So just because we are on a swinger site don't we still have the option to say we do not think we are a match and do not want to meet? When someone contacts us we look at the whole package and then decide if we want to meet. If it is a no then we tell them we do not feel we are a match. Nothing more or less. But we have had couples go off on us that we are disrespectful by replying and telling them we do not think we are a match. I would think they would rather have a reply then no communication at all.
Here is the last email what we wrote and what they wrote back word for word nothing changed.
Us: Hi thank you so much for the interest. You look like a nice couple but we don't feel we are a match. Have fun at the concert.
Them: don't know why u guys think your above us or better cuz we are a good looking couple that u could of had lots of fun but whatever i guess that's how u treat people u bumpted your head or something not a match lol your in the lifestyle and you guys don't want to meet other friends u guys take care later how disrespectful wow
Just in case we are doing this wrong please let us know what you tell someone when you do not want to meet.
Here is the last email what we wrote and what they wrote back word for word nothing changed.
Us: Hi thank you so much for the interest. You look like a nice couple but we don't feel we are a match. Have fun at the concert.
Them: don't know why u guys think your above us or better cuz we are a good looking couple that u could of had lots of fun but whatever i guess that's how u treat people u bumpted your head or something not a match lol your in the lifestyle and you guys don't want to meet other friends u guys take care later how disrespectful wow
Just in case we are doing this wrong please let us know what you tell someone when you do not want to meet.
Oh wow. I thought u were very respectful in your reply to their email. I think they overreacted a little to be honest
Wow, it sucks you were treated that way!! We personally would rather just be told that there is no attraction than be "led on" and have our time wasted. According to us, you handled it perfectly.
We think you did a great job and were polite. We agree it is nice to say no thanks or something than to be basically ignore them by no responce. You did the right thing.
You did what we do. And if the other couple asks why we Will even be honest and tell them why. This mentality that why does it matter who you play with seems to be the norm but not what we seek.
You could do what some of my friends said I should do after my wife and I had been dating for a year, I wanted to get her something and one of my more ass hole friends suggested something that i thought was funny but not happening, it was basically this
"the first year is the paper anniversary, so i say send her a bill and a letter saying 'your proprietary year is up, we regret to inform you that we have decided to seek other opportunities. Please see the attached bill and make arrangements to pay at your earliest convenience.'"
I laughed but said i wasn't doing it.
"the first year is the paper anniversary, so i say send her a bill and a letter saying 'your proprietary year is up, we regret to inform you that we have decided to seek other opportunities. Please see the attached bill and make arrangements to pay at your earliest convenience.'"
I laughed but said i wasn't doing it.
Everyone needs to realize that we are sticking our necks out there in this lifestyle (we are all being judged for our looks and personalities) and there is going to be some form of rejection from time to time. We have had couples not reply and while it would be interesting to know why, we don't really worry about it (of course we think they are missing out, but who wants to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?). We wouldn't require or expect an explanation - the no response sends a clear message and that should be enough. This couple who was so upset really needs to exam their motives and own insecurities. This is suppose to be fun not stressful, and at the end of the day you have your spouse. Also, don't step on the football field and then complain that you got hit - grow up or get out.
Not sure how much nicer you could have been in your response, you must have left out where you told them you were better than and above them.
I can tell you one thing about their response that is a total turn off to us and it's not what they said either it's the text spelling that we can't stand. It's okay in a text message but not in an email or profile. Maybe we are just old fashioned but it is as if some people do not how to spell at all anymore. Just our two cents.
I can tell you one thing about their response that is a total turn off to us and it's not what they said either it's the text spelling that we can't stand. It's okay in a text message but not in an email or profile. Maybe we are just old fashioned but it is as if some people do not how to spell at all anymore. Just our two cents.
Thank you for all the replies! We were thinking maybe somehow that type of a reply we sent meant something else in the LS that we were not aware of. TNT you are correct there email was hard crazy to follow and you guys know the Mrs. Does not have a mean bone in her body.
I stopped replying to people I wasn't interested in due to emails like that. More often than not they get butthurt, make nasty assumptions, and then partake in all sorts of rude behaviour. So if we don't think they'd be a good match for us, we simply ignore the request anymore. Much easier. 
HELLO_KITTY12984 wrote:
I stopped replying to people I wasn't interested in due to emails like that. More often than not they get butthurt, make nasty assumptions, and then partake in all sorts of rude behaviour. So if we don't think they'd be a good match for us, we simply ignore the request anymore. Much easier.
I guess it gets to that point after awhile huh.
I'd let them know that passing 6th grade English is a firm requirement for anyone wanting to play. 
Call me a grammar snob, but someone who writes like that is an instant turn-off to me. We are adults, not 14 year-olds texting. Form a complete sentence, use some punctuation and spell check - even if you are sending a nasty-gram. Some people just suck.
(And for anyone wanting a grammar snob, I have the degree and schoolgirl outfit to match!)
Call me a grammar snob, but someone who writes like that is an instant turn-off to me. We are adults, not 14 year-olds texting. Form a complete sentence, use some punctuation and spell check - even if you are sending a nasty-gram. Some people just suck.(And for anyone wanting a grammar snob, I have the degree and schoolgirl outfit to match!)
We agree with your reply to turn them down and we would rather have others be up front with us than not head from them at all. Yes, there is a lot of jerks out there and that is part of the reason we too are picky. We do reply to everyone though. We do the same you did. Nothing wrong with your answer. Their reply to you was childish, we see why you felt you were not a match.
In all cases, and at all times, and under all circumstances, whether it be in or out of the Lifestyle, you have the right to make whatever decision(s) you choose to make, or NOT make.
This IS still America, ya know.
Of course, this only applies up until November of this year.
Beyond that - we can only pray.
I would have responded to their reply with a suggestion that they go to school and actually learn grammar - as opposed to conversing in text.
This IS still America, ya know.
Of course, this only applies up until November of this year.
Beyond that - we can only pray.
I would have responded to their reply with a suggestion that they go to school and actually learn grammar - as opposed to conversing in text.
I say don't worry about it. by the poor use of grammar, spelling, and punctuation in the email it is obvious he or she is uneducated. usually immaturity and low education go hand in hand, so take comfort in knowing you made the right decision. some people don't handle rejection very well.
I've had my fair share of rude emails from people (singles and couples) I nicely turned down... I've been told that I'm disgusting, I need to lose weight, been called a liar, and an attention monger. all of it was just a self defense reaction to rejection. it happens...
I've had my fair share of rude emails from people (singles and couples) I nicely turned down... I've been told that I'm disgusting, I need to lose weight, been called a liar, and an attention monger. all of it was just a self defense reaction to rejection. it happens...
A lot of years and a lot of emails have taught us the best policy is not to answer, there have been many times when a no thank you or don't think we are compatible turned into we were to good for them, they were not in our class, are we to fat for you and a lot more. With no reply the answer was obvious and we never got a message back from someone asking for an explanation why we had a problem with them.
When we message someone and get no reply it doesn't matter the reason, we know it would have not worked out anyway. Even with that there have been times we have run into someone in person after not replying and hit it off, a misunderstood remark in an email would have prevented that from happening.
When we message someone and get no reply it doesn't matter the reason, we know it would have not worked out anyway. Even with that there have been times we have run into someone in person after not replying and hit it off, a misunderstood remark in an email would have prevented that from happening.
I have always preferred a response to my emails, and I always give one back. After reading this I'm changing my mind! I guess no response is as good a 'no' answer as anything else, maybe better. But I do appreciate it when the person/couple sends me a nice 'no thank you.' What you sent was very nicely put.
All depends. I think a respectful decline is appreciated. Sometimes the decline can be just as mean though. We have had folks that have said, "My spouse doesn't want anything to do with you."
There are times on either side that we will see people's emotions get the best of them whether they be the people who feel they are better than everyone else, or the people that can't handle rejection. All anyone can do is weed through the bad ones till the good ones are found. Best of luck in your searches, and most of all, have fun!
There are times on either side that we will see people's emotions get the best of them whether they be the people who feel they are better than everyone else, or the people that can't handle rejection. All anyone can do is weed through the bad ones till the good ones are found. Best of luck in your searches, and most of all, have fun!
SHANGHAIBABY wrote:
I'd let them know that passing 6th grade English is a firm requirement for anyone wanting to play.
(And for anyone wanting a grammar snob, I have the degree and schoolgirl outfit to match!)
Ok Ms Shanghaibaby, I'm from the Show Me State, the outfit ?
~ HeheheWe pearsonal were told the same from ( sticky) we both thought it showed some class by getting back to us in a timely and polite way. And leave my gramer alone
Email responses like the one you got are the reason we usually don't write a response to folks we aren't interested in anymore. There is no backlash when you just ignore the friend request.
The grammar is also significant. I don't expect perfect grammar, but that was bad enough that it screams low education. Lack of intelligence is a huge turn off.
The grammar is also significant. I don't expect perfect grammar, but that was bad enough that it screams low education. Lack of intelligence is a huge turn off.
Most people on this site dont respond at all, its very frustrating, so to get a polite no thankyou should be appretiated.
A couple who had been in the LS for a while told us that they always answer emails even if it is just a no thanks. We thought that was courteous and respectful and have done the same since then. Thanks for all the replies.
Part of growing up should be the acceptance that not everyone will want to be your friend. The replay sounds like they are stuck in elementary school. However, their reply does support your original position that you are clearly not a match.
Um ... I happen to very much appreciate grammar snobs ...
SHANGHAIBABY wrote:
I'd let them know that passing 6th grade English is a firm requirement for anyone wanting to play.
(And for anyone wanting a grammar snob, I have the degree and schoolgirl outfit to match!)
Sounds good to us, just say when!
A response is so much better than complete ignorance.
OK, this topic has probably run its course, and all's said that should be said, but I'm going to put my two cents in. First, I agree that grammar and spelling leave a bit to be desired in a lot of messages and posts that I see. But, that's not always a great indicator of how wonderful the people behind the words are. The tone of the message is. The negativity and abusiveness of a reply like some quoted in this topic is a sure indicator that your refusal to engage was properly founded.
I had to rethink my stance of not replying to every request. I generally do reply unless I feel someone is just trolling, but there have been occasions where I was just not interested in someone and didn't answer. I guess I was afraid of offending them. I got to thinking about the times I'd never received a response and how I felt. One of the things my dear old mom taught me was to try to put myself into the other persons shoes and see how I'd feel. We'll, I'd prefer someone tell me to go to hell as to just ignore me. So, hence forth, I'll be responding even if it's a polite 'no'. I'll be as gentle and polite as I can; please don't be offended.
Mr. Sexperimentor
PS. Persephone asked us to identify which partner, male or female, was doing the writing. (I'm the R of D & R. If you've met us you know what D and R stand for. If you don't know, meet us and then you will.)
I had to rethink my stance of not replying to every request. I generally do reply unless I feel someone is just trolling, but there have been occasions where I was just not interested in someone and didn't answer. I guess I was afraid of offending them. I got to thinking about the times I'd never received a response and how I felt. One of the things my dear old mom taught me was to try to put myself into the other persons shoes and see how I'd feel. We'll, I'd prefer someone tell me to go to hell as to just ignore me. So, hence forth, I'll be responding even if it's a polite 'no'. I'll be as gentle and polite as I can; please don't be offended.
Mr. Sexperimentor
PS. Persephone asked us to identify which partner, male or female, was doing the writing. (I'm the R of D & R. If you've met us you know what D and R stand for. If you don't know, meet us and then you will.)
We know how fantastically terrific you guys are. I wouldn't waste any time even thinking about it. On the bright side, its always good to see true colors. Right out of the gate too. Very nice. Chalk it up to a bullet dodged.
I would much rather receieve a "no thanks" message than no message. I think those who say "it is easier to not respond at all are lazy, disrespectful, mean, discourteous, etc.
I also don't understand how some can make the "we aren't compatible" judgement without ever meeting. I guess there are some who have age, size, race, and other pre-conceived biases. But some of our best friends and play partners are ones that we agreed to meet even though on first glance we didn't think we would like them but agreed to meet anyway and found out that our personalities meshed better than some of those other things and we developed a great relationship with them. And vice versa - some we thought would be great to meet, turned out to be "no goes" for us and sometimes for them.
Another thought - if you do send a "not compatible" message, maybe the response you get back will tell you a lot about them. In the original example in this thread, after receiving that message back, I would then ignore them. But, maybe the response back will tell you that maybe we "should" go ahead and meet them after all.
I also don't understand how some can make the "we aren't compatible" judgement without ever meeting. I guess there are some who have age, size, race, and other pre-conceived biases. But some of our best friends and play partners are ones that we agreed to meet even though on first glance we didn't think we would like them but agreed to meet anyway and found out that our personalities meshed better than some of those other things and we developed a great relationship with them. And vice versa - some we thought would be great to meet, turned out to be "no goes" for us and sometimes for them.
Another thought - if you do send a "not compatible" message, maybe the response you get back will tell you a lot about them. In the original example in this thread, after receiving that message back, I would then ignore them. But, maybe the response back will tell you that maybe we "should" go ahead and meet them after all.
I also wanted to add that I have never and would never tell someone that "we aren't compatible" just by looking at their profile. Usually I ask "why" are you contacting us. Example: We get a message from someone 30 or 40 years younger than us. Instead of responding with "we aren't compitable" I simply ask, "you are so much younger than us, why are you contacting us?". Of course, there is all kinds of responsed to that, but on one occasion, they were into "older" couples, we met and all I can say is that we had a great time and the 28 yr old female didn't have any complaints. lol
"on one occasion, they were into "older" couples, we met and all I can say is that we had a great time and the 28 yr old female didn't have any complaints. lol"
ALRIGHT! That's the kind of news that will keep me on this site and checking in from time to time! Yay, REDINTOE!
ALRIGHT! That's the kind of news that will keep me on this site and checking in from time to time! Yay, REDINTOE!
REDINTOE wrote:
I would much rather receieve a "no thanks" message than no message. I think those who say "it is easier to not respond at all are lazy, disrespectful, mean, discourteous, etc.
I completely agree. Let's all just get along, even if we don't want to get together.
REDINTOE wrote:
I also wanted to add that I have never and would never tell someone that "we aren't compatible" just by looking at their profile.
Sorry that you don't like "We are not compatible" in an email. If we both look at a profile and neither one of is excited then there is no reason for us to meet. If one of us is a little bit interested then we will at least meet and see what happens. We would rather get some sort of a reply then nothing at all.
GEORGESGURL wrote:
We know how fantastically terrific you guys are. I wouldn't waste any time even thinking about it. On the bright side, its always good to see true colors. Right out of the gate too. Very nice. Chalk it up to a bullet dodged.
Thanks you two!