I put this up in another thread, but I think that there should be a "first time flop" rule. Sometimes when the time is right and the moment arrives to take it to the next level, and...........nothing. Not for lack of wanting and lust, I just couldn't deal with the nerves of keeping up with such a lovely lady. I tried pretty hard, and to no avail couldn't change the situation. So I decided that I would still make sure she had a good time.
I have sat in this seat before and it's one of embarassment, shame, and disappointment. All I could think of was how I let this woman down. Well, when you can't get it up to get it on, go down. New motto. In most cases two people here can walk away hurt, and that's not really fair to everyone else. So the rule would state that in those circumstances, you stop, verify everyone is ok and that no one is hurt. Don't let it be taken personal, it won't be the last time for you, won't be for her either...
So the FTF gets called, you stop, back to neutral partners and relax. Sometimes it just won't happen...
I have sat in this seat before and it's one of embarassment, shame, and disappointment. All I could think of was how I let this woman down. Well, when you can't get it up to get it on, go down. New motto. In most cases two people here can walk away hurt, and that's not really fair to everyone else. So the rule would state that in those circumstances, you stop, verify everyone is ok and that no one is hurt. Don't let it be taken personal, it won't be the last time for you, won't be for her either...
So the FTF gets called, you stop, back to neutral partners and relax. Sometimes it just won't happen...
So true.
I have seen this happen with hottubs and with booze too. Too much of a fun thing can slow down the fun. But they always made up for it.
Sometimes women have 'issues' too. At least I do. It doesn't matter how much mentally I'm into it, I can't get wet to save my life. I feel so stupid when that happens. I realize that age (gasp!), hormones, nervousness, alcohol, etc have a lot to do with it but it still sucks purple twinkies. I feel a bit defective. Granted, that's why lube was invented so I guess at least I have a lifeline. But still, you don't want your partner to think you aren't into it.....
That's it exactly, let there be a second chance, sometimes we all need it. That and I get to have another chance at pleasing a sexy woman!
No matter what age, sex or otherwise can happen and has happened to everyone at one point or another. We think most everyone understands. Just keep our head up and enjoy the lifestyle to the fullest.
i have thought about this. we are newbies and havent even met up with a couple yet (there arent many swingers in our area apparently) we get the 'what if' thoughts. 'what if we dont click?' or 'what if we do click, everyone gets along great and we chicken out?' i mean were not shy, maybe were just nervous cuz were 'virgins'?
IMAGINEMEANDYOU2 wrote:
Remembering that our brains are our most powerful sex organs, anytime we go down the "I'm not good enough, sexy enough, hard enough, wet enough..." or the "Oh no! I'm really disappointing So and So..." train of thought, it can be a real challenge to get the arousal we are longing to feel. I like this idea of bringing in humor and lightness by calling a FTF (or whatever acronym suits you and your team). We can support each other by remembering that it's all about ALIVENESS, not shame and judgement. What can we do to gracefully, and perhaps playfully, return to the energetic of being turned on? Sometimes I like to go back to kissing and connecting without an agenda for anything more. Sometimes I matter-of-factly request the above mentioned lube (Too right Blue!), or just take matters into my own hands for a few seconds because that works every time for me. Oddly enough, me taking that little break to self pleasure seems to really boost the arousal for the man involved too. Win-win. So maybe the FTF call comes with the two minute time-out-to-self-stimulate (TOTSS) clause? ...Tee hee...I'm ready to practice
I like your way of thinking... I'd say the FTF should definitely be post TOTSS!
BLUEEYESINUTAH wrote:
Sometimes women have 'issues' too. At least I do. It doesn't matter how much mentally I'm into it, I can't get wet to save my life. I feel so stupid when that happens. I realize that age (gasp!), hormones, nervousness, alcohol, etc have a lot to do with it but it still sucks purple twinkies. I feel a bit defective. Granted, that's why lube was invented so I guess at least I have a lifeline. But still, you don't want your partner to think you aren't into it.....
Don't feel bad, LJ always carries lube due to her allergy medication. Serious hassle even for sex at home dammit!
SPYDER_MYKE wrote:
i have thought about this. we are newbies and havent even met up with a couple yet (there arent many swingers in our area apparently) we get the 'what if' thoughts. 'what if we dont click?' or 'what if we do click, everyone gets along great and we chicken out?' i mean were not shy, maybe were just nervous cuz were 'virgins'?
First, move to FL, we have plenty of swingers here. Second, as long as people know you are knew then they should understand that you may back out at the last second, it happens. As for not clicking, hell getting 2 people to click is hard, 4 is extremely difficult. But oh so much fun when it does happen.
T4REAL69 wrote:Better living through pharmaceuticals....lol....I hear ya! Mmmmm I wonder if they will give me a swingers discount? Guess it couldn't hurt to askDARJEN wrote:
Levitra will never let you down. Swallow your pride, go to your Doctor and tell him you can't get it up. Get a perscription and have some fun. I don't need it, but tried it once with some friends. It was incredible. It will make you harder, your recovery time is almost instantaneous and it feels soooo good. You'll never have a problem with nerves again. I can live with out it, but I would rather not.
[/quote]Don't want to burn that bridge too early...fine line between enjoyment, and dependency.
Both the male and female half of our couple have had this happen to us. It happens. I think most of us understand that.
NAUGHTYANDKINKY wrote:
Both the male and female half of our couple have had this happen to us. It happens. I think most of us understand that.
You'd be surprised I've heard both sides....some people want it, and want it now.
ABCCOUPLE wrote:Then maybe they are not the type of people to jump into bed with.. just saying... If they can't be patient then "don't" fuck em... [/quote]SPEXDEX wrote:You'd be surprised I've heard both sides....some people want it, and want it now.
[quote=NAUGHTYANDKINKY]Both the male and female half of our couple have had this happen to us. It happens. I think most of us understand that.
absolutely, sometimes the anticipation makes it all worth it!
good post because it happens.. but i think mostly only once. Gotta break that ice sometimes.
ABCCOUPLE wrote:SPEXDEX wrote:
[quote=NAUGHTYANDKINKY]Both the male and female half of our couple have had this happen to us. It happens. I think most of us understand that.
You'd be surprised I've heard both sides....some people want it, and want it now.
Then maybe they are not the type of people to jump into bed with.. just saying... If they can't be patient then "don't" fuck em... [/quote]
you make a good point ABC, if the couple cant understand that this is a somewhat intimidating situation as it is, than perhaps its better just to move on.
This happened to us on our first time. The Mrs. got going pretty good and had a good time playing and getting played with but I couldn't get started! Never thought it would happen to me. Well it was only a threesome and no ohter female was involved but looking forward to another chance.
thanks alot guys something else to worry about! 
MARKAR wrote:
thanks alot guys something else to worry about!
It's nothing to worry about, it's something that can and will prolly happen at some point. To avoid the idea at all would be kore worrisome. Sometimes it may be nerves, and others just laci of interest, so being open about it will make it easier on all involved.
Hear hear for Lavitra! We love that stuff.
We call it "Orgy Dick" Pretty sure the male mind was just not meant to comprehend the stimulus overload, Its like giving a stimulant to someone with ADHD, shorts them out!