We've been in the lifestyle for many years. Had many experiences. One that has always baffled me is dealing with people online. At parties, meeting&greets, and on lifestyle cruise ships, we have basically never been turned down. We've had our fare share of 10's, single females and such. (not bragging, just making a point). Now online is a completely different story. We're turned down 60% of the time without ever even meeting! And no, we're not pushy or weird in any way. The most forward we ever get is "hey, we should meet up and see if we click". So my question is, what is the deal with online people? I know you can tell a lot about someone's pic's and profile, but damn, if they aren't hideous, meet them. See if you click. If not, just say "nice to meet you". And go on with your life. Some people don't photograph well, some people may be 6's in looks, but 10's in personality. Thoughts?
Well I am surprised. Your profile looks very nice and how can people judge without at least conversation. Huh
Lol... This is totally us! Always do way better in person, and just meh, online.
Looking at your profile, you could use some more pics in your public photo's, including some of the male half, IMO. In person is still better though... š
Looking at your profile, you could use some more pics in your public photo's, including some of the male half, IMO. In person is still better though... š
I am literally about to start going down on my knees and pray for more coherent replies to these serious well put together Hot-Topics.. some replies kills the thread.. wow
THANKS for posting this!!! We couldnāt agree more. We get turned down all the time. We are barbies and not BBWās. We are average built and not badvon the eyes. We are really outgoing, fun, funny and very sexual people and donāt get the chance to show people cause 95% of people on here just chat a few chats then itās lije they fall off the planet. SUPER frustrating!!!
Itās the same for single men. Very very difficult online, but good in-person. Wish I had a solution.
Lots of pictures collectors out here.
OP- ā... basically never turned down...ā Wow, you guys must be smooth.
Online is a cesspool. A lot of people get jaded and sick of fake pics and blatant misrepresentations of what people actually look like in person. We certainly have suffered fatigue from false advertisers. Itās fair to say that the majority of folks we meet are less attractive than their pics. Anymore we just laugh and expect it. Weāre pleasantly surprised when thatās not the case. I would guess those factors, and the lack of being able to speak with you both, are contributing to your diminished success online.
Hell we just had a couple turn us down to meet for drinks. We had a good kik chat and there was sufficent attraction and similar interests. The husband was ready to jump the gun a little and wanted to play that night. We politely had to let him know we don't generally (it could happen but probably not) meet a couple for the first time and get naked that same evening. He responded that they were looking for something different. That surprised us a little. Something weird happened there.
We love the social aspect of the LS. Getting naughty with someone is just a bonus. We believe setting realistic expectations and communicating up-front prevents hurt feelings and awkwardness later. We were rejected for it...lol. Now we know that couple (who is on this site and contacted us first) is not for us...and they missed a real opportunity, ācause Iām okay but Mrs. SmartFlirts is WOW! Apex Female for sure.
Keep at it and donāt sweat the rejection. You know what you are and thatās all that matters.
Online is a cesspool. A lot of people get jaded and sick of fake pics and blatant misrepresentations of what people actually look like in person. We certainly have suffered fatigue from false advertisers. Itās fair to say that the majority of folks we meet are less attractive than their pics. Anymore we just laugh and expect it. Weāre pleasantly surprised when thatās not the case. I would guess those factors, and the lack of being able to speak with you both, are contributing to your diminished success online.
Hell we just had a couple turn us down to meet for drinks. We had a good kik chat and there was sufficent attraction and similar interests. The husband was ready to jump the gun a little and wanted to play that night. We politely had to let him know we don't generally (it could happen but probably not) meet a couple for the first time and get naked that same evening. He responded that they were looking for something different. That surprised us a little. Something weird happened there.
We love the social aspect of the LS. Getting naughty with someone is just a bonus. We believe setting realistic expectations and communicating up-front prevents hurt feelings and awkwardness later. We were rejected for it...lol. Now we know that couple (who is on this site and contacted us first) is not for us...and they missed a real opportunity, ācause Iām okay but Mrs. SmartFlirts is WOW! Apex Female for sure.
Keep at it and donāt sweat the rejection. You know what you are and thatās all that matters.
The smoothest ever Smartflirts!! LOL Totally kidding. I'm sure a lot of the "never turned" situation has to do with the fact that we don't proposition anyone if we don't feel like there's a mutual attraction there. The post may come off sounding like we're upset about getting turned down online but that is not the case. We have lots of fantastic lifestyle friends. We're just a little perplexed at the situation and we're curious if other people are experiencing the same or a similar situation.
The post may come off sounding like we're upset about getting turned down online but that is not the case. We have lots of fantastic lifestyle friends. We're just a little perplexed at the situation and we're curious if other people are experiencing the same or a similar situation.You here a lot about fake pics every day so who decided who fake
We get turned down a lot online as well. But at parties and social activities we make great contacts that become great friends. While on vacation at desire we lived out the one night stand fantasy but ended up being long distant stay in contact friends. We have even been kicked out of kik groups due to the distance we live away from the majority of the group and have been bullied as well. But in person it seems to always work out for us and even though we live 7 hours from Salt Lake city several of the couples we have meet take the time to come see us too.
When I joined this site, I donāt think I had any expectation at that point.. I guess my true status was ājust lookingā. I think about two months ago.. I became active here.. I did send out some very brief hand typed messages (not copy and paste. Lol) I must have sent a ton of messages.. with no reply, I was hoping someone would reply me with atleast a SCREW YOU.. I saw them read my message.. thatās what sucked the most. Lol (now when I go back to look at some people I sent messages to.. I say what was I thinking? Lol)
Not too long ago, I fixed my profile.. rearranged some pics.. took some out, added some more.. threw in some FAQs.. and I got a āopen for businessā feeling..
This part is probably luck on my side (I donāt know.. maybe not.. probably yes.. not sure but whatever) I met some really OMGish members (I have a BIG SMILE ON MY FACE right now.. oh my, 1 more oh my) youāve got to understand this is the Mr Selective MassageBBCguy saying oh my, so this is probably a real oh my... this is turning into a bedtime story. Lol so Iāll get back on track.
Do I know what it means to be rejected here? Oh yeah.. but these days I am saying indirectly Sorry, your loss.. because I met people who are way above your league and Iāll feel like I screwed up if they knew we hung out.. so Iāll politely pass... The only sad part is starting the LS such high quality folks and now I feel like they ruined it for me
... I have been hangout at the LSās dugout(by choice) and Oh! And I stopped sending messages.. BUT Did I stop getting messages? Good question. I have the most laidback approach now.. if we connect awesome! If we donāt NO HARD Feelings... I really donāt like writing these Miscrosoft Terms and Condition- like replies.
Donāt ever feel rejected.. fixed your profile to match the standard of those are you reaching out to then youāll be open for business.. I am sure youāll do fine.. I may be wrong BUT! I doubt I am.
Not too long ago, I fixed my profile.. rearranged some pics.. took some out, added some more.. threw in some FAQs.. and I got a āopen for businessā feeling..
This part is probably luck on my side (I donāt know.. maybe not.. probably yes.. not sure but whatever) I met some really OMGish members (I have a BIG SMILE ON MY FACE right now.. oh my, 1 more oh my) youāve got to understand this is the Mr Selective MassageBBCguy saying oh my, so this is probably a real oh my... this is turning into a bedtime story. Lol so Iāll get back on track.
Do I know what it means to be rejected here? Oh yeah.. but these days I am saying indirectly Sorry, your loss.. because I met people who are way above your league and Iāll feel like I screwed up if they knew we hung out.. so Iāll politely pass... The only sad part is starting the LS such high quality folks and now I feel like they ruined it for me
... I have been hangout at the LSās dugout(by choice) and Oh! And I stopped sending messages.. BUT Did I stop getting messages? Good question. I have the most laidback approach now.. if we connect awesome! If we donāt NO HARD Feelings... I really donāt like writing these Miscrosoft Terms and Condition- like replies. Donāt ever feel rejected.. fixed your profile to match the standard of those are you reaching out to then youāll be open for business.. I am sure youāll do fine.. I may be wrong BUT! I doubt I am.
Not sure exactly WHY (It would be a great subject for an extensive scientific study.lol) but most people in the lifestyle really seem to get in their own way when trying to meet people and possibly hook up and even have some sexy fun. I think that a lot of people are so busy trying to find "perfect" that they pass up a lot of fun by immediately dismissing great or even just good.
It seems like maybe they have a mental (or maybe even physical) list of things that they're looking for and when they contact someone, or someone contacts them, they start checking things off the list and if whoever they're talking to doesn't hit all the criteria...height/weight, age, geographic location, hobbies/interests, etc., etc., they hit the reject button and have to start all over again looking for someone else.
People should absolutely only fuck people they want to fuck but it seems to us that if you're always watching the door hoping for a bigger, better deal and for that perfect couple to walk in that at the end of the night you're going to end up not having ANY fun. Isn't only "good" sex still pretty damned good? ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ
It seems like maybe they have a mental (or maybe even physical) list of things that they're looking for and when they contact someone, or someone contacts them, they start checking things off the list and if whoever they're talking to doesn't hit all the criteria...height/weight, age, geographic location, hobbies/interests, etc., etc., they hit the reject button and have to start all over again looking for someone else.
People should absolutely only fuck people they want to fuck but it seems to us that if you're always watching the door hoping for a bigger, better deal and for that perfect couple to walk in that at the end of the night you're going to end up not having ANY fun. Isn't only "good" sex still pretty damned good? ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ
This is a topic that is bound to have a wide ranch of responses so here's ours.
Obviously attraction is the first thing people notice from looking at your pictures but whats the right amount of pics...who knows. Ever wonder how many people read the actual narrative of a profile....we always do.
Human behavior is always unpredictable and swinging is no different. How many couples write about meeting you that are a 5 or a 6? Why don't couples commit to meeting if they took the time to write or respond to your email? Who knows.
For us it's a numbers game...if we see a couple we are attracted to and we like what they wrote we send an email. It may say something like we noticed you like to listen to music and so do we. We look for similarities as clues to whether we are gonna click. Since are older we are not trying attract 30 or 40 year olds...I mean come on we are not that hot..lol. Of all the emails we write we may get a 2-5 % response and maybe 1 or 2 actual show up to meet.
Yet despite that we have many great couples we call friends and most are friends with benefits. Keep stepping up to the plate, swing that bat and eventually you are gonna get a hit. For us the key is to never be disappointed and never expect much and that's just the reality from our point of view with the goal of having fun.
Obviously attraction is the first thing people notice from looking at your pictures but whats the right amount of pics...who knows. Ever wonder how many people read the actual narrative of a profile....we always do.
Human behavior is always unpredictable and swinging is no different. How many couples write about meeting you that are a 5 or a 6? Why don't couples commit to meeting if they took the time to write or respond to your email? Who knows.
For us it's a numbers game...if we see a couple we are attracted to and we like what they wrote we send an email. It may say something like we noticed you like to listen to music and so do we. We look for similarities as clues to whether we are gonna click. Since are older we are not trying attract 30 or 40 year olds...I mean come on we are not that hot..lol. Of all the emails we write we may get a 2-5 % response and maybe 1 or 2 actual show up to meet.
Yet despite that we have many great couples we call friends and most are friends with benefits. Keep stepping up to the plate, swing that bat and eventually you are gonna get a hit. For us the key is to never be disappointed and never expect much and that's just the reality from our point of view with the goal of having fun.
We usually meet couples for dinner and get to know each other or have people over to the house for our couples poker games. That usually goes very well but not always and that is okay.
We find when someone rejects us online without ever speaking or meeting, we feel they are fairly shallow and probably saved us sometime in not meeting for dinner. Again, that is okay...this is suppose to be fun and everyone has their own wants and desires. We think those desires should be put in their profile.
Just our two cents
We find when someone rejects us online without ever speaking or meeting, we feel they are fairly shallow and probably saved us sometime in not meeting for dinner. Again, that is okay...this is suppose to be fun and everyone has their own wants and desires. We think those desires should be put in their profile.
Just our two cents
One thing I should have added to my post. SHIT HAPPENS! Yes, some people are total flakes and/or borderline assholes who will reject you or blow you off (and not in a good way-lol) for little or no reason. But you also never know what is going on in someone's life that, sadly, might actually have to take precedence over fucking other people recreationally.
Family members get sick (or die!), people lose jobs, get into car accidents, are attacked by rabid wildebeests, and, well, suffice it to say that someone rejecting you MIGHT not actually end up being about you but more about life dealing them a shitty hand at that particular moment in time. Just food for thought.
And to the OP's point. I think anyone who has been in the lifestyle for any length of time has noticed how much easier it is in a face to face situation to connect vs. on the internet. We've actually met a few people IRL who had previously rejected us online and gotten along famously. And sadly, we've also rejected people online and later met them and found them to be wonderful people. YMMV
Family members get sick (or die!), people lose jobs, get into car accidents, are attacked by rabid wildebeests, and, well, suffice it to say that someone rejecting you MIGHT not actually end up being about you but more about life dealing them a shitty hand at that particular moment in time. Just food for thought.
And to the OP's point. I think anyone who has been in the lifestyle for any length of time has noticed how much easier it is in a face to face situation to connect vs. on the internet. We've actually met a few people IRL who had previously rejected us online and gotten along famously. And sadly, we've also rejected people online and later met them and found them to be wonderful people. YMMV
What is the opposite of Reject? I think Iāll have a problem hanging out with someone who is basically in the Anything goes category.
Like every other topic... we have the āWe are niceā comments.. awwww (eyes roll. Lol)
usually the quote is āthis is business not personalā as the lifestyle is concerned.. It is personal, not business.. What is this? 7-11? Walmart? The Road-home? Looks like some people want to Federal Government to regulate the Lifestyle and implement some non-discrimination policies... oh well.. until we have a Statutory Law about the Doās and Donāts of the LS Iāll remain a non-equal opportunity lifestyle member.
From my own observation.. I doubt all not interested is a lifetime ban.. I am MassageBBCguy, single male.. I bring nothing to the bed for the Mr.. so itās totally understandable when someone says oh we are not looking for single males at this time but we may (probably in the winter.. Jk) I donāt really see that as rejection anymore..
Now.. do I wish there is a DUTY TO BE POLITE at all times?Yes I do.. is that a reality? Lol I wish.
Maybe if we handle rejection very well.. the chance may come again.. FYI profiles with NO PICs? Donāt pass too quickly.
Like every other topic... we have the āWe are niceā comments.. awwww (eyes roll. Lol)
usually the quote is āthis is business not personalā as the lifestyle is concerned.. It is personal, not business.. What is this? 7-11? Walmart? The Road-home? Looks like some people want to Federal Government to regulate the Lifestyle and implement some non-discrimination policies... oh well.. until we have a Statutory Law about the Doās and Donāts of the LS Iāll remain a non-equal opportunity lifestyle member.
From my own observation.. I doubt all not interested is a lifetime ban.. I am MassageBBCguy, single male.. I bring nothing to the bed for the Mr.. so itās totally understandable when someone says oh we are not looking for single males at this time but we may (probably in the winter.. Jk) I donāt really see that as rejection anymore..
Now.. do I wish there is a DUTY TO BE POLITE at all times?Yes I do.. is that a reality? Lol I wish.
Maybe if we handle rejection very well.. the chance may come again.. FYI profiles with NO PICs? Donāt pass too quickly.