Since it was Harry Potter's birthday today, let's see what those books are really about...
"But whether James really did take off Snape's pants, Harry never found out."
-OOTP
" 'I'm going to tie him up. That's all, I swear.' "
-Remus Lupin; POA
"Harry was to be found, yet again, kneeling on the floor of Snape's office."
-OOTP
"Harry's heart began to pump very fast indeed. Defense against external penetration?"
-OOTP
" 'Fred and I managed to keep our peckers up somehow.' "
-George Weasley; OOTP
" 'This'll liven you up Padfoot.' "
-James Potter; OOTP
"Harry tried every variation of 'I need to see what Draco Malfoy is doing inside you' that he could think off..."
-HBP
" 'I'm his head of house and I shall decide how hard or otherwise to be.' "
-Serverus Snape; HBP
" 'We're not fussy where we stick this.' "
-Fred Weasley; OOTP
"Which left Harry free to sit in the grass and watch the foursome under the tree."
-OOTP
" 'Maybe it's better when you do it yourself. I didn't enjoy it much when Dumbledore took me along for a ride.' "
-Harry Potter; HBP
" 'Yeah, Montague tried to do us during break.' "
-Fred Weasley; OOTP
"One more lesson like that, and I might just do a Weasley."
-OOTP
" 'How come Fred & George never gave it to me? I'm their brother!' "
-Ron Weasley; POA
" 'What do you mean I'm not brave in bed?' "
-Harry Potter; OOTP
"He was on all fours again on Snape's office floor."
-OOTP
" 'Can we have another go?' "
-Harry Potter
" 'Not now. You've had enough for one night.' "
-Remus Lupin; POA
"Something silver white, something enormous erupted from the end of his wand."
-POA
" "He came last night, when you were in bed." "
-Ron; OOTP
"Harry stuffed his wand hastily back into his jeans and tried to look innocent."
-OOTP
" 'Was it... was it you-know-what, darling? Did he use his- thing?' "
-OOTP
"Ron was lying sprawled on his back with his mouth wide open."
-HBP
" 'Can I have a look at uranus too, Lavender?' "
-Ron Weasley; POA
" '...I know you did Mark Evans two nights ago---' "
-Harry Potter
" 'He was asking for it.' "
-Dudley Dursley; OOTP
"...screwing up her eyes each time with the same pained expression she had worn back in Harry's bedroom."
-OOTP
" '...when it appears, it is always equipped for the seeker's needs. Dobby has used it, sir," said the elf, dropping his voice and looking guilty, "when Winky has been very drunk.' "
-OOTP
" 'I thought not...You let me get in too far. You lost control.' "
-Snape; OOTP
" 'Well, we'll soon find out, won't we? Wand out, Potter.' "
Harry moved into his usual position...
-Snape; OOTP
"Well?" said Ron finally, looking up at Harry. "How was it?" Harry considered for a moment.
"Wet." He said truthfully.
-OOTP
"He bit hard on his pillow, to stop himself from making a noise."
-OOTP
" 'Doesn't it ever lie flat?' "
-Mrs. Weasley; OOTP
"You are not in a position to bargain, Potter," said Lucius Malfoy, his pale face flushed with pleasure.
-OOTP
"Snape!" ejaculated Slughorn, who looked the most shaken, pale, and sweating.
-HBP
"Behind him he could hear Ron, thudding slightly at the curves."
-COS
" 'Whoops, my wand is a little over-excited."
-Lockhart, COS
From Megan Merry Wright
"Hermione let her robes fall and Ron's mouth dropped open."
-COS
"Harry was so busy staring at Malfoy, he did not notice Goyle reaching up for his trunk."
" 'Oh,' said Ron, looking rather glum.'Right. Well, good luck. Hope you hammer McLag- I mean, Smith.' "
-HBP
"[Harry] pushed the door ajar and peered inside--and a horrible scene met his eyes. Snape and Filch were inside, alone. Snape was holding his robes above his knees."
-SS
" 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wand."
-Harry, OOTP
"Instead he contented himself with scrawling a note to Ron: 'Let's do it tonight.' "
-COS
" 'Did you have to stick the wand in that hard?' "
-Slughorn, HBP
" 'Ooh, you look much tastier than Crabbe and Goyle, Harry.' "
-Hermione, DH
" 'I'm doing it, I'm doing -- ! Oh, it's you.' "
-Ron, DH
" 'I've got an unbeatable wand, come and have a go if you think you're hard enough.' "
-Ron, DH
" 'Grab hold and make it tight. I'll do Potter!' "
-Greyback, DH
" 'She tasted disgusting, worse than Gurdyroots! Okay, Ron, come here so I can do you...' "
-Hermione, DH
"Malfoy was screaming and holding Harry so tightly it hurt."
-DH
"...all he could do was hold as tightly as possible to that thin stick of wood..."
-DH
"Harry looked back into the red eyes, and wanted it to happen now, quickly while he could still stand, before he lost control..."
-DH
"Harry reached out and was glad to find that he could touch him."
-DH
From Gwennie Garcia
"Uncle Vernon was still staring, appalled, at the bulge in Dedalus's waistcoat pocket."
-DH
"Harry's head was swimming. 'Hagrid' he repeated stupidly, and his knees buckled."
"But whether James really did take off Snape's pants, Harry never found out."
-OOTP
" 'I'm going to tie him up. That's all, I swear.' "
-Remus Lupin; POA
"Harry was to be found, yet again, kneeling on the floor of Snape's office."
-OOTP
"Harry's heart began to pump very fast indeed. Defense against external penetration?"
-OOTP
" 'Fred and I managed to keep our peckers up somehow.' "
-George Weasley; OOTP
" 'This'll liven you up Padfoot.' "
-James Potter; OOTP
"Harry tried every variation of 'I need to see what Draco Malfoy is doing inside you' that he could think off..."
-HBP
" 'I'm his head of house and I shall decide how hard or otherwise to be.' "
-Serverus Snape; HBP
" 'We're not fussy where we stick this.' "
-Fred Weasley; OOTP
"Which left Harry free to sit in the grass and watch the foursome under the tree."
-OOTP
" 'Maybe it's better when you do it yourself. I didn't enjoy it much when Dumbledore took me along for a ride.' "
-Harry Potter; HBP
" 'Yeah, Montague tried to do us during break.' "
-Fred Weasley; OOTP
"One more lesson like that, and I might just do a Weasley."
-OOTP
" 'How come Fred & George never gave it to me? I'm their brother!' "
-Ron Weasley; POA
" 'What do you mean I'm not brave in bed?' "
-Harry Potter; OOTP
"He was on all fours again on Snape's office floor."
-OOTP
" 'Can we have another go?' "
-Harry Potter
" 'Not now. You've had enough for one night.' "
-Remus Lupin; POA
"Something silver white, something enormous erupted from the end of his wand."
-POA
" "He came last night, when you were in bed." "
-Ron; OOTP
"Harry stuffed his wand hastily back into his jeans and tried to look innocent."
-OOTP
" 'Was it... was it you-know-what, darling? Did he use his- thing?' "
-OOTP
"Ron was lying sprawled on his back with his mouth wide open."
-HBP
" 'Can I have a look at uranus too, Lavender?' "
-Ron Weasley; POA
" '...I know you did Mark Evans two nights ago---' "
-Harry Potter
" 'He was asking for it.' "
-Dudley Dursley; OOTP
"...screwing up her eyes each time with the same pained expression she had worn back in Harry's bedroom."
-OOTP
" '...when it appears, it is always equipped for the seeker's needs. Dobby has used it, sir," said the elf, dropping his voice and looking guilty, "when Winky has been very drunk.' "
-OOTP
" 'I thought not...You let me get in too far. You lost control.' "
-Snape; OOTP
" 'Well, we'll soon find out, won't we? Wand out, Potter.' "
Harry moved into his usual position...
-Snape; OOTP
"Well?" said Ron finally, looking up at Harry. "How was it?" Harry considered for a moment.
"Wet." He said truthfully.
-OOTP
"He bit hard on his pillow, to stop himself from making a noise."
-OOTP
" 'Doesn't it ever lie flat?' "
-Mrs. Weasley; OOTP
"You are not in a position to bargain, Potter," said Lucius Malfoy, his pale face flushed with pleasure.
-OOTP
"Snape!" ejaculated Slughorn, who looked the most shaken, pale, and sweating.
-HBP
"Behind him he could hear Ron, thudding slightly at the curves."
-COS
" 'Whoops, my wand is a little over-excited."
-Lockhart, COS
From Megan Merry Wright
"Hermione let her robes fall and Ron's mouth dropped open."
-COS
"Harry was so busy staring at Malfoy, he did not notice Goyle reaching up for his trunk."
" 'Oh,' said Ron, looking rather glum.'Right. Well, good luck. Hope you hammer McLag- I mean, Smith.' "
-HBP
"[Harry] pushed the door ajar and peered inside--and a horrible scene met his eyes. Snape and Filch were inside, alone. Snape was holding his robes above his knees."
-SS
" 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wand."
-Harry, OOTP
"Instead he contented himself with scrawling a note to Ron: 'Let's do it tonight.' "
-COS
" 'Did you have to stick the wand in that hard?' "
-Slughorn, HBP
" 'Ooh, you look much tastier than Crabbe and Goyle, Harry.' "
-Hermione, DH
" 'I'm doing it, I'm doing -- ! Oh, it's you.' "
-Ron, DH
" 'I've got an unbeatable wand, come and have a go if you think you're hard enough.' "
-Ron, DH
" 'Grab hold and make it tight. I'll do Potter!' "
-Greyback, DH
" 'She tasted disgusting, worse than Gurdyroots! Okay, Ron, come here so I can do you...' "
-Hermione, DH
"Malfoy was screaming and holding Harry so tightly it hurt."
-DH
"...all he could do was hold as tightly as possible to that thin stick of wood..."
-DH
"Harry looked back into the red eyes, and wanted it to happen now, quickly while he could still stand, before he lost control..."
-DH
"Harry reached out and was glad to find that he could touch him."
-DH
From Gwennie Garcia
"Uncle Vernon was still staring, appalled, at the bulge in Dedalus's waistcoat pocket."
-DH
"Harry's head was swimming. 'Hagrid' he repeated stupidly, and his knees buckled."
Lol omg I died.