Swingers Forum - Denial

Hey we were just wondering how people feel about getting turned down and what people think is the best way to go about this. We don't turn down friend requests but we do turn down offers to meet up. We think its funny when people deny our requests or remove us from their friends list cause we always wonder why people do that. We are pretty much open about what we want but some people often think they fulfill those requirements and don't. People will email us and ask us if we want to get together and we never know what to say when the answer is no so we usually just ignore them but we think that is the wrong way to handle it. We personally dont mind gettting turned down. He is a bigger guy and some people like thin guys or buff guys. He isnt rolly or soggy and he doesnt jiggle alot he likes the way he looks and so do she but we both know some people wont. She is a thin girl and alot of people want girls with some meat on their bones. He even likes thick chicks again not rolly of soggy or celulite or any of that but curves are nice but he loves skinny chicks and has usually only had relationships with thin girls. She loves thin girls the thinner the better and is kind of turned of by girls that are not in incredible shape. She also hates big cocks and small cocks. Alot of guys and girls like large ones but she thinks bigger than 8 is just to big and does not feel good or if they are to thick same thing. That being said she wants to feel it See we know what we want just don't know the best way to tell people that they dont fit the bill. This applies to parties and events as well. We have never been to a party or large event mainly because we don't know the protocol. We know respect is a big thing for most people but we also know alot of people have different ideas about what that means. We are kinda big softies and dont like to cause drama. So when something happens that makes us uncomfortable we usually just grit our teeth and wait for the night to end which ruins what would have otherwise been a good time. We have lost of people email us and while we think they are cool or interesting and wouldnt mind hanging out or going out we really arent attracted to them so how should that be handled tactfully. That includes attending a group thing. How to you attend when you are invited by a couple that you arent interested that is interested in you and hookup with someone else and not hurt their feelings or allow them to overstep the boundaries just to save face. One thing that really seems to affect us is the age difference. She is only 21 and while we find many couple who are very attractive and fun looking there are many that simply look their age. While we understand that many find them attractive and we even think they look good we simply don't find them to our liking. We have pretty high standards or more specifically we are very picky (especially her). So any advice would be welcome. Hope this all makes sense and doesn't sound to whiny

POst more pics of the pretty lady and tell us exactly how she likes those avg guys to behave.

MAYBEMOR wrote:

and dont be offended it folks drop you off the FR list.. Some folks use the list different than others. Some let anyone be a friend and others only folks they have met before in person and all in between.

That makes sense we are really just curious as to peoples reasons (probably cause we don't care who we are friends with) we don't get offended by it, even though we always jokingly post that we are. Trust me we aren't crying in our cheerios over the denial People who know love us casue we are awesome and that's enough for us haha. Mainly we just aren't that pushy and don't like people who are. Often times though that leads to some lolligaggin (ha I love that word) and things take along time to get going even when we want things to get started cause we aren't initiaters. We are quicly learning to be a litlle more to the point in situations where we are and are not interested so I guess we are learning

ABCWOMAN wrote:

I also think in some cases newbies are pretty "fixed" on what they think they want sexually. But after 4 years you may notice that what you "thought was ideal" is no longer the case. Keeping an open mind is pretty important in anything in life and it's not a bad idea in regards to swinging as well.

We have very strict physical criteria for playing sexually and never see that changing. Why should we? This is fantasy fulfillment? We know what we expect and want from others and will not compromise. Even though there are few that fit our criteria we never lack for playmates. We tend to gravitate towards single women and single men, most not from Utah and most non-lifestyle singles, because finding a couple where both are what we want is very difficult. In fact we have not met a couple for possible playtime this whole year. With our singles we usually all go together like a double date. We find the lack of connection between the two singles gives both of us more quality attention and reduces the drama significantly.

Do we possibly miss out on a "rich experiences" or finding that "diamond in the rough" by having such strict physical criteria. We suppose, but if you can go to a very nice, exclusive restaurant and always have the chef prepare exactly what you feel like eating that weekend why would you go to a buffet where you can sample everything and maybe find something you didn't know you liked but usually end up with indigestion and a weird taste in your mouth.

We do enjoy mingling socially and saying hi to everyone at a party or get together, but that is where it stops. We will either take our singles to the party or leave early and meet up with them later in the night. This post is in no way stating how it should be done, this way just works for us. Good luck to you guys in the lifestyle!!!

Its like the every flavor ever jelly beans. I'm not eating every single flavor just cuz its there. I don't care how much you tell me I'm missing out by not tasting the one that tastes like dish soap. I will pass. lulz.

INVITESOME wrote:

.. but if you can go to a very nice, exclusive restaurant and always have the chef prepare exactly what you feel like eating that weekend why would you go to a buffet where you can sample everything and maybe find something you didn't know you liked but usually end up with indigestion and a weird taste in your mouth.

LOL @ this!

LOVE wrote:

If I want Ken & Barbie, I'll order them. Humans are more interesting.

There's stuff at the buffet I won't touch, but it sure beats Filet Mignon Helper every night.

LOL. This shit always cracks me up. You can try and order them but you know they will never be delivered.

TANTALIZEUS69 wrote:

We are so glad we're not perfect

Wow, so if you were perfect would you pig out at the buffet every night and skip the work out so you could gain those extra pounds and become less perfect? Maybe wear funky clothes or not bathe cause your so miserable that you look amazing?

Just saying.

We're supposed to say NO? Well, how come no one told me til just now?

I'm KIDDING. Sheesh, People already think I corrupt everyone. I don't.

It's all over thought methinks... You can say you're not interested, and do say kindly enough without having to add insult to injury. However, there should be a separate forum for the "how to accept denial" as well... It's bad enough to have to say no, but then the people that want all the whys, and the "let me change your mind" attitude... just take what has been said and move on.

We try not to offend, nor to take offense to those not interested. In the end though, we're all here to make sure all parties involved have a good time... humbly, there's my two cents....

However, I think you can set yourself up for an unnecessary number of those potentially awkward situations by the way you approach people on the site. Clearly there will be those that you find interesting after your initial review of their profile who will turn out to not be what you expected after you get into their private pics or exchange an email or two. But if it is obvious that they don't meet your criteria after a cursory review of their profile; too old, too young, too fat, skinny, too bi-comfortable, too straight, too far away... yet you still 'friend' them... it seems that you are indirectly saying 'we would be interested' and unnecessarily creating that potentially awkward situation. If we invite someone to be a friend, or accept their invitation, we are saying that we would be interested in exploring the possibilities. That seems unfair if we already know that is not the case.

INVITESOME wrote:

ABCWOMAN wrote:

I also think in some cases newbies are pretty "fixed" on what they think they want sexually. But after 4 years you may notice that what you "thought was ideal" is no longer the case. Keeping an open mind is pretty important in anything in life and it's not a bad idea in regards to swinging as well.

We have very strict physical criteria for playing sexually and never see that changing. Why should we? This is fantasy fulfillment? We know what we expect and want from others and will not compromise. Even though there are few that fit our criteria we never lack for playmates. We tend to gravitate towards single women and single men, most not from Utah and most non-lifestyle singles, because finding a couple where both are what we want is very difficult. In fact we have not met a couple for possible playtime this whole year. With our singles we usually all go together like a double date. We find the lack of connection between the two singles gives both of us more quality attention and reduces the drama significantly.

Do we possibly miss out on a "rich experiences" or finding that "diamond in the rough" by having such strict physical criteria. We suppose, but if you can go to a very nice, exclusive restaurant and always have the chef prepare exactly what you feel like eating that weekend why would you go to a buffet where you can sample everything and maybe find something you didn't know you liked but usually end up with indigestion and a weird taste in your mouth.

We do enjoy mingling socially and saying hi to everyone at a party or get together, but that is where it stops. We will either take our singles to the party or leave early and meet up with them later in the night. This post is in no way stating how it should be done, this way just works for us. Good luck to you guys in the lifestyle!!!

Interesting way to look at other people as a dish prepared by a quality chef, but to each his own... LOL.. I think you missed my point. I wasn't suggesting that each person you meet in the Lifestyle is a potential playmate, nor that you should consider them playmates. There are simply people who like one another in a non-sexual manner and just like to be around one another. My point that you can still be nice, even if you don't look at that person as a potential playmate you could still be friends (without benefits).

As for those whom are politely told "no we're not interested", but who then resort to feeling butt hurt. Get over it!! No one owes you sex, no one owes you anything on this site or at any party. Just roll with it, sure it may hurt a little or a lot, but then understand, not everyone is looking for just "looks" or "physical fitness". Those whom do, let em, it's no skin off your back. The problem is that there are so few in the lifestyle that meet certain couples criteria that they rarely do get out there. So if that works for them then why let it bother you?

JUST SAY THANK YOU BUT NO THANK YOU NOT INTERESTED, IF THATS NOT GOOD,JUST SAY GOODBYE, MY TWO CENT