It seems every couple who open up their marriage have different levels of comfort, different desires, different sets of rules...but let’s be honest, opening up your marriage changes the equation. It’s really the opposite of what society says is acceptable or even a good idea. For some it’s a breathe of fresh air and for others it can bring up some frustration or inadequacies to light you or your spouse may have buried or just honestly didn’t know were there. Some I’ve noticed use it as payback against their spouse for past mistakes. Some realize their marriage needs more excitement or just some extra spice to keep that fire going. There’s definitely good and bad, but it seems almost universally - it’s a defining moment in their marriage.
How has this changed your marriage? Has your experience been good? Have you seen struggles along the way? Just stirring the pot
How has this changed your marriage? Has your experience been good? Have you seen struggles along the way? Just stirring the pot
We were married for more than twenty years when we started. Our marriage was and is great. We can't say swinging dramatically improved our relationship and it certainly didn't diminish our relationship in the least. Really, other than just a bit of miscommunication with one couple, and that really wasn't all that significant, we really have had an almost drama free experience, including no problems with our own relationship. Yes we grew together and learned together but that process was already in play. So for us it works.
Candyrocks69 wrote:
It seems every couple who open up their marriage have different levels of comfort, different desires, different sets of rules...but let’s be honest, opening up your marriage changes the equation. It’s really the opposite of what society says is acceptable or even a good idea. For some it’s a breathe of fresh air and for others it can bring up some frustration or inadequacies to light you or your spouse may have buried or just honestly didn’t know were there. Some I’ve noticed use it as payback against their spouse for past mistakes. Some realize their marriage needs more excitement or just some extra spice to keep that fire going. There’s definitely good and bad, but it seems almost universally - it’s a defining moment in their marriage.
How has this changed your marriage? Has your experience been good? Have you seen struggles along the way? Just stirring the pot
It's absolutely changed our relationship. It's forced us to communicate way better than we did before we started swinging. And yes, there have been struggles as well as many positives. We would actually classify the lifestyle as advanced, graduate-level relationshipping (lol). For most couples it seems to magnify things in their relationship. It can definitely enhance parts of it but it can also make cracks in the relationship bigger.
I think here in Utah, especially, it can be quite a bit harder because of the very conservative social climate and because many of us grew up indoctrinated in the local religion. Swinging absolutely flies in the face of everything you're taught growing up Mormon, at least as far as sexuality is concerned. I mean, let's face it, if you grew up believing that an invisible cloud-dwelling wizard was extremely concerned about what you do with your genitals, and with whom, then you're going to have to somehow either rationalize that or stop believing. I know it's something we struggled with, at least in the very beginning.
You mentioned, "It’s really the opposite of what society says is acceptable or even a good idea.", and that's absolutely true. The part that we find interesting about that statement is that society, in general, absolutely frowns upon swinging yet, at the same time, more or less considers cheating and sneaking around to be pretty much normal.
It seems very odd to us that a mutually shared sexual activity between consenting married partners (even if it DOES involve other people) would somehow be seen as something far worse than extramarital sex combined with dishonesty and subterfuge. Why would sex with other people that is agreed upon by everyone involved be worse than two people doing it behind their partners' backs?
EVILDOERS wrote:it's ironic how much of a problem divorce and infidelity is these days but those who live this kind of lifestyle are the crazy ones? Perhaps some people are suited for a perfectly monogomous lifestyle; and more power to those who it works for - but a lot of people have been so convinced of what is "right" or an appropriate way of doing things with marriage they don't understand how opening your marriage works makes any sense for some. It's different for everyone but there are a lot of close minded indivoduals out there and society's traditional playbook is really to blame..Candyrocks69 wrote:
It seems every couple who open up their marriage have different levels of comfort, different desires, different sets of rules...but let’s be honest, opening up your marriage changes the equation. It’s really the opposite of what society says is acceptable or even a good idea. For some it’s a breathe of fresh air and for others it can bring up some frustration or inadequacies to light you or your spouse may have buried or just honestly didn’t know were there. Some I’ve noticed use it as payback against their spouse for past mistakes. Some realize their marriage needs more excitement or just some extra spice to keep that fire going. There’s definitely good and bad, but it seems almost universally - it’s a defining moment in their marriage.
How has this changed your marriage? Has your experience been good? Have you seen struggles along the way? Just stirring the pot
It's absolutely changed our relationship. It's forced us to communicate way better than we did before we started swinging. And yes, there have been struggles as well as many positives. We would actually classify the lifestyle as advanced, graduate-level relationshipping (lol). For most couples it seems to magnify things in their relationship. It can definitely enhance parts of it but it can also make cracks in the relationship bigger.
I think here in Utah, especially, it can be quite a bit harder because of the very conservative social climate and because many of us grew up indoctrinated in the local religion. Swinging absolutely flies in the face of everything you're taught growing up Mormon, at least as far as sexuality is concerned. I mean, let's face it, if you grew up believing that an invisible cloud-dwelling wizard was extremely concerned about what you do with your genitals, and with whom, then you're going to have to somehow either rationalize that or stop believing. I know it's something we struggled with, at least in the very beginning.
You mentioned, "It’s really the opposite of what society says is acceptable or even a good idea.", and that's absolutely true. The part that we find interesting about that statement is that society, in general, absolutely frowns upon swinging yet, at the same time, more or less considers cheating and sneaking around to be pretty much normal.
It seems very odd to us that a mutually shared sexual activity between consenting married partners (even if it DOES involve other people) would somehow be seen as something far worse than extramarital sex combined with dishonesty and subterfuge. Why would sex with other people that is agreed upon by everyone involved be worse than two people doing it behind their partners' backs?
LS has made our sex life very passionate and we have taken good things from couples we have been with to make our sex lives absolutely explosive.