Swingers Forum - Single dudes

Ok. Wifey and I started into the lifestyle doing hotwifing. After dealing with flakes, cheaters, just sexters, ones that don’t acknowledge the hubby exists, we’ve realized that’s only half of the bad. Tonight we got cancelled on for a fucking sports game, less than 24hrs before. For the second time. We like and desire the idea of sharing wife mmf, but of the ten or so experiences, we’ve had 1/3 cancel (one of them twice), one who’s wife was ok with husband playing then never contacted us again, one who was a handsy fucker right off the bat and acted like I wasn’t there, some hot an heavy texters that never turns into anything. A few good experiences have been had, but the aftermath drama kills any future meet. Conversely, couples have been fantastic, almost all good experiences. Still would love an occasional mmf, but nothing but bad! Someone said on a prior post that finding a single male that understands the swinger couple dynamic is as rare as the elusive female unicorn, the “manicorn” they called it. Guess I don’t have a point, just venting.

We feel and understand your frustrations! It is the norm but have been lucky with screening!

EVILDOERS, that is an incredible reply, and agree 100%. I think our best hotwifing exp, has been when wifey went and olayed with a husband of a couple we had friended. Haha, still can’t wait for the next time

I just recently moved to the area (slc) from a big lifestyle heavy city in Florida, and seems like there’s a big problem with single males here. I mean just judging by the amount of complaints on these forums (Also new to this site as they don’t much use it in Florida).

If a single should get the rare opportunity to meet up with a couple, first of all they need to be respectful (including not cancelling last minute), or grow the hell up and not chicken out on the meetup. Wasting people’s hard earned time is complete bullshit.

Have to see it as a chance to get to know new people, and be open to different things, not just some show up and fuck situation. They are a team, and are in this situation together, so to show up and just disregard one half of the team is completely unacceptable imo.

Don’t overdo it, don’t be a douche bag, be respectful and professional, don’t fucking flake, and go into it with the mindset of meeting other HUMANS to interact with, not just to get your nut off.

Ok sorry rant over. Strange place, this Utah. Starting to like it though =)

I have just given up. Most are too pushy and then ghost when you say let's finalize plans. But I've noticed that a lot. I've canceled for sick kid and an emergency but have met up with all others. One single male I should have left in Murray Park who was really pushy; funny thing was, he bragged how great in bed he was... I had to fake it. Then he called me cheap when I told him I wasn't dropping everything to go have sex with him. He was on here just to get laid not to play by any rules. So I see why people are so tired of the games. I just want a regular play part once or twice a month, yeah, that's not going to happen. I can't get one to meet let along not be a douche when we do. It seems like this last 2 years on here have been the worse for single men. And for those rare men that aren't this way, sorry these single guys are giving you a bad name and rep.

Unfortunately, like everything else, a few spoil it for everyone else. From the things I've read here and have read and heard elsewhere I can understand why couples feel the way they do. It makes it next to impossible for us single guys who are decent to meet new people. To be fair, I've been stood up by women and couples before so it goes both ways.

It doesn't help us single guys that there are so many of us out there. LOL Women and couples can be choosy because of the supply and demand ratio.

Utahldscouple wrote:

UtahGuy2 wrote:

Unfortunately, like everything else, a few spoil it for everyone else.

Unfortunately from our experience it is the majority are spoiling it for the few.

THIS^^^^

I think it's horribly wrong for single males to cancel. It's a great experience joining in on a MMF. And if it's a great match, it turns into a friendship of enjoying time together and playing also. I'm sorry that happened to so many people.

I always try and play by the rules, and try and have a great experience for everyone, and try not to be a douche bag,

A few things we have noticed tend to add up to a good guy, who is honest, charming, good in bed and a fun experience:

1.) He is more likely to be able to host, because he isn't married and cheating, and he isn't afraid or ashamed of what he is doing. Some guys do have kids at home, so sometimes they can't host. If he really is single he won't mind meeting with you someplace very public and very vanilla. One of our favorite single guys met us at a Barnes and Noble the first time.

2.) He isn't pushy.

3.) He will unashamedly tell you who he really is during the first meeting, if not sooner, and does not veil himself in a lot of subterfuge. The guys who only sort of halfway answer questions are most likely to be hiding something. Same can be said for the guys who immediately, and only talk about sexual subjects.

4.) He is successful dating women outside of the lifestyle. He is involved in the lifestyle for the same reason a lot of the rest of us are. He enjoys recreational sex, maybe sex with more than two people in the room, and he is unashamed about it, but he does not see the lifestyle as his last chance opportunity to get laid, or to be with a woman, because he has been unable to attract women in the vanilla world.

5.) Guys who have positive comments posted in their profile from people who have been verified as real have already been through someone's vetting process. It's a big plus in their favor.

Having said all of that, great guys, usually live full and meaningful lives. They are not always available on a whim. If we expect them to afford us the courtesy of working around our busy schedules, we should be equally as patient and understanding.

Btw.... single males on here are darlings... you guys write pretty well.. (I am straight though)LOL

lol.. sometimes I dont read the complete profile BUT I guess I dont need to read the complete profiles anyways because I stopped making first contact around the 1st quarter of 2018...

I am one of those single males who will completely support a Receive Message only system...

Speaking of not caring...... Its not only a single males problem.. I have had bi-couples try to convert me and when I politely decline they throw SERIOUS hissy fit... lol..

For those who still want single males... always make plans, back-up plans then back-up the back up plans #Tinder-games! lol.

its not always single males fault... I read text messages.. I follow vibes... you can only tell someone is a weirdo or a creep after some exchanges.. when I feel the creepy and/or CONTROLLING TONE!!!!! vibe, guys what I do? Exactly.. L O L

Sorry guys, some of us aren't like that...wish i lived closer! if you ever want to trip out to chicago be happy to meet up!

man i miss SLC! had such an awesome time there when i visited!

Jay

WifeyNeedsNew wrote:

Ok. Wifey and I started into the lifestyle doing hotwifing. After dealing with flakes, cheaters, just sexters, ones that don’t acknowledge the hubby exists, we’ve realized that’s only half of the bad. Tonight we got cancelled on for a fucking sports game, less than 24hrs before. For the second time. We like and desire the idea of sharing wife mmf, but of the ten or so experiences, we’ve had 1/3 cancel (one of them twice), one who’s wife was ok with husband playing then never contacted us again, one who was a handsy fucker right off the bat and acted like I wasn’t there, some hot an heavy texters that never turns into anything. A few good experiences have been had, but the aftermath drama kills any future meet. Conversely, couples have been fantastic, almost all good experiences. Still would love an occasional mmf, but nothing but bad! Someone said on a prior post that finding a single male that understands the swinger couple dynamic is as rare as the elusive female unicorn, the “manicorn” they called it. Guess I don’t have a point, just venting.

Single males wow... any recommendations? Will it be easier if people just post usernames of the highly recommended or maybe gephardt approved single males LOL. I am not looking for a single male and I am very selective with couples and NOT INTO single females.

True... @WET.

I recommended this site to my highly recommended friends.. they thought I was BS-ing them because they’ve just been jacking off more often 🤣.

I think the verification process for single males needs to be reviewed.. if not single males like us who have been verified will keep being selective, more selective and extremely selective... I am saying that with all the humility in the world and I am not apologizing either. Lol.

Perhaps a dumb question here, but we're new to the lifestyle. Are there many couples that allow the man to play solo? We are primarily looking for MFM situations, but would enjoy full swap as well on occasion so would prefer a couple. A couple where the men can kind of float between and enjoy the women separately would probably be best for us...Is that a thing? Anyone have experience with a situation like that?

It's EXTREMELY comforting for us to know that every single SM who's responded to this thread actually happens to be one of the few good, reliable, nice, polite, experienced, gentlemen. What are the odds?!!?

I have to say that as of today we are no longer interested in single guys also! We have contacted several, and of course we are being a little selective, (has to be someone that my wife actually finds appealing) with absolutely no success. Out of the guys we contacted or who have contacted us have been complete flakes. We only physically met one just for a greet and meet, and then he ghosted us without a word.

We learned quickly thanks to a couple we met who has been in this LS for a long time, to take this life style with a grain of salt, if there is no interest, then you should just say it, no harm no foul, don’t have to say it in the middle of dinner or drinks, but a small message later can go a long ways. And it does go both ways, we have had couples ghost us after a meet up, without one word. We haven’t taken it personally yet with couples and I’m sure it’s always going to happen.

But our luck with couples have been so much better that we have decided to just stick with them in our search for fun in sexuality, and friendship! So far we haven’t met any flakes but we are still new to this lifestyle. Part of this is meeting people who are likeminded that we can relate with, and if thing match up, fun behind closed doors!

Maybe when swingular (or a member) comes up with a system that can weed out the dink’s, then maybe we will try it again. This is only my two cents which doesn’t really buy you anything, but if fits this forum, and it’s what we’re doing.

massageBBCguy wrote:

@donnie. I just checked out your profile... the Mr looks like his got a MEGA TOOL.. you think that makes guys say “yeah,nah.... she won’t feel me... what am I even going there for?” Lol. I have not been in that position before maybe because of my EI. The Mr’s Equipment sure looks YUGE! And discouraging lol..... I said all that in the nicest way possible. Lol.

Lol, that could be the case, but when I said we were being selective, she has a thing for tall guys, so that’s what we were searching for. Not to mention the guys that contacted us could see the same pics you did. And when I say they were flakes they would be all hot to trot and then they would disappear when we were suppose to meet up, come up with excuses setup another meet, then disappear again. Besides my size has never been an issue with other couples, but maybe that’s what is intrigued other couples, who knows, but we Haven’t had the issues with couples as we do single men. You think these guys would be all over fucking my wife, not the case, and the other thing I noticed was that almost everyone of them wanted my wife to pursue them, she almost always had to initiate conversations, and most women like to be the one pursued. To be honest this really isn’t a whole lot different then singles dating, there has to be attraction and flirting, kind of dating sort of speak and single guys in this lifestyle don’t seem to get that. I have yet to meet a couple that we didn’t all chat and flirt, share pics and meet up for dinner or drinks (dating) to see if things click. Couples dating is supposed to be harder because all four need to click, but I’ve found it to be harder with the single guys.

donniebman wrote:

You think these guys would be all over fucking my wife, not the case, and the other thing I noticed was that almost everyone of them wanted my wife to pursue them, she almost always had to initiate conversations, and most women like to be the one pursued. To be honest this really isn’t a whole lot different then singles dating, there has to be attraction and flirting, kind of dating sort of speak and single guys in this lifestyle don’t seem to get that.

We have found the same thing and were surprised as well! It was affecting her confidence level until we starting meeting up with couples then it increased her confidence.

“When they go low... we go high” LOL X 400. #divisive-bait

Donnie where the hell were the hell did you find you find these guys GRINDER??

It's the way it works. Generally you swingers want the hottest of the hot, to enrich the fantasy. Taller than 6' with a huge cock is usually what you shoot for.
"In the U.S. population, about 14.5 percent of all men are six feet or over...3.9 percent of adult men are 6'2" or taller"
So you are shooting for less than 15% of males. Throw in the other desirable traits you want, and they are going to be massively in demand wherever they go. If they have any sort of social skills they can easily get a night of sex outside of the swinger life, so they are less likely to jump on the wife, and much more likely to cancel at the last second when something they view as more desirable pops up.

LOL X 479.

I think that much of the so-called flakiness exhibited by single males, and even by some couples, stems a lot from the current sense of entitlement and self-centeredness that we see throughout society. To be successful as a single male in the lifestyle you may indeed need to have a large cock, a chiseled body, a masters degree in psychology, and a sparkling personality with a good dollop of self-deprecating humor. You probably also need the patience of Job and maybe even to be a bit of a masochist.

Like it or not, couples that do want single males (the minority in our experience) are in a STRONG buyers market, where they can be hyper-selective and some can be pretty damn disrespectful to guys as they string them along without much damage to their own reputation. Supply and demand. So, of course, they're also going to be less than forgiving if a SM dares stand them up because they know there are a hundred waiting in the wings who would have jumped at the chance the fuck the wife.

That doesn't, however, excuse the ubiquitous SM attitude (and yes, I know I've beaten this dead horse to a complete pulp) that married women in the lifestyle are unsatisfied nympho-sluts and their husbands are inadequate cucks.

I think it's both of these more or less prevalent attitudes, that are in all aspects are at odds with each other, that brings about the complaints from both sides of the fence. Not sure there is anything that can easily be done to change human nature enough to resolve this issue. Guess, I'll just go back to making stupid remarks and posting silly gifs and memes now.

JOHN_JILL wrote:

since a SM rating system is not going to happen, how about someone start a thread titled "Recomended Single Males"? With good referals, the few good ones on here will surely be discovered.

We've actually run into more than a few couples, small groups, and women who want to keep the very few good SM's all to themselves and won't easily divulge their names so that they don't have to share. Can't say that I blame them, necessarily, since it requires such a large amount of work to sort thru the hordes of twatwaffles to get to the few truly worthy manicorns.

JOHN_JILL wrote:

since a SM rating system is not going to happen, how about someone start a thread titled "Recomended Single Males"? With good referals, the few good ones on here will surely be discovered.

Me and a female friend tried “variety”... I recommend 2 friends.. really awesome guys but damn after two hangouts I became A Lifestyle Abitrator almost. LOL.

massageBBCguy wrote:

massageBBCguy is the only one I can recommend.. when it comes to single male... BUT he can recommend couples 😬. LOL oh my recommend couples? Hmmmm that sounds like kiss and tell huh? I guess I have some figuring out to do. Lol
massageBBCguy also said he is making new friends for a limited time only. LOL X 630

We were totally just thinking it wasn't going to take long for someone to recommend themselves. We just thought they would create another account (couple).

"I am really not here to have sex.."