So I am new to this website and very, very curious about all this. I thought my hubby would be up for at least another 3some (had some before we were married) but he thinks that it would be too complicated and bad for our marriage. I love him dearly, but don't think the feelings I have will go away. I am desperately looking for advise on how to handle this. thanks!
Every lifestyle has its problems. I will have to say that the swinging lifestyle opens up all sorts of opportunities for new ones. I think that is why a lot of couples only date couples.
Now are you asking about a MMF or FFM 3some?
Now are you asking about a MMF or FFM 3some?
any of it!
NU2THEGAME wrote:
So I am new to this website and very, very curious about all this. I thought my hubby would be up for at least another 3some (had some before we were married) but he thinks that it would be too complicated and bad for our marriage. I love him dearly, but don't think the feelings I have will go away. I am desperately looking for advise on how to handle this. thanks!
I feel for you, hon... my ex was the same way. he was naughty as hell before he met me. a few years into our marraige, I just couldn't hold my desire for a woman's touch to myself any longer. when I told him about my desires and fantasies, he told me I was disgusting. he also started teasing me about my weight (I weighed the same then as I do now, but he liked stick skinny girls) and was just plain mean in general. I tried to suppress how I felt, but knowing that he was denying me all the things he once enjoyed drove us apart. I started sleeping in a separate bedroom and our marriage eventually ended.
now I am with a man who encourages and embraces all of my wants and needs. he gives me everything I ask him for and fulfills me sexually on a level I never imagined was possible. I can tell him anything and everything and he doesn't judge me or think any less of me for it. he is my "sexual soul mate", if there is such a thing... haha! too bad I'm too old for him... lol!
I can't give you any advice because my marriage failed miserably over the same issue. but I can tell you that as much as I loved my husband, I am a happier, more complete person now than I ever was when I was with him. when I get married again, I will only marry a man who is 100% accepting of my sexual needs and willing to give me what I want. maybe you should tell your husband about my marriage failure in an attempt to make him understand how serious you are about your feelings and needs.
my husband doesn't think that I'm disgusting or anything. quite the opposite. we are soul mates in just about every way- except this...... he is not bored with me at all- for me it's not an emotional thing- for him i guess it is....
Well my two cents, my female half was in the same aspects similar to your male half. it took time and a few parties for her to loosen up, but know she is sexually exploritory and embraces all of it to the fullest, noone can really help you, its going to determine on what and how your realationship status is, but i can tell you that this lifestyle can make a strong marrige stronger but it with devistate some weak ones too.
so how did you convince her to go to a party and actually check it out?
Sorry for the poor speeling and grammar, i was trying to hurry
emotions should be secondary... sex is sex... it is a basic human need, like air or water. maybe he is afraid that you will get bored when it is just you and him? if that is the case, you can assure him that is never true. while my boyfriend is willing to let me invite who I want into the bedroom, the best sex I have is when its just him and I alone. I love having him to myself more than anything!
i told him that I wouldn't be worried about losing him to another woman, because there's no way that he could have the connection with anyone else besides me. he responded with, the things you don't ever think will happen may very well happen.
i really appreciate the conversation. I know a lot of people on this site call this "drama" but honestly I don't know where else to ask these types of questions..... I don't think that marriage counseling would be appropriate..... maybe counseling on my own?
Well, she is open minded. I also explained to her that NOTHING would happen unless she said other wise, I gave her full control and explained that I would support her no matter the outcome. YOU CAN'T FORCE HIM, he will resent you. Remember this lifestyle is for some people, and not for others. Try starting out with just having sex in the same room as another couple, then soft swap then perhaps full. There really is not a handbook of "how to's"
You just have to feel it out and adapt, but remember both of you are 1 unit, and if you press the issue you may find out that its not worth it in the long run.
You just have to feel it out and adapt, but remember both of you are 1 unit, and if you press the issue you may find out that its not worth it in the long run.
Well, she is open minded. I also explained to her that NOTHING would happen unless she said other wise, I gave her full control and explained that I would support her no matter the outcome. YOU CAN'T FORCE HIM, he will resent you. Remember this lifestyle is for some people, and not for others. Try starting out with just having sex in the same room as another couple, then soft swap then perhaps full. There really is not a handbook of "how to's"
You just have to feel it out and adapt, but remember both of you are 1 unit, and if you press the issue you may find out that its not worth it in the long run.
You just have to feel it out and adapt, but remember both of you are 1 unit, and if you press the issue you may find out that its not worth it in the long run.
Well, she is open minded. I also explained to her that NOTHING would happen unless she said other wise, I gave her full control and explained that I would support her no matter the outcome. YOU CAN'T FORCE HIM, he will resent you. Remember this lifestyle is for some people, and not for others. Try starting out with just having sex in the same room as another couple, then soft swap then perhaps full. There really is not a handbook of "how to's"
You just have to feel it out and adapt, but remember both of you are 1 unit, and if you press the issue you may find out that its not worth it in the long run.
You just have to feel it out and adapt, but remember both of you are 1 unit, and if you press the issue you may find out that its not worth it in the long run.
the worst part is that I consider myself intelligent with good common sense, so why can't i repress this- why is this so important to me right now? my hormones are taking over my common sense!! don't want to ruin a marriage for a cheap thrill- but also know that sex is a very important part of a marriage... part of it i'm sure is that I've been with him since i was 14..... i know this.
you are lucky, and have assets!!! ;-)
Well first off let me give this disclaimer: "I'm no Dr. Phil"...lol..my wife and I started out in this about a year ago. Neither of us had experienced anything this lifestyle has to offer. I was more curious than she was. We're both very sexual people but I just felt like there was more out there for us. We initially started by just talking about it, there were worries and concerns about the unknowns. We had a long list of rules for each other. We then started by simply creating our profile which was fun in it self. We took pics that we really hadn't taken before and that alone was private fun for us which got us excited and made us a little closer. Then we posted some pics and began reading other profiles, then began chatting with other couples here online on the site.
After a short time we decided to attend a party.(because neither of us knew what to expect we assumed the worst..lol..we both imagined the party was going to be a free for all orgy and a meat market...BUT IT WASN'T!!!) We decided together we wanted to meet people, and at the very most we MIGHT have sex in the same room as another couple or even a few couples. We went to the party which as stated earlier turned out great. The people were very nice, no pressure and we saw some things that we'd never seen (in person) before...and then we had sex with each other while a few others were doing it too. It was a huge thrill for us both. Some people stopped and watched us and we watched them.
After a few more parties like that we had made friends with some couples and decided to experiment a little more. So we decided we could try some kissing and touching with others (which was a huge step for us, although very minor to most). We did that at a few parties with a few that we felt comfortable with. Then that led to baby stepping a little further and deciding to soft swap. We tried that several times and have loved it. Every time we leave a party my wife and I give each other a giant hug privately outside. We talk about everything on the way home.
Each party has tested our boundaries and we've grown closer each time. We've found that some of the trust issues and unknowns that we thought were there before are almost all gone and we now trust each other on a level we've never experienced in 18 years of marriage. We are both happier now than we have ever been and communicate so much better. I can say the timing of everything for us was just right too. Some people aren't ready for it yet. This lifestyle has everything to do with communication and trust. There is definite potential for serious problems if this is done carelessly or without respect for each other first. Some people can jump in feet first and come out great and others take it carefully and still have problems.
I say talk to each other about the things that turn you on, your desires, curiousities and what you'd like to see and experience. Be sure that it's about doing things TOGETHER. The last thing any partner wants to feel is left out or not good enough. Then surf the profiles and find people you both might like to meet and begin talking to them. Go to some parties with no expectations of playing. (but if it happens then great)
For us it's kinda been a numbers thing. We attended a lot of parties and met so many great people. Out of all those great people we've only become comfortable enough with several couples on a level that we go further. And with those experiences I'm here to tell you it can be done, and you can both be very happy!!!
GOOD LUCK TO YOU BOTH!!!!
After a short time we decided to attend a party.(because neither of us knew what to expect we assumed the worst..lol..we both imagined the party was going to be a free for all orgy and a meat market...BUT IT WASN'T!!!) We decided together we wanted to meet people, and at the very most we MIGHT have sex in the same room as another couple or even a few couples. We went to the party which as stated earlier turned out great. The people were very nice, no pressure and we saw some things that we'd never seen (in person) before...and then we had sex with each other while a few others were doing it too. It was a huge thrill for us both. Some people stopped and watched us and we watched them.
After a few more parties like that we had made friends with some couples and decided to experiment a little more. So we decided we could try some kissing and touching with others (which was a huge step for us, although very minor to most). We did that at a few parties with a few that we felt comfortable with. Then that led to baby stepping a little further and deciding to soft swap. We tried that several times and have loved it. Every time we leave a party my wife and I give each other a giant hug privately outside. We talk about everything on the way home.
Each party has tested our boundaries and we've grown closer each time. We've found that some of the trust issues and unknowns that we thought were there before are almost all gone and we now trust each other on a level we've never experienced in 18 years of marriage. We are both happier now than we have ever been and communicate so much better. I can say the timing of everything for us was just right too. Some people aren't ready for it yet. This lifestyle has everything to do with communication and trust. There is definite potential for serious problems if this is done carelessly or without respect for each other first. Some people can jump in feet first and come out great and others take it carefully and still have problems.
I say talk to each other about the things that turn you on, your desires, curiousities and what you'd like to see and experience. Be sure that it's about doing things TOGETHER. The last thing any partner wants to feel is left out or not good enough. Then surf the profiles and find people you both might like to meet and begin talking to them. Go to some parties with no expectations of playing. (but if it happens then great)
For us it's kinda been a numbers thing. We attended a lot of parties and met so many great people. Out of all those great people we've only become comfortable enough with several couples on a level that we go further. And with those experiences I'm here to tell you it can be done, and you can both be very happy!!!
GOOD LUCK TO YOU BOTH!!!!
thank you! I would like to take him to a party just to see, but I haven't seen anything in my area remotely close to what I see all you lucky people in Utah experiencing!
NU2THEGAME wrote:
the worst part is that I consider myself intelligent with good common sense, so why can't i repress this- why is this so important to me right now? my hormones are taking over my common sense!! don't want to ruin a marriage for a cheap thrill- but also know that sex is a very important part of a marriage... part of it i'm sure is that I've been with him since i was 14..... i know this.
There are many little things that we all do without that do not really affect our lives to any degree. But sometimes the little things turn out to be really big things. I would say that you have found one of yours.
I sounds like you are telling us that you everything your husband wants sexually. But there is something you need that you are not getting sexually. We could guess as to what that is but it would not help to guess. You need to examine and define what it is that you are lacking. Otherwise all we can do is talk in generalities. Some people only feel safe when things are neatly defined and unchanging.
I think that most swingers will tell you that sexually we get into a rut or pattern with any lover and that for many of us that is like the end of life. Most will also tell you that this lifestyle helps to keep you feeling alive and part of the world. You learn knew things from different people and your world opens wider.
Marriage changes how many think or act. Why that is would take many pages off topic. A marriage like good government should be one of give and take and compromise. Once one side had decided not to compromise or find a solution that makes their partner happy, then they have decided that the marriage is no linger important.
As an example: A woman once told me that after marriage her husband only touched her once a year on a specific day. The rest of the time he was a cold fish. That is all he wanted and what she wanted did not matter. In a way that was sexual abuse of the worst magnitude. To choose a celibate life for one
That would be tough. Here in Utah we have something happening monthly or even weekly at times if we keep our eyes open. Maybe it's time for you to move here...lol. Lot's of welcoming arms waiting for you two here....