Dating other couples?
So, we have been in the lifestyle for almost 2 years. Have met some cool couples and have had some fun sexy nights. Mostly it's fun sexy times that we can take the memories back to our bedroom for even hotter fun.
Recently we have met a couple where we thought it was going to be the same as with other couples. However, somehow we just clicked. Or even "Zinged" (Hotel Transylvania)
Spent every weekend together that we could. We even had their family over, their kids played with our kids, ect....
Unfortunately, they were struggling with a few things we were unaware of... In fact, they were trying to "fix" something, which we all know does not work in this lifestyle. So now we are no longer a "thing" and they are working on themselves, which is good for them.
However, now we have caught a brief glimpse of what it is like to, I guess, "date" another couple. Both my wife and I were really enjoying these new feelings and connections. In fact, it took this lifestyle to a whole new level.
So, meeting other couples that are interested in this type of relationship sounds daunting to us. I'm sure the stars have to align just right. It takes two very secure couples, lots of things in common. Sounds difficult with 4 different people, 4 different personalities, 4 different sets of feelings and not to mention they have to really like each other and click... Otherwise, it's just a night of sex as usual...
All of this just happened organically with this other couple right off the bat... A little Molly didn't hurt either... đ
Anyway, do any of you have any experience with this? Or thoughts? Advice?
So, we have been in the lifestyle for almost 2 years. Have met some cool couples and have had some fun sexy nights. Mostly it's fun sexy times that we can take the memories back to our bedroom for even hotter fun.
Recently we have met a couple where we thought it was going to be the same as with other couples. However, somehow we just clicked. Or even "Zinged" (Hotel Transylvania)
Spent every weekend together that we could. We even had their family over, their kids played with our kids, ect....
Unfortunately, they were struggling with a few things we were unaware of... In fact, they were trying to "fix" something, which we all know does not work in this lifestyle. So now we are no longer a "thing" and they are working on themselves, which is good for them.
However, now we have caught a brief glimpse of what it is like to, I guess, "date" another couple. Both my wife and I were really enjoying these new feelings and connections. In fact, it took this lifestyle to a whole new level.
So, meeting other couples that are interested in this type of relationship sounds daunting to us. I'm sure the stars have to align just right. It takes two very secure couples, lots of things in common. Sounds difficult with 4 different people, 4 different personalities, 4 different sets of feelings and not to mention they have to really like each other and click... Otherwise, it's just a night of sex as usual...
All of this just happened organically with this other couple right off the bat... A little Molly didn't hurt either... đ
Anyway, do any of you have any experience with this? Or thoughts? Advice?
Yeah I'm kinda jealous. I think many might be like me and my wife. I see that and think that's missing impossible. Maybe I need to b push a little though and search for it because it is pretty amazing.
From discussions Iâve had it seems that is the holy grail of all this....an organic-ish dating scenario.
True friends with the bedroom component in swing as well.
I guess many of us donât get to the breakup stage of couples dating.
I heard a song once, said âbreaking up is hard to doâ.
Kinda sounds like the pits. I donât have advice or experiences to lend but thanks for sharing the insight.
True friends with the bedroom component in swing as well.
I guess many of us donât get to the breakup stage of couples dating.
I heard a song once, said âbreaking up is hard to doâ.
Kinda sounds like the pits. I donât have advice or experiences to lend but thanks for sharing the insight.
For what it's worth it sounds like you guys had a natural progression similar to a monogamous relationship.
Consider that single dating can go from just the thrill of romance and sex and grow into deep commitment like marriage. This can happen just as unexpectedly as did you guys hitting it off with a couple you just meant to play with. I mean all that swing dating also clarified what you both connected with.
So as a couple you grew to become capable of not only navigating monogamy well, then mutual play, but now could have the emotional capacity together to handle the exponential difficulty, and reward, of a committed relationship with another couple.
Just my two cents
Oh, and it was vunerable and authentic to share that with this community.
Consider that single dating can go from just the thrill of romance and sex and grow into deep commitment like marriage. This can happen just as unexpectedly as did you guys hitting it off with a couple you just meant to play with. I mean all that swing dating also clarified what you both connected with.
So as a couple you grew to become capable of not only navigating monogamy well, then mutual play, but now could have the emotional capacity together to handle the exponential difficulty, and reward, of a committed relationship with another couple.
Just my two cents
Oh, and it was vunerable and authentic to share that with this community.
Been there, done that, have the t-shirt. We know plenty of people who've done it, and done it successfully (up to a point), ourselves included. We don't know of many, if any, where it has lasted for more than a few years and didn't end somewhat badly.
It CAN be quite heady and has the potential to take swinging to the next level. Unfortunately, it is also exponentially more likely to crank up the drama factor to eleven (out of ten).
Quite often each couple has their own "agenda" (for lack of a better term) that is often at odds with the other couple's agenda. We've seen it frequently cause weird jealousies not only between primary partners but also between non-primary partners and in a few extreme notable cases it has ended marriages.
In our case, we were relatively long-term swingers at that point who, although never really super active in the scene, felt like we'd checked off most of the things on our swinging bucket list and were somewhat curious if there was more out there to explore in swingerdom...or if we were sort of done with the scene.
The couple we started "dating" wasn't really the kind of couple we usually were attracted to and maybe that was part of the allure. They also had a very interesting (to say the least) dynamic in their marriage that really was at odds with that in our relationship. Ultimately they kept pushing boundaries (started throwing the "L" word around and much more), pushed for more and more separate activities and were insidious in slowly and subtly causing rifts, both large and small, as well as a LOT of drama. We actually didn't even realize how much drama and subterfuge had occurred until we were finally out of the situation entirely.
We actually miss them a little, at times, and often wonder if there might have been a way to talk things out and come to a better understanding of how to continue on in a healthier way but they've actually gone on to do exactly the same thing to a number of other couples we know (it's a small world in Utah swinging and word gets around) and it seems to be their pattern.
Tldr; It can work. It's quite rare when it works long term. It has the potential for disaster. While it's appealing in many ways we don't really recommend it. YMMV
It CAN be quite heady and has the potential to take swinging to the next level. Unfortunately, it is also exponentially more likely to crank up the drama factor to eleven (out of ten).
Quite often each couple has their own "agenda" (for lack of a better term) that is often at odds with the other couple's agenda. We've seen it frequently cause weird jealousies not only between primary partners but also between non-primary partners and in a few extreme notable cases it has ended marriages.
In our case, we were relatively long-term swingers at that point who, although never really super active in the scene, felt like we'd checked off most of the things on our swinging bucket list and were somewhat curious if there was more out there to explore in swingerdom...or if we were sort of done with the scene.
The couple we started "dating" wasn't really the kind of couple we usually were attracted to and maybe that was part of the allure. They also had a very interesting (to say the least) dynamic in their marriage that really was at odds with that in our relationship. Ultimately they kept pushing boundaries (started throwing the "L" word around and much more), pushed for more and more separate activities and were insidious in slowly and subtly causing rifts, both large and small, as well as a LOT of drama. We actually didn't even realize how much drama and subterfuge had occurred until we were finally out of the situation entirely.
We actually miss them a little, at times, and often wonder if there might have been a way to talk things out and come to a better understanding of how to continue on in a healthier way but they've actually gone on to do exactly the same thing to a number of other couples we know (it's a small world in Utah swinging and word gets around) and it seems to be their pattern.
Tldr; It can work. It's quite rare when it works long term. It has the potential for disaster. While it's appealing in many ways we don't really recommend it. YMMV
@evil
Omg
You werenât even sarcastic and didnât use a jiffy.
Good comments
Omg
You werenât even sarcastic and didnât use a jiffy.
Good comments
Weâve actually had a couple of experiences with this. Itâs crazy when everyone is so into each other, and more than on just a sexual level. Itâs amazing when there is that much chemistry between everyone. Weâve gone on vacations together, and had times with our kids there as well. It does take the swinging to a whole new incredible level.
We have "dated" other couples, and we have "dated" singles. For us time and availability is always a obstacle. We have met some amazing people in the lifestyle where the connection has been, or is pretty intense. We have a large family, and we really like each other, and our family, and spend a lot of time together, so we tend to get along best with people who know we are not available every week. We sort of address the subject in our profile as follows:
"A lot of people spend their whole lives looking for an enduring romance and never finding one. So we know we are already lucky, lucky, lucky! We already have that together. We are aware that love is infinite, and you can romantically love more than one person, but it just has to happen naturally. Love and or commitment can neither be forced or repressed for it to be beautiful and lasting. Romance, as is the case with all other forms of love, is expansive, and yes when we really connect, we will feel something special for our lovers; but our romance together has been expanding for decades, so it is center stage. We are really a tightly bonded pair. We love poly people and we understand polyamory, but we seem to behave naturally more like we are poly light. At least so far in this adventure. Does that make sense? Basically, we can enjoy, intense mind and body connections, with our lovers, without jealousy, or fear; and without it creating any problems with our romance together as a couple. We trust each other! If we end up in the midst of really intense feelings, and connections, we are totally cool with that! That has, could, and should be beautiful! It has to flow that way naturally. It cannot be forced or feigned."
We also share the following:
"If you are sort of, mostly, or only, looking for casual sexual connections, hell yes we are interested in that too. We love those sorts of connections! We love recreational sex! No, you don't have to call us in the morning, unless you want to! If we all communicate honestly, all along the way, we can make whatever we share together wonderful."
Ending our post the way we began it. Time and availability is always an obstacle. People need to know that up front. We have found there are quite a few people in the lifestyle in a similar, if not exactly same boat. Ships passing in the night can be fun!
"A lot of people spend their whole lives looking for an enduring romance and never finding one. So we know we are already lucky, lucky, lucky! We already have that together. We are aware that love is infinite, and you can romantically love more than one person, but it just has to happen naturally. Love and or commitment can neither be forced or repressed for it to be beautiful and lasting. Romance, as is the case with all other forms of love, is expansive, and yes when we really connect, we will feel something special for our lovers; but our romance together has been expanding for decades, so it is center stage. We are really a tightly bonded pair. We love poly people and we understand polyamory, but we seem to behave naturally more like we are poly light. At least so far in this adventure. Does that make sense? Basically, we can enjoy, intense mind and body connections, with our lovers, without jealousy, or fear; and without it creating any problems with our romance together as a couple. We trust each other! If we end up in the midst of really intense feelings, and connections, we are totally cool with that! That has, could, and should be beautiful! It has to flow that way naturally. It cannot be forced or feigned."
We also share the following:
"If you are sort of, mostly, or only, looking for casual sexual connections, hell yes we are interested in that too. We love those sorts of connections! We love recreational sex! No, you don't have to call us in the morning, unless you want to! If we all communicate honestly, all along the way, we can make whatever we share together wonderful."
Ending our post the way we began it. Time and availability is always an obstacle. People need to know that up front. We have found there are quite a few people in the lifestyle in a similar, if not exactly same boat. Ships passing in the night can be fun!
This is essentially what we hoped to find with a couple. We hate having to go through the meeting and starting over ritual.
We would love to find a friendship like that LASTING 
MandLforFun wrote:
We have that with a couple that we've been friends with for about a year and a half now. Travel together, kids hang out together, we see each other 3 or 4 times a week. We're not exclusive or anything and we still love to meet new friends and go to parties and whatnot, but we spend most of our time with them. It's hard to maintain sometimes, but it's worth it. It's been an amazing part of our experience in the lifestyle. When you get that close though, you do have to be more invested in the relationship than you would be with a normal acquaintance, because there will always be some amount of drama. You're intertwining your lives a lot more than you would with someone you just see or play with on occasion, so you have to be willing to accept the bad with the good. Again, totally worth it though.
We'd like that kind of arrangement too.
I think everyone has their own definition on dating another couple. For us it maybe something as simple as meeting a new couple for a drink. Seeing if there is some chemistry to either play that evening or in the future. We are lucky enough to have couples we can just call up for a dinner and fuck date.
Meeting and dating new couples is part of what makes swinging great for us. We also love seeing our more established swinger friends for an evening with or even without sex.
Of course people drift apart or have other priorities take over their life and thats to be expected but we always have fun...sometimes we just have more fun with our swinger friends.
Meeting and dating new couples is part of what makes swinging great for us. We also love seeing our more established swinger friends for an evening with or even without sex.
Of course people drift apart or have other priorities take over their life and thats to be expected but we always have fun...sometimes we just have more fun with our swinger friends.
We are kinda looking for something like that - but our relationship is number one then the other if any is just to make our bond better - we always play together and in the same room - itâs just our thing - but whatever works for your partnership is what is the top thing ... adult friends are just a good time ..
We actually had a "relationship" with another couple that lasted two years! It was a great experience while it lasted. We all knew it was something rare and really enjoyed it. Unfortunately the other couple did not last. We are now making the best of the LS and our experience but sometimes really miss that connection that we had.
We just need to know about this (MOLLY) girl you speak of!!! She sounds extra fun. Kik hopscotch78
We hve been in a polyamorous foursome with another couple for a year and a half now. Itâs amazing!! Like Evildoers, we werenât looking for it. But we had sort of run out of passion for a lot of the lifestyle as weâd tried about everything weâd wanted to try, including casual sex, groups, parties, just girlfriends, and everything in between. We came to eventually realize that we kind of preferred a deeper connection and we had become much more picky about who we would be with. Then the stars aligned and we found an unbelievable couple, just like us, about the same phase in the LS progression and we all just CLICKED.
Weâve been hanging out as much as possible for a year and a half, and have been officially in love for at least 9-10 months. We are as close as I can imagine four people being. We hang out 3-4 times a week, vacation together, our kids hang out, our families know of each other (but not the polyamory), we do dates as a 4 and as 2âs, weâve even vacationed as pairs (BF/GF no spouses). Our sex is amazing, the connection is amazing. Weâre not exclusive, but we prefer each other most of the time.
There has been surprisingly little drama. Weâre all level-headed, mature and good at communication. And we have a lot in common, which makes it easy. There have been a few speed bumps, mostly regarding other sexual encounters, ironing out the ârulesâ and being better at expectations, etc. But weâve come out of them stronger than before. None of us has ever been happier.
Synopsis? It is out there. And it is possible. And it is 100% worth it. But it is even more rare than finding the perfect mate. Itâs x4 harder, x4 people, x8 different combinations of feelings, +kids + jobs + finances and many other variables. Itâs a Miracle really! But if youâve been there and loved it, donât lose hope.
Weâve been hanging out as much as possible for a year and a half, and have been officially in love for at least 9-10 months. We are as close as I can imagine four people being. We hang out 3-4 times a week, vacation together, our kids hang out, our families know of each other (but not the polyamory), we do dates as a 4 and as 2âs, weâve even vacationed as pairs (BF/GF no spouses). Our sex is amazing, the connection is amazing. Weâre not exclusive, but we prefer each other most of the time.
There has been surprisingly little drama. Weâre all level-headed, mature and good at communication. And we have a lot in common, which makes it easy. There have been a few speed bumps, mostly regarding other sexual encounters, ironing out the ârulesâ and being better at expectations, etc. But weâve come out of them stronger than before. None of us has ever been happier.
Synopsis? It is out there. And it is possible. And it is 100% worth it. But it is even more rare than finding the perfect mate. Itâs x4 harder, x4 people, x8 different combinations of feelings, +kids + jobs + finances and many other variables. Itâs a Miracle really! But if youâve been there and loved it, donât lose hope.