We are a 51 yr old couple , married for over 23yrs,I ( the wife ) want to explore options and meet other couples. He is not interested because he said he is afraid he can't 'cut the mustard'. I would love to hook up with othe couples , maybe even a bi-female ...I been fantasizing about engaging with a woman but at the same time have sex with a man.
How do I get my husband to agree to do this with me or am I better off keeping this quiet and going out on my own ?
If I go and do this alone - what do I need to be aware off and how do I wait until I meet somebody ? How would I deal with the guilt about cheating on my husband with a woman AND a man ????
I am torn to pieces right now - please help !
How do I get my husband to agree to do this with me or am I better off keeping this quiet and going out on my own ?
If I go and do this alone - what do I need to be aware off and how do I wait until I meet somebody ? How would I deal with the guilt about cheating on my husband with a woman AND a man ????
I am torn to pieces right now - please help !
I agree with the above posters. Having seen a few threads like this on here you will probably find that the majority of this community will feel the same. Even swingers can cheat because cheating is about the lie. Most swingers I have met disapprove of cheating. (although, just like with non swingers, some still fall short of this ideal) The mansion party thing is a good idea. The environment doesn't require play and lets you understand this world before you make decisions about it. Your husband may find it not so intimidating and that there isn't actually any mustard to cut after all.
You've answered your own questions! I don't think you should do it.
Have to say...cheating is never a very good idea, in our opinion. As far as not cutting the mustard, if you are refering to performance problems....we all have those moments..young, and, more often, older guys. I have always found the girls very understanding when it happens to me. If he is content with you playing while he watchs...many couples will find that just fine...in fact..some prefer it that way. But..in any case..make sure he is involved in your decision!
if u know ur husband that well so i'm sure u know what his reaction will be ! and if not then better do whatever u wanna do to satisfy ur soul's needs ! if ur husband was good in bed u wouldn't seek for other sex partners, it's just my opinion
Great replies. We agree. DO NOT CHEAT. We believe you should do it as a couple, and a nice house party is the way to go. He does know there are more ways to please a woman than with his penis.
We agree with most of these posts. Do not cheat. Performance can be an issue at times for some of us older guys. It happens. Thank God for the little blue pill. Take him out to some of the meet n greets. It's a great way to meet people and see how average most of us are. I think you will find that the the majority of people on here are pretty laid back, and believe in the "no pressure" ideal. It definitely made it easier for us in the beginning.
I would have to agree with these posts. Talk to him, communicate what your thoughts are. If you and he agree go to a Mansion Party and just check it out. If it is no for him let it be. I do not think you are even considering cheating but if it is in your mind drop it do not do it. It is not worth it.
DON'T CHEAT ON HIM...start out by going to parties. You've already opened the line of communication by telling him you're interested so keep it going. Talk to him about going to a few parties with no expectations. Meet some couples or a single female and go from there....after a few parties he may become more open to the idea and interested in exploring. But ultimately do it all together.
I just love all the simplistic answers, don
OK as hard as it is for me to agree with SUGARANDSPICE --- Kidding relax --- I the male half have talked to a couple women where the husband sets the rules. He can pretty much do anything he wants and she is limited. He can meet one on one and she is never allowed. Also no kissing, no orgasams for her and the list of rules goes on and on.
The other admited she was in an abusive relationship and was only doing this out of fear. No I am not sexually involved with either but I am an ear when needed. So as much as we all want to belive being in the lifestyle is a bed of roses, everyone has there own situations and you have to do whats best for you.
The other admited she was in an abusive relationship and was only doing this out of fear. No I am not sexually involved with either but I am an ear when needed. So as much as we all want to belive being in the lifestyle is a bed of roses, everyone has there own situations and you have to do whats best for you.
Couple of thoughts on this UTCOWGIRL. First, I agree with the "no cheating" position taken by most everyone else. However, if the issue becomes so problematic that it affects the relationship, the relationship itself might need some re-evaluation. That should be done up front, through communication, and honestly. Maybe you both find that the relationship is so valued, that the matter should be dropped, and you can each be happy with whatever decision you make. But communication is the key.
Here is where I differ from the responses above: A lot of folks have suggested you should -- for want of a better summary -- push him toward trying the lifestyle out. If his only concern is his performance, you might go "blue" first. But if it is insecurity next to other men you might be with, that is just as likely to be a problem if you do it together as if you do it separately. I kind of think that if your post had been written by hubby, a lot fewer people would be suggesting pressure to engage in the lifestyle. I know that is something we are very sensitive to, and we are uncomfortable when we're with a couple where one of them is clearly reluctant or being pressured in any way.
My 2 cents.
Here is where I differ from the responses above: A lot of folks have suggested you should -- for want of a better summary -- push him toward trying the lifestyle out. If his only concern is his performance, you might go "blue" first. But if it is insecurity next to other men you might be with, that is just as likely to be a problem if you do it together as if you do it separately. I kind of think that if your post had been written by hubby, a lot fewer people would be suggesting pressure to engage in the lifestyle. I know that is something we are very sensitive to, and we are uncomfortable when we're with a couple where one of them is clearly reluctant or being pressured in any way.
My 2 cents.
If being true to yourself means being unfaithful to your husband and cheating in every sense of the word then I suggest you take the high road and end the relationship. You deserve to find happiness and he deserves to be respected. I also suggest personal counseling to give you the tools to own what you feel and open the lines of communications and to also prepare you should your needs prove to be a deal breaker for him.
But in no way shape or form is a sexual exploit ever worth ruining a relationship. You can justify how you feel but you can never justify dishonest behavior.
Best of luck to you.
xox
Tammy
But in no way shape or form is a sexual exploit ever worth ruining a relationship. You can justify how you feel but you can never justify dishonest behavior.
Best of luck to you.
xox
Tammy