Guys, you don't wanna read this. It will totally deflate your image of me. LOL
Ok, Girls, here's my problem.
I lost my sex drive. And I'm CLOSE to not wanting it back.
I'm 42. I had a partial hysterectomy a few months ago. I've gone thru some major crap (cervical cancer, kid issues, a break up that caused a total mind fuck) so I understand 'why' it happened.
But giving up on sex seems like one more way to let life get the best of me. I just don't know "HOW" to get my groove back. Every time I think about actually having sex I literally get sick to my stomach. Except a few weeks ago - a guy was kissing me and that old familiar warmth came flooding back and had he taken it further, yeah, prolly would of so gone there...but since then...no go.
Flying solo (yes I mean masterbating) is a no go too. I actually start bawling after reaching orgasm. WTF? If I'm crying by myself, I'm half afraid what will happen with a partner. Normally I'm multi orgasmic and extremely trigger happy. So I'm either going to NOT be able to cum, or the first time I cum, I'm stressed I will get all stupid and start crying. Ugh. Nofuckingway.
So....is there a happy horny pill I need? An herbal suppliment? Should I bite the bullet and just do it and get it over and done with? Is this a case of falling of the horse and getting right back on? Or should I just order a Habit and become a nun? Celibacy seems more like a punishment then a life choice. Except I'm the one punishing myself.
For the record, I am taking antidepressents and yes, I did have my hormones checked. I'm a little off balance. Seeing a doc for those issues next month.
In the meantime, I'm desperate. Or I wish I could be desperate. Something like that.
xox
Tammy
p.s. Guys, seriously, this is not a shout out asking for you to email me and offer yourself up to cure me. Or to send me a blind friend request. Please, be mature enough to hit the back button and not reply unless you have something constructive or helpful to offer up. Your dick is neither of those things.
Ok, Girls, here's my problem.
I lost my sex drive. And I'm CLOSE to not wanting it back.
I'm 42. I had a partial hysterectomy a few months ago. I've gone thru some major crap (cervical cancer, kid issues, a break up that caused a total mind fuck) so I understand 'why' it happened.
But giving up on sex seems like one more way to let life get the best of me. I just don't know "HOW" to get my groove back. Every time I think about actually having sex I literally get sick to my stomach. Except a few weeks ago - a guy was kissing me and that old familiar warmth came flooding back and had he taken it further, yeah, prolly would of so gone there...but since then...no go.
Flying solo (yes I mean masterbating) is a no go too. I actually start bawling after reaching orgasm. WTF? If I'm crying by myself, I'm half afraid what will happen with a partner. Normally I'm multi orgasmic and extremely trigger happy. So I'm either going to NOT be able to cum, or the first time I cum, I'm stressed I will get all stupid and start crying. Ugh. Nofuckingway.
So....is there a happy horny pill I need? An herbal suppliment? Should I bite the bullet and just do it and get it over and done with? Is this a case of falling of the horse and getting right back on? Or should I just order a Habit and become a nun? Celibacy seems more like a punishment then a life choice. Except I'm the one punishing myself.
For the record, I am taking antidepressents and yes, I did have my hormones checked. I'm a little off balance. Seeing a doc for those issues next month.
In the meantime, I'm desperate. Or I wish I could be desperate. Something like that.
xox
Tammy
p.s. Guys, seriously, this is not a shout out asking for you to email me and offer yourself up to cure me. Or to send me a blind friend request. Please, be mature enough to hit the back button and not reply unless you have something constructive or helpful to offer up. Your dick is neither of those things.
Are you taking HRT's (Hormone Replacement Therapy)? From the data I have read on libido the neurochemicals serotonin and norepinephrine play a sweet balance with estrogen and testosterone. If you have unbalanced levels of those chemicals mentioned previously than it may account for your current experience.
I know it is easier said than done, but try not to stress about it. you will be back with screaming orgasms before you know it. as soon as your body gets back in balance you will feel so much better with all the changes that have gone on in your life.
Between the hormones and the anti-depressants, that can cause it. There are some antidepressants out there though that don't have the anti-sexual side effects. However, I know from family experience that they don't work for everyone. It sounds like you're on the right track by working with your doctor(s). Make sure they know too about your lack of interest...they may have some more suggestions.
Lancelexus, yes, for some people the pills are a crutch. There are those of us though that truly have the chemical imbalance and no amount of "talk therapy" will help the imbalance (it can help with working through other emotional issues though). Without the meds to bring balance back, daily function is hopeless. Sometimes it's choosing between the lesser of two evils...
Lancelexus, yes, for some people the pills are a crutch. There are those of us though that truly have the chemical imbalance and no amount of "talk therapy" will help the imbalance (it can help with working through other emotional issues though). Without the meds to bring balance back, daily function is hopeless. Sometimes it's choosing between the lesser of two evils...
Where to start?
First of all, don't allow your thoughts about sex and the problems you're having with it consume you - there will be time to think about sex later.
In the meantime, if your hormone thereapy, and your depression meds are coming from two different doctors, make absolutely sure they're both aware of what you're taking besides what they're prescribing.
And let them know what you're experiencing.
I can tell you there are a number of different antidepressants, all with different side effects, but all producing a like result.
You and your doctor need to work together to find out which one works for YOU.
Prioritize your life.
Getting yourself balanced, both mentally and physically, should be the first thing on your mind.
Once you've gotten those in order, THEN and only then should you worry about returning to a normal(?) sex life.
Believe me, it will happen almost automatically once everything else is stabilized.
In the meantime, if you meet someone, and the emotional bond is or is not strong enough, go with your instincts - either direction.
Don't put pressure on yourself to engage in either sex or ANYTHING else you're not 100% comfortable with.
No one is standing over you with a clipboard and a stopwatch measuring what you do and how it conforms to whatever SOME people consider normal.
"NORMAL" has a different meaning and different levels for different people.
Give it time, and before you know it, those old familiar feelings will start coming back.
But until then, GET THE HELL WELL!!!
First of all, don't allow your thoughts about sex and the problems you're having with it consume you - there will be time to think about sex later.
In the meantime, if your hormone thereapy, and your depression meds are coming from two different doctors, make absolutely sure they're both aware of what you're taking besides what they're prescribing.
And let them know what you're experiencing.
I can tell you there are a number of different antidepressants, all with different side effects, but all producing a like result.
You and your doctor need to work together to find out which one works for YOU.
Prioritize your life.
Getting yourself balanced, both mentally and physically, should be the first thing on your mind.
Once you've gotten those in order, THEN and only then should you worry about returning to a normal(?) sex life.
Believe me, it will happen almost automatically once everything else is stabilized.
In the meantime, if you meet someone, and the emotional bond is or is not strong enough, go with your instincts - either direction.
Don't put pressure on yourself to engage in either sex or ANYTHING else you're not 100% comfortable with.
No one is standing over you with a clipboard and a stopwatch measuring what you do and how it conforms to whatever SOME people consider normal.
"NORMAL" has a different meaning and different levels for different people.
Give it time, and before you know it, those old familiar feelings will start coming back.
But until then, GET THE HELL WELL!!!
I have been through about all of what you have, minus the relationship issues and I can say from experience that...
1) The antidepressants can screw with your libido bad...the only one that worked for me killed my desire so I took wellbutrin with it to help combat that...it worked a little but being off them has been the best!! But be honest with your doc and tell him "look I have NO sex drive, please help"...they're more understanding than we think!! And don't just go off them without consulting with him first...a lot of people may think they're not needed but with some they are, maybe temporarily, maybe permanently, only time will tell!
2) The surgery, everything that caused it and the feelings of "loss" (for lack of a better word) really play with the mind...it took a long time for me to get back to the big O after my surgery...you need to get comfortable with yourself again first and know that you can then when you find that partner just try and not put that pressure on yourself...it's kinda like performance anxiety (like with guys)...hell to this day if I'm trying too hard it won't happen...but if ya just relax and let go...well...you'll be breaking out the towels in no time!!
Hope that helps...Naugh-Ty
1) The antidepressants can screw with your libido bad...the only one that worked for me killed my desire so I took wellbutrin with it to help combat that...it worked a little but being off them has been the best!! But be honest with your doc and tell him "look I have NO sex drive, please help"...they're more understanding than we think!! And don't just go off them without consulting with him first...a lot of people may think they're not needed but with some they are, maybe temporarily, maybe permanently, only time will tell!
2) The surgery, everything that caused it and the feelings of "loss" (for lack of a better word) really play with the mind...it took a long time for me to get back to the big O after my surgery...you need to get comfortable with yourself again first and know that you can then when you find that partner just try and not put that pressure on yourself...it's kinda like performance anxiety (like with guys)...hell to this day if I'm trying too hard it won't happen...but if ya just relax and let go...well...you'll be breaking out the towels in no time!!
Hope that helps...Naugh-Ty
First of all, Blue Eyes, I'm a fan. I think you are hilarious and look for your postings. It's time for some good things to come your way, and I'm rooting for you, although we have not met. I would concur with all the things earlier posts have stated. I also had a surgery last year and it messed with my sex drive, my self-image, etc... It was rough. I even tried to get into a study at the U. for women with low libido. They turned me down(jerks!). Now, I look back on that as a hiccup. A momentary departure from the real me. After some time to heal, Jules came back and now feels VEEEERY SEXY. I predict that you will see the doc next month and get your meds adjusted. Your hormones will balance out and you will heal. I don't know you, but I read you - you're so strong. Any time you don't feel like having sex, come on here and give us all a dose of your satire. We'll all laugh with you until you feel better.
I was there a few years ago. I began after research to take natural hormones. They are exactly like what you would produce. You have to get them from a compounding pharmacy. The trick is finding a doctor who knows about and will prescribe them. We found a wonderful local doctor on the internet. They work. I now have sex at least three times a week. Never fewer than three orgasms. Sometimes 10 or 11.
Look up natural hormones then find a doctor. They work. Have a friend who had not had sex for a year began them, she is not as multible as I am but is having sex regularly and enjoying it.
Fae
Look up natural hormones then find a doctor. They work. Have a friend who had not had sex for a year began them, she is not as multible as I am but is having sex regularly and enjoying it.
Fae
As an ex-addict of anti-depressants, I can sympathize with your situation. Once on these little buggers it's difficult to stop and can take a long time before they get out of your system. My solution was a change in attitude, a change in diet and more important for me, a change in physical activity. It's amazing how a good exercise routine and healthy eating can turn around a mental downturn.
The other thing was to change my situation. I dumped my wife, although she'll tell you it was her that dumped me, and allowed myself to do the things that I wanted to do and made my life more interesting. Psychologically, the results were gradual, but measurable and lasting.
Good luck.
The other thing was to change my situation. I dumped my wife, although she'll tell you it was her that dumped me, and allowed myself to do the things that I wanted to do and made my life more interesting. Psychologically, the results were gradual, but measurable and lasting.
Good luck.
I have been on anti-depressants and the hormone patch as well. After I had my full hysterectomy my Dr gave me a patch that to me seemed to be a one size fits all thing. He said ok see you in a year, no follow up to see how my hormones were going or anything. I sought out help and am now taking a compound made for me, not everyone for me. The Dr did blood tests and checked all kinds of different levels. He is really good, my sister recommended him to me and now even my Mom is going to him. I am now off of my anti-depressants as well because of him. If you want more info feel free to contact me. Don't give up, I know things can be hard and it may seem easier to just say fuck it.....but don't. If you just want someone to talk to I am willing and available.
Have you considered consulting an acupuncturist or a Dr. of either Chinese or Ayurvedic medicine? Master Lu (SLC on State and approx 33rd South) is a good option for the acupuncture side, I cannot speak for the herbal/medical side of his practice. The Eastern medicine philosophy of treating the entire person could ultimately be of great benefit to you. In a worst case scenario, it does nothing, but you have exhausted yet another possibility. I (Mr.) with you the best of luck!
I noticed the suggestion of depression is already outthere, so I won't repeat it. After my first wife died I felt as you do. Funny thing was I kinda wanted sex but wasnt real thrilled at the idea. Turned out I was seriously depressed and aeeing a doctor for it was the 2nd smartest thing I ever did.
I understand your problem and dealt with depression from the other side of the fence. My wife went through breast cancer and the sex stopped. Simply put, she thought she was undesirable. I was interested in her but she refused to see it that way. She just could not see past her physical defect. She pulled into herself and although I tried to be more attentive and supportive, nothing seemed to help. (I tried for ten years and finally gave up.) So we drifted further and further away and finally divorced. I would guess that you are at the same place she was. If you do not find yourself sexy, you will not let anyone else believe that you are desirable. All I can say is that I think things will change as you change your feelings about yourself. I am just trying to get back there myself so maybe I have no room to comment. But things are getting better.
Something else I'm surprised no one has mentioned yet:
There are 2 distinctly different types of depression, although the symptoms are usually very similar.
REACTIVE DEPRESSION:
This is brought about as your mind and body "react" to something traumatic in your life.
CHEMICAL DEPRESSION:
This one is caused by a chemical imbalance in your brain.
Some of the medication for both crossover, but there are different meds for treating each one - that's why it's essential to tell your doctor EVERYTHING he/she needs to get you back on the right path.
To those who have never witnessed or experienced the symptoms and results of depression, DO NOT confuse actual depression with waking up in the morning feeling depressed.
It's like comparing Yams and Cumquats.
There are 2 distinctly different types of depression, although the symptoms are usually very similar.
REACTIVE DEPRESSION:
This is brought about as your mind and body "react" to something traumatic in your life.
CHEMICAL DEPRESSION:
This one is caused by a chemical imbalance in your brain.
Some of the medication for both crossover, but there are different meds for treating each one - that's why it's essential to tell your doctor EVERYTHING he/she needs to get you back on the right path.
To those who have never witnessed or experienced the symptoms and results of depression, DO NOT confuse actual depression with waking up in the morning feeling depressed.
It's like comparing Yams and Cumquats.
I'll stick my oar in this discussion as well. My F friend of 8 years that recently passed away (9/5/10) at 43 had many issues. She began with Mild depression at age 11 and over the years as her depression progressed to bi-polar-2 her doctors had her on every imaginable drug. Her sex drive came and went periodically. When we first met she was hornier than a teenage boy and couldn't get enough sex. When her sex drive dropped to zero it was discovered she had diabetes, so more meds to treat that. By the point she was diagnosed with diabetes we were no longer a couple, but we remained close friends - she said I could do more for her through talking with her than her therapist or other doctors. Her sexual desire eventually returned, but her ability to enjoy it and reach orgasm did not. She got frustrated, She was trying everything, I did what I could to help. Her life situation got really bad, attempted suicide, no place to live... I took her in, she lived with me for the last year of her life. There was no sex, just companionship and a lot of talking about what we would like to do. Her death was due to diabetic complications causing a toxic buildup of her other meds.
What I learned during all this:
1) The antidepressants and mood stabilizers screwed with her sex drive, both desire and her responses
2) Attitudes and self image were contributing factors
3) Having an understanding, non-judgmental, patient, and willing to do what is needed friend helps
4) Relax, have patience - things do get better, they did for Denise
She was really looking forward to going on a date just before she died, her death was sudden and quite unexpected. She told me the day before she died how excited she was about her pending date, she was having feelings there again, wanting sex and actually responding to her own stimulation.
Just my observation on this subject.
PS If anyone wants to talk, I don't care what time (24/7), drop me a note and I'll give you my number. I am a very sympathetic friend and a good listener.
Larry
What I learned during all this:
1) The antidepressants and mood stabilizers screwed with her sex drive, both desire and her responses
2) Attitudes and self image were contributing factors
3) Having an understanding, non-judgmental, patient, and willing to do what is needed friend helps
4) Relax, have patience - things do get better, they did for Denise
She was really looking forward to going on a date just before she died, her death was sudden and quite unexpected. She told me the day before she died how excited she was about her pending date, she was having feelings there again, wanting sex and actually responding to her own stimulation.
Just my observation on this subject.
PS If anyone wants to talk, I don't care what time (24/7), drop me a note and I'll give you my number. I am a very sympathetic friend and a good listener.
Larry
SHELLNNICK1108 wrote:
My post may be a little different. I started reading this post simply out of curiousity and as I was reading I began to realize with each new post something that I find amazing. People are still willing to help and support one another whether they know one another or not. No one posting was afraid to put themselves out there and be honest about their own experience or situation. Its comforting as a new couple to know that the lifestyle is more than sex and that we can find great friendships in the process. Its also very comforting for me to sort of educate oursleves based of others experiences because the issue is very real and can be concerning and one day we could very possibly go through a similar situation.
That, for us, is one of the largest benefits of the lifestyle for us...we have soooo many good friends (a lot there is no sex with) but the friendships have been amazing...and no sex or not you get so many open minded sexually energized people together and you're gonna have some hot sex when you get home even if you didn't play with anyone else lol
Step Back.
Relax.
Allow yourself to believe you are a good person. and a sexy person.
Allow yourself to feel appreciated when others try to show it.
And allow yourself to accept being wanted.
Resisting it will only make you loose it more.
maybe stop even bothering with sex for a little while focus on something else. Try and resolve the kid issue for instance.
Come to grips with the other part.
sooner or later someone will come along that will make you feel excited and comfortable again.
When it comes time for sex after that dont worry that you had issues let go have some fun it may take a few times but itll work out.
Unless of course they botched the hysterectomy and cut out your g-spot and snipped your clitt off then your SOL
Relax.
Allow yourself to believe you are a good person. and a sexy person.
Allow yourself to feel appreciated when others try to show it.
And allow yourself to accept being wanted.
Resisting it will only make you loose it more.
maybe stop even bothering with sex for a little while focus on something else. Try and resolve the kid issue for instance.
Come to grips with the other part.
sooner or later someone will come along that will make you feel excited and comfortable again.
When it comes time for sex after that dont worry that you had issues let go have some fun it may take a few times but itll work out.
Unless of course they botched the hysterectomy and cut out your g-spot and snipped your clitt off then your SOL
anti-depressants have messed with my sex drive as well but there is one out there that i found that worked on me its called lexapro and they gave me my drive back ! but i think you will start feeling a lot better once your hormone levels are back where they need to be ! i think that is a big thing with sex drive problems in men and women
is there any way you can move up your appointment with your dr to get your hormone levels taken care of ? if so i say get in there cause you will feel so much better with yourself
is there any way you can move up your appointment with your dr to get your hormone levels taken care of ? if so i say get in there cause you will feel so much better with yourself
wife went threw a lot of that. on the other side it is hard. It all came back, and even better. I hope things work out for you.