I've read the articles on the site about jealousy, but I am hoping that some of you more seasoned swingers can give me some advice. Remembering back to when you first started, were there any times that jealousy and hurt crept up, despite your willingness to let your partner play? How did you deal with this (obviously besides talking it through with your partner?) For me, I can logically work through it, and know how I should feel, especially given the fact that I've been on the other side of things for 4 years, but now having him play, it makes me feel insecure and a little hurt. Help 
As we have only played once and it only went so far, I had the opportunity of watching the wife have some real fun with another guy at a party. The mass of emotions that went through me was immense and finally I came away with the issue of watching her as the most sensual sexy person I had seen in a long time. I fought with the jealousy thing and the "what should I do" part of things but in the end it was an awesome time and I can still look back on it and get a certain rise remembering the party. I don't know how I would have felt if it had gone further than the point than it did (he got to play with her awesome boobies and got her half naked and along the way got to play down below). But I have to say that I finally did enjoy the part I did get to watch and might have enjoyed the rest of it if it had happened. Guess we will never know...
Jealousy is a tough one in or out of the lifestyle because it has so many roots. No one should tell you not to be jealous. It is a normal feeling and there are different ways to deal with it. Logic is one way but evidently that is not working for you. I used logic and study to get rid of my demons long ago. I do not have all the answers and I can not tell you what will work for you because I know nothing about you other than you are here. But I can tell you what I have learned.
A lot of couples have rules that they have discussed and gone over and over that restrict what their partner does with another partner. Some say no kissing and others have something that is exclusive in their relationship and that somehow helps them and this might be enough. At least it would be a start.
You might find help here from others that have conquered theirs. Self study does work for some and others find teachers to help them. I live and teach a form of Tantra. Most people think that it is all about sex and in its purest form is really about ones life energy and philosophy. In my studies I have learned to remove that condition and prevent its return.
Part of Tantra is learning about bonding and energy fields that are common to every living creature. In a way we all feel this bond to some extent when we fall in love. There are ways to intensify this bond. When the bond between two is strong enough jealousy is non existent. But this bond weakens if we do work at keeping it strong.
It is difficult to change how a person looks at the world or their partner in any kind of forum but to me the bond is really the key. It can be achieved in many ways. I teach intimacy classes for couples and thus teach some of the ways to strengthen this bond.
Jealousy has to do with possession or owning someone rather than a mutual bond. Humans often get this idea in their heads that another human belongs to us this philosophy sets us up and starts us down the wrong path in so many ways. If you can get past ownership and learn to strengthen the bond and accept the relationship for what it is any moment, then jealousy will not come into play because jealousy is always part of ownership.
If you don
A lot of couples have rules that they have discussed and gone over and over that restrict what their partner does with another partner. Some say no kissing and others have something that is exclusive in their relationship and that somehow helps them and this might be enough. At least it would be a start.
You might find help here from others that have conquered theirs. Self study does work for some and others find teachers to help them. I live and teach a form of Tantra. Most people think that it is all about sex and in its purest form is really about ones life energy and philosophy. In my studies I have learned to remove that condition and prevent its return.
Part of Tantra is learning about bonding and energy fields that are common to every living creature. In a way we all feel this bond to some extent when we fall in love. There are ways to intensify this bond. When the bond between two is strong enough jealousy is non existent. But this bond weakens if we do work at keeping it strong.
It is difficult to change how a person looks at the world or their partner in any kind of forum but to me the bond is really the key. It can be achieved in many ways. I teach intimacy classes for couples and thus teach some of the ways to strengthen this bond.
Jealousy has to do with possession or owning someone rather than a mutual bond. Humans often get this idea in their heads that another human belongs to us this philosophy sets us up and starts us down the wrong path in so many ways. If you can get past ownership and learn to strengthen the bond and accept the relationship for what it is any moment, then jealousy will not come into play because jealousy is always part of ownership.
If you don
For us, there is no jealousy when we play together and although we haven't played by on our own yet, I don't see jealousy being an issue when it happens. However, I do get a little sad when I think about him playing with girls by himself... not because I'm jealous, but because I love playing with him so much that I will feel like I'm missing out on some of the fun. But I want him to do and have everything he wants, so knowing that he is happy would outweigh any tinge of sadness I might feel for myself.
Jealousy is and has been on our minds from the beginning. Mainly because we are so close to each other and until recently have never been in situations where we feel our trust is being tested...and guess what? We are still here and finding that if we move at our own speed and experience things together then openly talk about the experiences we have found we are growing closer together. We try to be careful in choosing who to play with so as to avoid any people that might be looking for drama or secret relationships. Initially we started out with a very tight neuse around the neck of rules. And as we experience more n more we're slowly loosening the grip on the rules because we're finding out what we like and the fact that at the end of the night we're going home together, still in love and trusting each other and respecting each others wants and needs. It's been an interesting learning curve for us but we're finding where we fit in to this lifestyle.
There's some great advice on this forum. Several topics have helped us along the way. It's great to know others worry a feel the same things. Hope you all find what you're looking for.
There's some great advice on this forum. Several topics have helped us along the way. It's great to know others worry a feel the same things. Hope you all find what you're looking for.
One man's opinion:
If the possibility of jealousy becoming an issue is even on your mind - you have NO business swinging.
If the possibility of jealousy becoming an issue is even on your mind - you have NO business swinging.
Hey just seen this post. We think you are very sexy and have nothing to be insecure about. You and your partner are a very sexy couple and hope to get to know you better from meeting you at the halloween party last saturday night!
~C and A~
~C and A~
Is jealousy and pride related in what the life style is about . Not sure but when others seek out us and want to get to know us or the wife I get kinda proud and maybe not nessaraly jelouesy but proud that others ared into us our the wife and we ares still together and kinda wierd I know just a random thought but jelouesy is only a serious issue if your in it for only yourself and not the happyness of your mate ..
DDRIVER03 wrote:
Is jealousy and pride related in what the life style is about . Not sure but when others seek out us and want to get to know us or the wife I get kinda proud and maybe not nessaraly jelouesy but proud that others ared into us our the wife and we ares still together and kinda wierd I know just a random thought but jelouesy is only a serious issue if your in it for only yourself and not the happyness of your mate ..
Well said! We have been asked about jealousy issues previously. We have a great amount of trust for each other, and know that no matter what we do, we are going home happily to each other. A big part of the lifestyle to us is the experience. We know that there is more to the sexual experience than what we share just between us. So we play to enjoy the pleasure, learn about ourselves, and learn about our partners. I am proud to be the man with the "Green panty" lady.
So if I were to offer any advice to anyone, have the trust to enjoy each other's experience, the respect to know each other's limits, and obviously...have fun.
Jealousy has no place in the lifestyle. If you try swinging after you and your partner have talked about it and there is still jealousy then it is time to regroup and talk somemore!!!!!!!
PRIDEJOY wrote:
Jealousy has no place in the lifestyle. If you try swinging after you and your partner have talked about it and there is still jealousy then it is time to regroup and talk somemore!!!!!!!
Thanks.
Even though I have been certified as being full of Bull Shit by a seasoned, veteran, experienced, expert member of the Lifestyle, it's nice to know someone else out there shares my view.
Oh, and NO offense taken.
I'm just not used to someone saying someone else's opinion is Bull Shit just because they have a different view.
FUCKADOODLEDOO wrote:CARRIERMANANDGEEKGIRL wrote:
[quote=PRIDEJOY]Jealousy has no place in the lifestyle. If you try swinging after you and your partner have talked about it and there is still jealousy then it is time to regroup and talk somemore!!!!!!!
Thanks.
Even though I have been certified as being full of Bull Shit by a seasoned, veteran, experienced, expert member of the Lifestyle, it's nice to know someone else out there shares my view.
Oh, and NO offense taken.
I'm just not used to someone saying someone else's opinion is Bull Shit just because they have a different view.
Gotta agree with Carriermanandgeekgirl. I feel like jealousy is everywhere and I feel peeps should just get over it. However there are peeps that dont share the same opinion and I fully respect that.
Gina[/quote]
I (he) love you Gina. lol
Honest jelouesy i think is not a bad or unhealthy emotion or feeling.. I like some jelouesy because I am not up set or hurt by it but strengthened by knowing that we are in it to win it and as long as your both after the same goal, and not being a ball hogg them who cares who makes the goal if everyone is on the same team.
My two cents ... jealous is a natural emotion, but for many in this lifestyle it is managed or mitigated by the pleasure and excitement of the lifestyle itself (seeing your partner pleased by another party, from a perspective not gained by one-on-one sex, etc.). Just like some get pleasure from what are generally considering negative emotions or actions - pain, humiliation, etc. - most of us get pleasure from what would be construed as jealousy by others ... we just minimize it, and enjoy the erotic and sensual elements of the remainder.
BEARZYKINS wrote:CARRIERMANANDGEEKGIRL wrote:
[quote=PRIDEJOY]Jealousy has no place in the lifestyle. If you try swinging after you and your partner have talked about it and there is still jealousy then it is time to regroup and talk somemore!!!!!!!
Thanks.
Even though I have been certified as being full of Bull Shit by a seasoned, veteran, experienced, expert member of the Lifestyle, it's nice to know someone else out there shares my view.
Oh, and NO offense taken.
I'm just not used to someone saying someone else's opinion is Bull Shit just because they have a different view.
Truly, no offense was intended and the term "bullshit" was meant more as a joke (in reference to the card game, calling out someone's bluff? anyway), but also to illustrate how elitist your comment (again, my opinion) came across; saying that anyone who has felt jealousy "has NO business in the lifesyle" basically alienates a large majority in the lifestyle, as you can see by many of the responses here. The thing is, many of us are fairly successful (if you call it that) in the lifestyle even though there have been moments of jealousy and to say that WE don't belong here is kind of off-putting.
I respect everyone's opinion, but to me that statement seemed disrespectful to the many of us out there who have ever felt even a tinge of the influence of the green-eyed monster. Let's just say truce, shall we?
[/quote]Truce works for me.
I just wish I would have had the opportunity to point out that you misquoted me in your above response before we called the truce.
Oh well, no big deal - the sun will come up tomorrow either way.