Many conversations have been had questioning profiles about people. What is average? What is athletic? What is anything goes? What is maybe? These are all valid points as to what every person's perception is about themselves. We meet people and see that their personal perceptions are skewed....
But here is the real question: Are you really being honest about what you want and don't want? Are you saying what others want to hear? Everyone states they are loving, happily married couples, but that is not always the case. Everyone states they are laid back and easy going. That is not always the case. Everyone acts like they as a couple are on the same page - not always the case. Everyone preaches honesty and being upfront - but they aren't.
We have always been straight with what we are into and what we are not into. There are no secrets nor are there any surprises. What you read and see is what you get. We wish for the same in others. Let's all be honest with ourselves and eachother. Don't pretend to be something you're not. And don't be upset with others who won't do everything you want. If we are in the lifestyle that we all are, then we are supposed to be understanding and accepting of other's boundaries - not looking down our noses at people because they are comfortable with different things than we might be.
How about this? Maybe Swingular could adpot Ebay's rating system and after we meet each other we can rate each other's profiles as to how well we actually match our profile - pictures and descriptions of what we are looking for. Then we'll know who is honest and who lies just to get you to meet them! LOL I know on a scale of 1 to 5 stars we would definately get 5!
Sincerely,
dirtycplut (100% positive feedback ***** 5 stars)
Any thoughts?
But here is the real question: Are you really being honest about what you want and don't want? Are you saying what others want to hear? Everyone states they are loving, happily married couples, but that is not always the case. Everyone states they are laid back and easy going. That is not always the case. Everyone acts like they as a couple are on the same page - not always the case. Everyone preaches honesty and being upfront - but they aren't.
We have always been straight with what we are into and what we are not into. There are no secrets nor are there any surprises. What you read and see is what you get. We wish for the same in others. Let's all be honest with ourselves and eachother. Don't pretend to be something you're not. And don't be upset with others who won't do everything you want. If we are in the lifestyle that we all are, then we are supposed to be understanding and accepting of other's boundaries - not looking down our noses at people because they are comfortable with different things than we might be.
How about this? Maybe Swingular could adpot Ebay's rating system and after we meet each other we can rate each other's profiles as to how well we actually match our profile - pictures and descriptions of what we are looking for. Then we'll know who is honest and who lies just to get you to meet them! LOL I know on a scale of 1 to 5 stars we would definately get 5!
Sincerely,
dirtycplut (100% positive feedback ***** 5 stars)
Any thoughts?
Hey, if I told everyone about my sociopathic serial killer tendencies, i'd never be able to keep the freezer in the basement fully stocked.
Reminds me to Re-stock the Chianti and FAVA BEANS..lol
I think people can be completely honest with themselves and still not be on the same page as their own partner, let alone the rest of the world.
For instance, describe what you consider a perfect day. Do you think it will be the same as someone else? As everyone else?
I have a friend who lifts weights and plays both softball and football. I consider him very overweight, yet he is very athletic, so which body "style" do you think he would pick if he was in the lifestyle? This is why pictures are important, I'm not interested in having sex with your personality.
Does this mean I think people don't outright lie? Hell no. People lie all the time. We list ourselves as laid back and easy going, and I am. She on the other hand is hyperactive as hell and that's when she HASN'T had sugar. Let her get some Twizzlers or a Pixie stick and watch her whirl! But we aren't pushy, or at least we don't think so, so we list ourselves that way.
For instance, describe what you consider a perfect day. Do you think it will be the same as someone else? As everyone else?
I have a friend who lifts weights and plays both softball and football. I consider him very overweight, yet he is very athletic, so which body "style" do you think he would pick if he was in the lifestyle? This is why pictures are important, I'm not interested in having sex with your personality.
Does this mean I think people don't outright lie? Hell no. People lie all the time. We list ourselves as laid back and easy going, and I am. She on the other hand is hyperactive as hell and that's when she HASN'T had sugar. Let her get some Twizzlers or a Pixie stick and watch her whirl! But we aren't pushy, or at least we don't think so, so we list ourselves that way.
DIRTYCPLUT wrote:
Many conversations have been had questioning profiles about people. What is average? What is athletic? What is anything goes? What is maybe? These are all valid points as to what every person's perception is about themselves. We meet people and see that their personal perceptions are skewed.... But here is the real question: Are you really being honest about what you want and don't want? Are you saying what others want to hear? Everyone states they are loving, happily married couples, but that is not always the case. Everyone states they are laid back and easy going. That is not always the case. Everyone acts like they as a couple are on the same page - not always the case. Everyone preaches honesty and being upfront - but they aren't. We have always been straight with what we are into and what we are not into. There are no secrets nor are there any surprises. What you read and see is what you get. We wish for the same in others. Let's all be honest with ourselves and eachother. Don't pretend to be something you're not. And don't be upset with others who won't do everything you want. If we are in the lifestyle that we all are, then we are supposed to be understanding and accepting of other's boundaries - not looking down our noses at people because they are comfortable with different things than we might be. How about this? Maybe Swingular could adpot Ebay's rating system and after we meet each other we can rate each other's profiles as to how well we actually match our profile - pictures and descriptions of what we are looking for. Then we'll know who is honest and who lies just to get you to meet them! LOL I know on a scale of 1 to 5 stars we would definately get 5! Sincerely, dirtycplut (100% positive feedback ***** 5 stars) Any thoughts?
I/we have read the EXACT profiles you're refering to.
And we're in 100% accord with your assessment and thoughts.
Thank GOD there's no drama in the Lifestyle or here on Swingular.
Over the years we have learned you can throw out the pics and the ages, for us its all about personality, being clean, not pushy, get along and don't bring your baggage with you when we meet that's going to be a fun night for us. We have a great relationship but still have our pissing matches on a daily basis like everyone else. (or maybe we are just sick). And for us the site is about plain old fucking for fun. We don't have to know your religion, political stance, or if you wipe from the front or the back. Not interested in dinners or bbq's just to see if we can be friends. We have fucked people and had a blast but would hate to spend time doing anything else with them.
And another thing about looks and age. The most enjoyable people we have been with would have not gotten the time of day when we started in the lifestyle, we missed out on meeting some great people.
And another thing about looks and age. The most enjoyable people we have been with would have not gotten the time of day when we started in the lifestyle, we missed out on meeting some great people.
Its very likely (with the exception of the actual lying cheaters) that when people write their profiles, they feel they are being honest and portraying themselves the way they see themselves. Its commn for people to feel that they are one way but they unintentionally come off to other people a different way and/or people misinterpret the way the person came across. Doesn't mean they were lying in their profile, just means signals got mixed. For example, sometimes I feel the best policy is to be upfront and completely blunt throwing all my cards down on the table to avoid wasting anybody's time if we aren't looking for the same scenario, but where its not intentional, some people interpret that as being being a complete bitch. Or else I'm having a shy day (i know, hard to believe i have them) and come across as stuck up and anti-social, that's not how its meant. So yeah, people can feel they wrote their profile 100% honest but other people aren't going to see it that way. And now my rambling 3 cents comes to end. Hugs&Kisses&BerryFishes :P
Sandy - I totally agree with you on your 3 things that piss you off the most....just as a side note - none of my pictures are touched up - they are me LOL :-)
I think my profile is me somewhere in the middle. I have met countless people at meet and greets who gush that they couldn't wait to meet Blueeyes from the forums cuz they think "I'm so funny, so bitchy, so blunt", what-have-you. Then when they meet me in person they are shocked to find out I can be somewhat quiet and reserved and guarded. Well guess what...Blueeyes is my profile, my safety net. If people bothered to read my profile too and not just what I write on the forums they would know I'm not just a sex site personality but a real person. Heaven forbid I should be more then just a cum receptacle.
I have absolutely NO problems with those who are not looking for mental connections and just want a physical connection. If that's what you are looking for, by all means, keep searching and when you find it, I hope your playtime rocks. If you are looking for a 3 sum with a hermaphidite hispanic who speaks french on command and wears purple leather dog collars with silver studs, well, go for it. If you want a gang bang with a dozen 21 yr males, then go for it. It doesn't matter what you are looking for (ok. I lied. It needs to be somewhat legal. Molesting kids is never sexy or appropriate) as long as you OWN IT. Don't lie about it. Don't apologize for it. Hell, I might not fit your needs but what are the chances I might eventually come across someone who will. BINGO. Introductions are made... and there you are.
However, I'm not that person. I have yet to meet someone I want to fuck just based on their looks. I *like* fucking a whole person - ie their body, their mind, their personality. I have no intentions of getting involved in Stepford Sex. Not my thing. And I'm ok with that.
This site is big enough for everyone to find someone who makes them trigger happy. If someone doesn't make your panties wet, just push forward and yell "NEXT".
xox
Tammy
I have absolutely NO problems with those who are not looking for mental connections and just want a physical connection. If that's what you are looking for, by all means, keep searching and when you find it, I hope your playtime rocks. If you are looking for a 3 sum with a hermaphidite hispanic who speaks french on command and wears purple leather dog collars with silver studs, well, go for it. If you want a gang bang with a dozen 21 yr males, then go for it. It doesn't matter what you are looking for (ok. I lied. It needs to be somewhat legal. Molesting kids is never sexy or appropriate) as long as you OWN IT. Don't lie about it. Don't apologize for it. Hell, I might not fit your needs but what are the chances I might eventually come across someone who will. BINGO. Introductions are made... and there you are.
However, I'm not that person. I have yet to meet someone I want to fuck just based on their looks. I *like* fucking a whole person - ie their body, their mind, their personality. I have no intentions of getting involved in Stepford Sex. Not my thing. And I'm ok with that.
This site is big enough for everyone to find someone who makes them trigger happy. If someone doesn't make your panties wet, just push forward and yell "NEXT".
xox
Tammy
T4REAL69 wrote:
One's preception is one's reality.....I BELIEVE I AM GOD-LIKE THEREFORE I AM.....LMAO!
God's don't bleed, blue or otherwise.
T4REAL69 wrote:
Sure we do...where do you think the term blue blooded came from...surely not from those tight ass royals....lol!
*suddenly feels like a scullery maid in the grand scheme of things*
T4REAL69 wrote:
Fear not young one you can share my bed chambers with me anytime!
First, you just called me young. You are either blind or you are perfect.
Second, I have no problem with sleeping my way to the top.
What was the question again?
Something about best REAL and RETOUCHED Pizza in SLC... Right?
its seems people on this site arent as chatty as I expected we would like to get know someone before we fuck them just not sure how to get there when no one responds we have on our site a picture thats from our wedding it was only 3yrs[our second marriages] ago and we look the same we also have more recent pics so we not trying to fake anyone out we consider ourselves attractive but it is open to opinion if others dont that doesnt make us dishonest I look at some profiles and cringe but I believe they believe
WILDATLCOUPLE - You seem like a blast to hang out with - we need to finally meet!
DIRTYCPLUT, a very interesting thread!
one persons 10 is anothers 7. rating wouldnt work.
First, I would just like to say just because we are in this lifestyle does not instantly make people more understanding or accepting of other's boundaries. In my humble opinion it is about being understanding and accepting of our own boundaries, period. We all have our wants and wishes, and we hope that the people we take the time to meet are worth just that our time.
We all try to be authentic and natural, but let's all be honest, there are times we try new things and new ways, sometimes an alter-ego - because we are curious, not because we are not being honest and forthright. It is part of the adventure. And for those that are out there that really want to meet someone to share an adventure with we need to respect everyone's boundaries and everyone's personalities. Just have some faith, and stop looking for "Honest Abe" and just be open to what happens.
Just keep in mind if you put yourself out here as the open book couple, you better live up to it.
We all try to be authentic and natural, but let's all be honest, there are times we try new things and new ways, sometimes an alter-ego - because we are curious, not because we are not being honest and forthright. It is part of the adventure. And for those that are out there that really want to meet someone to share an adventure with we need to respect everyone's boundaries and everyone's personalities. Just have some faith, and stop looking for "Honest Abe" and just be open to what happens.
Just keep in mind if you put yourself out here as the open book couple, you better live up to it.
yea my profile says im 45 but really im 48 in july but dont tell anyone ok let it be our little secret. lol
T4REAL69 wrote:
One's preception is one's reality.....I BELIEVE I AM GOD-LIKE THEREFORE I AM.....LMAO!
I believe I called YOU God
Well we are living proof that a completely honest profile will not get you laid - lol.
The good news for us is thats not all of what were looking for so our completely up front and honest profile does exactly what it should do - a nice weedless (and pest resistant) sensual garden.
One of the first red flags that go up with us in any profile is the "we are happily married" type of comments since 9 times out of 10 it has turned out to be the number one worst problem they have! Which is why a lot of profiles actually are quite honest... people tend to inadvertently advertise exactly what there problems are by claiming to not have them.
A good reader/researcher will have the skill to find the honesty by "reading between the lines"!
The good news for us is thats not all of what were looking for so our completely up front and honest profile does exactly what it should do - a nice weedless (and pest resistant) sensual garden.
One of the first red flags that go up with us in any profile is the "we are happily married" type of comments since 9 times out of 10 it has turned out to be the number one worst problem they have! Which is why a lot of profiles actually are quite honest... people tend to inadvertently advertise exactly what there problems are by claiming to not have them.
A good reader/researcher will have the skill to find the honesty by "reading between the lines"!
fine. I admit it.
It would be fair to say that the carpet does NOT match the drapes. It would also be fair to say we don't do carpet. I'm a bare floors kinda girl.
But you know what I mean. I hide in my bathroom with rubber gloves and chemicals to achieve this much fire.
p.s. in the interest of full disclosure I'm also editing this a lot. Apparently I can't spell. I need a starbucks run.
It would be fair to say that the carpet does NOT match the drapes. It would also be fair to say we don't do carpet. I'm a bare floors kinda girl.
But you know what I mean. I hide in my bathroom with rubber gloves and chemicals to achieve this much fire.
p.s. in the interest of full disclosure I'm also editing this a lot. Apparently I can't spell. I need a starbucks run.
ABCCOUPLE wrote:'
Not one couple I've met on this site is perfect.
don't like. We all know I'm perfect in every single way. :P
Oh, Yeah, People lying in their profiles really chaps my hide. I would NEVER do such a thing. Tee-hee, umm...yeah...that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
I try to be as truthful as I can be with my profile. However my photos only show me at my more or less best. So your not going to see the stretch marks or the tummy. Is not showing this being dishonest? Should we all have to do a full body shot with full sunlight no clothing and no touch ups? ewww, I dont know if I would want to see that.
Maybe a few of you would look great I am sure, but I would be scary. Not saying I am not hot, because I am just saying that isn't a way I would want anyone to see me.
Maybe a few of you would look great I am sure, but I would be scary. Not saying I am not hot, because I am just saying that isn't a way I would want anyone to see me.
IMAGINEMEANDYOU2 wrote:
That being said, Mr Imagine and I have spent the last 8 years of our marriage actively opening up to each other about what we want, and learning tools for clear, open communication with each other, and we STILL have moments when we discover we are not on the same page! They happen much less frequently than they did when we set out on this path, but they do occasionally still happen. Was I being dishonest? Was he not fully revealing something? No. I think we have to remember that we are organic beings, subject to mood swings and moments of feeling wobbly, off balance, or otherwise insecure. I can be absolutely comfortable with watching Mr enjoy himself with another beautiful woman. Truly loving him, and loving the fact that the experience is so rewarding for him. This can be the way I am consistently for months, and then there can be that one time when I'm feeling a little too fat, or too old, or whatever, when I feel like I'm not measuring up in some way, and I feel uncomfortable with him even mentioning that the waitress serving us has a cute smile! Fortunately, that is not my usual way of being. And I owe him a lot of the credit for that. As we have opened to exploring sharing ourselves sexually with other people, we have both made it a priority to remind each other all the time that we have freely chosen, and continue to freely choose, each other as our life partners. That there is no experience worth having with someone else that would be worth making our beloved partner feel awful inside to have.
So well put. Being able to tell your partner that you need them to focus their attention on you and knowing that they will drop anything to do so is the only way to be.
We have a simple way to ensure people are who and what they say they are its called a webcam, doesn't solve every problem but it sure cuts down on them. No cam? W will met you at a party
Oh my...SUCH paranoia!
Does not everyone wish to advertise themselves in the best and most attractive way possible (at least MOST)?
Is it truly THAT hard to give the benefit of the doubt?
Personally, my experience has been that NOT everyone is out to lie, or even malicisouly mislead others who may peruse their profiles.
Seriously people, it's not some grand conspiracy against those who may consider themselves "above par" from the common swinger-folk.
Even those that might come across as being the most critical of others, and who consider themselves the "creme de la creme" of the Swinging community, are not immune to even the smallest of imperfections.
It is unfortunate that many that are the quickest to point out "flaws" in others...would seemingly have plenty of "flaws" themselves, in the eyes of onlookers of course (beauty/non-beauty will always remain in the eye of the beholder).
NOBODY is without these so-called "flaws".
Here are just a few examples of what I have personally witnessed being balked at AND often possessed by those that balk, during the course of my journey in swinging....
-Stretchmarks (gained perhaps through puberty, pregnancy, breast-feeding, working out, weight gain, etc.)
-Moles
-Asymmetrical bodies (so-called perfect symmetry does NOT occur naturally, not even surgically is it possible)
-Skin blemishes
-Errant hairs growing unknown on unseen parts of the body
-Birthmarks
-Skin discolorations
-Premature aging of the hands and neck areas
-Unsightly cuticles and/or nailbeds
-Man-hands (on women)
-Feminine hands (on men)
-Hobbitesque feet
-Cankles
-Crooked smiles
-Yellow teeth
-Green teeth
-Unattractive gums (gingivitis)
-Crooked teeth
-Unsightly gaps in the teeth
-Psoriasis
-Eczema
-Dimples (yes...in perhaps all four cheeks)
-Cottage cheese (yes...virtually everyone manifests this when sitting, squatting etc. to some extent, perhaps unknown the them. Sorry, it's just the nature of fat; even the leanest of people have a thin layer of fat that can pucker in the right position)
-Inverted nipples
-Crow's feet
-Spider veins
-Varicosities
-Breasts that have lost the battle with gravity
-Poor breast augmentation
-Beer bellies
-Love handles
-Double chins
-Halitosis
-Funky body chemistry manifesting as an unpleasant odor
-Smegma
-Dandruff
-Obesity
-Over weight
-Under weight
-Too many bony prominences
Ok...I think that's fairly comprehensive and you get my point.
Obviously, Swingular is not going to put a categorized "yes/no" checklist as comprehensive as this...even though the most discriminate of Swingers may expect it.
There are many different ways to be unique AND "attractive" (and of course "unattractive" as well).
Basic Psychology might suggest that the way that we view others, whether we find beauty or ugliness, is simply a reflection of how we feel and what we view ourselves to be, and of course, speaks clearly to our relationship with ourselves.
Honesty is a completely subjective phenomenon, and those that share honestly about themselves may be viewed as being dishonest by those who are expecting or fearing to be mislead.
Please don't think for a moment that I am pointing out what I either like or dislike; many of these I actually adore and find quite charming.
Personally, I think it's the uniqueness of everyone's body and body habituses that add to the overall attraction and uniqueness of every individual.
Finally, please don't consider this a personal attack on the originators of this thread, or any of those who have shared their personal tastes in partners thus far. All are entitled to their opinions.
Peace....
~J
Does not everyone wish to advertise themselves in the best and most attractive way possible (at least MOST)?
Is it truly THAT hard to give the benefit of the doubt?
Personally, my experience has been that NOT everyone is out to lie, or even malicisouly mislead others who may peruse their profiles.
Seriously people, it's not some grand conspiracy against those who may consider themselves "above par" from the common swinger-folk.
Even those that might come across as being the most critical of others, and who consider themselves the "creme de la creme" of the Swinging community, are not immune to even the smallest of imperfections.
It is unfortunate that many that are the quickest to point out "flaws" in others...would seemingly have plenty of "flaws" themselves, in the eyes of onlookers of course (beauty/non-beauty will always remain in the eye of the beholder).
NOBODY is without these so-called "flaws".
Here are just a few examples of what I have personally witnessed being balked at AND often possessed by those that balk, during the course of my journey in swinging....
-Stretchmarks (gained perhaps through puberty, pregnancy, breast-feeding, working out, weight gain, etc.)
-Moles
-Asymmetrical bodies (so-called perfect symmetry does NOT occur naturally, not even surgically is it possible)
-Skin blemishes
-Errant hairs growing unknown on unseen parts of the body
-Birthmarks
-Skin discolorations
-Premature aging of the hands and neck areas
-Unsightly cuticles and/or nailbeds
-Man-hands (on women)
-Feminine hands (on men)
-Hobbitesque feet
-Cankles
-Crooked smiles
-Yellow teeth
-Green teeth
-Unattractive gums (gingivitis)
-Crooked teeth
-Unsightly gaps in the teeth
-Psoriasis
-Eczema
-Dimples (yes...in perhaps all four cheeks)
-Cottage cheese (yes...virtually everyone manifests this when sitting, squatting etc. to some extent, perhaps unknown the them. Sorry, it's just the nature of fat; even the leanest of people have a thin layer of fat that can pucker in the right position)
-Inverted nipples
-Crow's feet
-Spider veins
-Varicosities
-Breasts that have lost the battle with gravity
-Poor breast augmentation
-Beer bellies
-Love handles
-Double chins
-Halitosis
-Funky body chemistry manifesting as an unpleasant odor
-Smegma
-Dandruff
-Obesity
-Over weight
-Under weight
-Too many bony prominences
Ok...I think that's fairly comprehensive and you get my point.
Obviously, Swingular is not going to put a categorized "yes/no" checklist as comprehensive as this...even though the most discriminate of Swingers may expect it.
There are many different ways to be unique AND "attractive" (and of course "unattractive" as well).
Basic Psychology might suggest that the way that we view others, whether we find beauty or ugliness, is simply a reflection of how we feel and what we view ourselves to be, and of course, speaks clearly to our relationship with ourselves.
Honesty is a completely subjective phenomenon, and those that share honestly about themselves may be viewed as being dishonest by those who are expecting or fearing to be mislead.
Please don't think for a moment that I am pointing out what I either like or dislike; many of these I actually adore and find quite charming.
Personally, I think it's the uniqueness of everyone's body and body habituses that add to the overall attraction and uniqueness of every individual.
Finally, please don't consider this a personal attack on the originators of this thread, or any of those who have shared their personal tastes in partners thus far. All are entitled to their opinions.
Peace....
~J
J: but if i'm not paranoid how do i know that everyone's not out to get me?
THOUGHTGARDEN wrote:
Oh my...SUCH paranoia!
Does not everyone wish to advertise themselves in the best and most attractive way possible (at least MOST)? Is it truly THAT hard to give the benefit of the doubt?
Personally, my experience has been that NOT everyone is out to lie, or even malicisouly mislead others who may peruse their profiles.
Peace....
~J
Damn it, How dare you say that? I am TOTALLY out to lie and mislead the profile perusers you speak of and I resent your implication otherwise. Oh, wait, by using the phrase "not EVERYONE" I guess you left me an out. OK. Sorry. Continue on.
ours are ALL of us also no touching up there
I think that we have gotten away from the origination of this thread....it isn't based on looks. That was simply an easy example. The true point to the honesty issue is being true to what you are into and not - and being accepting of those who are not into what you are. It is about being honest when you agree to a mutual understanding of boundaries. This site is for all types of the lifestyle - so know that understanding and being courteous of boundaries is imperative.
Somehow everyone is fixated on the physical appearance portion of the thread when that wasn't the true intent to posting the comment on being honest and true with yourself and those you associate with. That's all :-)
Somehow everyone is fixated on the physical appearance portion of the thread when that wasn't the true intent to posting the comment on being honest and true with yourself and those you associate with. That's all :-)
UTAHCOUPLE4PLAY wrote:
Over the years we have learned you can throw out the pics and the ages, for us its all about personality, being clean, not pushy, get along and don't bring your baggage with you when we meet that's going to be a fun night for us. The most enjoyable people we have been with would have not gotten the time of day when we started in the lifestyle, we missed out on meeting some great people.
We have to agree with Utahcouple4play, it's all about positive attitudes and fun personalities..in this lifestyle and life in general...body image doesn't mean a thing to us...we have met some very sexy HOTT, not so "perfect" people on here...just go have fun!
DIRTYCPLUT wrote:
I think that we have gotten away from the origination of this thread....it isn't based on looks. That was simply an easy example. The true point to the honesty issue is being true to what you are into and not - and being accepting of those who are not into what you are. It is about being honest when you agree to a mutual understanding of boundaries. This site is for all types of the lifestyle - so know that understanding and being courteous of boundaries is imperative.
Somehow everyone is fixated on the physical appearance portion of the thread when that wasn't the true intent to posting the comment on being honest and true with yourself and those you associate with. That's all :-)
Thumbs up
THOUGHTGARDEN,
Well said my man. I like your thinking.
It should be no surprise that people's representations here are often no different than everything around us in everyday life. Companies who would persuade us to spend money on what they have to offer are highly calculated in how they position their products. The stars of pop-culture, corporations, and government officials often have publicists who govern the image of our American Idols (no reference to the show). If all we experience in life teaches us to consume and accept spin and facts through smoky mirrors, perhaps people's behavior online is only a natural byproduct of those widely accepted social norms.
On a more personal level, when we dated our significant others we splashed our favorite cologne (or sprayed a puff of perfume), put on our best shoes, brushed our teeth a little longer and sat a touch straighter in an effort to impress and put our best "game face" on. But alas, time and familiarity and a deeper sense of security in our relationship would serve to breakdown barriers and facades . . . and to realize one day we find ourselves farting around our partner (or whatever). That isn't to say that being a pig around our partners is recommended . . . but reality points to the fact we are on our best behavior when trying to capture the attention of another. And an inventory of our personal relationships would tell us all that we have two social modalities of public and private. So it would follow that everyone's public persona here is more a reflection of who people want to be (and in many cases genuinely are).
To DIRTYCPLUT's original intent of the thread, I would agree that being genuine and happy in your own body and soul, is so important. I think at our core, it is human nature to fear being discovered on some level. Society teaches us masterfully the art of self-deception. Young men are taught at a young age that their balls ought to have an abundance of hair on them and that it is weak to cry (I cry all the time in chick flicks) and that men are to slap asses and chest-thump. Women are taught to compete with each other and that their self-worth is inextricably connected to their appearance. We idolize the beautiful woman, and quickly forget the opposite. Ever chasing the fallacious (and often illusory) constructs of beauty. A woman's ability to glance at another woman and assess what they're wearing and how they may measure up to that individual seems to be ingrained in their psyche. We're all pretenders on some level . . . trying to be prettier than we are, or more masculine that the next guy.
If someone is less than forthcoming about who they really are or what they want, then perhaps they haven't overcome their social indoctrination and self-confusion, yet.
On the physicality issue, I would agree with the idea that while a woman (or a man) may be endowed with great bodies and otherwise heavenly physical attributes, yet their personality can render them unattractive or ugly. The same is true of people who may be "average" or generally less-attractive . . . that their personalities and attitudes make them attractive.
I'm off to comb the hair on my balls, now. :P
Jeff
Well said my man. I like your thinking.
It should be no surprise that people's representations here are often no different than everything around us in everyday life. Companies who would persuade us to spend money on what they have to offer are highly calculated in how they position their products. The stars of pop-culture, corporations, and government officials often have publicists who govern the image of our American Idols (no reference to the show). If all we experience in life teaches us to consume and accept spin and facts through smoky mirrors, perhaps people's behavior online is only a natural byproduct of those widely accepted social norms.
On a more personal level, when we dated our significant others we splashed our favorite cologne (or sprayed a puff of perfume), put on our best shoes, brushed our teeth a little longer and sat a touch straighter in an effort to impress and put our best "game face" on. But alas, time and familiarity and a deeper sense of security in our relationship would serve to breakdown barriers and facades . . . and to realize one day we find ourselves farting around our partner (or whatever). That isn't to say that being a pig around our partners is recommended . . . but reality points to the fact we are on our best behavior when trying to capture the attention of another. And an inventory of our personal relationships would tell us all that we have two social modalities of public and private. So it would follow that everyone's public persona here is more a reflection of who people want to be (and in many cases genuinely are).
To DIRTYCPLUT's original intent of the thread, I would agree that being genuine and happy in your own body and soul, is so important. I think at our core, it is human nature to fear being discovered on some level. Society teaches us masterfully the art of self-deception. Young men are taught at a young age that their balls ought to have an abundance of hair on them and that it is weak to cry (I cry all the time in chick flicks) and that men are to slap asses and chest-thump. Women are taught to compete with each other and that their self-worth is inextricably connected to their appearance. We idolize the beautiful woman, and quickly forget the opposite. Ever chasing the fallacious (and often illusory) constructs of beauty. A woman's ability to glance at another woman and assess what they're wearing and how they may measure up to that individual seems to be ingrained in their psyche. We're all pretenders on some level . . . trying to be prettier than we are, or more masculine that the next guy.
If someone is less than forthcoming about who they really are or what they want, then perhaps they haven't overcome their social indoctrination and self-confusion, yet.
On the physicality issue, I would agree with the idea that while a woman (or a man) may be endowed with great bodies and otherwise heavenly physical attributes, yet their personality can render them unattractive or ugly. The same is true of people who may be "average" or generally less-attractive . . . that their personalities and attitudes make them attractive.
I'm off to comb the hair on my balls, now. :P
Jeff
We are glad that someone else posted this in the forum besides us! More and more it seems we run across those with more time on their hands than anything else. Alot of times it appears the profiles are single women, but yeah there are couples too. Mostly it's the guy posting thoughts about what he wants in the Lifestyle and his wife or girlfriend is totally clueless this is even going on! Trying to repair their own relationship or fix what is wrong, anyone who has spent more than a single day in this will be the first to tell you if your relationship as a couple isn't rock solid you damn sure don't need to be in this dragging others into your bed won't fix your problem!
Since we live in Las Vegas and are on multi sites as most of you are, we get alot of "We are coming to Vegas" emails. While we really enjoy meeting the new people on here we also have to temper that with trying to figure out who is sincere and who is full of shit! Some simple rules we have are these: We speak to everyone via the phone prior to meeting them in person or setting up a meet and greet! If you won't talk on the phone we find it highly unlikely you will show up in person! And since we are a couple we both speak to the person(s) we are going to meet, not just the husband. All meet and greets are in a public place.
But your main point and one that needs to always be addressed is or rather are people honest? The answer is no, most aren't! Alot don't know why they are doing this or what can come of it. It's for some the idea that it's allowed cheating. The trouble is it's not cheating, we don't consider what we do as cheating at all. We are both very much into our play and both know why we are there. My wife is very bisexual something she enjoys doing, however without a pussy of my own, well we have to bring others into our lives. Sometimes it's a pain in the ass but more often than not we seem to always find the right ones to play with and enjoy the time we have with them. Couples we have had a few, but it seems to be harder finding four people who are all on the some page same level of attraction. While like most we have played apart that really is not the reason we are in this as a couple! So we don't do it very often and never with first timmers either, they have to be people we have spent time with to make sure they aren't into drama.
Your idea about the star thing is neat, however it is also based on folks being honest! Let's face the hard truth. Folks aren't as honest as we would like and most aren't honest about themselves with others either. It's sad but true fact we all face in the life choice we have made, one we have made for are own reasons, whatever they are!
Like most of you we seem to spend alot more time searching for people than fucking them, LOL which is the hardest part of the lifestyle we seem to have found. But when you do find the right people to finally play with its awesome!!!
Since we live in Las Vegas and are on multi sites as most of you are, we get alot of "We are coming to Vegas" emails. While we really enjoy meeting the new people on here we also have to temper that with trying to figure out who is sincere and who is full of shit! Some simple rules we have are these: We speak to everyone via the phone prior to meeting them in person or setting up a meet and greet! If you won't talk on the phone we find it highly unlikely you will show up in person! And since we are a couple we both speak to the person(s) we are going to meet, not just the husband. All meet and greets are in a public place.
But your main point and one that needs to always be addressed is or rather are people honest? The answer is no, most aren't! Alot don't know why they are doing this or what can come of it. It's for some the idea that it's allowed cheating. The trouble is it's not cheating, we don't consider what we do as cheating at all. We are both very much into our play and both know why we are there. My wife is very bisexual something she enjoys doing, however without a pussy of my own, well we have to bring others into our lives. Sometimes it's a pain in the ass but more often than not we seem to always find the right ones to play with and enjoy the time we have with them. Couples we have had a few, but it seems to be harder finding four people who are all on the some page same level of attraction. While like most we have played apart that really is not the reason we are in this as a couple! So we don't do it very often and never with first timmers either, they have to be people we have spent time with to make sure they aren't into drama.
Your idea about the star thing is neat, however it is also based on folks being honest! Let's face the hard truth. Folks aren't as honest as we would like and most aren't honest about themselves with others either. It's sad but true fact we all face in the life choice we have made, one we have made for are own reasons, whatever they are!
Like most of you we seem to spend alot more time searching for people than fucking them, LOL which is the hardest part of the lifestyle we seem to have found. But when you do find the right people to finally play with its awesome!!!
HELLO_KITTY12984 wrote:
J: but if i'm not paranoid how do i know that everyone's not out to get me?
You don't.
And we are.
LTHRNLACE702,
Thank you for your comments - you seem to understand the point we were trying to get across. Maybe you are right, a lot of intentions are genuine, but one of the partners in a couple situation changes their intention as time progresses. Or, maybe one partner in a couple situation is speaking for another. It seems that we find that a lot - a couple who says they like girl on girl for example, but the wife really isn't into that - her husband is! At any rate, we have noticed that unfortunately, a lot of times people are not what they portray themselves to be and it would be nice to be able to trust what you are told - but that isn't reality. I think that maybe we give people the benefit of the doubt too often. I think we have to put our guard up a little more and make sure we are not setting ourselves up for disapointment - perhaps be pleasantly surprised, not disapointed (and again, I am not referring to physical appearance - we really aren't that shallow!). Anyway, thanks for the feedback!
Thank you for your comments - you seem to understand the point we were trying to get across. Maybe you are right, a lot of intentions are genuine, but one of the partners in a couple situation changes their intention as time progresses. Or, maybe one partner in a couple situation is speaking for another. It seems that we find that a lot - a couple who says they like girl on girl for example, but the wife really isn't into that - her husband is! At any rate, we have noticed that unfortunately, a lot of times people are not what they portray themselves to be and it would be nice to be able to trust what you are told - but that isn't reality. I think that maybe we give people the benefit of the doubt too often. I think we have to put our guard up a little more and make sure we are not setting ourselves up for disapointment - perhaps be pleasantly surprised, not disapointed (and again, I am not referring to physical appearance - we really aren't that shallow!). Anyway, thanks for the feedback!
You are very welcome! We are as our profile projects at least we are in are own minds that is. We have spent alot of time in the Lifestyle made alot of friends and yes had some fun along the way. We try very hard to give everyone the benefit of the doubt that what they say is true and correct, perhaps its somehwhat naive on our part that we do so, but we keep hoping to find the right folks to enjoy together.
I love these types of posts. Everyone has a SELF perception and the world has a DIFFERENT opinion. The people that say they are looking for a PARTICULAR type are funnier still because they still try to do it from Pix on the site and from profile info. My wife and I have been in the lifestyle on and off for 20 years ... no one pushed anyone into it we kinda fell into it by accident .. My wife is beautiful and has a heart of gold and she's my BFF. Personally I don't think I'm attractive I find that being plain spoken pisses of more people than I care about ( people whom wear the feelings on their shoulders ) Sometimes I say the wrong thing or have the wrong tone ... but with that said world perception is we are a good looking couple and laid back LOL I'm here to have sex but its nice to make friends that way we can have SEX and FUN on a regular basis ... if I just wanted sex I could go to the bar and pick up strangers for heaven's sake ... GO MEET PEOPLE quit the complaining. People are people no matter what ... That's what makes this so fun ...I'm married to my wife and not interested in trading her out ... but sex with WHAT i say is a beautiful person is absolutely fun ... so lets go make friends and have sex ...
We wanted to say bravo to Mrs Imagine's post! We totally agree with so much of what you said and alot of folks get into situations with couples and decide for whatever the reason not to go play. For us over the years we have always agreed to only meet for drinks not dinner, again to keep it lite and simple. For us at least we watch how the other guy treats his wife thats a huge way of saying at least to us how he is going to act. Many guys who are the ones pushing this tend to be very dismissive to their own wife and only want to pay attention to yours. Again this is our own experience mind you, but its been pretty true to form how the couple is in their own relationship. And we have might several couples over the years who tend to judge other couples behavior based on that as well.
As far as the whole bi, bicurious bi passive thing goes your very correct! Alot of women seem to be un decided on what their sexuality is! I think it stems back to their own relationship with their partner, if they feel pushed they may be more bi passsive then bi sexual. But again its only our mere opinion on the subject.
As with most LS couples we let the women run the show, its alot better both play wise and non play wise to let them decide on whom and what is going to happen. While we have met several couples where either one was attracted to the other and our partner wasnt we stepped back and been as honest as we could with them about this. Its a hard road to hoe and its not a pleasent thing either, but as we both said its better to be honest than not. I would much rather her play with another woman and be happy then not play at all. Besides like most women she isnt going to want to stop there she is going to want to be finished off. We have never had an issue with another couple watching us or watching ourselves with other couples. You have to be open to it all and thats part of it. The bottom line is we are not concerned about who either of us are going home with at the end, we both already know!
AS far as Looky comments above, thats great your not looking to trade in your wife, if you were you would have no business doing this. I am pretty sure that all of the married couples and long term couples would also agree! But perhaps over our mere 13 years doing this we have been burned more than you or what have you. We dont just lay down and fuck everyone we meet, its not our way. We arent saying that their is anything wrong with it everyone here is an adult or should be we are just more selective of whom we play with. Besides the social diseases there is a drama factor which tends to follow those types of folks around we have seen. But again its our mere opion nothing more. We are seeking something we are lacking in our own relationship or sex lives, just want to enjoy sharing it with those whom we find attractive and wanting the same things. We kinda sorta figured that was the idead when we got into this and really we havent changed our opinion on it!
As far as the whole bi, bicurious bi passive thing goes your very correct! Alot of women seem to be un decided on what their sexuality is! I think it stems back to their own relationship with their partner, if they feel pushed they may be more bi passsive then bi sexual. But again its only our mere opinion on the subject.
As with most LS couples we let the women run the show, its alot better both play wise and non play wise to let them decide on whom and what is going to happen. While we have met several couples where either one was attracted to the other and our partner wasnt we stepped back and been as honest as we could with them about this. Its a hard road to hoe and its not a pleasent thing either, but as we both said its better to be honest than not. I would much rather her play with another woman and be happy then not play at all. Besides like most women she isnt going to want to stop there she is going to want to be finished off. We have never had an issue with another couple watching us or watching ourselves with other couples. You have to be open to it all and thats part of it. The bottom line is we are not concerned about who either of us are going home with at the end, we both already know!
AS far as Looky comments above, thats great your not looking to trade in your wife, if you were you would have no business doing this. I am pretty sure that all of the married couples and long term couples would also agree! But perhaps over our mere 13 years doing this we have been burned more than you or what have you. We dont just lay down and fuck everyone we meet, its not our way. We arent saying that their is anything wrong with it everyone here is an adult or should be we are just more selective of whom we play with. Besides the social diseases there is a drama factor which tends to follow those types of folks around we have seen. But again its our mere opion nothing more. We are seeking something we are lacking in our own relationship or sex lives, just want to enjoy sharing it with those whom we find attractive and wanting the same things. We kinda sorta figured that was the idead when we got into this and really we havent changed our opinion on it!