totally discounted. That he is looking for a mercy fuck.. or something or the sourt.. That he is a liar. You would be surprised at how many women go to medical sites and complain that they have no desire for sex that they don't like themselves about how they are feeling and they don't know why. More than once hormones was and is the cause. Either too many or too little of various hormones and women can go to zero zero land as far as sex or even how they feel about their mate or anyone other than themselves...
I went thru this for a number of years before things got straightened out. So what he is experiencing with his wife may be quite real... The idea to cheat because of this is a bit much... Involving others in a situation like this is not something I would like to get involved with... But the base assumption that he is somehow in the wrong about his plight is, IMHO, narrow minded and just a bad attitude....
I went thru this for a number of years before things got straightened out. So what he is experiencing with his wife may be quite real... The idea to cheat because of this is a bit much... Involving others in a situation like this is not something I would like to get involved with... But the base assumption that he is somehow in the wrong about his plight is, IMHO, narrow minded and just a bad attitude....
Have to agree with the last two post, his dilema may be legit, but I still think he is coming to the wrong place for a solution.
After reading the first two pages I found Bread's post a breath of fresh air. One thing I do feel DWB should do, tell his wife his plays for a sex life. I have never understood why men give another person soul control over their sex life. While I have suppose I have pissed a few people off so I won't say anything else.
This is one big can of worms.... We are in the lifestyle because we love one another... we love to see each other pleasured.... if it ended tomorrow, it wouldn't matter.... We love one another and can take it or leave it... it doesn't matter.... we are not here because we love having sex with other people, we are here because we are having fun... when it's not fun anymore, then that is when we will get out.... it's all a state of mind.... I have watched my wife fuck many guys, and I loved it... but if she is on the internet chatting with a guy, and the camera is on, I sometimes get jealous.... sounds funny, but the guy on the internet didn't have my permission... believe it or not, it makes a difference... Some guy from sls that is lucky enough to be with us, can fuck my wife with me and I have no problems, but somone that I don't know, that talks to her about sex on the internes, that is different.... do you agree?
Let us know....
Let us know....
I'm not going to speculate as to who caused his dilemma, there's not information and it's one sided. I think his main problem now is VENUE.
Why would you choose swinging as a method for satisfying your sexual REQUIREMENTS? You're not going to find a more unsympathetic group of people when it comes to cheating, it goes against the whole ideology of swinging. Why not open a road side porn shop in Iran, sooner our later you will have a customer but you'll mostly get dirt blown in your face.
I'll give you the 4 stars for the honesty, it's always good to have a heads up you might get named in a civil suit (divorce) and have to appear in court and explain to the good judge why we were bedding her hubby and how we all met, so yes you get props for the honesty.
Among our vanilla friends which includes people we work with, family members, friends of friends etc. the number of swingers pales in comparison to the number of cheaters. If this group ever UNIONIZES we are in deep doody, they have the numbers in membership.
Also, I think most of the non-married single men in the lifestyle would tell you being single can be a challenge without any "issues". You would also be far more welcomed in the union group (cheaters) and they would be more sympathetic to your needs as you would for their needs. This kind of "sharing" could even lead to a long term cheating relationship, I've never seen one last but you could be the first.
If there's one theme that runs through profiles I'd say "NO DRAMA" is one of the top 5 on the countdown list. Your "unique" situation has the potential of bringing great drama to couples who just like getting naked with a few friends as an escape from everyday life.
You have been on this site well over 2 years, that could mean you have had a lot of dirt blown in your face and you thought it was time to mount an ad campaign.
My advice, look for the UNION LABEL.
Why would you choose swinging as a method for satisfying your sexual REQUIREMENTS? You're not going to find a more unsympathetic group of people when it comes to cheating, it goes against the whole ideology of swinging. Why not open a road side porn shop in Iran, sooner our later you will have a customer but you'll mostly get dirt blown in your face.
I'll give you the 4 stars for the honesty, it's always good to have a heads up you might get named in a civil suit (divorce) and have to appear in court and explain to the good judge why we were bedding her hubby and how we all met, so yes you get props for the honesty.
Among our vanilla friends which includes people we work with, family members, friends of friends etc. the number of swingers pales in comparison to the number of cheaters. If this group ever UNIONIZES we are in deep doody, they have the numbers in membership.
Also, I think most of the non-married single men in the lifestyle would tell you being single can be a challenge without any "issues". You would also be far more welcomed in the union group (cheaters) and they would be more sympathetic to your needs as you would for their needs. This kind of "sharing" could even lead to a long term cheating relationship, I've never seen one last but you could be the first.
If there's one theme that runs through profiles I'd say "NO DRAMA" is one of the top 5 on the countdown list. Your "unique" situation has the potential of bringing great drama to couples who just like getting naked with a few friends as an escape from everyday life.
You have been on this site well over 2 years, that could mean you have had a lot of dirt blown in your face and you thought it was time to mount an ad campaign.
My advice, look for the UNION LABEL.
STRAIGHTUPNOWsaid it all,
My x's would not fulfill my sexual needs so i traded up. so you should traid up also and find one who will fullfill your sexual needs.
Thats my 2 bits since i don't belive in the word love, its infatuation and when that runs out move on.
Poet
My x's would not fulfill my sexual needs so i traded up. so you should traid up also and find one who will fullfill your sexual needs.
Thats my 2 bits since i don't belive in the word love, its infatuation and when that runs out move on.
Poet
This is a tough subject.
My best friend has been married (30 something years) and his wife is nonsexual also.
He did say she was very sexual before they were married, but with in a few years it was gone.
They have a home and a friendship that seems to work for them...except that he is going insane from not having a sexual outlet within his marriage.
It is easy to suggest divorce, as marriage is as disposable these days as an old pair of shoes.
Many women seem to lose the desire for sex and don't seem to realize that sex isn't only about pleasure for men. When a sex drive is completely disregarded there are depression and physical issues that arise. There are several studies indicating that there are health problems connected men who have little to no sexual outlet.
What the nonsexual person doesn't realize is that by their choosing not to allow their partner to explore what is natural, within or out of the marrige, they are slowly erasing their partners actual existence.
(I know that sounds dramatic, but after watching my friend for years, I would say there is a painful and sad amount of damage caused by not receiving love and affection)
There are no right or wrong answers with this subject, but you have to appreciate an individuals strength and honesty for stating his reasons for wishing to swing alone.
In fact by pursuing a sex life outside the marriage one may not only be saving their marriage but also their own life.
And since life is full of choices, when you are presented with a person stating he wishes to swing outside his marrige, you can simple choose to say no.
My best friend has been married (30 something years) and his wife is nonsexual also.
He did say she was very sexual before they were married, but with in a few years it was gone.
They have a home and a friendship that seems to work for them...except that he is going insane from not having a sexual outlet within his marriage.
It is easy to suggest divorce, as marriage is as disposable these days as an old pair of shoes.
Many women seem to lose the desire for sex and don't seem to realize that sex isn't only about pleasure for men. When a sex drive is completely disregarded there are depression and physical issues that arise. There are several studies indicating that there are health problems connected men who have little to no sexual outlet.
What the nonsexual person doesn't realize is that by their choosing not to allow their partner to explore what is natural, within or out of the marrige, they are slowly erasing their partners actual existence.
(I know that sounds dramatic, but after watching my friend for years, I would say there is a painful and sad amount of damage caused by not receiving love and affection)
There are no right or wrong answers with this subject, but you have to appreciate an individuals strength and honesty for stating his reasons for wishing to swing alone.
In fact by pursuing a sex life outside the marriage one may not only be saving their marriage but also their own life.
And since life is full of choices, when you are presented with a person stating he wishes to swing outside his marrige, you can simple choose to say no.
This is a tough subject.
My best friend has been married (30 something years) and his wife is nonsexual also.
He did say she was very sexual before they were married, but with in a few years it was gone.
They have a home and a friendship that seems to work for them...except that he is going insane from not having a sexual outlet within his marriage.
It is easy to suggest divorce, as marriage is as disposable these days as an old pair of shoes.
Many women seem to lose the desire for sex and don't seem to realize that sex isn't only about pleasure for men. When a sex drive is completely disregarded there are depression and physical issues that arise. There are several studies indicating that there are health problems connected men who have little to no sexual outlet.
What the nonsexual person doesn't realize is that by their choosing not to allow their partner to explore what is natural, within or out of the marrige, they are slowly erasing their partners actual existence.
(I know that sounds dramatic, but after watching my friend for years, I would say there is a painful and sad amount of damage caused by not receiving love and affection)
There are no right or wrong answers with this subject, but you have to appreciate an individuals strength and honesty for stating his reasons for wishing to swing alone.
In fact by pursuing a sex life outside the marriage one may not only be saving their marriage but also their own life.
And since life is full of choices, when you are presented with a person stating he wishes to swing outside his marrige, you can simple choose to say no.
My best friend has been married (30 something years) and his wife is nonsexual also.
He did say she was very sexual before they were married, but with in a few years it was gone.
They have a home and a friendship that seems to work for them...except that he is going insane from not having a sexual outlet within his marriage.
It is easy to suggest divorce, as marriage is as disposable these days as an old pair of shoes.
Many women seem to lose the desire for sex and don't seem to realize that sex isn't only about pleasure for men. When a sex drive is completely disregarded there are depression and physical issues that arise. There are several studies indicating that there are health problems connected men who have little to no sexual outlet.
What the nonsexual person doesn't realize is that by their choosing not to allow their partner to explore what is natural, within or out of the marrige, they are slowly erasing their partners actual existence.
(I know that sounds dramatic, but after watching my friend for years, I would say there is a painful and sad amount of damage caused by not receiving love and affection)
There are no right or wrong answers with this subject, but you have to appreciate an individuals strength and honesty for stating his reasons for wishing to swing alone.
In fact by pursuing a sex life outside the marriage one may not only be saving their marriage but also their own life.
And since life is full of choices, when you are presented with a person stating he wishes to swing outside his marrige, you can simple choose to say no.
Well here goes our 2 cents i guess, IOHO we feel that if you have a sexual barrier in your private life that needs to be addressed before expanding your sex life to include ours. Either ( this is your hard point) you leave the lifestyle or her at least until this matter is behind you. Sorry to be blunt but thats the cold hard fact
Longleggs - I salute your response: unemotional - just stating your position - and it is valuable for each of us to understand the feelings and positions of those we are trying to attract.
Well done.
Well done.
Thank you all for your contribution to the question!
There is no right answer or wrong answer. Some say that a married male swinging alone is cheating in all situations, others appreciate the dilemma.
By defination:Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary
Adultery or "cheating" is the: voluntary sexual intercourse between a married man and someone other than his wife or between a married woman and someone other than her husband.
Thus; absent the "swinger" definition...as interpreted by different view points..we are all cheating from a definition standpoint. As I stated before
MARRIED FOR 35 YEARS, MY SPOUSE HAS NO INTEREST IN SEX!..IT IS SOME WHAT A DILEMMA, AS I HAVE SEEKED AN UNDERSTANDING, A PROFESSIONAL COUNSELOR SUGGESTED INDIVIDUALS OFTEN IN MY PARTICULAR SITUATION END UP WITH A FUCKBUDDY!! MY SPOUSE WOULD NOT UNDERSTAND , AND IF SHE KNEW I WANTED TO "SWING ALONE" SHE WOULD NEVER, NEVER AGREE!AS SHE DOES NOT UNDERSTAND NOR AGREE TO MY DILEMMA..HER COMMENTS ARE ON THE DEGREE OF " LIVE WITH IT"! I WANT TO REMAIN IN THE RELATIONSHIP WITH MY SPOUSE, HAVING BEEN MARRIED FOR ALL THESE YEARS, AS YES EVENTHOUGH WE HAVE A SEXLESS MARRIAGE, I STILL CARE AND LOVE HER A LOT!
BUT I FEEL THAT THE BEST PART OF ME IS MISSING! THAT IS WHY I WISH TO BE "MARRIED BUT DOING IT ALONE". HOW ELSE CAN ONE COPE WITH THE LOSS OF INTIMACY AND THE DESIRE LIKE I STILL HAVE! HAVING A SEXUAL DESIRE IS NORMAL..AND NO DO NOT TELL ME TO
There is no right answer or wrong answer. Some say that a married male swinging alone is cheating in all situations, others appreciate the dilemma.
By defination:Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary
Adultery or "cheating" is the: voluntary sexual intercourse between a married man and someone other than his wife or between a married woman and someone other than her husband.
Thus; absent the "swinger" definition...as interpreted by different view points..we are all cheating from a definition standpoint. As I stated before
MARRIED FOR 35 YEARS, MY SPOUSE HAS NO INTEREST IN SEX!..IT IS SOME WHAT A DILEMMA, AS I HAVE SEEKED AN UNDERSTANDING, A PROFESSIONAL COUNSELOR SUGGESTED INDIVIDUALS OFTEN IN MY PARTICULAR SITUATION END UP WITH A FUCKBUDDY!! MY SPOUSE WOULD NOT UNDERSTAND , AND IF SHE KNEW I WANTED TO "SWING ALONE" SHE WOULD NEVER, NEVER AGREE!AS SHE DOES NOT UNDERSTAND NOR AGREE TO MY DILEMMA..HER COMMENTS ARE ON THE DEGREE OF " LIVE WITH IT"! I WANT TO REMAIN IN THE RELATIONSHIP WITH MY SPOUSE, HAVING BEEN MARRIED FOR ALL THESE YEARS, AS YES EVENTHOUGH WE HAVE A SEXLESS MARRIAGE, I STILL CARE AND LOVE HER A LOT!
BUT I FEEL THAT THE BEST PART OF ME IS MISSING! THAT IS WHY I WISH TO BE "MARRIED BUT DOING IT ALONE". HOW ELSE CAN ONE COPE WITH THE LOSS OF INTIMACY AND THE DESIRE LIKE I STILL HAVE! HAVING A SEXUAL DESIRE IS NORMAL..AND NO DO NOT TELL ME TO