A while back I was invited to a 3some and put in a situation that I still have not reconciled mentally, but since I could find myself in the same place in the future I thought I would post this. I do not know if there was or is a good course of action once a male is placed in this position. Having met the male half previously, I was invited to dinner at their home and to play after that. In an effort to get to know the female at least a little bit I set myself the task of helping set the table etc. and spent awhile in quiet conversation while her husband watched the porn channel. Physically, she was a goddess and I thought that it would be a great evening.
She seemed agitated and I asked her if things were alright. She told me that she really did not want to play that evening and did not want to be in the lifestyle any longer. She said that it wasn
She seemed agitated and I asked her if things were alright. She told me that she really did not want to play that evening and did not want to be in the lifestyle any longer. She said that it wasn
That's a strange one! Different things could be going on there.
From my chair here, I think I would have done this: Stayed for a hopefully pleasant dinner and make conversation. But afterwards, I would praise the couple but tell them I just am not into it tonight. I'd apologize and leave in a friendly way.
From my chair here, I think I would have done this: Stayed for a hopefully pleasant dinner and make conversation. But afterwards, I would praise the couple but tell them I just am not into it tonight. I'd apologize and leave in a friendly way.
"I know what I did. The question is what should I have done or what would you have done in my place?"
One thing I wouldn't do is proceed with any play.
Are you comfortable with her openness/honesty? If not, extricate yourself as politely possible. If yes, are you willing to involve yourself further in at least a degree of drama and a potentially volatile situation? If not, extricate yourself as politely possible.
Etc., etc. It's an ethical/moral decision tree. Whatever you'll feel comfortable with afterward should be the right thing.
One thing I wouldn't do is proceed with any play.
Are you comfortable with her openness/honesty? If not, extricate yourself as politely possible. If yes, are you willing to involve yourself further in at least a degree of drama and a potentially volatile situation? If not, extricate yourself as politely possible.
Etc., etc. It's an ethical/moral decision tree. Whatever you'll feel comfortable with afterward should be the right thing.
Unless you wanted to join in the soap opera DRAMA, my advice would be.......
RUN FORREST RUN!!!
RUN FORREST RUN!!!
I would of stayed for a nice pleasant dinner but then made an excuse as to why you have to leave. (work or family emergency for example) and as I was leaving thanked them for there hospitality and that you look forward to seeing them at "a function" in the near future. That leaves it wide open in case there is a change of heart on her part but doesn't give the hubby cause to blame her.
I have been in that situation...the wife has been less then enthusiastic about sharing her husband but she's afraid of his reaction if she says no. I always make an excuse as to why I can't stay and bail. I care how the wife feels and have no respect for a man who pressures his wife into it. Having sex with him becomes repulsive.
Great post tho! It sure makes you think.
xox
Tammy
I have been in that situation...the wife has been less then enthusiastic about sharing her husband but she's afraid of his reaction if she says no. I always make an excuse as to why I can't stay and bail. I care how the wife feels and have no respect for a man who pressures his wife into it. Having sex with him becomes repulsive.
Great post tho! It sure makes you think.
xox
Tammy
Good one, Tammy!
Him watching the Porn Channel would have been a YELLOW flag for me.I'm assuming you stayed and banged her but You can't save her from that kind of abuse it's up to her to find help.
This is what I would have done, while the husband was fixing the table I would have
walked up to him and said you "just received an ergent message on ur cell and had to Leave".
There really isn't a good way to get out of that situation.
This is what I would have done, while the husband was fixing the table I would have
walked up to him and said you "just received an ergent message on ur cell and had to Leave".
There really isn't a good way to get out of that situation.
Excellent Post! There is no right way to handle the situation! But just goes to show there is abuse in all different life styles Sad to Say! let just hope that whatever you did saved her that night from what ever sort of abuse exist in her life!
First off, don't second guess yourself. Whatever choice you made at the moment was the best choice at that time.
Personally we have gotten that from a couple in the past as well, he wanted to play and she was just doing it because he was pushing the issue. It's very hard when you are there having dinner with planned playtime after to gracefully exit, but it is what you have to do.
Get sick, get an emergency, get the hell out. Hell, turn the dinner conversation to politics or religion and hope for an argument.
Personally we have gotten that from a couple in the past as well, he wanted to play and she was just doing it because he was pushing the issue. It's very hard when you are there having dinner with planned playtime after to gracefully exit, but it is what you have to do.
Get sick, get an emergency, get the hell out. Hell, turn the dinner conversation to politics or religion and hope for an argument.
WOW WOW WOW That is way to hard to give advice on with out being there. If I invited a man over that has never seen my wife the last thing I would be doing is watching porn.I would let you chat with here and helping to set the table is a way good idea but I would be watching you do it and making shore that the wife was OK with every thing.
ITS LIKE DAM IF YOU DO DAM IF YOU DON'T. It would be hard. Its not you place to interfear with their problems. You did the best you could do at the time. But if he reads this she still mite be in danger. She still mite get hurt. It's up to her to say NO!!! and just leave.
For those of you that have emailed me and said that you had been placed in the same or similar position on occasion or those that asked about the couple, I submit the following: No relationship is without its problems and no lifestyle is free from those that we wish were not part of it. This lifestyle has some unique problems and none of us will have a lock on the right answers. I hope that the suggestions that others post here will be of help in some way and that is the reason for this post. We all do the best we can with the knowledge we have acquired in life
I do not know if they are still in the lifestyle. Where they lived at the time and who they are will remain private. Lack of this info and the passage of time will protect her if it is still necessary. I have not written this for myself or him, but in the hope for her and any woman in her position.
I am old fashioned enough to believe that a man protects a woman when asked, any woman. But I also know that she has to make that decision. I learned a long time ago that it is not wise to interfere in someone else
I do not know if they are still in the lifestyle. Where they lived at the time and who they are will remain private. Lack of this info and the passage of time will protect her if it is still necessary. I have not written this for myself or him, but in the hope for her and any woman in her position.
I am old fashioned enough to believe that a man protects a woman when asked, any woman. But I also know that she has to make that decision. I learned a long time ago that it is not wise to interfere in someone else
Wow. This made me sad. I'm with everyone else. A graceful exit, excusing yourself from play.
I say move on. And get over it
LIBRACAP wrote:
I say move on. And get over it
I have moved on and I think you missed the point of this post. Is there an obligation to others? That is why I listed this as a moral and ethical dilemma.
Agreed, you seem to have done what you could at the time and following also, a very difficult situation to be put in and you never know how you would handle it until you're faced with it...thanks for sharing, it definitely gives us something to think about...
I'm glad I wasn't put into this position, but I have to place this all back on the female. If she isn't into the lifestyle she has to make this clear to her husband in private before a third party is sitting there with them. I would ask her what she wants me to do at that point. I wouldn't just leave because her husband could blame her and retaliate. I would leave it to her and one way or another I would never let them get me in that position again.
This is going to sound a bit alarmist but so be it.
If she is in the lifestyle to please her husband and is a willing participant that is one thing. It is a bad reason to be in the lifestyle but at least everyone involved knows where they stand.
However, if she is an unwilling participant then it is rape. Let me say that again.
IF SHE IS AN UNWILLING PARTICIPANT THEN IT IS RAPE.
This whole situation has the words "TIME BOMB" written all over it. If that is the case then you should walk away and don't ever see them again because there are much deeper issues here. If I have read too much into your post then I apologize.
If she is in the lifestyle to please her husband and is a willing participant that is one thing. It is a bad reason to be in the lifestyle but at least everyone involved knows where they stand.
However, if she is an unwilling participant then it is rape. Let me say that again.
IF SHE IS AN UNWILLING PARTICIPANT THEN IT IS RAPE.
This whole situation has the words "TIME BOMB" written all over it. If that is the case then you should walk away and don't ever see them again because there are much deeper issues here. If I have read too much into your post then I apologize.
This is tough. Either leave by being honest and say it's not for me or...
stay without any play. I would also see if I could talk to her alone and see if there was any abuse.
Ethically, I would not and could not do anything that the woman does not want to do.
NO means NO!
stay without any play. I would also see if I could talk to her alone and see if there was any abuse.
Ethically, I would not and could not do anything that the woman does not want to do.
NO means NO!