Swingular - Swingers

Swingers Forum - Observations from the other side of the room

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I have been in the swinging lifestyle for six years total.  Both on this site as well as another popular adult site.  I have met many people, some of them were not my type, and I wasn't theirs.  However for every non starter I have met many more where the chemistry was amazing and the sex was even better.  Isn't that why we're here? 

So I thought I would write about how I go about meeting couples and single women.  I am not the authority, but I see tons of post's about how to get started.  I also get messages asking how my luck is.  Luck has nothing to do with it.  Timing perhaps, but luck no. 

While this is an adult dating site that doesn't mean that chivalry goes out the window. 
Try starting an actual conversation. Don't talk about your sexual prowess (unless asked).

Don't message too much.  I have a one message rule.  If I send a message and don't get a reply, I figure they are busy, not interested, or taking a break.  I have received replies to messages I sent months before.  Timing. 

Compliment don't drool.  A simple I enjoyed your profile.  You're an attractive couple can go a long way. 

So you start talking... Avoid the urge to send cock pictures (unless asked), I prefer to use MMS so that everything I say is or can be read by both.  If you are only talking to the wife, be upfront, tell her you expect her to share everything with her husband.  Don't try and get her to come over alone. 

Be able to have a conversation to keep them both interested in meeting you.  Nobody really wants to meet a Dick.  Have substance.  Avoid polarizing topics, ask how they got into the lifestyle, show you have depth. 

The day of the first meet.  Shake his hand.  Compliment her on her outfit.  Don't be afraid to pick up the check.  At this point it's really up to all involved as to what happens.  However, meeting for dinner or drinks with the understanding that if things go well a second date will follow can take pressure off everyone. 

In the bedroom.  Don't assume.  Ask first.  Be safe, and enjoy. 
All good advice. You should give seminars to the GAZILLIONS of single males who think female swingers are nymphomaniac, wanton sluts who will fuck anyone, any time, anywhere and that their husbands/partners are pathetic, impotent cucks who don't know how to please their partners and need a "real" man to satisfy their wives/girlfriends. You could make BANK teaching the utterly clueless how to act like a gentleman and do a service to the lifestyle by helping to weed out the twatwaffles who have no business even ATTEMPTING to enter a lifestyle they know nothing about and should leave immediately!
EVILDOERS wrote:

All good advice. You should give seminars to the GAZILLIONS of single males who think female swingers are nymphomaniac, wanton sluts who will fuck anyone, any time, anywhere and that their husbands/partners are pathetic, impotent cucks who don't know how to please their partners and need a "real" man to satisfy their wives/girlfriends. You could make BANK teaching the utterly clueless how to act like a gentleman and do a service to the lifestyle by helping to weed out the twatwaffles who have no business even ATTEMPTING to enter a lifestyle they know nothing about and should leave immediately!


This. We dont want to resort to blocking single male messages but lately its getting to that point. I feel after CL closed its doors, a lot more SMs turned up here unfamiliar with the community.
As a couple who is fairly new to bringing in a third, we appreciated the way you expressed each point you made. All of these things go a long way in helping us chose who to play with. Some of these things also applies to couples such as getting a response.
Great advice!!!
I'm happy you put this up. There are a lot of good points in this. Most seem like common sense to me, however, I think there are too many men out there, that think because of the nature of this, respect goes out the window. Trying to get involved with a couple, takes a certain amount of finesse. Respect and patience, can get you very far with a couple. Us couples can only hope that the single guys here will take notes from this. Us wives are not looking to make up for what our husbands aren't giving us. We are plenty satisfied. We're just hoping to add some excitement to the amazing thing we already have. ~mrs. epicurioustwo~
My hat goes off to you, good sir. Excellent points and very well written. Advice not necessarily solicited, but desperately needed. Thank you.
Couldn't agree more with everything said here. Have been fortunate enough to have shared in several couple's sensual exploration over time, and become friends along the way. There is a lot to be said for just being a nice person, considerate, responsible and respectful, in the midst of honestly exploring and enjoying one's sexuality with others who are looking to do the same. It is an honor to be included that deeply in another's lifestyle, and that should always be realized ans appreciated. Once that is established there can certainly be fun to share along the way! Best to you all in to the New Year!

Jay
Great approach! Love the respect.
EVILDOERS wrote:

All good advice. You should give seminars to the GAZILLIONS of single males who think female swingers are nymphomaniac, wanton sluts who will fuck anyone, any time, anywhere and that their husbands/partners are pathetic, impotent cucks who don't know how to please their partners and need a "real" man to satisfy their wives/girlfriends. You could make BANK teaching the utterly clueless how to act like a gentleman and do a service to the lifestyle by helping to weed out the twatwaffles who have no business even ATTEMPTING to enter a lifestyle they know nothing about and should leave immediately!


That's a really good idea! I am no authority but I agree that Utah guys have a bad reputation. I have heard similar stories from friends on vanilla dating sites where the guy just wants a one night stand.

I am glad that my post was read and responded to.
I agree that my comments are common sense as well. Unfortunately, common sense isn't all that common.
Any suggestions on what to name my seminar?