So the mrs. And I have decided to branch out a bit and possibly find partners for separate play. But we're not entirely sure how to go about that? Unicorns are rather few and far between, but are there a lot of couples who play separately from each other? We know single males are somewhat easy to find, but its the female side that seems to be difficult to find. Does anyone have any suggestions?
A few thoughts. First of all, by starting this thread, Mrs. DOGYSTYLELUVRS will be INUNDATED by single males wanting to play with her. She will also likely be overwhelmed with offers from married males, as well, who are looking to play without you or their wife around. Nothing wrong with either of those two scenarios, necessarily, but you will quickly discover that your wife's opportunities for separate play will probably VASTLY outnumber yours.
Second, a few might take your perfectly reasonable desire/request as simply you trying to game the system, so to speak. Unfortunately, there are a lot of guys trying to get around the whole "swapping" dynamic for a number of different reasons. Just don't be shocked or surprised if you get that kind of pushback from a few couples.
Third, and this is from our own experiences "branch(ing) out". By FAR the easiest way to accomplish what you're seeking is to find one or more like-minded couples, maybe get to know them a little bit (maybe even play together as couples first) and establish a little bit of trust and THEN do the separate play thing with people you already know. I know it's not as spontaneous that way and perhaps, to some, not quite as exciting but in our experience, it's far easier and it cuts down on the potential for drama. YMMV
Second, a few might take your perfectly reasonable desire/request as simply you trying to game the system, so to speak. Unfortunately, there are a lot of guys trying to get around the whole "swapping" dynamic for a number of different reasons. Just don't be shocked or surprised if you get that kind of pushback from a few couples.
Third, and this is from our own experiences "branch(ing) out". By FAR the easiest way to accomplish what you're seeking is to find one or more like-minded couples, maybe get to know them a little bit (maybe even play together as couples first) and establish a little bit of trust and THEN do the separate play thing with people you already know. I know it's not as spontaneous that way and perhaps, to some, not quite as exciting but in our experience, it's far easier and it cuts down on the potential for drama. YMMV
Ya i figured both points 1 and 2 would be the case. We've kind of tried to follow through on your third point but we've found that many couples are very set on not playing separately. And we already kind of feel like we have a hard time meeting couples we enjoy spending time with and have a mutual attration amongst all of us. We mostly figured removing the extra variables of having four people get along would make meeting people a little easier. Maybe that's not the case?
A fourth possibility, and this really goes with number 3 and is actually how we started, was hooking up with and hanging out with a couple and SLOWLY getting to the point where everyone was comfortable with that type of situation. WE were actually the ones dragging our feet and refused, at first, but after a lot of time together, and patience on their part, we eventually came around to the point where we felt comfortable playing separately. It was actually quite fun but very intense and wasn't sustainable for the long-term...i.e. it sort of ended badly.
As to your point about 4-way mutual attraction, that IS a valid point and a concern, however we were really not very attracted to either one of the couple that we ended up doing separate things with. In fact, they pursued us for several years before we even agreed to meet for drinks. Once we got to know them better we found they had qualities that we DID find attractive beyond just the physical. In fact, we kind of learned a good lesson in that we were so hell-bent on finding perfection in the couples we wanted to play with that we often overlooked GOOD and probably missed out on a lot of fun sex. And I think this is actually all too common in the lifestyle. Once we kind of got out of our own way and, up to a point, gave people the benefit of the doubt, a little bit, we found we were actually attracted to a much wider range of people than we thought we were. Again, YMMV.
As to your point about 4-way mutual attraction, that IS a valid point and a concern, however we were really not very attracted to either one of the couple that we ended up doing separate things with. In fact, they pursued us for several years before we even agreed to meet for drinks. Once we got to know them better we found they had qualities that we DID find attractive beyond just the physical. In fact, we kind of learned a good lesson in that we were so hell-bent on finding perfection in the couples we wanted to play with that we often overlooked GOOD and probably missed out on a lot of fun sex. And I think this is actually all too common in the lifestyle. Once we kind of got out of our own way and, up to a point, gave people the benefit of the doubt, a little bit, we found we were actually attracted to a much wider range of people than we thought we were. Again, YMMV.
Haha ya we are definitely the same way personality is far more important to us than physical attributes. We have one couple we are currently interested in that we definitely could see being comfortable enough eventually but they are very new to the lifestyle and we are trying to keep things at a more reasonable pace for them.