I'm wondering what the divorce rate is in the swinger community. Is it higher or lower than the general population. Does anyone have any input or actual statistics?
i have a jinx statistic.
Every single couple I have ever sexually been involved with has either broken up or gotten divorced. Im so not kidding. And in my limited experience 90% of was because the asshole male half decided his female SO was suddenly no longer good enough. WTF. That's what I worry about. That all that playing around can encourage a person to stop appreciating the person who has been by their side and that they are suddenly "too good" for their spouse/SO.
Every single couple I have ever sexually been involved with has either broken up or gotten divorced. Im so not kidding. And in my limited experience 90% of was because the asshole male half decided his female SO was suddenly no longer good enough. WTF. That's what I worry about. That all that playing around can encourage a person to stop appreciating the person who has been by their side and that they are suddenly "too good" for their spouse/SO.
all the swinger i know are very happy with each other.
TENDERONE wrote:
This is a big deal for me. I'm new to the swinger's life style and just two months was married to a wonderful lady that has been involved swingular for several years. She's afraid of losing me if we get involved, and to tell you the truth, I have the same fears. Now that I've learned that almost 100% begin having marriage problems I don't think that we will ever get involved. But we are looking for good friends, and we have met a couple of good friends here, and intend to meet more. We will always keep an open mind, but it's very unlikely that anything other than friendship will ever happen. Thank's for starting this conversation.
If you guys are having these kinds of fears then you need to step away and not lead people on and work on your insecurity issues before ever thinking of being in the lifestyle...if you don't and keep hanging out with people then you are going to be tempted then one of you are going to cross the line...work on yourselves first!
AYLA5639 wrote:
Communication is the biggest part of being in the lifestyle, not only with your spouse but also with the people you meet. When the communication breaks down so do the relationships. But that is also true with any relationship
Exactly...and even the most secure wonderful relationships have their moments and it's being able to recognize them and communicate your way through it that makes it work...if you can't do that it will never work! But I guess that goes for every aspect of a relationship and not just swinging!
Ok, so my wife of 15 years who said she doesn't want to do the lifestyle thing anymore left me for a 22 year old that works for her. I'm 42 and she's 41. Suddenly I have become a single guy. WTF??? Anyone out there interested in some NSA with a newly separated 42 year old male? I think not!
wow! that a bad ending. i sorry for you
swingers have more fun.
that's right you dont have to be a swinger to have more fun. good people like my mom who had a fun filled life with just one man. so to all the good people on here that do not swing, i hope you have fun. god bless the good people
The problem with answering this question are those couples who started swinging to FIX something that was missing or wrong with their relationship. Then guess what, the issue boils up again, they split and the lifestyle catches the blame.
Bob
Bob
i love swinger's they have the best of two world's. and i love the good people becouse they like the swinger's have a lot to say about being in LOVE.
This is a difficult question and one I agree with IDCPL4FUN69 on. The "lifestyle" isn't going to fix anything. We use it in our relationship to help remind us why we love each other so much. LOL It is more like adding spice to what occasionally can become a bit mundane if we don't work at it,[did I just say; a beautiful thing like sex can be mundane?]
There are several academic studies on "swinging" that include some divorce numbers but the bottom line is divorce happens just like marriage happens. I would guess risks are higher because the emotional attachment is more and can be too much for some people. but that is a guess.
In our relationship the way we try, emphasis on try, to deal with swinging is one couple at a time. Neither of us can deal with numbers of sex partners for both obvious and personal reasons.
Jerome
There are several academic studies on "swinging" that include some divorce numbers but the bottom line is divorce happens just like marriage happens. I would guess risks are higher because the emotional attachment is more and can be too much for some people. but that is a guess.
In our relationship the way we try, emphasis on try, to deal with swinging is one couple at a time. Neither of us can deal with numbers of sex partners for both obvious and personal reasons.
Jerome
The communication we always had was that we would NEVER play alone and the basis of "playing" was simply about pleasure. Enhancing our own exciting sex-life, and taking it to another level. We never used the lifestyle as an excuse to replace something that was missing from our marriage. We both agreed, however, that the moment one of us was uncomfortable with the way things were happening or if any kind of emotional attachment was developing that we would both communicate that with eachother and we would take a step back. The ironic thing about it is that when this affair started, she told HIM (not me) that she did not like the lifestyle and that she was hurt by the fact that I was willing to share her with another man. Of course, he listened, said the right things and pushed all the right buttons. The other crazy thing is that we decided to "test the waters" after an encounter she had with a mutual (female) friend and every time we "played" after that, she was the one who initiated everything. I really don't think I can blame the lifestyle for our break-up, but I do think that it certainly made things easier for her to justify the whole thing. Also, when the affair was discovered she was actually angry with me that I wanted her to stop seeing this kid. She actually believed that she could maintain a polyamorous relationship with both of us. That might work for some people, not me.
i think if your a swinger what she said is right. why cheat when all you have to do is ask. do you see how that work's. just ASK nice and you can have what you need. what i found out is the wife's that are in this lifestyle love and miss what thy not get at home. at lease the partys i go to all the men make a big fuss over them, saying all the right stuff, touching all the right spots,feeling licking and kissing them deeply. and yes your woman hoping for a man with have a bigger package than you that can really lay the pipe down.that is what drive them back for more. what i love is the ladies don't have to be a drop dead good looking or be skinny to get men to fall all over them. a man can have and keep any woman he loves happy if he just treats her right in and out of the bedroom. years ago before i started swinging i use to clean up at every night club i went to. all of the unhappy ladies were so willing to sleep with me just becouse i was nice and sweet to them for one night. (this is only how i see it)
My life is enough of a soap opera. I don't need a walk on part in yours.
There is NOTHING wrong with taking a step back from playing to work on what's important. And the most important thing is your SO. I wish people got that. A happy couple is a sexy couple. And while I see a lot of bad couples, there are a few really good ones that remind me what it can be like. Then again, I think some people are meant to be married and some are not. Not just to their current spouse but to ANYONE.
There is NOTHING wrong with taking a step back from playing to work on what's important. And the most important thing is your SO. I wish people got that. A happy couple is a sexy couple. And while I see a lot of bad couples, there are a few really good ones that remind me what it can be like. Then again, I think some people are meant to be married and some are not. Not just to their current spouse but to ANYONE.
BLUEEYESINUTAH wrote:
i have a jinx statistic.
Every single couple I have ever sexually been involved with has either broken up or gotten divorced. Im so not kidding. And in my limited experience 90% of was because the asshole male half decided his female SO was suddenly no longer good enough. WTF. That's what I worry about. That all that playing around can encourage a person to stop appreciating the person who has been by their side and that they are suddenly "too good" for their spouse/SO.
Wow this is a bit late to respond, but here goes....My wife and I have been in the lifestyle since we met, I was in it previously and explained it to her from the beginning...I also told her the truth, if she wanted to try it great, if not I would give it up for her, period!
I told her from the start that there are men in the life that she is going to enjoy more then she does me, and vice versa...I also made sure she understood that its not because she doesn't love me that it would happen, just that I am not perfect...although damn close
j/kWe have had many wonderful yrs in the life and will continue to have because of absolute communication and truth.
BlueEye's if you have had this issue then it is due to the others having issue's prior...not specifically because of you having played with them...trust me, after 20 odd yrs in the lifestyle, I have seen pretty much all it has to be, both good and bad. We have friends we have had for many yrs, and others who have been just a blink in the dark, but the one thing I can say above all else is that when you are honest with each other...admit when you have feeling, or urges, and then talk them through...it all seems to work out just horny dory
ok. "Horny Dory" just made me literally LOL.
MY suggestions is if you're not sure this is for you and your married is good then DON"T.
If you do then talk about WHY you want to get involved in this lifestyle.
Remember you are going to see your wife getting banged by someone else and that's
always going to be in your mind so be prepard.
What if SHE likes it and you DON't.
I AGREE WITH BLUEEYES:
I had 2 friends (couples)that WERE married both over 10 years with kids.
They both got Divorced within a year of living this lifestyle.
I wouldn't get involved unless the relationship is damaged and going to end anyway.
Variety is good but at what cost.
WHAT DOES "LOVE" MEAN TO YOU.
Good luck.
If you do then talk about WHY you want to get involved in this lifestyle.
Remember you are going to see your wife getting banged by someone else and that's
always going to be in your mind so be prepard.
What if SHE likes it and you DON't.
I AGREE WITH BLUEEYES:
I had 2 friends (couples)that WERE married both over 10 years with kids.
They both got Divorced within a year of living this lifestyle.
I wouldn't get involved unless the relationship is damaged and going to end anyway.
Variety is good but at what cost.
WHAT DOES "LOVE" MEAN TO YOU.
Good luck.
It kinda disheartens me that some think that this lifestyle is the last stop for marriages having issues. There are those who enter the lifestyle with a thought that maybe they can save something in trouble, but more often then not cpls enter with the thought that they can get their spouse to like it without actually talking it through with them first.
And ABCcouple is very right, there are MANY cpls in the life that have been in it for many, many yrs... and yes we have problems also, but they are no different or worse then so vanilla's.
BlueEyes you hot little lady you, if you ever get down our way, or us yours...we need to get together to break your streak and show ya, not all cpls in the life are unstable
And ABCcouple is very right, there are MANY cpls in the life that have been in it for many, many yrs... and yes we have problems also, but they are no different or worse then so vanilla's.
BlueEyes you hot little lady you, if you ever get down our way, or us yours...we need to get together to break your streak and show ya, not all cpls in the life are unstable
SEXYBIWIFE wrote:
It kinda disheartens me that some think that this lifestyle is the last stop for marriages having issues. There are those who enter the lifestyle with a thought that maybe they can save something in trouble, but more often then not cpls enter with the thought that they can get their spouse to like it without actually talking it through with them first.
And ABCcouple is very right, there are MANY cpls in the life that have been in it for many, many yrs... and yes we have problems also, but they are no different or worse then so vanilla's.
BlueEyes you hot little lady you, if you ever get down our way, or us yours...we need to get together to break your streak and show ya, not all cpls in the life are unstable
You're on!
XOX
Tammy
ABCCOUPLE wrote:
Blue Eyes is being facetious, she knows that not every couple who swings gets divorced.
Nope. Just the ones I play with.
xox
T.
We just want to share that we have been married for 17 years and in the lifestyle for the some time now. Our marraige has never beens stronger. We know a lot of very strong committed couples in the lifestyle that have been married for many years and are doing great.
The lifestyle is not for everyone, and if there are problems in a marraige, the lifestyle will probably only make things worse.
CB & KB
The lifestyle is not for everyone, and if there are problems in a marraige, the lifestyle will probably only make things worse.
CB & KB
BLUEEYESINUTAH wrote:ABCCOUPLE wrote:
Blue Eyes is being facetious, she knows that not every couple who swings gets divorced.
Nope. Just the ones I play with.
xox
T.
Well pretty lady, thats because you just haven't had the opportunity to play with the right cpl yet...LOL Jackie wanted me to inform you, she has something that she would like to share with you, well 2 things
You will have to ask to find out what they are:PCBUTAH wrote:
We just want to share that we have been married for 17 years and in the lifestyle for the some time now. Our marraige has never beens stronger. We know a lot of very strong committed couples in the lifestyle that have been married for many years and are doing great.
The lifestyle is not for everyone, and if there are problems in a marraige, the lifestyle will probably only make things worse.
CB & KB
Pshaw, 17 yrs, I will never believe it...that bottom can't be over 25!
Ok. I'll bite.
Jackie what would you like to share with me?
xox
Tammy
Jackie what would you like to share with me?
xox
Tammy
Hmm, lets see...of course you know there is James, but I also have a few female talents that I think you would have fun with!
Kisses, Jackie
Kisses, Jackie
SEXYBIWIFE wrote:
Hmm, lets see...of course you know there is James, but I also have a few female talents that I think you would have fun with!
Kisses, Jackie
LOL. Cool but I need details.
Details huh? I guess we need to take this message to a different venue then...lol, James' words, I would have just said bed!
SEXYBIWIFE wrote:
It kinda disheartens me that some think that this lifestyle is the last stop for marriages having issues. There are those who enter the lifestyle with a thought that maybe they can save something in trouble, but more often then not cpls enter with the thought that they can get their spouse to like it without actually talking it through with them first. And ABCcouple is very right, there are MANY cpls in the life that have been in it for many, many yrs... and yes we have problems also, but they are no different or worse then so vanilla's. BlueEyes you hot little lady you, if you ever get down our way, or us yours...we need to get together to break your streak and show ya, not all cpls in the life are unstable
Wait your turn.
BlueEyes and I have already established that if she gets to Florida - I have dibs. lol
CARRIERMAN wrote:
Wait your turn. BlueEyes and I have already established that if she gets to Florida - I have dibs. lol
LOL. Trust me, there's more then enough of me to share.
CARRIERMAN wrote:SEXYBIWIFE wrote:
It kinda disheartens me that some think that this lifestyle is the last stop for marriages having issues. There are those who enter the lifestyle with a thought that maybe they can save something in trouble, but more often then not cpls enter with the thought that they can get their spouse to like it without actually talking it through with them first. And ABCcouple is very right, there are MANY cpls in the life that have been in it for many, many yrs... and yes we have problems also, but they are no different or worse then so vanilla's. BlueEyes you hot little lady you, if you ever get down our way, or us yours...we need to get together to break your streak and show ya, not all cpls in the life are unstable
Wait your turn.
BlueEyes and I have already established that if she gets to Florida - I have dibs. lol
Lmao, no worries...we are good with waiting, and I have no doubt when the sexy lady is done with you she will have a major appetite for a cpl
Besides, I can say I am good all day long, but bet my wife can do better then both of us!My husband and I began swinging together after a month of dating after I, the wife, suggested it and have now been happily married for over 3 years and together almost 4. Doesn't always have to be a pushy husband or a doomed marriage. How about 2 people who love sex and watching their SO be pleased by others? Good communication and a healthy amount of trust and security help as well I suppose. But giving a negative stigma to Swingers that our marriages are doomed seems silly. We've met plenty of people here and while living in San Antonio that have done this for years and continue to have wonderful relationships.
SEXYBIWIFE wrote:Lmao, no worries...we are good with waiting, and I have no doubt when the sexy lady is done with you she will have a major appetite for a cplCARRIERMAN wrote:Wait your turn. BlueEyes and I have already established that if she gets to Florida - I have dibs. lol
[quote=SEXYBIWIFE]It kinda disheartens me that some think that this lifestyle is the last stop for marriages having issues. There are those who enter the lifestyle with a thought that maybe they can save something in trouble, but more often then not cpls enter with the thought that they can get their spouse to like it without actually talking it through with them first. And ABCcouple is very right, there are MANY cpls in the life that have been in it for many, many yrs... and yes we have problems also, but they are no different or worse then so vanilla's. BlueEyes you hot little lady you, if you ever get down our way, or us yours...we need to get together to break your streak and show ya, not all cpls in the life are unstable
Besides, I can say I am good all day long, but bet my wife can do better then both of us![/quote]And just what makes you think she will EVER be done with me once she gets a sample?
The wife and I have been together for 17 years and we have been swinging off and on (mostly on) for about 16 1/2 years and while i have had some wonderful sexual experiences in this lifestyle my heart and soul only belong to one person and that is her....
Here is my thought on divorce period lifestyle or not....The attitude of people going into marriage is this . Ya lets get married if it doesn't work we can just get a divorce.
My attitude and my wifes and many of the old marriages were yes lets get married because this is forever..
In short i believe divorce is an attitude or an easy out clause if you will and yes some people use the lifestyle as an excuse to use the easy out clause but not all of us do for some of this it is just what we say it is it is to heighten our sexual experiences but at the end of the night me and the wife will always end up in bed together right were we belong...
Thanks for letting me ramble Lucky
Here is my thought on divorce period lifestyle or not....The attitude of people going into marriage is this . Ya lets get married if it doesn't work we can just get a divorce.
My attitude and my wifes and many of the old marriages were yes lets get married because this is forever..
In short i believe divorce is an attitude or an easy out clause if you will and yes some people use the lifestyle as an excuse to use the easy out clause but not all of us do for some of this it is just what we say it is it is to heighten our sexual experiences but at the end of the night me and the wife will always end up in bed together right were we belong...
Thanks for letting me ramble Lucky
Morgan I agree, this country has fallen into a rut of the Easy way. Years gone by marriages were looked at, women were courted for months, if not yrs...men asked for blessings, and if it was meant to be then the marriage could happen. I am not saying that there is not grounds for divorce, just want people to know that a divorce usually can be avoided...and in old times it was easier to stay married because people knew each other before they were married. If it wasn't meant to be then they went their separate ways and tried again.
Be glad we live in a country that we can actually choose who we marry and decide...even after we are married, if the relationship continues or not! We could be stuck in a country where all the marriages are because someones father wanted a new cow, so he traded his daughter off to get it.
Be glad we live in a country that we can actually choose who we marry and decide...even after we are married, if the relationship continues or not! We could be stuck in a country where all the marriages are because someones father wanted a new cow, so he traded his daughter off to get it.
TENDERONE wrote:
I just wanted to let you see my feelings about this subject. I am the other side of us and have been reading on this subject here and I see some things that we both agree with in that it all comes down to communication in the marriage and how we interact together. I feel that my new hubby and I are very open and talk often about the things that we like, want, and are interested in. For me.....I want him to know that he has the right to choose this lifestyle and that he can be as much a part of it as he feels the need. I did this on my own and now I know that I don't need the lifestyle but I can always choose it if I want. I just don't want it for now but if I needed some spark in our relationship I know where to go to get it. For him.....He doesn't know that side yet. I want him to see that and have the openness to see that if we need it it can be an option for us. And yet when it stops working for us our rule is that we come back out and back to the US in our relationship. I feel that our boundaries have been set up to support us and if we are feeling a breakdown we will come together to build our relationship not stay long enough to break up over it. That gives me the security that I can trust him and he can trust me and then we both get what we are wanting......Closeness in spite of anything. That is what our interaction is and should be on this site. I hope all couples will find a "coming together" not "falling apart" by being on here. That is what this lifestyle should be for. I know that is what we will create it for in out relationship! Still looking for couples like us! Just friends to share in fun and socializing and at times a spark if needed! Jody Lynn & Bob
Had a short chat with Bob the other day.
I'm happy for both of you - you needed each other.
Maybe we'll all meet up one day and have a root beer together.
BEST of luck to ya both.
We are a bit of an older couple with a different prospective. Amoung our swinging friends and aquaintances if we were to generalize it is that they are on a second marriage, have been married for 10 years or so and are very happy. Amoung our non-swinging friends they are on their first second, or third marriage and are generally unhappy. I would put the divorce rate amoung the non-swingers at more than double that of the swingers over a 10 year period.
Crap. Has anyone told Baddave he has to share me to? LOL
BLUEEYESINUTAH wrote:
Crap. Has anyone told Baddave he has to share me to? LOL
God forbid, but I am sure he will be ok with it...sharing is caring, member
after reading all the stories on here it make me wonder.being a swinging is bad for a lot of couples. the couple i see at the party's look like there having a good time. i must say i see more of the lidies catching hell becouse there loving having sex with that well hung young man. and the husband can't handle it and wind up go home. that suck's for her.so couple like that are should i say men like that should stay at home. ( i'm just saying what i see). sign as i'm being called on here! cuz,the dude whore
It's Obvious in reading all these response's that the topic does hit a sensitive nerve.
I agree being married or together a long time can become stale and may need some spicing up.
All i'm saying is to each is own, but if you're not sure about if this lifestyle is for you, and your partner, than analize your relationship first if the problem is just sex then go for it but understand it may blow up in your face.
I agree being married or together a long time can become stale and may need some spicing up.
All i'm saying is to each is own, but if you're not sure about if this lifestyle is for you, and your partner, than analize your relationship first if the problem is just sex then go for it but understand it may blow up in your face.
me to sun shine. it turns may brown eyes BLUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MASSMN wrote:
It's Obvious in reading all these response's that the topic does hit a sensitive nerve.
I agree being married or together a long time can become stale and may need some spicing up.
All i'm saying is to each is own, but if you're not sure about if this lifestyle is for you, and your partner, than analize your relationship first if the problem is just sex then go for it but understand it may blow up in your face.
Well said.
WHYNOTSAYHI wrote:
She hasn't lost her sex drive, she has a very good one okay a great one
She like all women just need a man that knows what they are doing to get it going.
Well honey, you brought it back and now look at me. I'm totally insatiable. hee hee. Oh and that's not a complaint. More like a total compliment to my new Sex God. ~wet happy sigh~ XOX
Ok, as an older divorced single male I
Swingular has some of the best people in the world on it. You guys have made me cum, made me laugh, and held my hand when I was so sick.
You. Rock.
"nuff said.
XOX
Tammy
You. Rock.
"nuff said.
XOX
Tammy
JACKANDJILL69 wrote:
Why cheat when all you have to do it ask?
cuz then its not all taboo and sexified. duh.
OMG. that is too funny. Good thing I'm not going for couples therapist instead. 
Accurate stats on this would be tough to get because of who would answer honestly that they were swinging before getting divorced - but you could probably get close and our bet would be that its pretty close to 50/50??
Having said that, I guess we're going to skew the stats negatively towards the swingers since we plan on getting divorced as soon as all the kids are grown. We dont believe that marriage is needed to prove ones love and commitment for each other. We we're successful at this for the first 7 years, and 2 kids; (bastards - lol) of our relationship. But back in the day before GLBT(P) started fighting for equal rights, insurance companies wouldn't cover "straight" partners either, so we got married to get coverage, among some of the other rights that might pertain to our children.
We have no problem with others getting married to extend their love for one another and we celebrate it. However, we absolutely detest governments using marriage as a tool to control the masses and their choice of romantic endeavors with each other - the rights that straight couples also loose from this should have many more people up in arms about it!
This is one of the problems that has aided in the distortion of what love, marriage and true friendship really is which in turn causes more divorce... and people that CANT HANDLE SWINGING.
Having said that, I guess we're going to skew the stats negatively towards the swingers since we plan on getting divorced as soon as all the kids are grown. We dont believe that marriage is needed to prove ones love and commitment for each other. We we're successful at this for the first 7 years, and 2 kids; (bastards - lol) of our relationship. But back in the day before GLBT(P) started fighting for equal rights, insurance companies wouldn't cover "straight" partners either, so we got married to get coverage, among some of the other rights that might pertain to our children.
We have no problem with others getting married to extend their love for one another and we celebrate it. However, we absolutely detest governments using marriage as a tool to control the masses and their choice of romantic endeavors with each other - the rights that straight couples also loose from this should have many more people up in arms about it!
This is one of the problems that has aided in the distortion of what love, marriage and true friendship really is which in turn causes more divorce... and people that CANT HANDLE SWINGING.
I understand your point about marriage and the dicks in government. I'm not sure why bother going thru all the hassle of the divorce if (as I interpreted it) you're staying together anyways. Its a lot of trouble to go thru just to stick it to the man.
Wow! What a blog! Ok here is my 2 cents(male)-
We have been married for 23 years (come January) we started swinging about 17 yrs ago, at first it was just us and our neighbors on a few intoxicated nites. But over the years, we have became more involved with others that we do not see on a regular basics. Never, have we ever, let this lifestyle threaten our marriage, we talk about everthing before, during, and after. We do not ask one to "take one for the team" and of course at anytime, either of us can say no without fear of recourse. If you are in the lifestyle or not, the key to a good marriage is communication. You would not go out and make a major purchase without consulting each other, you wouldn't make a career change without consulting each other, what is different about the lifestyle?
In all of our years together, I have know 4 lifestyle couples to call it quits, 2 which I know had underlying reasons, and the other two not sure of. I can not tell you how many "vanilla" friends that have gotten divorced, needless to say whether vanilla or lifestyle, marriage is a constant working relationship, once one half stops working it is not going to last.
Just my two cents.
T
We have been married for 23 years (come January) we started swinging about 17 yrs ago, at first it was just us and our neighbors on a few intoxicated nites. But over the years, we have became more involved with others that we do not see on a regular basics. Never, have we ever, let this lifestyle threaten our marriage, we talk about everthing before, during, and after. We do not ask one to "take one for the team" and of course at anytime, either of us can say no without fear of recourse. If you are in the lifestyle or not, the key to a good marriage is communication. You would not go out and make a major purchase without consulting each other, you wouldn't make a career change without consulting each other, what is different about the lifestyle?
In all of our years together, I have know 4 lifestyle couples to call it quits, 2 which I know had underlying reasons, and the other two not sure of. I can not tell you how many "vanilla" friends that have gotten divorced, needless to say whether vanilla or lifestyle, marriage is a constant working relationship, once one half stops working it is not going to last.
Just my two cents.
T