I would like some input from any couples who have chosen to move beyond a FWB relationship into a Polyamourous relationship. We most closely identify as Poly-Swingers which means we enjoy a close connection and emotional attachments with a couple we play with. We have been exclusive with a couple for a year now and it has been a wonderful positive experience for us all. Recently we have all realized that we have strong feelings for one another(girls are bi & men are str8). So we are in the midst of an evolution in our relationship. Please no attacks or judgments needed 
I must not understand - I don't understand the problem - you are a 4-some and all happy about it - what is the question?
No experience. But every relationship is a throw of the dice. If every one is happy with the arrangement, what is the problem. Don't ask the legal aspects.
May I recommend a wonderful book? The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures. Written by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy. I found this book very positive, helpful and informative. A wonderful guide to that "evolution" you are referring to. Best of luck!
Ever seen Zebra Lounge? Give that movie a whirl!
Lucky you... wish we could have that again.
BTW, the Zebra Lounge is NOT even close to a poly relationship and the outcome could happen to ANY lifestyle couple!
BTW, the Zebra Lounge is NOT even close to a poly relationship and the outcome could happen to ANY lifestyle couple!
T4REAL69 wrote:
I for one am still not clear what the input is the OP is seeking (and yes I realize he asked this of poly couples)? OP are you asking how you should proceed in the relationship seeing how feelings have developed to a deeper level then just the casual?
Just curious as to what other Non monogamous couples' have experienced when strong emotional bonds to people other than one's spouse has emerged.
SHREDLITTLERED wrote:
May I recommend a wonderful book? The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures. Written by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy. I found this book very positive, helpful and informative. A wonderful guide to that "evolution" you are referring to. Best of luck!
Thank you so much, I will check it out.
BENT wrote:
Lucky you... wish we could have that again.
BTW, the Zebra Lounge is NOT even close to a poly relationship and the outcome could happen to ANY lifestyle couple!
Yes, I agree with you on that one! An unstable marriage or partnership could self destruct if the people involved are not honest and open about their true feelings, needs, and motivation as it comes to any form of Non monogamy.
Thank you so much for your insight and advice ABCCOUPLE. I truly appreciate it and I will definitely be reading The Ethical Slut. I think that all four of us are very lucky and have the exact kind of connection that it takes to have a wonderful Poly relationship. The other wife and I are both Bi and our husbands are close friends as well. The wife and I fell for each other early on and we both have developed love for each others' husbands and they for us. Thanks again for your thought provoking post.
We were in a poly relationship for over 7 years and was the greatest experience we have ever had. Unfortuately the male of the couple passed away a couple of years ago. We had a great relationship we went everywhere together and done everything together. We was actually very much in love with them and they with us. It is hard to find the right couple that you can get that close with but is possible. So now we are looking again. But the part of the ploy relationship was that we still love one another very much also.
SUMINDYFUN: To attempt to better answer your question, this is what we've experienced/learned in our poly-type relationships...
This is so much more of a complex subject than just a quick "blurb", we like to compare it to guessing a 4 combination lock, you know at least 1 or 2 of the correct numbers... but do you really??? You find out an amazing amount about YOURSELF through this process!
We have seen just about everything emerge, from complete unbelievable bliss to complete unbelievable hurt. However, what we've learned is TOTAL honesty, trust, respect, patience and absolute untethered communication are key! These things can either make or break it and breaking it earlier rather than later is a good thing, because if it breaks later then it usually means one or more people missed one or more of the fore-mentioned items and will cause much greater hurt because of all the time/work that was put in by the others.
BTW, apparently the bliss is much more powerful than the hurt because we keep trying and trying for some reason? Yep, its like a drug and we're addicted! This is why we dont fault any one for not wanting to "step through that door" so to speak. We suggest to any one that they open that door very, very slowly and even walk away for a bit before entering fully.
ABCMAN: You hit the nail directly on the head... from our experiences, social conditioning is extremely difficult for most people to overcome.
This is so much more of a complex subject than just a quick "blurb", we like to compare it to guessing a 4 combination lock, you know at least 1 or 2 of the correct numbers... but do you really??? You find out an amazing amount about YOURSELF through this process!
We have seen just about everything emerge, from complete unbelievable bliss to complete unbelievable hurt. However, what we've learned is TOTAL honesty, trust, respect, patience and absolute untethered communication are key! These things can either make or break it and breaking it earlier rather than later is a good thing, because if it breaks later then it usually means one or more people missed one or more of the fore-mentioned items and will cause much greater hurt because of all the time/work that was put in by the others.
BTW, apparently the bliss is much more powerful than the hurt because we keep trying and trying for some reason? Yep, its like a drug and we're addicted! This is why we dont fault any one for not wanting to "step through that door" so to speak. We suggest to any one that they open that door very, very slowly and even walk away for a bit before entering fully.
ABCMAN: You hit the nail directly on the head... from our experiences, social conditioning is extremely difficult for most people to overcome.
PRIDEJOY wrote:
We were in a poly relationship for over 7 years and was the greatest experience we have ever had. Unfortuately the male of the couple passed away a couple of years ago. We had a great relationship we went everywhere together and done everything together. We was actually very much in love with them and they with us. It is hard to find the right couple that you can get that close with but is possible. So now we are looking again. But the part of the ploy relationship was that we still love one another very much also.
PRIDEJOY, thank you so much for sharing. Sorry for your loss and your loved ones' loss. We are hoping for a long term relationship with our couple as well. Best of luck to you in your search for another couple.
BENT wrote:
SUMINDYFUN: To attempt to better answer your question, this is what we've experienced/learned in our poly-type relationships...
This is so much more of a complex subject than just a quick "blurb", we like to compare it to guessing a 4 combination lock, you know at least 1 or 2 of the correct numbers... but do you really??? You find out an amazing amount about YOURSELF through this process!
We have seen just about everything emerge, from complete unbelievable bliss to complete unbelievable hurt. However, what we've learned is TOTAL honesty, trust, respect, patience and absolute untethered communication are key! These things can either make or break it and breaking it earlier rather than later is a good thing, because if it breaks later then it usually means one or more people missed one or more of the fore-mentioned items and will cause much greater hurt because of all the time/work that was put in by the others.
BTW, apparently the bliss is much more powerful than the hurt because we keep trying and trying for some reason? Yep, its like a drug and we're addicted! This is why we dont fault any one for not wanting to "step through that door" so to speak. We suggest to any one that they open that door very, very slowly and even walk away for a bit before entering fully.
ABCMAN: You hit the nail directly on the head... from our experiences, social conditioning is extremely difficult for most people to overcome.
Thank you BENT! We agree with you 100% on the honesty and communication aspect. We have been so happy in the year we have been with our couple, but there have been some bumps and mis communications along the way. Fortunately we were able to deal with them and learn from them rather well. We realize that a Poly relationship is very complex and risky, but the rewards outweigh the risks for us. Wishing you guys good luck in your search!