Swingers Forum - Breaking the 4th wall

I have the type of job that requires me to travel quite a bit around the state. As a sales rep, I call on customers at every grocery store and major retail center in Northern Utah. Considering the hundreds of lifestylers out there, I often wonder how many I interact with or pass everyday without realizing it. In the last year, I have had the opportunity to bump into 3 people that I recognize from this site. I would never introduce myself at their work, but I did send an e-mail to them later and say hi. The response back, in each case was very negative and in one case very angry. Did I cross a line?

LOL I see people all the time in the lifestyle But I have learned if you aproch them out side of the web sight 1 of 2 things happen they say hi hows it going or they say who are you and act like they have never seen u in there lifes thats when I toss in the line of oh must be da ja vo sorry have a nice day.

i don't see anything wrong with your aproch at least u did it thru the web site.

I personally don't care if someone approaches me in a vanilla setting....you wouldn't believe how many times I hear "hey Blueeyes" while I'm at Walmart or another store...last year, seriously, on Temple Square when I took my kids to see the Christmas Lights. It's not like they are groping me while they are doing it. And most people, vanilla or not, have enough manners not to interrogate you how/where you met/know someone else. All I ask is that you don't stick your tongue down my throat when saying hello. It kinda freaks my kids out.

fuck 'em (or in this case don't) if they can't take a hint online. You did the right thing. It is their problem!

Mav

I am so glad you posted this. I have recently seen a few people I know, and happen to work with. Once I picked my jaw up off the floor I had to have a laugh and realize that as taboo as the lifestyle is for most of society, that it is more common and more accepted than one would think. I have been struggling with weather or not to approach a couple of them that I have been work friends with for a long time. It's nice to have lifestyle friends that you can share stories or ideas with, and speak freely. Too many of my Vanilla friends would not be so understanding. I personally believe that most couples are just not educated on the lifestyle and thusly conform to the standards expected of the so called "majority". When in actuality, if they were presented with proper information and the proper situation, just might find a piece of the lifestyle that they would be comfortable with. I think how you went about it is applaudable. You respected their privacy by waiting to contact them through email. Whatever their issue was is their problem, and you should not bother wasting any more energy worrying about if you crossed the line. Now that said.... Tell us who and where so we can all go point and laugh. just kidding. But this is merely my meager little opinion, we are newborns in the lifestyle and are still learning the proper etiquite, so if any of you more seasoned lifestylers out there can enlighten me on if it is ok to approach someone you know that you see on this site to let them know you are someone they can talk to about it, or if you just leave it alone and wait for them to open up to you?

We had this same convo over dinner with some lifestyle friends recently. The consensus among all 4 of us was that if we ever ran into lifestyle friends in a vanilla setting was that it wouldn't even matter if we smiled and went over and hugged. It's not as though people in the grocery store or whatever would have any clue as to why we were hugging. For all they know is that we're old friends who haven't seen each other in awhile or whatever because that's the exact reaction we'd have running into vanilla friends in the grocery store. It's not as though we were gonna get down on the floor and start fucking on the spot.

BLUEIDKAT wrote:


Basically my e-mail was:
"Hi, I'm James, the male half of Blueidkat, I work as a sales rep for a national beverage company and consequently call on a lot of retail locations along the Wasatch Front. The other day I was at Blah business in Blah City and noticed someone who looks a lot like you. I know with all the swingers in Utah I must bump into some, everyday, and not realize it. It was so cool to possibly recognize a lifestyler out there in the vanilla world and just wondered if I was right."

I understand the whole fear of being stalked and the need for anonimity but are we that afraid? Do we need to be?

Hey Blue, I know you guys didn't mean anything sinister! But yeah, that'd give me a bit of the creeps. If others read this, I'm sure they'll pipe in with some righteous opinions about how right you are and golly we all need to be proud of ourselves and such because of your statement/question, "I understand the whole fear of being stalked and the need for anonimity but are we that afraid? Do we need to be?" Hopefully few others will read this so we'll not start the whole "Having pics in the profile or not" argument again!

To answer the question/statement you articulate above, yes, some folks do need anonymity. There are those folks that have a license for their job issued by County or State governments. Obtaining that license is considered a privilege, just like a drivers' license. No, the government can't search you or do medical tests on you against your will -- unless you want to drive. Then you acquiesce to their demands because you want that license. No, the government can't fire someone for perceived violation of a "morality clause" found in a licensing application. They can, however, deny or publicly harass a person about a license. Without that license many folks lose their job. Not good.

So for some folks anonymity is not a matter of guilt or shame, but actually becomes a necessity to protect against a threat to their families livelihood. For me, I'm not paranoid or anything but I see absolutely no reason to expose myself unnecessarily. If someone I've met and actually KNOW approaches me away from the swinging scene, I'm totally fine with it, but an anonymous letter from someone I've never even met would bother me.

I think sending the email later is the right way to handle it. I've had it happen several times.

MASSMN wrote:

@FUN4MWF: your post and he's pre-transgender Power to u to be who u want to be but wtf.
After reading ur whole profile not real sure what you're looking for.

OMG. You can't be serious. If you are I got some ocean front property here in Salt Lake City I would love to sell you. First, get a sense of humor. Second, get some some common sense. Are you REALLY that dense and/or gullible?

SMDH.

Traveling to a party in Ogden, while gassing up at a truck stop, we ran into some casual friends of friends (Not Swingers) from our home town and it was a little odd trying to come up with a cover story on the spot, it was easier though because they were also flustered. So later that night at the meet n greet it was a good laugh about the truck stop.
Sort of backwards from the original question but this might be a good time to mention that if you see Rachel at work it is totally not an appropriate time to mention that you think you've seen her pictures on the web.

Bob

Yeah, I was in the VIP section. Or shakin my ass on the dance floor. Or sucking some porn star's penis. Or feelin up the fresh new meat..er I mean welcoming the newbies.

I personally had a blast.

Afterparty was even better. *mental note, call hotel and see if they got my earrings out of the ceiling*