So I'm unfortunately a chubby girl, but I'm working on it. Hopefully this doesn't sound shallow because eveyone has a type they're attracted to, but are most average men in the lifestyle looking for girls of a smaller body type? Are us bigger women disregarded just by a picture or headline before anyone tries to get to know us? This isn't meant to be confrontational, but does a woman's personality matter more or less than her body?
Well my dear, I to have been blessed with " more cushion for the pushin". I did recently go surgical for weight loss but it was strictly for health reasons. Not vanity. I've been a BBW all my life. We signed on to this sight in hopes of finding friends also. With benefits great, if just friends to hang out with, even better. Friends seem to last longer than lovers. Well, after a year of hitting the meet and greets, setting up meets, chatting with a few people, we've come to the conclusion that Most of the active on site swingers are like your popular pretty high school cheerleaders and football team. They have their preferences and cliques. But we have also met a few single men and more recently couples that we have been getting to know and trulyare looking forward to becoming friends with. I don't know how long you've been on here, but we were about ready to give up on finding friends based on personality. So I guess I'll say, be patient, be persistent and when the right people make the choice to get to Know You, you'll find it was worth the wait. YOUR worth the wait, don't ever let anyone make you feel your not
Hang in there it is hard to find and connect with people on here. I have found there are some very eager guys just looking for a quicky. But to find the right people to hook up with and get to know it is a slow process and we sometimes take it personal. Be patient and keep looking.
We think you're hot. Does that count?
So as the shorter heavy set male half writing this with what I will easily admit to having gotten lucky and married well above my league. I have actually found that this is also a problem we have seen in reverse. So I don't think it's exclusive to men not wanting or liking what you have to offer. I can't count the number of times we have sent an email and the male half will answer with something like "We would love to meet you, let me talk to my wife and we will get back to you." and poof... gone, never to be heard from again. I guess my point is the door swings both ways. People have preferences, we get that, some are not as picky as others we also understand that. The trick on the relieving end is to not take it personally and that's very hard not to do. Like it or not it's rejection and it hurts but you just have to pick yourself up and move on. I think it just boils down to many people treating this site as a glorified Tinder and not really getting into why some of the more serious lifestyle people are here. The difference here is many times we get to see and experience the left swipe in a somewhat real time experience instead of never knowing who passed us by. I also think many people on this site are using it as an escape from the real world and because of that have a bit of a shoot for the moon idea in their heads because it's safe to hide behind the keyboard, but that's a different topic. We are by no means seasoned veterans but we are slowly but surely finding out it's really an odds game. For every 25 emails you throw out maybe one may turn into anything worth while, and by that I mean not just a physical attraction but a personality
attraction as well. I understand your pain, trust me I really do, but as many posters before me said just be patient and good things can happen. I just think as many have stated before in other forums the shutting down of Craig's list and Backpage etc. have put a very odd influx of people on the site and they just dont get why most of us are here. From the surface it looks like tinder for a threesome or more and I guess it can be if that's the way you want to use it but you just have to believe that there are people out there that will see you for who you are inside and out. We're out there I promise!
attraction as well. I understand your pain, trust me I really do, but as many posters before me said just be patient and good things can happen. I just think as many have stated before in other forums the shutting down of Craig's list and Backpage etc. have put a very odd influx of people on the site and they just dont get why most of us are here. From the surface it looks like tinder for a threesome or more and I guess it can be if that's the way you want to use it but you just have to believe that there are people out there that will see you for who you are inside and out. We're out there I promise!
DRAR09 wrote:
So I'm unfortunately a chubby girl, but I'm working on it. Hopefully this doesn't sound shallow because eveyone has a type they're attracted to, but are most average men in the lifestyle looking for girls of a smaller body type? Are us bigger women disregarded just by a picture or headline before anyone tries to get to know us? This isn't meant to be confrontational, but does a woman's personality matter more or less than her body?
It depends on the man, of course. Some men do value personality over body type and some definitely value body type over personality. It's the same for women too. In fact, on average, we've met more women who are extremely picky about body type, etc. than men. And body type isn't the only thing that can be a deal breaker for people. Age is also a line in the sand for many swingers. For others, things like smoking or drug use can be big factors in choosing play partners. And there are MANY quite minor factors that people use to weed out people they may not want to play with.
I think it's probably because swinging is more or less a fantasy activity and people are looking for a certain type that hits most or at least some of their checkmarks for a fantasy partner.Those may be body type, hair color, ethnicity, age, or one of many other criteria.
The really interesting part, to me, is how people are often FAR more forgiving of certain physical characteristics in their own partner than they are in someone they want to have sex with. Yet they often get upset when other people also have that same attitude.
I do think, though, that people kind of get in their own way a little bit and in their search for the perfect swing playmate often overlook someone who is on many levels a good or even great match but not a perfect one. I think they're probably missing out on a lot of fun and a lot of good sex.
Agreed Evildoers, I have to admit I censored myself on the women being more picky than men because I thought it might just be my personal experience and I didn't want to generalize based on my own experience. But that being said I'm glad I'm not the only one who has noticed. Again I don't fault them for having a "type" or an attraction criteria, I think we all do to some degree and that's ok. But you are 100% correct. I have met women that are on the extreme side of attractive but by the time the conversation started I wanted nothing to do with them, their personalities were so off putting it actually made them unattractive, at least to me anyway. The reverse has also been true though and some of the hottest people I've been with were not the "ideal body shape and size" what ever that is now days. So as a personal rule I never 100% rule someone out just on looks or body size alone. As you said they could completely rock your world if you just let them in to give it a try.
Love me some thick women! Not to say a skinny girl isn't sexy, they are. I just prefer a woman to be thick. BBW, fluffy or what ever one would say. All women are sexy in there own way. For us personally is as important, if not more then looks.
We are a bigger couple. It’s intimidating coming into this lifestyle being surrounded by so many attractive people. I was very hesitant at first because I figured we wouldn’t be able to find people interested in us. I was wrong. We’ve met some really fun and amazing people. It doesn’t happen right away but it’s worth the wait. I’m still shy and uncomfortable sometimes. We’ve never attended any events or anything for this reason. People are out there who will find you attractive. Be patient and you’ll find them!
If you were closer to my area I would definitely be trying to meet as I think you look beautiful!
Body type isn't a deal breaker for us, we both have some extra meat too! We don't really have a type as long as everyone is comfortable and having fun! That being said there does have to be an attraction to other couples. But bigger girls aren't deal breakers for us!
HWP is what matters to us. Majority of us are all working professionals and we understand not everyone can go to the gym 5 days a week.
So here is something to consider. Many have mentioned that personality has a lot to do with attraction and we agree. The confidence and the way that you interact with others will have a lot to do with that attraction also. Both of us have had the occasion to be with partners that that we would could consider larger...not that we are anywhere near perfect. These partners were great lovers and very exciting to be with plus they came with the added benefit of not being physically fragile.
Our advice be sexy for your size and project that in your personality with confidence. You might be surprised how attractive that will be to others. Always have fun and never let the negative shit get to you.
Our advice be sexy for your size and project that in your personality with confidence. You might be surprised how attractive that will be to others. Always have fun and never let the negative shit get to you.
Get on adult friend finder. If it's just sex you want, I guarantee you a woman can find at least one man per day on there. You're insanely pretty, I would love to have sex with you but I'm a very fat man and frankly, you can do a lot better than me. There are many more horny men than women out there, you could easily get it with quite a few decent men. That being said, there will be some douchebags out there that will rip on you. Just because they're douchebags. Or because they think "negging" works. But I guarantee you you can easily find guys to have fun with.
We are new to this, my hubby and I. I am very large and he is very thin. I am 100% sure it will be an issue for the vast majority of people out there. We are also looking for a couple that wants more than just a quickie. We would love to meet a couple we can pal around with and more. I am confident we will find such a pair but it is frustrating I agree with you.
Something more I thought I should add and I certainly hope this isn't taken the wrong way or as any kind of assumption on my part about the OP. We met a couple at a house party, probably about ten years ago, who complained of the difficulty in finding other couples to play with who would look past the fact that they were both overweight...the husband by about 75 pounds or so and the wife by considerably more. As we talked to them they confessed that one of the biggest obstacles was that they themselves weren't really attracted to other couples in their size range and almost always approached couples who were in much better shape. I really didn't know what to tell them at that point and, eventually, we started talking about something else. But it got me thinking about attraction and about people's expectations in the lifestyle.
We also know a couple who are in really good shape, and very attractive, but prefer, and almost exclusively pursue, couples much younger than they are and have even confessed that they aren't really attracted to other couples in their age group. I don't know if those types of expectations are in play here and certainly can't fault anyone for being attracted to who they're attracted to. Just thought I'd throw that out there to see if anyone else has encountered this. Oh, and it didn't hurt that Ms. Evil and I re-watched part of the Jay Baruchel, Alice Eve movie "She's Out of My League" last night. LOL
We also know a couple who are in really good shape, and very attractive, but prefer, and almost exclusively pursue, couples much younger than they are and have even confessed that they aren't really attracted to other couples in their age group. I don't know if those types of expectations are in play here and certainly can't fault anyone for being attracted to who they're attracted to. Just thought I'd throw that out there to see if anyone else has encountered this. Oh, and it didn't hurt that Ms. Evil and I re-watched part of the Jay Baruchel, Alice Eve movie "She's Out of My League" last night. LOL
Like it was said early. The more messages you send out and the more active you are on the site, then the more opportunities will arise. With more opportunities the better the likelihood you will connect with people.
We are both bigger people and it is definitely easier to find guys for her than for me, but we have met some great people here and in all honesty would have more and better friends if we were more active on here.
Keep up the search it will happen. You are a very beautiful woman and not only would we love to meet you both it sounds like there are several others that would as well.
We are both bigger people and it is definitely easier to find guys for her than for me, but we have met some great people here and in all honesty would have more and better friends if we were more active on here.
Keep up the search it will happen. You are a very beautiful woman and not only would we love to meet you both it sounds like there are several others that would as well.
Ain’t nothing wrong with being a little chubby
Confidence in yourself, your partner, your beliefs.... is way sexier than the perfect body will ever be. I am of the firm belief that if people can't get past the external then they sure in the hell don't deserve to know the internal and its their loss.
Be yourself!!!
sexy is sexy no matter what size, and that goes for both sexes
I love women of all shapes and sizes but I have also realize that as I have grown both in the lifestyle and sexually that I am not into quickies. I would rather have a FWB relationship and that usually means meeting first and taking and finding shared interests.
I have met couples/women(of different ages and body types). Some we clicked right away, others it was a mutual decision to not peruse anything sexual.
I find that I am more attracted to people who I have chemistry with, I would think that most people are like this.
I have met couples/women(of different ages and body types). Some we clicked right away, others it was a mutual decision to not peruse anything sexual.
I find that I am more attracted to people who I have chemistry with, I would think that most people are like this.
Holy cow! Thank you everyone for the responses. I'm overwhelmed by the positive feedback. I've definitely looked inward for a bit and have realized I'm not being nearly outgoing enough. Hubby and I don't have any reservations about size, as long as HWP (even then, that's not a deal breaker).
Honestly, as a woman, the lifestyle is easier for me than the single males, so all the respectful, kind single males out there, please keep your head up. You are the lifestyle warriors!
Honestly, as a woman, the lifestyle is easier for me than the single males, so all the respectful, kind single males out there, please keep your head up. You are the lifestyle warriors!