(this is Mr..)
Been reading these posts for years. "why are some people not invited to parties", and invariably the speculation is that some people are un-desirable. Now I've helped with a number of these parties (hosting) and you'd be surprised at what hosts see and what the general party goer thinks is going on.
This only applies to the bigger parties we see usually on Swingular, private parties are a whole other ball game.
First of all...
You come to a party and bitch and complain during or afterword, then don't expect to be invited. In fact, think about the fact that other hosts maybe listening or reading your comments online and figure you are too high maintenance so why bother.
You have personality quirks, lack of social skills, or hygiene issues that are really noticeable. It's going to cause an issue. Sorry if that hurts some peoples feelings, but host's have to think big picture, not any one person's feelings.
Hosts basically want everything to go smoothly, with little drama as possible. If they know you in advance, it's a pretty good chance you can get an invite if you'd like one. If you are new, then message the host and they'll either talk to you in person at a location like a local club, or they sometimes will just email back and forth and most likely invite you (the first time).
Hosts do not discriminate against looks or how big you are. We'll most of the ones I know do not. I'm a pretty big guy myself (shrinking finally!! yeah!!) and I was personally worried that would keep my wife and I out of many parties, and maybe it has with some private parties (there loss not ours), but most of the big party hosts in Utah do not discriminate in regards to how you look. Now the complete package including personality can be an issue. So if your a fun person, like to socialize, and don't think your hot stuff, don't worry!!! Chances are you are hotter then you realize and you'll get that invite when it's offered
Here are some things that will get you not invited back to a party....
1) Being an asshole to a host/hostess or someone that is helping them with the party. If you are drunk and you become Mr/Mrs Asshole, then perhaps you should not drink at the party. This happens more then you think.
2) Damage property, mistreat property, basically act like you don't give a shit about the rules at the party. It will guarantee that you do not get invited back.
3) Ripping the party, either during or after on the message boards. That's a guarantee you won't get invites in the future. (this has happened recently for many reasons, it doesn't guarantee that you'll never get an invite again, but it is noticed and it just may do just that. Depends on the host and how thick a skin they have).
4) Forcing yourself on others at a party. No means No! We've banned a number of guys from coming back to parties. Unfortunately this is a problem mostly with men and it's one reason Single guys unfortunately get singled out at times. Though I've had more problems with drunk husbands then single guys.
Sorry for going on so long in this post, but I've watched these comments in the threads about how some people are singled out as un-desired, but the reality is that the host's like everyone support at these parties, they also don't mind paying for their event either.
As for the private parties, can't really say either way. I know most of these are mainly due to who these people already know or have met online. They usually are parties that may turn into something sexually, so in that case they pick couples/individuals that they may more likely click with in that regard. Personally, this is the one I never worry about. If you go to the big parties, make friends, represent yourself well, then you'll be invited eventually.
Been reading these posts for years. "why are some people not invited to parties", and invariably the speculation is that some people are un-desirable. Now I've helped with a number of these parties (hosting) and you'd be surprised at what hosts see and what the general party goer thinks is going on.
This only applies to the bigger parties we see usually on Swingular, private parties are a whole other ball game.
First of all...
You come to a party and bitch and complain during or afterword, then don't expect to be invited. In fact, think about the fact that other hosts maybe listening or reading your comments online and figure you are too high maintenance so why bother.
You have personality quirks, lack of social skills, or hygiene issues that are really noticeable. It's going to cause an issue. Sorry if that hurts some peoples feelings, but host's have to think big picture, not any one person's feelings.
Hosts basically want everything to go smoothly, with little drama as possible. If they know you in advance, it's a pretty good chance you can get an invite if you'd like one. If you are new, then message the host and they'll either talk to you in person at a location like a local club, or they sometimes will just email back and forth and most likely invite you (the first time).
Hosts do not discriminate against looks or how big you are. We'll most of the ones I know do not. I'm a pretty big guy myself (shrinking finally!! yeah!!) and I was personally worried that would keep my wife and I out of many parties, and maybe it has with some private parties (there loss not ours), but most of the big party hosts in Utah do not discriminate in regards to how you look. Now the complete package including personality can be an issue. So if your a fun person, like to socialize, and don't think your hot stuff, don't worry!!! Chances are you are hotter then you realize and you'll get that invite when it's offered
Here are some things that will get you not invited back to a party....
1) Being an asshole to a host/hostess or someone that is helping them with the party. If you are drunk and you become Mr/Mrs Asshole, then perhaps you should not drink at the party. This happens more then you think.
2) Damage property, mistreat property, basically act like you don't give a shit about the rules at the party. It will guarantee that you do not get invited back.
3) Ripping the party, either during or after on the message boards. That's a guarantee you won't get invites in the future. (this has happened recently for many reasons, it doesn't guarantee that you'll never get an invite again, but it is noticed and it just may do just that. Depends on the host and how thick a skin they have).
4) Forcing yourself on others at a party. No means No! We've banned a number of guys from coming back to parties. Unfortunately this is a problem mostly with men and it's one reason Single guys unfortunately get singled out at times. Though I've had more problems with drunk husbands then single guys.
Sorry for going on so long in this post, but I've watched these comments in the threads about how some people are singled out as un-desired, but the reality is that the host's like everyone support at these parties, they also don't mind paying for their event either.
As for the private parties, can't really say either way. I know most of these are mainly due to who these people already know or have met online. They usually are parties that may turn into something sexually, so in that case they pick couples/individuals that they may more likely click with in that regard. Personally, this is the one I never worry about. If you go to the big parties, make friends, represent yourself well, then you'll be invited eventually.
Great info, common sense but appreciated all the same.
Sounds like great advice!
We can add a bit about private parties (our favorite) We like to host them, and have hosted a number of them in the past. As was mentioned, personalities are the very most important thing to us when the invites go out! Size shape, age, matters not. It is an adult party..not an orgy. People with outgoing and fun personalities will pick their own comfort zones....from just sitting around talking, or maybe a little skinny dipping in the hot tub, to slipping off to a quit corner for a little more "intimacy". No pressure for anyone to become involved in anything they are not comfortable with.
In fact, we often try to invite a variety of ages, and types, just help assure that there is "someone for everyone" to relate to. We do tend to invite our friends first, obviously, but we also like to invite at least a few new people, too. We always enjoy making new friends!
That said, friend or not, as Mr ABC said above, if you have proven to be a hinderance to everyone elses comfort, we worry about that. An obnoxious drunk, argumentive, too "grabby", or any other type of drama...the party invite won't come. Sorry.
We can add a bit about private parties (our favorite) We like to host them, and have hosted a number of them in the past. As was mentioned, personalities are the very most important thing to us when the invites go out! Size shape, age, matters not. It is an adult party..not an orgy. People with outgoing and fun personalities will pick their own comfort zones....from just sitting around talking, or maybe a little skinny dipping in the hot tub, to slipping off to a quit corner for a little more "intimacy". No pressure for anyone to become involved in anything they are not comfortable with.
In fact, we often try to invite a variety of ages, and types, just help assure that there is "someone for everyone" to relate to. We do tend to invite our friends first, obviously, but we also like to invite at least a few new people, too. We always enjoy making new friends!
That said, friend or not, as Mr ABC said above, if you have proven to be a hinderance to everyone elses comfort, we worry about that. An obnoxious drunk, argumentive, too "grabby", or any other type of drama...the party invite won't come. Sorry.
Ask an old friend if there's anything about you that puts people off. Even a vanilla friend can help here.
Don't be offended if you don't get invited. There may be stuff you don't know about. It may also be that they're doing you a favor by letting you find people you 'fit' with better.
Don't be offended if you don't get invited. There may be stuff you don't know about. It may also be that they're doing you a favor by letting you find people you 'fit' with better.