In the beginning when opening up your marriage it took a while to really figure out the situation we were looking for and the sort of arrangement. I would imagine a lot of other people got super excited about the idea of opening up their marriage but didn’t know what that would end up looking like. It’s been our experience that “newbies” get all excited and perhaps haven’t completely figured it out. After a while it seems they start to figure out what they really want and that can sometimes change the dynamic.
Do you and your spouse know what you are looking for are you still figuring it out as you go? What has been your experience?
Do you and your spouse know what you are looking for are you still figuring it out as you go? What has been your experience?
That reminds me of a newbie couple we met for a drink. Everything went well while getting the drink and we decided to let them see what they wanted and make a play date for latter. When we tried to set up another date they got uncertain and could not commit. We never did see them again.
We are fortunate because we have figured it out but it took some time, communication and the confidence that if you don't get a response or things do not work out between the 4 of you its ok. We have had some great experiences and some not so good ones also, but we never get discouraged. We do get annoyed sometimes but mostly we just have a good laugh.
We are fortunate because we have figured it out but it took some time, communication and the confidence that if you don't get a response or things do not work out between the 4 of you its ok. We have had some great experiences and some not so good ones also, but we never get discouraged. We do get annoyed sometimes but mostly we just have a good laugh.
What we are looking for has changed over the years. When we started this adventure, it didn’t take long before we started hooking up. We played with couples and with singles. We hooked up almost every week with someone. Sometimes two or three times. Our kids where at that stage where they needed autonomous time with their friends, and that gave us time to play with our friends. We slowed down a bit, but we remained frequent flyers for quite a while.
We must have done a few things right while we were raising our children. Now that they are all happy, successful adults and in their own relationships, and some have children, we spend a lot of time together. We love how things have turned out. We have found that we don’t have much free time. Spontaneity, compatible schedules and location are factors we must consider when looking for new playmates.
A few of our long-standing lifestyle friends are in similar situations. So, we might see them infrequently, but when we do, socially and sexually, we can resume where we left off and assume the positions, as it were. Due to scheduling conflicts, and in some cases distance, it happens less frequently than we would like. Five of our favorite couples, and singles, that we used to play with have moved to different states due to job relocations. So, we are interested in developing a few new alliances. We just can’t dedicate a lot of time toward travel, and a long and extended courtship, requiring lots of hours each week. If there really isn’t any chemistry or commonality in desires, we don’t have a lot of time for a developmental process. Anyway, we have been involved in some red hot ongoing sexual relationships, and in our experience, you know if there is a connection fast.
We must have done a few things right while we were raising our children. Now that they are all happy, successful adults and in their own relationships, and some have children, we spend a lot of time together. We love how things have turned out. We have found that we don’t have much free time. Spontaneity, compatible schedules and location are factors we must consider when looking for new playmates.
A few of our long-standing lifestyle friends are in similar situations. So, we might see them infrequently, but when we do, socially and sexually, we can resume where we left off and assume the positions, as it were. Due to scheduling conflicts, and in some cases distance, it happens less frequently than we would like. Five of our favorite couples, and singles, that we used to play with have moved to different states due to job relocations. So, we are interested in developing a few new alliances. We just can’t dedicate a lot of time toward travel, and a long and extended courtship, requiring lots of hours each week. If there really isn’t any chemistry or commonality in desires, we don’t have a lot of time for a developmental process. Anyway, we have been involved in some red hot ongoing sexual relationships, and in our experience, you know if there is a connection fast.
Very interesting I appreciate your posts causing me to think. And wow I think I know what I want but I think it's also evolving constantly. It is interesting to think back on things we've gone through then went oh we really wanted this when we thought we wanted this. Or that's why tis didn't work. I think biggest evolution for us was baby girl wanting more than a bootie call all the time. We started and that's all we did was im Bob let's fuck. Now we've realized we want friends, with bootie calls. Of course sometimes you just want a hook up too. So now we try to balance it. 10 years when kids are gone or maybe sooner and we have a dungeon built. I'm sure our things will change. I do enjoy looking back to when we started though.
With all that said I do enjoy vanillas slaying with right people, it gives me a chance to see the beginning through someone else's eyes. The risk though is always the drama.
With all that said I do enjoy vanillas slaying with right people, it gives me a chance to see the beginning through someone else's eyes. The risk though is always the drama.
Bicouplemarried newbies can be fun and yes there is always the risk of drama. Every once in awhile its incredible and that happens...wow.
I think we tend to be hesitant with newbies. They can end up realizing the kind of things we want isn’t what they want or jealousy sets in, once the initial thrill of extramarital fun settles down. then again, most couples seem to be looking for short term encounters and we are looking for long term friends with benefits. We’re not the norm lol.
We started extremely slow with - what seems like now countless rules - but now we know what we want and are willing to try new things. The foundation is the trust and communication between us. Knowing that if something new didn't go right, it's not the end of the world. Nine times out of ten...it works out great and becomes a great experience to remember...or repeat!
What we're looking for is actually quite fluid. It varies by what we're doing and feeling at any given time and by what sparks our naughty imaginations and stokes our sexual fires. And it's more about the people involved and our connection or potential connection with them than about a particular scenario or scene. 
It has definitely changed over the years. 13 years in and even though we know what we want, we still adjust to make it work for us still when others either dont want the same exactly because of being new and still learning as they go. Evildoers put it very well. We can say though from then til now, what we want and what we will allow has changed into something neither of us probably EVER imagined it would be. From fantasies to openness in our marriage. One thing that this lifestyle has given us is a stronger and better relationship. Even without actually playing with nearly as many other people as one might expect after all that time. We have amazing friends (mostly in Vegas where we spent 10 years of the LS) and have learned how to communicate so much better. I'm guessing for us, we will continue to evolve and change what we are looking for. Especially as our trust and desires continue to grow. But we still hope to find the right couple to evolve with. Having long term friends with benefits is the goal of most of course. And we've had it a few times. It's the most rewarding feeling of comfort in everything we have ever personally found in the LS
We’ve kind of tweaked it as we went along. At first it was supposed to be strictly sexual encounters but what I’ve discovered is that sometimes I like an emotional or semi poly component to it too.
anything but single males nor a mangy zebra
@thewife... hmmm Nope 
. It may look like MANY of these couples don’t like single males but I think single males are in the “settle for” category.. lol and one thing I learned.. maybe single males should stop sending messages.. I’ve been way more successful when couples send me a message first especially those with “SF and Couples only” memory-lane....... love this site. lol. Anyways I think the few who really dislikes single males are kinda Bernie Sanders about it. Lol
. It may look like MANY of these couples don’t like single males but I think single males are in the “settle for” category.. lol and one thing I learned.. maybe single males should stop sending messages.. I’ve been way more successful when couples send me a message first especially those with “SF and Couples only” memory-lane....... love this site. lol. Anyways I think the few who really dislikes single males are kinda Bernie Sanders about it. LolWe wouldn’t say we knew what we wanted long-term. But we take one step at a time. Always discussing what we’re looking for next. Communication is the key. Fun follows when you’re on the same page!
Lol. Too bad we can never have a Rebuttal... oh well. Lol
We won't always get exactly what we want. Maybe in the end it's more important to really enjoy the opportunities we have before us! The world is full of wonderful and mysterious adventures and people! Can we find more meaning and the bliss, by reaching beyond our imperfect perceptions?
DELICIOUSLYWET wrote:
We won't always get exactly what we want. Maybe in the end it's more important to really enjoy the opportunities we have before us! The world is full of wonderful and mysterious adventures and people! Can we find more meaning and the bliss, by reaching beyond our imperfect perceptions?
we try to be open minded but we do have some basic things we look for we don’t compromise on. We look for a couple who are respectful and truthful. We typically don’t look for newbies but it’s not a deal breaker. A fun couple who know what they want is ideal
So does the site just randomly spit out old threads (certainly conceivable given all the other bugs) every so often or do people edit something on an old post that throws it up onto the page? Inquiring minds want to know. 
We know what we are looking for now but things change over time we both do know we enjoy sexy and friends but feelings can not join this life style no falling in love (LOL) we both agree dont want to replace anyone. just want free open fun. but things we do and how we play change all the time. a new thing for use is she is now wanting to play with ladies and has been tring diff things and having fun I believe it or not have never had a 3 some with two ladies BC she was not open she has had 2 and 3 guys. now she wants to find a lady to give me a FFM action and im looking forward to it. thats just one way things change
Loverofthewife wrote:
Am I the only Hotwife on this site who likes single guys? They get such a bad rap as a whole.
We like single males too