So being fairly new to this we are going to vent a little and then move on lol. We have been getting a few messages from people just saying hi or wanting to connect or however you want to describe it. We will respond pretty quickly or if not with an explanation and apology for the late reply and then we get............NOTHING after that initial message.
We know people have lives and are busy as we are all, but then we see them active online or posting in forums. I would like to hope that its not something we have said or done but we have no way of knowing because we are left in the dark. So we would like to know is anyone else becoming as frustrated as we are? We will continue to wade through the crap to find those amazing people out there.
We know people have lives and are busy as we are all, but then we see them active online or posting in forums. I would like to hope that its not something we have said or done but we have no way of knowing because we are left in the dark. So we would like to know is anyone else becoming as frustrated as we are? We will continue to wade through the crap to find those amazing people out there.
There's a fair amount of not responding to messages all over the place, regardlesss of interest. It sucks, but it is what it is.
Ya it happens a lot but stick with it if you want to be successful.
BTW, message us if you're interested.
BTW, message us if you're interested.
That seems to be the normal. Sometimes life happens and it takes awhile to respond, we all get that. And some people just don’t have the attention span, patience, or interest to wait for a response before moving on. Just keep it up, get out and meet folks and you’ll find your, um, “slot.”
We have the same. The only time I don't reply is if it's a blind friend request. Just day hi and I always reply.
Welcome to Swingular! It’s our frustration too. We set up dates to meet and then get canceled on right before. We get it that things come up but seriously it’s getting beyond frustrating!
Lol. I stopped sending messages a while ago.. I think couples get the “wrong message” when I send the initial message. Someone sent me a message this morning.. met them an hour ago (and this is Mr Selective MassageBBCguy) The LS is EASY.. maybe I have an edge I don’t know about BUT the LS is easy
Now, before you say “MassageBBCguy is full of himself”.. I really don’t have any other way to word my comment. This site is cool!
Now, before you say “MassageBBCguy is full of himself”.. I really don’t have any other way to word my comment. This site is cool!
We've had the same experience and reaction. Gladly, We're usually able to say, "Their loss!".
We really doubt it has anything to do with your approach when good hearted and sincere.
We really doubt it has anything to do with your approach when good hearted and sincere.
Sadly, sometimes, when the moment is hot and heated, a person or couple might seem appealing or at a certain moment a little flirt time online is a turn-on. Then when the mood changes, the sexual need has been fulfilled, the same couple is no longer as appealing and there is regret in making the first contact. What are you supposed to say in reply later, "oh sorry, you looked good after a few beers last night, not so much now". I have also experienced it when the reply is a turn off so no point in continuing. But I do understand the frustration when you try to connect and it is ignored with no reply. Something letting you know that they don't like a specific thing about your profile might actually be nice.
I agree it would be nice to say simply "it was great to meet you but at this time we don't feel a connection". And move on but maybe not everyone is as courteous as we would like to hope they are.
Our favorite turn down ine is "it's just not gonna work out for us right now". If you get questioned on that one and the other party needs an explanation then it a real good thing you moved on.
Just remember it's difficult to get 4 people who want a connection to have sex. Many times it's just difficult to get another couple to commit to going out and that's if you get a response. Do not give in to frustration or disappointment, it's not worth it. This is about fun but sometimes it takes awhile to get to that part.
Just remember it's difficult to get 4 people who want a connection to have sex. Many times it's just difficult to get another couple to commit to going out and that's if you get a response. Do not give in to frustration or disappointment, it's not worth it. This is about fun but sometimes it takes awhile to get to that part.
I have gotten frustrated myself. I just keep plugging away till I find some cool people and I know they are out there.
I think the best way to connect is to attend meet and greets and local parties. This site in the past was a blast when the chat rooms were active. The chats allowed people to talk and feel each other out before arranging a meeting. Join a KIK group as well get to know the members and then eventually meet them.
What is a kik group? Im unfamiliar with them.
OK, devil's advocate: For me, sSometimes I've not responded 'cause the replies to my response (if it's a rejection) can be pretty nasty. An example? Had a single guy send me a request to meet. I replied saying that I always require a face and body pic first but thanks anyway. So he sends me a face pic. We were not compatible and I tried to tell him that as gently as possible. He responded with the message, "Well that's fine, whore, I hope you get the serious case of herpes that you deserve." That person is still a member here. kinda shut down my desire to respond! I know, most folks have way too much tact and class to pull something like that but it does happen now and again.
Or, sometimes I'm just not on here enough and by the time I look at email it's already been sitting there for months on end and there's 50 messages in there. I can get overwhelmed and just give up! (But the OP did say that their talking about active members so I suppose that's not the case for what they're talking about.)
Anyhoo, like others have said ... blind friend request don't get responded to. Nor do messages from folks that have obviously not read the profile to find out what I'm looking for -- or have just ignored the profile and not sent along appropriate pics (for example). Other than those examples, I too, try to respond when I can. It is indeed a rough world out here in cyber-land though! Just remember to keep it light and have as much fun as possible!
Or, sometimes I'm just not on here enough and by the time I look at email it's already been sitting there for months on end and there's 50 messages in there. I can get overwhelmed and just give up! (But the OP did say that their talking about active members so I suppose that's not the case for what they're talking about.)
Anyhoo, like others have said ... blind friend request don't get responded to. Nor do messages from folks that have obviously not read the profile to find out what I'm looking for -- or have just ignored the profile and not sent along appropriate pics (for example). Other than those examples, I too, try to respond when I can. It is indeed a rough world out here in cyber-land though! Just remember to keep it light and have as much fun as possible!
The desire for sex is strong and instinctual. Sex can be exciting, pleasurable, enlightening, multi-dimensional and fulfilling in so many ways when we are with the right sort of people. Finding the right sort of people, perhaps becomes so much easier by mostly working on just becoming the right sort of people ourselves. Sex can also become an unhealthy fixation when a person allows the desire for sex to override their humanity and or their common sense. When people resort to dishonesty, physical and or emotional compulsion, or control games and gimmickry to gain sexual access, their potential partners may become victims, to at least some extent. Victimization isn't fun. Humans are competitive. Sometimes people feel that the way to guarantee their success, is to berate and belittle and vanquish as much of the competitive field as possible, starting with whomever they perceive to be the most vulnerable. If a bully is attractive, and appears to hold a few more of the right power cards in their hand, then the bully may get applauded. Because the desire for sex is so strong, it perhaps makes all of us a bit more vulnerable. If in the process of finding your matches, you detect a strong element of dishonesty, or compulsion, or feel insulted, bullied or demeaned maybe just move on and forget about that particular contact. The block button works! This adventure has all sorts of positive and negative potentialities. You have to be careful and learn the art of vetting, without getting totally disenchanted and ensnared in the vetting process.
Becoming non-monogamous can and usually will teach you a few lessons about yourself, your values, your partner, and your relationship. It can stimulate growth and enhance your joy, or it can be your undoing. Maybe just always avoid those who are in the middle of a personal or relationship undoing. At least until they find the solid ground they are searching for. IF you yourself, feel like the lifestyle has you on a boat that won't stop rocking, honest introspection may help settle your ride. Empathy and compassion felt for others, will enhance the empathy we feel for ourselves. We wish those of you, who are sincerely looking for win, win, win, swinging adventures lots of fun, fucking, freedom, fantasy, and a whole lot of other fantastic words that begin with "F"
Becoming non-monogamous can and usually will teach you a few lessons about yourself, your values, your partner, and your relationship. It can stimulate growth and enhance your joy, or it can be your undoing. Maybe just always avoid those who are in the middle of a personal or relationship undoing. At least until they find the solid ground they are searching for. IF you yourself, feel like the lifestyle has you on a boat that won't stop rocking, honest introspection may help settle your ride. Empathy and compassion felt for others, will enhance the empathy we feel for ourselves. We wish those of you, who are sincerely looking for win, win, win, swinging adventures lots of fun, fucking, freedom, fantasy, and a whole lot of other fantastic words that begin with "F"
We try to always respond to our messages even if it is a simple not the right fit for us. We can say that we have had the nasty responses (Like Pals4fun) when told that we weren't interested. And the amount of work to get the connection as well as filter the flakes is difficult. We have the same frustrations as flirtyfriends.
Yesterday I had a very interesting experience, a couple sent me a message, we had a quick chat.. it was after we met a few hours later I realized we didn’t even exchange face pics.. it was a very interesting experience.. too bad we didn’t have the time to hang out yesterday but we are hoping to find the time. I don’t even think we realized we didn’t share face pics.. I was driving there and saying what if we know each other? And I said oh well. Lol, I know a ton of members avoid the forums but I wish they’ll Confirm what I just said.
The bottom line is.. I avoid every question or Demand may make the other person uncomfortable..
After my experience yesterday.. I’ll skip the face pic REQUIREMENT (or Mugshot with 4 sides. Lol) The first message had some life in it, I responded with a message with life in it, we had “lol” flying all over the place and it was LOL after we met. I think LOL works
I have been so impressed with this site that if I don’t meet anyone else.. I’ll still say SWINGULAR should be called LS made easy.
The bottom line is.. I avoid every question or Demand may make the other person uncomfortable..
After my experience yesterday.. I’ll skip the face pic REQUIREMENT (or Mugshot with 4 sides. Lol) The first message had some life in it, I responded with a message with life in it, we had “lol” flying all over the place and it was LOL after we met. I think LOL works
I have been so impressed with this site that if I don’t meet anyone else.. I’ll still say SWINGULAR should be called LS made easy.
Well said delicious. Thank you for that. BBC you are always entertaining. Lol
I agree well said delicious I need you as a life coach
Thank you for the compliments.
We sometimes send out replies after getting messages and then don't get anything back. It seems there has been a couple times where the couple said they never got a message from us at all. That doesn't seem to be very often though. I chalk it up to a couple being busy or needing to talk about things before they respond. I know in our case we don't respond until the wife gets a chance to look at the email and she's the one who responds. Sometimes it may be a few days before we respond. Sometimes we don't respond at all if the email is lame, but we're picky like that.
We've experienced the same, or people shooting us a message/friend request just to see our private photo album when they haven't decided yet if they are or aren't attracted to or interested in us. That or they're only interested in finding a female or male but say they want a couple, then try to get with only the one of us. It doesn't help that we are a little bigger, and the people who care more about "slim & fit" message or request without truly looking at our information, then find out and just ignore us. Oh well, to each their own, I guess. You vent about it and move on, as you said.
Meh. Whatcha gonna do? Flakes gonna flake. There are lotsa window shoppers and tire kickers in the lifestyle and in life in general. I'm not sure what everyone expects when they join the lifestyle (Non-stop 24/7 orgies with supermodels and rock stars? LOL) but, like most things in life, the reality is seldom as spiffy as how we imagine it will be.
When we first started in the lifestyle it was the late 80's/early 90's and connecting with people was done via ads in cheap, sleazy magazines, sending Polaroids to P.O boxes, and hoping for the best. Since you had to put a LOT more effort into trying to find/meet/hook-up with people I think we were all just a little more likely to overlook relatively minor things and actually look FOR reasons to connect and want to have sex with people.
With the advent of the internet it opened up a WHOLE different demographic to swinging and suddenly it seemed as if you could get online and "shop" for people to have sex with just like you might shop for a new pair of headphones on Amazon. Suddenly you could surf around looking always for the bigger better deal and at least imagine that maybe the NEXT profile you clicked on would be just that much hotter, and sexier than the last...and that, of course, they would magically want to fuck you as well.
I'm absolutely NOT advocating for going out and fucking someone you don't want to fuck or that you aren't attracted to but I do think many of us (Yes, Ms. Evil and I are guilty of this too.) often subconsciously look for reasons NOT to meet people and fuck then rather than instead looking for reasons TO find something in common, or something appealing about a given person or couple. Most of us, I think, absolutely get in our own way sometimes and, in the search for perfect sex and the perfect couple or person, look past something great or even just really good. YMMV
When we first started in the lifestyle it was the late 80's/early 90's and connecting with people was done via ads in cheap, sleazy magazines, sending Polaroids to P.O boxes, and hoping for the best. Since you had to put a LOT more effort into trying to find/meet/hook-up with people I think we were all just a little more likely to overlook relatively minor things and actually look FOR reasons to connect and want to have sex with people.
With the advent of the internet it opened up a WHOLE different demographic to swinging and suddenly it seemed as if you could get online and "shop" for people to have sex with just like you might shop for a new pair of headphones on Amazon. Suddenly you could surf around looking always for the bigger better deal and at least imagine that maybe the NEXT profile you clicked on would be just that much hotter, and sexier than the last...and that, of course, they would magically want to fuck you as well.
I'm absolutely NOT advocating for going out and fucking someone you don't want to fuck or that you aren't attracted to but I do think many of us (Yes, Ms. Evil and I are guilty of this too.) often subconsciously look for reasons NOT to meet people and fuck then rather than instead looking for reasons TO find something in common, or something appealing about a given person or couple. Most of us, I think, absolutely get in our own way sometimes and, in the search for perfect sex and the perfect couple or person, look past something great or even just really good. YMMV
COUPLE4SIN wrote:
We have the same. The only time I don't reply is if it's a blind friend request. Just day hi and I always reply.
Thank you for saying that! I wish everyone would have that same kind of courtesy. I do the same, but unfortunately haven't any requests to reply to yet. While I have sent out over 50 "Hi there, how are you?" requests and only have received 2, that's TWO, replies of any sort. So I guess you can put me on the frustrated side of that equation as well!
Please have the decency to at least reply and politely tell me you're not interested.
Sorry for venting, but this seemed the perfect forum for it. I'm usually a very easy going kind of guy. Thanx for listening.
We had been experiencing the same sort of thing. Not one single tone that we have reached out or in several cases had them approach us has anything happened. Well lots of text/kik chatting that just end up ghosting on you (well except single males which we aren’t yet ready for). We did go to a live event the other day however and the results were EXTREMELY successful. You may want to try a live event. Feel free to hit me up if you want to chat about it. I do respond unless it’s a blind friend request.
We have found meet and greets and parties have yielded the most success. You can get a better read of people and see if there is chemistry. As well as see people in person rather than the antiquated picture or portions of body parts some people use as profile pictures for this site . And if there isn’t a click you can simply move on and visit with other people. We host monthly meet and greets and occasionally parties. So if your interested in meeting new people let us know and we can send an invite to the next gathering. This site at times is no more than a bulletin board to find out events that are happening. You have to get out there and meet people to find connections. Check out our kik group under public groups 801swingtown
I have noticed that many emails I send do not even get opened....What that means, I have no clue.
they get so many that can't open all of them ...or fake accounts
C4P is looking more attractive all the time
they get so many that can't open all of them ...or fake accounts
C4P is looking more attractive all the time
“C4P is looking more attractive all the time”
Perhaps I’m naive, what is that?
Perhaps I’m naive, what is that?
Giveintothebunny wrote:
So being fairly new to this we are going to vent a little and then move on lol. We have been getting a few messages from people just saying hi or wanting to connect or however you want to describe it. We will respond pretty quickly or if not with an explanation and apology for the late reply and then we get............NOTHING after that initial message.
We know people have lives and are busy as we are all, but then we see them active online or posting in forums. I would like to hope that its not something we have said or done but we have no way of knowing because we are left in the dark. So we would like to know is anyone else becoming as frustrated as we are? We will continue to wade through the crap to find those amazing people out there.
Don't be discouraged, the good SwinguLITES are out there! We like to think of it this way... Nothing worth building was ever without friction. We also do our best to reach out and make a connection with those we are interested in, but you win some, you lose some. However you can't lose what you never had, so just look forward to what you may gain by waiting for quality, long lasting friendships! There's a good community out there, I'd like to think the effort is worth it
We almost never get replies.. about 95% of the time we get no reply... it sucks.