*you asked...you received. 
1) NOT KISSING FIRST - Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out non-essentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.
2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR - Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.
3) NOT SHAVING - You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.
4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST - Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.
5) BITING HER NIPPLES - Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a doggie toy isn't.
6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES - Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.
7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY - A woman is not a highway with just three turn-offs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.
8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED - Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.
9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT - Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.
10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS - Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.
11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK - Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.
12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY - Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy.
13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY - Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.
14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA - Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt - so don't get carried away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.
15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY - You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.
16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY - Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons.
17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST - A man in socks and underpants is at his worst. Lose the socks first.
18) GOING TOO FAST - When you get to the penis in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an assembly line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.
19) GOING TOO HARD - If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.
20) COMING TOO SOON - Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.
21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH - It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.
22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME - You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask.
23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY - Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.
24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN - Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.
25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX - Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.
26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO - Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there.
27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES - In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.
28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES - Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.
29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT - This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being drunk is an excuse.
30) TAKING PICTURES - When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the words "to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.
31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH - Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are optional.
32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS - There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.
33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES - If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.
34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE - Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don't. Tread carefully.
35) GIVING LOVE BITES - It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtle-necks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.
36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS - Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big turn-on.
37) NOT TALKING DIRTY - If she doesn't like nasty talk, she'll let you know.
38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES - You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.
39) SQUASHING HER - Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue.
1) NOT KISSING FIRST - Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out non-essentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.
2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR - Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.
3) NOT SHAVING - You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.
4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST - Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.
5) BITING HER NIPPLES - Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a doggie toy isn't.
6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES - Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.
7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY - A woman is not a highway with just three turn-offs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.
8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED - Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.
9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT - Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.
10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS - Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.
11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK - Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.
12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY - Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy.
13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY - Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.
14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA - Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt - so don't get carried away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.
15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY - You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.
16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY - Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons.
17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST - A man in socks and underpants is at his worst. Lose the socks first.
18) GOING TOO FAST - When you get to the penis in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an assembly line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.
19) GOING TOO HARD - If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.
20) COMING TOO SOON - Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.
21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH - It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.
22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME - You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask.
23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY - Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.
24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN - Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.
25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX - Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.
26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO - Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there.
27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES - In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.
28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES - Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.
29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT - This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being drunk is an excuse.
30) TAKING PICTURES - When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the words "to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.
31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH - Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are optional.
32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS - There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.
33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES - If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.
34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE - Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don't. Tread carefully.
35) GIVING LOVE BITES - It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtle-necks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.
36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS - Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big turn-on.
37) NOT TALKING DIRTY - If she doesn't like nasty talk, she'll let you know.
38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES - You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.
39) SQUASHING HER - Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue.
Thank you, there were a couple things that sadly I've been guilty of, but can easily correct. Interesting reading for both posts. 
I'd have to say 6 9 10 14 and 37 are big ones to me....... Things that drive me crazy... NOT in a good way lol
just want to be sure here...............it is ok to actually cum though right? Jeez, too hard, too soft, too fast, too slow, too soon, not soon enough. If these are all "fatal" mistakes it might make more sense to just jack off. If I have to pass a 39 point inspection and critique I am fucked before I even get laid.
Chill people. It's all in good fun. There's a post about women too.
Basically on both sides, a lot of it boils down to just being able to say what likes/dislikes you have. If you're there for your pleasure as well, help them help you, and vice versa.
I don't think anybody is upset here or feeling picked on. I know I am not.
EXACTLY. The point is....you need to own what you like/dont' like and not be a selfish lover...COMMUNICATION is key.
But it's fun to read. #25 cracked me up...."sea water mixed with egg white" lol
But it's fun to read. #25 cracked me up...."sea water mixed with egg white" lol
There's a fine line between confidence and arrogance. To claim we already know what will work for each partner is a disservice to the both of us...
POUNDCAKE wrote:
I don't think anybody is upset here or feeling picked on. I know I am not.
Ok. I misread your post then. My bad.
I've had so many break rule #39. PEOPLE! I AM A TWIG! YOU WILL KILL ME!
and the one about squishing my boobies. please don't make me fear for the safety of my implants. the goal is NOT to explode them everywhere. kthxbai. :P
heeheehee
and the one about squishing my boobies. please don't make me fear for the safety of my implants. the goal is NOT to explode them everywhere. kthxbai. :P
heeheehee
#40) "I meant Carol - I SAID Carol".
"What makes you think I said Janet"?
The world's #1 Champion turn-off: Calling her by the wrong name.
OK, every guy who has NEVER done it, raise your hand.
That's what I thought.
"What makes you think I said Janet"?
The world's #1 Champion turn-off: Calling her by the wrong name.
OK, every guy who has NEVER done it, raise your hand.
That's what I thought.
CARRIERMAN wrote:
#40) "I meant Carol - I SAID Carol". "What makes you think I said Janet"? The world's #1 Champion turn-off: Calling her by the wrong name. OK, every guy who has NEVER done it, raise your hand. That's what I thought.
I can raise my hand, but I also remember more than I'd like to in general...
If I can remember my own name much less yours, you're doing it wrong.
Oh you'd be surprised at what I'd remember!
Mark's never called out the wrong name. HA! :P
What ever happened to the saying, It takes two to tango?? Ladies, if you are not getting the proper services performed in the bed room it is YOUR FAULT. While I understand it's not quite as sexy to tell you man what's wrong and have him then do it, it's bigger than just you. This man of yours, probably, lost his virginity to someone, not you. She didn't tell him what he was doing wrong. Then all the women down the line just moved on when he didn't preform the way she prefers, yet they had the list locked and loaded when they had the opportunity to bitch to her friends!!!! We really are clay when it comes to the bedroom. Square blocks when you first buy us, just waiting to be shaped into what you want!!! Even the most testosterone ridden, statues of masculinity what to please their woman!!!!!!!!!!
Q31 wrote:
What ever happened to the saying, It takes two to tango?? Ladies, if you are not getting the proper services performed in the bed room it is YOUR FAULT. While I understand it's not quite as sexy to tell you man what's wrong and have him then do it, it's bigger than just you. This man of yours, probably, lost his virginity to someone, not you. She didn't tell him what he was doing wrong. Then all the women down the line just moved on when he didn't preform the way she prefers, yet they had the list locked and loaded when they had the opportunity to bitch to her friends!!!! We really are clay when it comes to the bedroom. Square blocks when you first buy us, just waiting to be shaped into what you want!!! Even the most testosterone ridden, statues of masculinity what to please their woman!!!!!!!!!!
Look at the thread "Fatal Mistakes Women Make In Bed"...................................................................................................................................................... It was created BEFORE this one...........
SPEXDEX wrote:CARRIERMAN wrote:
#40) "I meant Carol - I SAID Carol". "What makes you think I said Janet"? The world's #1 Champion turn-off: Calling her by the wrong name. OK, every guy who has NEVER done it, raise your hand. That's what I thought.
I can raise my hand, but I also remember more than I'd like to in general...
Mr. Raising hand here...I've never called anyone by the wrong name, not to say there haven't been times where i didn't know there name though...
#10....i actually like firmer pressure on my clit....but PLEASE NO TEETH! Not sure if it's just me or not but if you bite that little button things are going to shut down real fast lol
I am so good in bed, I call out my own name!!!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!
HIBRIGHTEYES wrote:SPEXDEX wrote:
[quote=CARRIERMAN]#40) "I meant Carol - I SAID Carol". "What makes you think I said Janet"? The world's #1 Champion turn-off: Calling her by the wrong name. OK, every guy who has NEVER done it, raise your hand. That's what I thought.
I can raise my hand, but I also remember more than I'd like to in general...
Mr. Raising hand here...I've never called anyone by the wrong name, not to say there haven't been times where i didn't know there name though...[/quote]
ROFLMAO...
i have found (male speaking) that if you just take the time to make her feel comfortable with you, she will share all her wants and needs, and if i go south somewhere of what she don't like, she can comfortably tell me to change my path of where i am going to give her pleasure, i have found there is no 2 women that are exactly the same, so if you go in with the same plan of attack on every woman, then there will be some unpleasant times with some women, what do you ladies think?
Great list but pretty much all of it can be said for women too just subsitute Penis for Clitoris.
As far as the semen part I've always been told mine tastes sweet, but I drink alot of apple juice.
Actually you do have a Prostate, here's Wikipeda info:
Female prostate gland, The Skene's gland, also known as the paraurethral gland, found in females, is homologous to the prostate gland in males. However, evolutionarily, the uterus is in the same position as the prostate gland. In 2002 the Skene's gland was officially renamed the prostate by the Federative International Committee on Anatomical Terminology.
The female prostate, like the male prostate, secretes PSA and levels of this antigen rise in the presence of carcinoma of the gland. The gland also expels fluid, like the male prostate, during orgasm.[9]
Good Job with the list!
As far as the semen part I've always been told mine tastes sweet, but I drink alot of apple juice.
Actually you do have a Prostate, here's Wikipeda info:
Female prostate gland, The Skene's gland, also known as the paraurethral gland, found in females, is homologous to the prostate gland in males. However, evolutionarily, the uterus is in the same position as the prostate gland. In 2002 the Skene's gland was officially renamed the prostate by the Federative International Committee on Anatomical Terminology.
The female prostate, like the male prostate, secretes PSA and levels of this antigen rise in the presence of carcinoma of the gland. The gland also expels fluid, like the male prostate, during orgasm.[9]
Good Job with the list!
OK. How about just a little communication! I have been trying for over 30 years to teach my wife to talk! Guess what? She still can't get it out. I have lots of issues and just wish she would tell me when to go for broke or when to bite! Even dirty talk would be great, but it aint there. Guess I need a special services dog to get me there.... thanks BlueEyes for the thread though.
SPEXDEX wrote:HIBRIGHTEYES wrote:
[quote=SPEXDEX][quote=CARRIERMAN]#40) "I meant Carol - I SAID Carol". "What makes you think I said Janet"? The world's #1 Champion turn-off: Calling her by the wrong name. OK, every guy who has NEVER done it, raise your hand. That's what I thought.
I can raise my hand, but I also remember more than I'd like to in general...
Mr. Raising hand here...I've never called anyone by the wrong name, not to say there haven't been times where i didn't know there name though...[/quote]
ROFLMAO...[/quote]
That's why he sticks with "babe"
lolHIBRIGHTEYES wrote:SPEXDEX wrote:
[quote=HIBRIGHTEYES][quote=SPEXDEX][quote=CARRIERMAN]#40) "I meant Carol - I SAID Carol". "What makes you think I said Janet"? The world's #1 Champion turn-off: Calling her by the wrong name. OK, every guy who has NEVER done it, raise your hand. That's what I thought.
I can raise my hand, but I also remember more than I'd like to in general...
Mr. Raising hand here...I've never called anyone by the wrong name, not to say there haven't been times where i didn't know there name though...[/quote]
ROFLMAO...[/quote]
That's why he sticks with "babe"
lol[/quote] still have to make sure you keep pet names straight though. sometimes that can lead to problems too.Sheesh I leave for a few hours last night and you all have fun without me.
HIBRIGHTEYES wrote:HIBRIGHTEYES wrote:
[quote=SPEXDEX][quote=HIBRIGHTEYES][quote=SPEXDEX][quote=CARRIERMAN]#40) "I meant Carol - I SAID Carol". "What makes you think I said Janet"? The world's #1 Champion turn-off: Calling her by the wrong name. OK, every guy who has NEVER done it, raise your hand. That's what I thought.
I can raise my hand, but I also remember more than I'd like to in general...
Mr. Raising hand here...I've never called anyone by the wrong name, not to say there haven't been times where i didn't know there name though...[/quote]
ROFLMAO...[/quote]
Always have a plan B, "sexy", "gorgeous", "beautiful". Of course in the end there is something hot about hearing your name in the throes....
That's why he sticks with "babe"
lol[/quote] still have to make sure you keep pet names straight though. sometimes that can lead to problems too.[/quote]BLUEEYESINUTAH wrote:
Sheesh I leave for a few hours last night and you all have fun without me.
That's what you get for breaking Rule #11!
Moi? Break rules? Have you MET me?
(how did you know?)
(how did you know?)
HELLO_KITTY12984 wrote:
Mark's never called out the wrong name. HA! :P
Ah, butt has he ever called out the RIGHT name?