Do 1st impressions count?
First impressions are the most critical of all meetings:
Within the first three seconds of any new encounter, you are evaluated…even if it is just a glance.
People appraise your visual and behavioral appearance from head to toe. They observe your demeanor, mannerisms, and body language and even assess your grooming and accessories – watch, handbag, briefcase. Within only three seconds, you make an indelible impression.
You may intrigue some and disenchant others.
This first impression process occurs in every new situation. Within the first few seconds, people pass judgment on you – looking for common surface clues. Once the first impression is made, it is virtually irreversible.
BUT.....
Is it just as valuable in the cyber world where everything is done virtually sight unseen?
They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and so the “picture” you first present says much about you to the person you are conversing with.
Conversations are based on verbal give and take. Your attitude shows through in everything you do. Project a positive attitude, even in the face of criticism or in the case of nervousness.
So friends....
Do 1st impressions count?
Is it ever possible to put aside a negative 1st impression?
First impressions are the most critical of all meetings:
Within the first three seconds of any new encounter, you are evaluated…even if it is just a glance.
People appraise your visual and behavioral appearance from head to toe. They observe your demeanor, mannerisms, and body language and even assess your grooming and accessories – watch, handbag, briefcase. Within only three seconds, you make an indelible impression.
You may intrigue some and disenchant others.
This first impression process occurs in every new situation. Within the first few seconds, people pass judgment on you – looking for common surface clues. Once the first impression is made, it is virtually irreversible.
BUT.....
Is it just as valuable in the cyber world where everything is done virtually sight unseen?
They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and so the “picture” you first present says much about you to the person you are conversing with.
Conversations are based on verbal give and take. Your attitude shows through in everything you do. Project a positive attitude, even in the face of criticism or in the case of nervousness.
So friends....
Do 1st impressions count?
Is it ever possible to put aside a negative 1st impression?
What you say is very true and has been scientifically proven. This is why we never take anything personally, we feel that if what felt right to us didn't to some one else then great, we didn't waste any time and everybody is happily where they should be at that moment in their life.
And having said that, we always give people and other things in our life a second try, because you never know what was going on in ours and others lives at that particular moment.
So yes, first impressions do count; and for us it IS possible to put aside a negative first impression.
And having said that, we always give people and other things in our life a second try, because you never know what was going on in ours and others lives at that particular moment.
So yes, first impressions do count; and for us it IS possible to put aside a negative first impression.
Although first impressions are how a lot of us go I agree with bent who really knows what that person or persons are dealing with on the first meet so we always give second glances. Then again I have lots of respect for those who do go on first impressions.
Gina
Gina
My curse throughout my life has been the fact that my wry and dry sense of humor VERY often comes across as sarcastic.
I guess if I were to lay on some Shrink's couch and pour my heart out, we'd learn that my outgoing sense of humor is a way of trying to meet and make friends with people while covering up my latent insecurities.
THAT has caused folks to form a poor first impression of me more times than I care to count.
I've had a number of people I've become very good friends with tell me they had me pegged as a total asshole when they first met me, only because I made a comment in a (my) humorous way that pushed the wrong button.
Trust me, I'm a very polite, compasionate, educated person who can converse intelligently on nearly any topic - but if you go on first impressions only, there's a better than 50% chance you're probably not gonna like me.
Give me a second chance, and there's a better than 50% chance you'll change your mind about me - but as we all know, that second chance rarely comes.
I've tried to change that about myself, but we are who we are.
I guess if I were to lay on some Shrink's couch and pour my heart out, we'd learn that my outgoing sense of humor is a way of trying to meet and make friends with people while covering up my latent insecurities.
THAT has caused folks to form a poor first impression of me more times than I care to count.
I've had a number of people I've become very good friends with tell me they had me pegged as a total asshole when they first met me, only because I made a comment in a (my) humorous way that pushed the wrong button.
Trust me, I'm a very polite, compasionate, educated person who can converse intelligently on nearly any topic - but if you go on first impressions only, there's a better than 50% chance you're probably not gonna like me.
Give me a second chance, and there's a better than 50% chance you'll change your mind about me - but as we all know, that second chance rarely comes.
I've tried to change that about myself, but we are who we are.
I certainly agree with what the first poster stated about first impressions. Especially in cases where there is previously little contact. But first impressions can be often misleading. So they dress nice, have a cool hand bag, look like they're rich. I've often found the person I'm not attracted to initially actually comes out looking better and better in some cases.
No offense Julian, but I do have issue with the microscope concept. Frankly I don't think most people in the lifestyle are that judgmental. The ones that are do not play as frequently as many would think, and the ones who look at it more as just fun (entertainment), and don't take it too seriously are usually playing.
Technically, I could find something wrong with every woman that I've met in the lifestyle, and I'm sure they can find MORE problems with me. In the beginning of this adventure I was probably a little picky, but when I did finally NOT take it so seriously, that's when it finally became fun, and wow more ladies became attractive suddenly.
I do agree though, personal hygiene is important, I also like the comment about people who are naturally downers. I've watched at party's, and there have been a few cases where I've seen physically attractive individuals that no one wanted to hang with, and I've watched rotund and perhaps what most consider un-attractive individuals end up the Belle of the party. Why...I think it's a combination of both, and personality can win out in most cases. I think we could have a whole thread on positive mental attitudes and how it plays a bigger part in attraction then any other factor, but I shouldn't thread jack this discussion.
No offense Julian, but I do have issue with the microscope concept. Frankly I don't think most people in the lifestyle are that judgmental. The ones that are do not play as frequently as many would think, and the ones who look at it more as just fun (entertainment), and don't take it too seriously are usually playing.
Technically, I could find something wrong with every woman that I've met in the lifestyle, and I'm sure they can find MORE problems with me. In the beginning of this adventure I was probably a little picky, but when I did finally NOT take it so seriously, that's when it finally became fun, and wow more ladies became attractive suddenly.
I do agree though, personal hygiene is important, I also like the comment about people who are naturally downers. I've watched at party's, and there have been a few cases where I've seen physically attractive individuals that no one wanted to hang with, and I've watched rotund and perhaps what most consider un-attractive individuals end up the Belle of the party. Why...I think it's a combination of both, and personality can win out in most cases. I think we could have a whole thread on positive mental attitudes and how it plays a bigger part in attraction then any other factor, but I shouldn't thread jack this discussion.
Since humans are very visual and very judgmental . . . first impressions do impact who we approach and why. I do think that we often move beyond first impressions, but it is the driving force, especially in large group settings. If you don't get the chance to actually sit down and have a conversation with someone, you'll always have those first thoughts in your mind when considering who you want or don't want.
In our situation, I often feel as though people are not interested in us. It's a shame, because we are two of the nicest people one can meet in or out of the lifestyle. Trouble is, I think people see us and think, "who the fuck do they think they are . . ." Because no matter the setting, I'm always in stilettos, a sexy dress (I go out of my way to find the hottest shoes/clothes), straightened hair, full make up. He always wears nice dress shirts - oh, he'll wear jeans, but I won't unless I'm "broken" - We like to look good and dress up because of the way it makes us feel - attractive and desirable! We want to turn people on - no big deal, right? WRONG! It is rare to have someone we haven't meet approach us in meet and greet situations. Sure, we get lots of hugs and kisses from people who know us, but new people tend to keep us at arms length. I just don't get it . . .
Sometimes we do the approaching and introduce ourselves to others ... but other times we just keep to ourselves . . . hence, we contribute to exactly what they are thinking about us . . . It's really a no win situation . . . that is until we get in more intimate settings and people see me being fucked in the middle of the room with my stilettos by my ears ;o
While the last sentence above is true (I love to be looked at), as our paths continue to cross in different settings, people do begin to see that we really are nice and down to earth people who are open to all sorts of shapes and sizes.
In our situation, I often feel as though people are not interested in us. It's a shame, because we are two of the nicest people one can meet in or out of the lifestyle. Trouble is, I think people see us and think, "who the fuck do they think they are . . ." Because no matter the setting, I'm always in stilettos, a sexy dress (I go out of my way to find the hottest shoes/clothes), straightened hair, full make up. He always wears nice dress shirts - oh, he'll wear jeans, but I won't unless I'm "broken" - We like to look good and dress up because of the way it makes us feel - attractive and desirable! We want to turn people on - no big deal, right? WRONG! It is rare to have someone we haven't meet approach us in meet and greet situations. Sure, we get lots of hugs and kisses from people who know us, but new people tend to keep us at arms length. I just don't get it . . .
Sometimes we do the approaching and introduce ourselves to others ... but other times we just keep to ourselves . . . hence, we contribute to exactly what they are thinking about us . . . It's really a no win situation . . . that is until we get in more intimate settings and people see me being fucked in the middle of the room with my stilettos by my ears ;o
While the last sentence above is true (I love to be looked at), as our paths continue to cross in different settings, people do begin to see that we really are nice and down to earth people who are open to all sorts of shapes and sizes.
Yes, they do. But, it doesn't stop us from having a good time. We are always upfront about how we look and that we like to have a good time. For us, attitude and how you act are more important than looks. This is where class, tact, and maturity come in. If we don't hit it off, wait a minute, we may know someone or where you should go that will. No sweat here, we know how it is if all don't click or meet expectations. After all, we live in Vegas and everyone expects more from us because of the Sin City expectation. Inside truth is for us, we have had our best encounters with out of towners. We have great friends here, but the out of towners know what they are looking for and usually tell you so.
Swingsets - wow...would love to see you being fucked in the middle of a room with your stilettos by your ear... LOL...
As I said earlier, sometimes people are so into themselves that they can't see the forest for the trees, in other words some people are so into their own insecurities and judgments that is almost impossible to venture out and introduce themselves to someone new.
Now again we're getting into basic social psychology situations, but often people feel more comfortable with those whom dress, look, or speak like they do. I've been in sales for years, and if I over dress, speak to fast, speak to loud then I'm goin to blow a chance of getting a sale. I tend to do what they call "Mirroring" in the sales world. If I know it's a family store, then I tend to dress nicely but I'm not wearing the suit. If it's a country store in Alabama, I'm going to quickly modulate my speech to the dialect or tonality of that individual.
Now I'm not trying to pat myself on the back, but one thing my wife and I have discussed is how we tend to feel comfortable in most social situations or with most groups within the lifestyle. It is interesting that there is such a clear division, but as some of said, the people in the Lifestyle are no different then anyone else. Though I see a blur of these social groups at some of the bigger parties in Salt Lake, I tend to see allot more divisions at the house party level. I think allot of this is because in general people tend to feel comfortable with people more like themselves.
Personally I tend to believe that if you get to caught up in "trees" you miss out on allot of what the Lifestyle can provide. I'm not trying to be Tony Robbins, or suggest that you take a sales class, but I think the easiest way to break these social barriers is to just say "HI"...it's amazing what happens to anyone when you smile and give them a sincere greeting, and then do the hardest thing you'll ever to do...Get over yourself!...yep, I struggle myself with this every single time I go out, it's not ment to put some of you down, it's just a reality that some of us must deal with.
As I said earlier, sometimes people are so into themselves that they can't see the forest for the trees, in other words some people are so into their own insecurities and judgments that is almost impossible to venture out and introduce themselves to someone new.
Now again we're getting into basic social psychology situations, but often people feel more comfortable with those whom dress, look, or speak like they do. I've been in sales for years, and if I over dress, speak to fast, speak to loud then I'm goin to blow a chance of getting a sale. I tend to do what they call "Mirroring" in the sales world. If I know it's a family store, then I tend to dress nicely but I'm not wearing the suit. If it's a country store in Alabama, I'm going to quickly modulate my speech to the dialect or tonality of that individual.
Now I'm not trying to pat myself on the back, but one thing my wife and I have discussed is how we tend to feel comfortable in most social situations or with most groups within the lifestyle. It is interesting that there is such a clear division, but as some of said, the people in the Lifestyle are no different then anyone else. Though I see a blur of these social groups at some of the bigger parties in Salt Lake, I tend to see allot more divisions at the house party level. I think allot of this is because in general people tend to feel comfortable with people more like themselves.
Personally I tend to believe that if you get to caught up in "trees" you miss out on allot of what the Lifestyle can provide. I'm not trying to be Tony Robbins, or suggest that you take a sales class, but I think the easiest way to break these social barriers is to just say "HI"...it's amazing what happens to anyone when you smile and give them a sincere greeting, and then do the hardest thing you'll ever to do...Get over yourself!...yep, I struggle myself with this every single time I go out, it's not ment to put some of you down, it's just a reality that some of us must deal with.
i am how iam like me or not i am agreat person if you like me good for you if you love me beter for you now thats a first impression
ABCMAN - Why thank you! Who knows . . . there's a likelihood that you already have ;>
I agree with what you are saying, although I do struggle with the "looking like everyone else" part - my view tends to lean toward "modeling" instead of "mirroring" - sort of setting the standard. Perhaps it has to do with my ethnicity . . . I look different than most anyway . . . especially here in Utah.
Ultimately, it's about being comfortable with ourselves in any given situation and not being "afraid" to "reach out and touch someone" - And BTW, I don't want anyone to think I'm being "judgmental" with my "jeans" comment - I definitely think jeans are sexy . . . nothing against them (as long as you don't look . . . and smell . . . like you just finished mowing the back forty)
. . . short skirts and I just go so much better together ;o)
I agree with what you are saying, although I do struggle with the "looking like everyone else" part - my view tends to lean toward "modeling" instead of "mirroring" - sort of setting the standard. Perhaps it has to do with my ethnicity . . . I look different than most anyway . . . especially here in Utah.
Ultimately, it's about being comfortable with ourselves in any given situation and not being "afraid" to "reach out and touch someone" - And BTW, I don't want anyone to think I'm being "judgmental" with my "jeans" comment - I definitely think jeans are sexy . . . nothing against them (as long as you don't look . . . and smell . . . like you just finished mowing the back forty)
. . . short skirts and I just go so much better together ;o)
I have to deal with first impressions quite often in my job. I'm responsible for hiring people into a retail setting and first impressions can be deceiving as well as right on the money. You never know what kind of impression you're making on a person. Yes, people judge each other on those first 3 seconds or that first handshake and it creates an impression that sticks with you. But I've also learned that the next 15 minutes of conversation can either solidify that impression or give you a completely different impression. Yes.... I believe that a person can put aside a negative 1st impression IF that person is willing to do so. I've met people that haven't given me the best impression, but after talking to them and getting to know their situation, I've found them to be quite the opposite. But on the other hand, great impressions can also be incorrect.
I also think that stereotypes play into the 1st impression. I'm a redhead. When I meet people for the first time (especially at lifestyle parties), I often get that "look" or comment that suggests I would be great in bed. Now, I'll leave that judgment up to those who share that experience with me, but that first assessment may not necessarily be accurate. The same could be said about people who are overweight. Fat people are often mistaken for someone not worth the time or even stupid. Truck drivers often get a bad rap. Blondes are stupid, right? I could go on and on. The point is that stereotypes play into that 1st impression more than we realize. Once we get past those stereotypes, I think the 2nd chance can come into play and who knows what kind of great people you'll become friends with.
I also think that stereotypes play into the 1st impression. I'm a redhead. When I meet people for the first time (especially at lifestyle parties), I often get that "look" or comment that suggests I would be great in bed. Now, I'll leave that judgment up to those who share that experience with me, but that first assessment may not necessarily be accurate. The same could be said about people who are overweight. Fat people are often mistaken for someone not worth the time or even stupid. Truck drivers often get a bad rap. Blondes are stupid, right? I could go on and on. The point is that stereotypes play into that 1st impression more than we realize. Once we get past those stereotypes, I think the 2nd chance can come into play and who knows what kind of great people you'll become friends with.
Well put! That's the best thing about this lifestyle - we often do get a chance to make 2nd, 3rd, 4th impressions ;>