Ok the wife has just said no playing. We have been together for more years than a lot of people have lived. I love my wife and she is my lifelong partner so I dont really know which way to turn except to be a silent observer with a cupful of fantasy..
No orgasm is worth the most important relationship in your life. You don't NEED to play. Trust me, on your death bed you first thought isn't gonna be "gee I wish I fucked a bunch of different people". This lifestyle is a hobby.
Are your basic sexual needs getting met by your wife? Are you meeting hers? After that, it's all icing on the cake.
Time to talk to your wife and see what fantasies you both can at least act out and enjoy with just each other.
Are your basic sexual needs getting met by your wife? Are you meeting hers? After that, it's all icing on the cake.
Time to talk to your wife and see what fantasies you both can at least act out and enjoy with just each other.
Good one Blueeyes. Might as well close this thread, it's done.
Ok wesee. I wish that life was so simple and that the thread was closed that easily. If crash9500 has his answers I suggest that he deletes the thread and that will be the end of it. But this is and has been a continuing theme here and will continue to crop up from time to time so I will add my two cents. Life with all its complexity does go on and only you and she can decide what is right for you. There is no easy answer here folks and to suggest that there is one is really disingenuous.
To take things out a bit further, I fully agree that no woman or man should be pushed or kept to this or any other lifestyle by their partner. One can be as bad as the other. I also agree that to some degree blue eyes is correct, if all else is working and that is a big if. But we may not have the whole picture here.
Let me say that I hope lack of sex with others is the only part that is missing and I hope that crash9500 is not in the same position I was because even at best divorce is not a happy thing to go through. But there are worse courses in life I have moved onward and do not regret doing so.
No, I am not going to air my laundry here but my marriage was more than 30 years and I loved my wife deeply and in many ways I still do. So maybe I have an understanding or view that some may not have.
My marriage had its ups and downs like any marriage. But at some point she decided that sex once every three to six months was enough for her. Maybe that would have been ok for some folks and it was ok at first for me. But after 10 years of little or basically no sex I decided that living the rest of my life like that was no longer an option. Not having something you don
To take things out a bit further, I fully agree that no woman or man should be pushed or kept to this or any other lifestyle by their partner. One can be as bad as the other. I also agree that to some degree blue eyes is correct, if all else is working and that is a big if. But we may not have the whole picture here.
Let me say that I hope lack of sex with others is the only part that is missing and I hope that crash9500 is not in the same position I was because even at best divorce is not a happy thing to go through. But there are worse courses in life I have moved onward and do not regret doing so.
No, I am not going to air my laundry here but my marriage was more than 30 years and I loved my wife deeply and in many ways I still do. So maybe I have an understanding or view that some may not have.
My marriage had its ups and downs like any marriage. But at some point she decided that sex once every three to six months was enough for her. Maybe that would have been ok for some folks and it was ok at first for me. But after 10 years of little or basically no sex I decided that living the rest of my life like that was no longer an option. Not having something you don
Change your profile to single male. Take off the ring and live the life of lies we think many singles males on here live. Did you really expect support for your position?
Make a decision and move on. Live with her and no playing. Or .....
Make a decision and move on. Live with her and no playing. Or .....
It's a really simple decision if you look at it from a black and white stand point. What matters most to you? Your wife and companion of so many years or a little bit of playing over the years with strangers? Keep the wife happy and her position may change down the road
Obviously I say you need to step back and do as she wishes because this is not a subject to be taken lightly...if you continue behind her back you could/will loose everything you have loved your whole life!!
On another note maybe you need to explore WHY she has suddenly said no...have you done something to make her insecure...has someone else? You may want to find out and get it resolved not so you can renter the lifestyle but so that those problems don't flow over into your normal life...
Good luck
On another note maybe you need to explore WHY she has suddenly said no...have you done something to make her insecure...has someone else? You may want to find out and get it resolved not so you can renter the lifestyle but so that those problems don't flow over into your normal life...
Good luck
blue eyes nailed this one!!! YEAH!!
I will add one more thing.
It seems like sex is a basic need in life similar to food and sleep! Lack of it does not kill you for sure but you are really not living a complete life either. IT just so happens that we can talk about an empty tummy or a tired body with anyone but Sex is kinda taboo! and sometimes even talking about your needs in that area is not a topic for many couples to share.
Lets say you had a stroke or an accident and needed at home nursing care I bet you or your wife would do many things that they might not exactly like just for the benefit of the other. Perhaps if you talk to your wife you can work out the lack of Sex on your side of the fence. She might not need it and there are several medical reasons for this and perhaps attention there might help also. The medical community is understanding that a good sex life is part of overall health.
Just like changing diapers on a baby is not fun it is part of loving and maybe your SO can learn that it is important to take care of all your needs.
I will add one more thing.
It seems like sex is a basic need in life similar to food and sleep! Lack of it does not kill you for sure but you are really not living a complete life either. IT just so happens that we can talk about an empty tummy or a tired body with anyone but Sex is kinda taboo! and sometimes even talking about your needs in that area is not a topic for many couples to share.
Lets say you had a stroke or an accident and needed at home nursing care I bet you or your wife would do many things that they might not exactly like just for the benefit of the other. Perhaps if you talk to your wife you can work out the lack of Sex on your side of the fence. She might not need it and there are several medical reasons for this and perhaps attention there might help also. The medical community is understanding that a good sex life is part of overall health.
Just like changing diapers on a baby is not fun it is part of loving and maybe your SO can learn that it is important to take care of all your needs.
Communication is key. Let your wife know exactly how you feel. Be tactful, but direct. Don't think it'll solve itself with one conversation, and make sure you listen to why she's made this decision. In the end, good communication can solve nearly any problem two people can have.
As a side note, I do feel some sympathy if your wife simply handed down an edict instead of discussing it with you. It's hurtful and disappointing to have your partner make decisions about something without your input. Just remember what you said in your opening post, you've been together for longer than I've been alive. Don't throw it away on rash actions and angry decisions. You have a right to be hurt if she went about it indelicately, but such things can be resolved and you'll be stronger for the frank communication.
As a side note, I do feel some sympathy if your wife simply handed down an edict instead of discussing it with you. It's hurtful and disappointing to have your partner make decisions about something without your input. Just remember what you said in your opening post, you've been together for longer than I've been alive. Don't throw it away on rash actions and angry decisions. You have a right to be hurt if she went about it indelicately, but such things can be resolved and you'll be stronger for the frank communication.
Crash I would just talk to her and find your happy medium. She maybe tired of playing as you have been playing for many years. She may be satisfied with her life or maybe she is not satisfied and loves having you to herself. Since we can not see her side on this then we can barely interpret both your wants and desires.
I do not feel you asked this thread that you want to explore your options but that you are worried about your wife and you feel like you were cutt off and wondering why and what to do and how did others cope when this happens?
I think many of the people gave you good info and some where very blunt and assumed you wanted to go farther but all you said was you had fantasies.
She is your soul mate so look into each others souls and communicate with an open heart and open mind. You know this already as you have had a lifetime together and you know how she really feels and she also knows how you really feel. You can not get better then that..........So go communicate!!!
She may have changed her mind about swinging but never about you. Yes men are full of sexual energy and sometimes women just want a moment to re coupe and maybe she is completely satisfied and you both may need to look into how to get through this together.
I do not feel you asked this thread that you want to explore your options but that you are worried about your wife and you feel like you were cutt off and wondering why and what to do and how did others cope when this happens?
I think many of the people gave you good info and some where very blunt and assumed you wanted to go farther but all you said was you had fantasies.
She is your soul mate so look into each others souls and communicate with an open heart and open mind. You know this already as you have had a lifetime together and you know how she really feels and she also knows how you really feel. You can not get better then that..........So go communicate!!!
She may have changed her mind about swinging but never about you. Yes men are full of sexual energy and sometimes women just want a moment to re coupe and maybe she is completely satisfied and you both may need to look into how to get through this together.
Thanks to all for you input and your thoughts. No, I do not go behind her back and do not run around but as I said will still have my dreams and fantasies... Be talking to ya soon
T4REAL69 wrote:CRASH9500 wrote:
Ok the wife has just said no playing. We have been together for more years than a lot of people have lived. I love my wife and she is my lifelong partner so I dont really know which way to turn except to be a silent observer with a cupful of fantasy..
Lol.....I love the way some have already turned this guy into a cheater and went so far as to make him a single male in one wave of the magic wand...lmao. From what I read he's confused but believes it's best to live this life through fantasy. Didn't once hear him say he's wants to leave his wife or throw away his marriage...where the hell did that all come from?
Anyway guy I'm sure you will find your own way because looking for sound advice on here is like trying to hit a bullseye with a shot gun...you might get a few pellets on target but most are like to scatter every which way but where you want them. Best of luck!
Yeah ... what he said!