My family and friends,
As the holidays approach, my heartfelt appreciation
goes out to all of you who have taken the time and
trouble to send me \"forwards\" over the past 12
months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure,
blessed, and wealthy.
Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat
crap in the glue on envelopes cause I now have to go
get a wet towel every time I need to seal an
envelope.
Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the
same reason.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola
because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the
people who make these products are atheists who
refuse to put \"Under God\" on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because
it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones
because I could be pricked with a needle infected
with AIDS.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even
though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone
might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from nor send packages
by UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in
disguise.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will
ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone
bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and
Uzbekistan.
I no longer eat KFC because their \"chickens\" are
actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or
feathers.
I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will
change once I receive my free replacement pair from
Nike.
I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from
Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
I no longer worry about my soul because at last
count I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.
Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers
my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my
friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a
sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for
the 1,387,258th time)
I no longer have any money at all - but that will
change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and
AOL are sending me for participating in their
special email program.
Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for
me that I will now return the favor!
If you don\'t send this e-mail to at least 144,000
people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a
wicked case of diarrhea will land on your head at
5:00 PM (CDT) this afternoon. I know this will occur
because it actually happened to a friend of my
next-door neighbor\'s ex-mother-in-law\'s second
husband\'s cousin\'s beautician.
Sincerely,
Your E-Mail Buddy
As the holidays approach, my heartfelt appreciation
goes out to all of you who have taken the time and
trouble to send me \"forwards\" over the past 12
months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure,
blessed, and wealthy.
Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat
crap in the glue on envelopes cause I now have to go
get a wet towel every time I need to seal an
envelope.
Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the
same reason.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola
because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the
people who make these products are atheists who
refuse to put \"Under God\" on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because
it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones
because I could be pricked with a needle infected
with AIDS.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even
though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone
might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from nor send packages
by UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in
disguise.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will
ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone
bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and
Uzbekistan.
I no longer eat KFC because their \"chickens\" are
actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or
feathers.
I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will
change once I receive my free replacement pair from
Nike.
I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from
Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
I no longer worry about my soul because at last
count I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.
Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers
my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my
friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a
sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for
the 1,387,258th time)
I no longer have any money at all - but that will
change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and
AOL are sending me for participating in their
special email program.
Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for
me that I will now return the favor!
If you don\'t send this e-mail to at least 144,000
people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a
wicked case of diarrhea will land on your head at
5:00 PM (CDT) this afternoon. I know this will occur
because it actually happened to a friend of my
next-door neighbor\'s ex-mother-in-law\'s second
husband\'s cousin\'s beautician.
Sincerely,
Your E-Mail Buddy
Why doesn\'t Santa have any children ?
Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it\'s down the chimney.
Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it\'s down the chimney.
I just want to let you know, You\'re too fucking funny. Thanks for making my husband look at me like I\'m crazy b/c I damn near fell out my chair laughing.
Hope you have a Very Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year
Hope you have a Very Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year
Thanks for the humor... we need more smiles and laughter
Imagine if major companies from all around the world started producing or sponsoring condoms. They would become fashionable and companies would probably advertise more openly:
Nike Condoms : - Just do it.
Ford Condoms : - The ride of your life.
Sony Condoms : - Do not underestimate the power of Sony Condoms.
Microsoft Condoms : - Where do you want to go today?
KFC Condoms : - Finger Licking Good.
M&Ms Condoms : - Melt in your mouth, not in your hands.
Bernard Matthews Condoms : - Beautiful
Safeway Condoms : - Lightening the Load
Abbey National Condoms : - Because life\'s complicated enough
Coca Cola Condoms : - The Real Thing.
Ever Ready Condoms : - Keep going and going ....
ESSO Condoms: - The eye of the Tiger
Macintosh Condoms : - It does more, it costs less, it\'s that simple.
Pringles Condoms : - Once you pop, you can\'t stop.
Burger King Condoms:- Home of the Whopper.
Goodyear condoms : \"For a longer ride go wide\"
Nike Condoms : - Just do it.
Ford Condoms : - The ride of your life.
Sony Condoms : - Do not underestimate the power of Sony Condoms.
Microsoft Condoms : - Where do you want to go today?
KFC Condoms : - Finger Licking Good.
M&Ms Condoms : - Melt in your mouth, not in your hands.
Bernard Matthews Condoms : - Beautiful
Safeway Condoms : - Lightening the Load
Abbey National Condoms : - Because life\'s complicated enough
Coca Cola Condoms : - The Real Thing.
Ever Ready Condoms : - Keep going and going ....
ESSO Condoms: - The eye of the Tiger
Macintosh Condoms : - It does more, it costs less, it\'s that simple.
Pringles Condoms : - Once you pop, you can\'t stop.
Burger King Condoms:- Home of the Whopper.
Goodyear condoms : \"For a longer ride go wide\"
just a bit-o-humor for the day hope you enjoy and get a good giggle
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~~*~
Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from
shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more
assertive?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask
your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila.
Tequila is the safe, natural way to feel better and
more confident about yourself and your actions.
Tequila can help ease you out of your shyness and let
you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do
just about anything.
You will notice the benefits of Tequila almost
immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you
can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from
living the life you want to live.
Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past,
talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start
living, with Tequila.
Tequila may not be right for everyone. Women who are
pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila. However,
women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant
are encouraged to try it.
Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting,
incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor
control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of
virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing,
headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing
Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker,
Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.
Tequila. Leave Shyness Behind.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~~*~
Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from
shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more
assertive?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask
your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila.
Tequila is the safe, natural way to feel better and
more confident about yourself and your actions.
Tequila can help ease you out of your shyness and let
you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do
just about anything.
You will notice the benefits of Tequila almost
immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you
can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from
living the life you want to live.
Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past,
talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start
living, with Tequila.
Tequila may not be right for everyone. Women who are
pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila. However,
women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant
are encouraged to try it.
Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting,
incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor
control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of
virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing,
headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing
Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker,
Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.
Tequila. Leave Shyness Behind.
What kills me is that you have people who get them, and then just forward them.. Did they even read the garbage they are flooding me with?? How many times will they fall for it?
I have grown to hate email. Those I want it from I cant get, those who do send it send crap.
Not to mention the time I waste having to guess is it worth reading or just another stupid "forward".
I have grown to hate email. Those I want it from I cant get, those who do send it send crap.
Not to mention the time I waste having to guess is it worth reading or just another stupid "forward".