We are new to the lifestyle and are anxious for our first experience. There is just one challenge. We have kids (12, 9, 4 yrs). Does anybody have suggestions on how to live the lifestyle, but still be a decent parent? We'd love to have people over to our house just to get to know them, but is it too big of a turn off if the kids are downstairs watching a movie?
Before everybody says "get a babysitter!". We know we should, but we don't have a regular babysitter at the moment. It would take us a few days to get one and by then, maybe an opportunity is gone.
Suggestions?
Before everybody says "get a babysitter!". We know we should, but we don't have a regular babysitter at the moment. It would take us a few days to get one and by then, maybe an opportunity is gone.
Suggestions?
Older they are the harder it is and easier sometimes. When they're older they come and go and you can give it to me there . And then other times when you can just lock them away.
Oh hell, I'm right there with ya!! I've a couple 13 year olds and a boy that lives away from home but still barges in unannounced!!
It severely reduces the amount of time spent directly involved in this lifestyle and is one reason we've been going to parties ... just to be away in a more neutral setting. I'd not be comfortable hosting OR meeting folks for the first time with my kids around. In fact there are only a few who have ever met my kids and those where folks who've become dear friends and actually have children themselves.
We just take it elsewhere, but yeah, that's gonna involve baby-sitters!
But heck I don't know, this is a great question, it'll be interesting to read what other folks think and how they handle it. Maybe we're just really conservative that way??
It severely reduces the amount of time spent directly involved in this lifestyle and is one reason we've been going to parties ... just to be away in a more neutral setting. I'd not be comfortable hosting OR meeting folks for the first time with my kids around. In fact there are only a few who have ever met my kids and those where folks who've become dear friends and actually have children themselves.
We just take it elsewhere, but yeah, that's gonna involve baby-sitters!
But heck I don't know, this is a great question, it'll be interesting to read what other folks think and how they handle it. Maybe we're just really conservative that way??
Having a social get together with kids around is one thing, but if it's a lifestyle get together I would highly recommend that there be no kids in the house. Even if its just for adult conversation, its amazing what kids pick up on.
Our kids are all gone so its a lot easier for us, but I sympathize with those of you that still have them at home. It can get difficult to host, and get out to parties.
We would suggest finding a good babysitter, and maybe an overnighter to grandma's house once in a while.
Kids are great but they dont need to know how we play, lol.
Good luck
Our kids are all gone so its a lot easier for us, but I sympathize with those of you that still have them at home. It can get difficult to host, and get out to parties.
We would suggest finding a good babysitter, and maybe an overnighter to grandma's house once in a while.
Kids are great but they dont need to know how we play, lol.
Good luck
Being in the lifestyle does not make you a bad parent. I find that there are a lot of people that walk around their house partially dressed or completely nude. Being a naturist or what most call nudist is very natural. If you have not been brought up in the lifestyle then walking around with out clothing is a bit unusual. But naturists do so in their own homes and in other private places.
Maybe we should have the same attitude in this lifestyle. I do not mean that the kids should be involved but maybe we spend too much time and energy keeping it from them. I know that there are couples that talk to their teens about the lifestyle just like regular folks talk to their children about sex. Of course I am making the supposition that we all talk to our children about sex before they start having it!!
Maybe we should have the same attitude in this lifestyle. I do not mean that the kids should be involved but maybe we spend too much time and energy keeping it from them. I know that there are couples that talk to their teens about the lifestyle just like regular folks talk to their children about sex. Of course I am making the supposition that we all talk to our children about sex before they start having it!!
My kids dont need to know anything about my sex life. If we have people over I either have to meet them before we invite them over or I have to have talked to them a lot either in chat or texting. My kids maybe in the house but will be in bed and never meet the couple. I have friends I have met though the lifestyle that have met my kids but they all have kids as well. and I trust them.
We find it very difficult as well. We have two 13 year olds and a 3 year old. Normally 13 is adequate age to babysit, but we have a 3 year old who is quite demanding. We are the blacksheep of the family and get little help that way. So we feel your pain!
We do have occasions where we get adult time, the problem is, the access to a babysitter never corrisponds with those occasions. We find a couple we chat with and want to meet, then it becomes a matter of getting away. Most people don't have the patients for that, which I cannot fault them for. That's why we try to meet people who also have children. It may not always be possible, but it gives us an imediate connection and common ground. They generally have more patience.
I know that finding someone you trust with your kids is hard, and sometimes you need to have all stressers gone when planning a first meeting. We were super nervous on ours. There have been people who have even offered us the use of thier teen to babysit. Our problem with that is this, we make every effort to keep this part of our lives super secret. We even call it our 007 life. And as someone before said, don't want people to meet our kids until we have known them for a while. I know many may disagree, but that is how we prefer things.
If you merely want suggestions on how to juggle both, here are a couple ideas. Plan a certain time/times where you both get "your time". It may be after the kids have gone to bed even. Use it to go online, or chat with some of the people you meet. We also have our time where we like doing sexy photography. We also plan times every few months to either go to wendover, or get a room at a hotel somewhere. Just be creative and you will be able to juggle both lives. Good luck to you! And welcome!
We do have occasions where we get adult time, the problem is, the access to a babysitter never corrisponds with those occasions. We find a couple we chat with and want to meet, then it becomes a matter of getting away. Most people don't have the patients for that, which I cannot fault them for. That's why we try to meet people who also have children. It may not always be possible, but it gives us an imediate connection and common ground. They generally have more patience.
I know that finding someone you trust with your kids is hard, and sometimes you need to have all stressers gone when planning a first meeting. We were super nervous on ours. There have been people who have even offered us the use of thier teen to babysit. Our problem with that is this, we make every effort to keep this part of our lives super secret. We even call it our 007 life. And as someone before said, don't want people to meet our kids until we have known them for a while. I know many may disagree, but that is how we prefer things.
If you merely want suggestions on how to juggle both, here are a couple ideas. Plan a certain time/times where you both get "your time". It may be after the kids have gone to bed even. Use it to go online, or chat with some of the people you meet. We also have our time where we like doing sexy photography. We also plan times every few months to either go to wendover, or get a room at a hotel somewhere. Just be creative and you will be able to juggle both lives. Good luck to you! And welcome!
I have a 15 1/2 year old who can be volunteered to babysit pretty easily...
My kids, however, do not need to know about my extracurricular activities...
so generally, it's easier to have all the kids at one couples' house and all the adults at another...
That is MUCH harder to finangle if there are winter roads however.
My kids, however, do not need to know about my extracurricular activities...
so generally, it's easier to have all the kids at one couples' house and all the adults at another...
That is MUCH harder to finangle if there are winter roads however.
[quote=UCANTOUCHMYMONKY]I have found a couple of things you can do on the cheap and without having to plan it out to free yourselves up from your parental duties for a night of debauchery. Did you know, if your drop your kids off at the homeless shelter for the night they can't be turned away. Just have the kids tell them they all ran away so you don
we don't have a regular sitter either, which means we don't get out to play as often as we would like. we usually have to pre-plan anything we want to do at least a week in advance, and sometimes 2 weeks. we never host unless we know the kids are with a sitter. our family comes first, but we try to set aside personal time for ourselves at least once or twice a month.
we have tried playing during the day while the kids are in school and daycare, but have only found a few couples who are available during daytime hours.
we have tried playing during the day while the kids are in school and daycare, but have only found a few couples who are available during daytime hours.
We do not Play at home we go get a hotel room or use the other couples house. We do not let the kids know what we do when we are having fun.
Just a question, you say you have a 12 year old.. How mature and responsible are they? If even maybe for an hour to meet someone for dinner or drinks to get them to know you... Like someone else has mentioned if there interested in you enough, waiting to meet at a later date to arrange a sitter will be understood... Like they say its like wine sweeter with age LOL... But we know how it is we have 4(almost 15,12,10 & 8) so we know how hard it is to get the last minute get together to work out just right.... Were lucky now that our oldest is responsible enough to take care of the others so we can go out to parties... But its not always so easy to get all 4 gone at the same time for a night at our place, so we usually cant host and have to go to house parties......
And for the homeless shelter comment or a hobo, NEVER will I be that desperiate to do that to my kids esp.. with a stranger .... EEWWWWWWW Thats just plain irresponsible lol so I hope you was joking to those really being an option for them..... Anyways enough of my 2 cents good luck and welcome to the lifestyle, the biggest thing we have learned is good things come to those who wait... Theres really no rush if you meet a couple that cant respect your homelife then its there loss you probably shouldnt be friends with them anyways.....
And for the homeless shelter comment or a hobo, NEVER will I be that desperiate to do that to my kids esp.. with a stranger .... EEWWWWWWW Thats just plain irresponsible lol so I hope you was joking to those really being an option for them..... Anyways enough of my 2 cents good luck and welcome to the lifestyle, the biggest thing we have learned is good things come to those who wait... Theres really no rush if you meet a couple that cant respect your homelife then its there loss you probably shouldnt be friends with them anyways.....
[quote=BLUEEYESINUTAH][quote=UCANTOUCHMYMONKY]I have found a couple of things you can do on the cheap and without having to plan it out to free yourselves up from your parental duties for a night of debauchery. Did you know, if your drop your kids off at the homeless shelter for the night they can't be turned away. Just have the kids tell them they all ran away so you don
We have three kids under 7. We try to find a sitter at least one day a weekend. It's all good, we just have the kids act as ushers. They talk about safe sex with any potential couples, and hand out condoms before we make our way to the bedroom... 
I have 6 boys - ages 5, 9, 12, 16, 18, and 19. Jared has 5 kids ages between 5 - 10. We have my kids full time and his on every other weekend. We make friday night "date" night. It's non negotiable. We don't play at home because quite frankly there are potentially up to 11 kids that can and will knock every 5 minutes. Thankfully our play partners have been gracious hosts. But that's our night to either go have fun with other couples (or singles if we like them) or just hang out with each other. Thankfully we don't have sitter issues....
xox
Tammy
p.s. My 3 oldest are aware of our lifestyle and the 16 yr old has even babysat for other swingular couples during M&G, dates, parties, etc. He is easily bribed with $20 and a 2 liter bottle of mountain dew. LOL
xox
Tammy
p.s. My 3 oldest are aware of our lifestyle and the 16 yr old has even babysat for other swingular couples during M&G, dates, parties, etc. He is easily bribed with $20 and a 2 liter bottle of mountain dew. LOL
Just a thought... Maybe the site needs a on-the-spot child sitters list of people who's willing to host the children with available times listed for them.
In the past, the Kearns Fitness Center has had a "date night" child care activity. You can bring your kids there & they can swim, play games, etc. But it ends pretty early, about 10 or so.
I checked their website and there's nothing about it there now but they aren't good about updating it.
If you have an older teen, I think that the Kearns Fitness Center is OK with you leaving the older kid to watch the younger ones. If you did that, you could go party during the afternoon up til 9.
The Unitarian church up by the U has done the same thing for Valentine's Day. The teenagers will watch little kids on Valentine's Day. I don't remember how late they do.
I checked their website and there's nothing about it there now but they aren't good about updating it.
If you have an older teen, I think that the Kearns Fitness Center is OK with you leaving the older kid to watch the younger ones. If you did that, you could go party during the afternoon up til 9.
The Unitarian church up by the U has done the same thing for Valentine's Day. The teenagers will watch little kids on Valentine's Day. I don't remember how late they do.
Just dont host at home if the kids are there. The older ones will remember little things even though they dont know exactly whats going on. They definately will figure it out when they get older. Send the kids off to the grandparents during their vacations. During those times, that's when you host.
My teenage daughter came to live with me a couple of summers ago. One time I came home after a playdate without showering and my daughter hugged me before I could get to my room. She asked me why I smelled so funny. I told her I just took some fish oil supplements and then hauled ass to the shower. From that time on, I always shower right after my playdates and I stopped hosting.
My teenage daughter came to live with me a couple of summers ago. One time I came home after a playdate without showering and my daughter hugged me before I could get to my room. She asked me why I smelled so funny. I told her I just took some fish oil supplements and then hauled ass to the shower. From that time on, I always shower right after my playdates and I stopped hosting.
Count us in on this ours are 10 and 6. Babysitters is not a regular thing for ours either. We have had happen two different scenarios. The first couples come over and all of the kids play while we just talk and hang out, and couples without kids come over. In both cases we apply the rule no sex(you can be yourself just nothing heavy, my kids a used to him with his mouth) talk while the kids are up and can here. As for who the couples are, we just tell them there friends of ours. Being from a mostly southern family my kids accept this. Because they are used to bbqs and get togethers where everybody shows up. As for the playing we are in a 3 story town home. The kids bedroom is on the very bottom floor with a door. Our room is on the very top floor with a door and lock. oh and everybody have a nice day
Thanks everyone! It is nice to know we are not the only couple with these issues. Our 12 year old can and does babysit for us occasionally, but not for more than an hour or two. So great for going to dinner but not much beyond that. We do need to find a regular sitter and take advantage of grandparents that are close.