Swingular - Swingers

Swingers Forum - Hall Passes

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We are exploring and experimenting with the idea of Hall Passes, which is quite a different approach from when we first started in the LS. As part of this exploration process we are curious as to why people open this door in the first place.

We aren't sure if the answer to this question is really as simple as "we just weren't successful finding other couples with a four way connection", or if it goes deeper than that. Either way, it would be interesting to get other couple's reasons, experiences, and perspectives ....pros and cons .... straightforward and direct.

We know some of you may be tempted to wax poetic on the topic of communication etc. etc... but let's assume that is clearly in place......
Something we have realized is that even when there is a 4 way connection the experiences are never equal. Sometimes she has more fun than me and vice versa. We have done hall passes but we miss having each other there so its not something for us to use very often. We do separate rooms and thats our preference depending on who we are with and their requirements. Always keep in mind that more often than not the adventure is lopsided...she has a fantastic time with the other guys but your experience is just ok or vice versa. Rarely is the experience equally great or bad. For hall passes we really have to feel comfortable with the other couple or group before we say yes.
You just cannot force connections. If you are just hooking up, any disparity in attraction is a bit less apparent than if you are trying to go deeper in. No, you shouldn't take one for the team, but if it seems your partner is having a bit more fun on the playdate than you are, be happy and enjoy their bliss vicariously. For that to happen things need to be sexually secure at home. If a couple is struggling in their relationship, sexually or any other way, swinging is probably NOT an advisable solution. I'm going to quote our own profile as to how we view connections:

"A lot of people spend their whole lives looking for an enduring romance and never finding one. So, we know we are already lucky, lucky, lucky! We already have that together. We are aware that love is infinite, and you can romantically love more than one person, but it just must happen naturally. Love and or commitment can neither be forced or repressed for it to be beautiful and lasting. Romance, as is the case with all other forms of love, is expansive, and yes when we really connect, we will feel something special for our lovers; but our romance together has been expanding for decades, so it is center stage. We are really a tightly bonded pair. We love poly people and we understand polyamory, but we seem to behave naturally more like we are poly light. At least so far in this adventure. Does that make sense? Basically, we can enjoy, intense mind and body connections, with our lovers, without jealousy, or fear; and without it creating any problems with our romance together as a couple. We trust each other! If we end up having intense feelings, and connections, we are totally cool with that! That has, could, and should be beautiful! It should flow that way naturally. It cannot be forced or feigned. But know this. If you are sort of, mostly, or only, looking for casual sexual connections, hell yes, we are interested in that too. FUCK YES! We love those sorts of connections! We love recreational sex! No, you don't have to call us in the morning, unless you want to! If we all communicate honestly, all along the way, we can make whatever we share together wonderful."


With that said, yes we have both used and enjoyed hall passes. It can work, but don't rush anything and never force anything. There is a time and a season.
I absolutely love cherry ice cream. But every now and then chocolate is good. I still love my cherry and that wont change. I understand your concern but overanalyzing it only opens trust issues. If you trust then try it. Have fun.
I must say, that was beautifully written, and insightful.

DELICIOUSLYWET wrote:

You just cannot force connections. If you are just hooking up, any disparity in attraction is a bit less apparent than if you are trying to go deeper in. No, you shouldn't take one for the team, but if it seems your partner is having a bit more fun on the playdate than you are, be happy and enjoy their bliss vicariously. For that to happen things need to be sexually secure at home. If a couple is struggling in their relationship, sexually or any other way, swinging is probably NOT an advisable solution. I'm going to quote our own profile as to how we view connections:

"A lot of people spend their whole lives looking for an enduring romance and never finding one. So, we know we are already lucky, lucky, lucky! We already have that together. We are aware that love is infinite, and you can romantically love more than one person, but it just must happen naturally. Love and or commitment can neither be forced or repressed for it to be beautiful and lasting. Romance, as is the case with all other forms of love, is expansive, and yes when we really connect, we will feel something special for our lovers; but our romance together has been expanding for decades, so it is center stage. We are really a tightly bonded pair. We love poly people and we understand polyamory, but we seem to behave naturally more like we are poly light. At least so far in this adventure. Does that make sense? Basically, we can enjoy, intense mind and body connections, with our lovers, without jealousy, or fear; and without it creating any problems with our romance together as a couple. We trust each other! If we end up having intense feelings, and connections, we are totally cool with that! That has, could, and should be beautiful! It should flow that way naturally. It cannot be forced or feigned. But know this. If you are sort of, mostly, or only, looking for casual sexual connections, hell yes, we are interested in that too. FUCK YES! We love those sorts of connections! We love recreational sex! No, you don't have to call us in the morning, unless you want to! If we all communicate honestly, all along the way, we can make whatever we share together wonderful."


With that said, yes we have both used and enjoyed hall passes. It can work, but don't rush anything and never force anything. There is a time and a season.
442 wrote:

I must say, that was beautifully written, and insightful.

DELICIOUSLYWET wrote:

You just cannot force connections. If you are just hooking up, any disparity in attraction is a bit less apparent than if you are trying to go deeper in. No, you shouldn't take one for the team, but if it seems your partner is having a bit more fun on the playdate than you are, be happy and enjoy their bliss vicariously. For that to happen things need to be sexually secure at home. If a couple is struggling in their relationship, sexually or any other way, swinging is probably NOT an advisable solution. I'm going to quote our own profile as to how we view connections:

"A lot of people spend their whole lives looking for an enduring romance and never finding one. So, we know we are already lucky, lucky, lucky! We already have that together. We are aware that love is infinite, and you can romantically love more than one person, but it just must happen naturally. Love and or commitment can neither be forced or repressed for it to be beautiful and lasting. Romance, as is the case with all other forms of love, is expansive, and yes when we really connect, we will feel something special for our lovers; but our romance together has been expanding for decades, so it is center stage. We are really a tightly bonded pair. We love poly people and we understand polyamory, but we seem to behave naturally more like we are poly light. At least so far in this adventure. Does that make sense? Basically, we can enjoy, intense mind and body connections, with our lovers, without jealousy, or fear; and without it creating any problems with our romance together as a couple. We trust each other! If we end up having intense feelings, and connections, we are totally cool with that! That has, could, and should be beautiful! It should flow that way naturally. It cannot be forced or feigned. But know this. If you are sort of, mostly, or only, looking for casual sexual connections, hell yes, we are interested in that too. FUCK YES! We love those sorts of connections! We love recreational sex! No, you don't have to call us in the morning, unless you want to! If we all communicate honestly, all along the way, we can make whatever we share together wonderful."


With that said, yes we have both used and enjoyed hall passes. It can work, but don't rush anything and never force anything. There is a time and a season.


Thank you for the compliment!
We tried a hall pass briefly but we found it lessened the experience for us as a big part is directly being involved in fulfilling our partner. We thought we would have the same thrill/experience from afar but it just didnt work for us.
We allow each other to play alone. It's fun to come home and tell each other what happened which leads to a crazy wild night together. Though we still prefer to find a couple we both click with, hall passes are optional.
There are so many factors to consider. We have not extended hall passes to each other. If we did, we would have to really cover every possible scenario first. We have met couples who give out hall passes and it really enhances their relationship. But, we have also known couples that claimed be be very secure and their relationship fell apart after extending hall passes. For us, we love separate rooms. If you ever go on a lifestyle cruise, try separate cabins or separate hotel rooms at a lifestyle hotel takeover. That might be a good way to start.
Separate cabins on a cruise would be a lot of fun.
We are a couple that prefers separate rooms and really enjoy our play alone dates. Our marriage is secure and sex life is satisfying. When I (wife) play alone my husband loves it when I send him pictures, or video and then come home and tell him all about it and we have hot wild sex together after. When he plays alone, I don’t want pictures or videos but I like to hear about it and have sex with him afterwards. I would say it enhances our relationship. Finding a four way attraction is challenging. I like separate or alone because I like to focus my attention on the person I’m with and I feel the sex is more intense with my partner as well and it’s thrilling. Communication and security in your marriage is huge and important in this.
@AANDR,
It would be a sleep over and then all four meet for breakfast onboard in the morning to share the experiences.
We haven't made it to the "hall pass status". We did however graduate to the "separate room status". And the couple we found to take us to that level we both enjoyed and are still enjoying our separate room play. It was more or less a find the right couple issue for us not so much a trust issue as we have worked through all that years ago. But once we opened up with that couple about having separate room play fantasies then they said they have just started fantasizing about it as well. The next morning it was a 4 green lights and it went on through our the day as well. I am sure when the right conditions and connections are there we are all prepared to take our relationships with our significant partner to the next level in our relationships.
When we go to our friends' houses, we enjoy separate rooms because it really allows us to focus on the person we are with. But, we also enjoy the listening and glancing over occasionally to see each other have fun. So, in one evening, we usually have round one in separate rooms and round two in the same room. Basically, we can do separate and same rooms the same night.
We enjoy separate rooms and hall passes. We all start into this hobby/lifestyle for different reasons. We desire that 4 person connection, but as stated before it is very hard to find. We enjoy meeting and making new friends. Hall passes are fun and exciting, with people we trust. It just adds a different element to our hobby. Knowing your partner is having fun, and enjoying themselves is a turn on in itself.
AANDR wrote:

Separate cabins on a cruise would be a lot of fun.

Or just switch cabins for a night. Lol
Could be fun.
AANDR wrote:

Separate cabins on a cruise would be a lot of fun.

Or just switch cabins for a night. Lol
Could be fun.
KRAZYGIRL wrote:

AANDR wrote:

Separate cabins on a cruise would be a lot of fun.

Or just switch cabins for a night. Lol
Could be fun.

We will hold you to that KRAZYGIRL
AANDR wrote:

KRAZYGIRL wrote:

[quote=AANDR]Separate cabins on a cruise would be a lot of fun.

Or just switch cabins for a night. Lol
Could be fun.

We will hold you to that KRAZYGIRL[/quote]
Ooooh we are in for a good time.
We have allowed hall passes because simply, it can just be a good time. We love playing together as a 3/4 some, but that's not always an option and hall passes are still great. With that being said, part of it could be that our Mr. has a higher sex drive so he plays more while she mostly just plays at house parties or such. Either way, we are happy for each other to have a good time and it's super hot to hear about the others' experience!
Historically, in swinging, hall passes were sort of the next step for many couples when regular old wife swapping started to become a little bit routine and boring. And the whole "lack of four-way connection" was kind of a cop-out.

But we have to admit that we are seeing more and more couples where there is a pretty big disparity between the partners as far as relative attractiveness and/or, perhaps, HWP.

And yeah, per your request, we won't go into the whole communication thing. But we have seen a LOT of people finding that the grass seems greener on the other side of the fence and seen a lot of relationships go down the tubes after this step was taken.

Still, it has it's upside and can be a very intense and heady experience...which, come to think of it, may be exactly why we've seen so many problems evolve. *shrug*
Excuse my naivety, but what exactly is a hall pass? We are new to the LS.
Kmcneel12 wrote:

Excuse my naivety, but what exactly is a hall pass? We are new to the LS.


@Kmcneel12, a hall pass is considered as letting your partner play with someone alone.
Good clarification @polywogy69....

A lot of discussion about separate rooms, cabins, etc.... However, appreciate the comments regarding hall passes as feel it’s a very different approach and thought process ....
Thank you @polywogy69
We are ok with hall passes but must come with complete communication. No sneaking behind backs, running off, etc. We enjoy the honesty.
We don't do Hall passes, we love visuals, we love watching each other with other people, hearing it, having sex in front of others is very erotic, with seperate rooms you miss all of that. Just our two cents
We personally love using our hall pass. We actually would love to find more couples that have a hall pass as well. Too bad the "play alone" function of the search isn't more specific.
Why not simultaneous hall passes for each person of a couple? Then set a mutual play date, a social meeting/dinner at different locations, then at the same time, all meet at the same home for a short and polite hello and then to separate rooms. Both involved equally, all up front, and nobody takes one for the team.

Hummmm.... Damn...not bad....