How many other women out there feel like they can't get a good orgasm without some sort of emotional connection? My husband is always wanting me to have sex with others. He even said I could go ahead and do a gang bang. But I need some sort of connection. I just can't have sex with any tool. But then he gets weird about the connection not the sex. Anyone else?
fun4moreut wrote:
How many other women out there feel like they can't get a good orgasm without some sort of emotional connection? My husband is always wanting me to have sex with others. He even said I could go ahead and do a gang bang. But I need some sort of connection. I just can't have sex with any tool. But then he gets weird about the connection not the sex. Anyone else?
It's not just you and it's not just women. Lots of us prefer or even need at least some kind of connection (even if it's just friendship or intense "like"-lol) to enjoy playing with someone else. Of course there are others who don't really want ANY kind of connection whatsoever other than just a willing penis or vagina. There's no "one right way" to swing.
Mrs. Here and I am the same way... Gotta get to at least know about the couple or single we are inviting to play with us. For me it's a comfort thing...
My Mrs. is the same way. Previous to us meeting she had lived a "fun" life with plenty of not so meaningful sex, and ever since she found our connection, she's not interested in that anymore. She's extremely picky and not just with looks, but she needs to have a friendship built with someone before even considering playing with them - yet alone to get off (still hasn't happened outside of us two).
fun4moreut wrote:
How many other women out there feel like they can't get a good orgasm without some sort of emotional connection? My husband is always wanting me to have sex with others. He even said I could go ahead and do a gang bang. But I need some sort of connection. I just can't have sex with any tool. But then he gets weird about the connection not the sex. Anyone else?
Here is our take, we usually don't play with people we do not connect with. For us that means we like them and hopefully they like us. An emotional connection does not need to be there but some sort of attraction does. We have been to parties and playrooms where those rules sort of disappear and we mostly do our own separate thing. As long as you are having fun without drama things sort of go along very smoothly.
Maybe a little bit more clarification. The Mr. cares more about the eye candy. Does not care as much about the emotional connection. He does not say it. But he says enough I can tell he wishes it was the same for me. It's not like we think we will leave each other, we have been married over a decade and love each other. We are best friends. The Mr. Wants to play and so do I. We are brand new but having a blast. But I think he wants me to have 0 emotional connection with anyone else but him. It's not like some small connection is going to replace our long awesome relationship. I don't need to be best friends. Just need to think they are not a tool. Be a cool easy going guy. Not interested in a I don't know you but I still want your dick. That does not sound interesting.
Anyone else have this issue? How do you guys deal with that? It has not been a huge issue and still having fun but I just think it maybe something other women or couples have dealt with. How did you handle it?
Anyone else have this issue? How do you guys deal with that? It has not been a huge issue and still having fun but I just think it maybe something other women or couples have dealt with. How did you handle it?
Maybe a little bit more clarification. The Mr. cares more about the eye candy. Does not care as much about the emotional connection. He does not say it. But he says enough I can tell he wishes it was the same for me. It's not like we think we will leave each other, we have been married over a decade and love each other. We are best friends. The Mr. Wants to play and so do I. We are brand new but having a blast. But I think he wants me to have 0 emotional connection with anyone else but him. It's not like some small connection is going to replace our long awesome relationship. I don't need to be best friends. Just need to think they are not a tool. Be a cool easy going guy. Not interested in a I don't know you but I still want your dick. That does not sound interesting.
Anyone else have this issue? How do you guys deal with that? It has not been a huge issue and still having fun but I just think it maybe something other women or couples have dealt with. How did you handle it?
Anyone else have this issue? How do you guys deal with that? It has not been a huge issue and still having fun but I just think it maybe something other women or couples have dealt with. How did you handle it?
As Evil said, There's no "one right way" to swing... Mr here, and I have never found gangbangs to be exciting. Always wondered if that made me gay. Hahaha
Probably does not make you gay. Well unless you are the one getting gangbanged, then you might be. Hahaha!
For us there needs to be attraction and trust. That can happen quickly! We prefer people that are open, friendly, polite and charming. People that like themselves enough, that they don't feel they need to try and impress you, seem to be more capable of really liking others. Sex should be a positive, shared experience, so we like positive people! Pushy, smug, overly critical, or overbearing are attributes that tend to turn us off. People who are controlling or approach you with some sort of gimmick, for lack of a better word, are often hiding something. Sex should be an honest, positive shared experience, so we avoid negative controlling people and those given to some level of sexual subterfuge. Yes we enjoy deeper friendships, but hey call us easy, if there is chemistry, attraction and trust, we also really enjoy just having sex because it's fun. Sex with a really compatible lover, even if, and sometimes especially if, you have only just gotten to know them, can become extremely intimate, and can be incredibly exciting, and quite overwhelming. Sometimes relationships that begin with good end up becoming great! If the people involved just really want to do it, then do it, works for us! If someone seems unsure, just let it pass. We should never try and talk anyone into doing anything they don't really want to do, including ourselves.
Lots of good advice. Thanks. I wish a few more females would weigh in.
We much prefer to become 'friends' before sex and after sex. We like to go to dinners, movies, bowling, etc and have some fun and connection outside of the bedroom as well as inside.
So yes a connection works better for us but we know it is not for everyone. We have had people write us who we have never met in person yet and say 'we are horny tonight, want to f@uck'? We reply, sorry not for us but thanks.
We are always looking for new friends. We would love to hear from you if you are interested in a friendship, benefits
So yes a connection works better for us but we know it is not for everyone. We have had people write us who we have never met in person yet and say 'we are horny tonight, want to f@uck'? We reply, sorry not for us but thanks.
We are always looking for new friends. We would love to hear from you if you are interested in a friendship, benefits
Anymore females that can chime in?
SHENANIGANIZER wrote:
As Evil said, There's no "one right way" to swing... Mr here, and I have never found gangbangs to be exciting. Always wondered if that made me gay. Hahaha
Hmmm, I would think that it might make you the exact OPPOSITE of gay. Cuz, you know, in the heat of battle in a GB who's to say if something slips and ends up in an orifice not necessarily belonging to the main recipient of the GB.
Marvin Gaye
Mrs. here. We went to an awesome week in Miami once and there was an older couple there who had 30 plus years experience in the lifestyle. The man told my husband that Men are like kids in candy stores and will try everything but women need to be the deciders. If the woman is not into the people or feels uncomfortable then you just don’t do it. I have the same issue as you. I need some type of connection to get into it and enjoy myself. He wants to watch me have fun but it’s not fun if there is no connection.
READYTOSQUIRT
Does your man ever seem jealous of the emotional connection? My man does not quite say it because I think he is having too much fun, like a kid in a candy store. lol But I think he just wishes I was like him and did not have to have a connection. It's a minor thing. I think that is something we just may need to work through. We talk a lot an have lots of open discussions. I feel as long as that is going on, we are honest and having fun we are good. Just wondered if others had the same experience.
Does your man ever seem jealous of the emotional connection? My man does not quite say it because I think he is having too much fun, like a kid in a candy store. lol But I think he just wishes I was like him and did not have to have a connection. It's a minor thing. I think that is something we just may need to work through. We talk a lot an have lots of open discussions. I feel as long as that is going on, we are honest and having fun we are good. Just wondered if others had the same experience.
He doesn’t get jealous but he does wish I didn’t have to have a connection because he just wants me to go go go like him. I think that as long as you guys are open in your communication it will work itself out. Maybe it’s a little give and take. You may need to fake a connection once in a while so he is getting what he needs and he may need to take a step back and understand that women are not the same as men. Mars and Venus. We are working through it all too so I am no expert. It helped my husband understand more when he talked to that older guy.
Sometimes people think that having an emotional connection with someone else, takes away (even slightly) from the connection that they have with their spouse...and it CAN, but doesn't have to. This is where that trust in what you two have built over the last ten years comes in to play. I've found that open thoughtful communication is key here. Maybe he has insecurities about you liking the other guy more than him. He relates to being able to have sex a women without being attached, but he doesn't relate to wanting that connection. Since he can't relate he's afraid of it, he hasn't had to work though that yet. There's a lot of assumptions there, and it might not be accurate for him. I'm just projecting my own experiences. It's part of the journey, at least it was for me.
I learned that her having an emotional connection with a guy does not take away from the experiences and bonding we have together, but rather just adds to her life experiences. Taking a bath in new water will never compare to to the ocean we've built. I agree with ready to Squirt, you'll work through it with time and experiences. Good luck!
This is all going under the assumption that you guys have an open healthy relationship, and he doesn't have a legitimate reason to worry, like past cheating, lying, communication that he doesn't satisfy you emotionally, etc.
I learned that her having an emotional connection with a guy does not take away from the experiences and bonding we have together, but rather just adds to her life experiences. Taking a bath in new water will never compare to to the ocean we've built. I agree with ready to Squirt, you'll work through it with time and experiences. Good luck!
This is all going under the assumption that you guys have an open healthy relationship, and he doesn't have a legitimate reason to worry, like past cheating, lying, communication that he doesn't satisfy you emotionally, etc.
DAVIDANDMARIE wrote:
Sometimes people think that having an emotional connection with someone else, takes away (even slightly) from the connection that they have with their spouse...and it CAN, but doesn't have to. This is where that trust in what you two have built over the last ten years comes in to play. I've found that open thoughtful communication is key here. Maybe he has insecurities about you liking the other guy more than him. He relates to being able to have sex a women without being attached, but he doesn't relate to wanting that connection. Since he can't relate he's afraid of it, he hasn't had to work though that yet. There's a lot of assumptions there, and it might not be accurate for him. I'm just projecting my own experiences. It's part of the journey, at least it was for me.
I learned that her having an emotional connection with a guy does not take away from the experiences and bonding we have together, but rather just adds to her life experiences. Taking a bath in new water will never compare to to the ocean we've built. I agree with ready to Squirt, you'll work through it with time and experiences. Good luck!
This is all going under the assumption that you guys have an open healthy relationship, and he doesn't have a legitimate reason to worry, like past cheating, lying, communication that he doesn't satisfy you emotionally, etc.
You nailed it.
I think that a lot of if depends on what, exactly, you deem "an emotional connection". We've been hanging around this scene for a long time and have, sadly, seen MORE than our fair share of couples split up over newfound emotional connections. I think it boils down to trust and even more than that to TONS of open, honest communication between you are your primary partner...and maybe spelling out rules and restrictions to your play partners.
Edit: I would also add that you should stand fast and stand together against ANY play partners who try, through whatever type of manipulation, to get you to abandon the rules and restrictions you and your primary partner have previously agreed upon. The ONLY time Ms. Evil and I have ever had any kind of issues was when we foolishly let a couple manipulate us into going beyond boundaries we had established together as a couple. Don't let anyone pressure you in any way or use any kind of coercion to get you to bend to their idea or interpretation of what they think you should do or how you should swing. There are some out there who definitely WILL try to do this. 'Nuff said.
Edit: I would also add that you should stand fast and stand together against ANY play partners who try, through whatever type of manipulation, to get you to abandon the rules and restrictions you and your primary partner have previously agreed upon. The ONLY time Ms. Evil and I have ever had any kind of issues was when we foolishly let a couple manipulate us into going beyond boundaries we had established together as a couple. Don't let anyone pressure you in any way or use any kind of coercion to get you to bend to their idea or interpretation of what they think you should do or how you should swing. There are some out there who definitely WILL try to do this. 'Nuff said.
Well said Evildoers. If it weren’t for our communication we would’ve never stood a chance. 25 years of marriage has helped us immensely to say the least.
DAVIDANDMARIE wrote:
Sometimes people think that having an emotional connection with someone else, takes away (even slightly) from the connection that they have with their spouse...and it CAN, but doesn't have to. This is where that trust in what you two have built over the last ten years comes in to play. I've found that open thoughtful communication is key here. Maybe he has insecurities about you liking the other guy more than him. He relates to being able to have sex a women without being attached, but he doesn't relate to wanting that connection. Since he can't relate he's afraid of it, he hasn't had to work though that yet. There's a lot of assumptions there, and it might not be accurate for him. I'm just projecting my own experiences. It's part of the journey, at least it was for me.
I learned that her having an emotional connection with a guy does not take away from the experiences and bonding we have together, but rather just adds to her life experiences. Taking a bath in new water will never compare to to the ocean we've built. I agree with ready to Squirt, you'll work through it with time and experiences. Good luck!
This is all going under the assumption that you guys have an open healthy relationship, and he doesn't have a legitimate reason to worry, like past cheating, lying, communication that he doesn't satisfy you emotionally, etc.
Spot on!!
You asked to hear from more females, so...
This lifestyle can be quite complex. Humans are inherently complex and when sex is involved it can go astronomical!
For instance: There are couples who have posted here some very good things about what they look for, and behaviors and such. Yet, they are couples we (when my male friend and I were going out with more couples) decided not be with any longer because we didn't feel they were interacting on the levels we we're looking for. And to make it astronomical; when we tried to talk with a couple we had been in a long multi year relationship with about it, it turned into a mess of arguments, blaming, threats, name calling and just all around hurt feelings... AND, this all came from my male partners desire/need for more emotional connection! It got more emotional alright... in all the wrong ways. LOL
So there are levels within levels in this fun and exciting little world. So my advice to you at this time would be to make sure and get everything VERY straight and solid between you and your primary partner before going any further, as to not make things more difficult than needed. Because they could very easily and quickly get more difficult if your not solid and undeterrable!
We made it through just fine because we are absolutely solid with each other. It would be wise to make sure you are also.
This lifestyle can be quite complex. Humans are inherently complex and when sex is involved it can go astronomical!
For instance: There are couples who have posted here some very good things about what they look for, and behaviors and such. Yet, they are couples we (when my male friend and I were going out with more couples) decided not be with any longer because we didn't feel they were interacting on the levels we we're looking for. And to make it astronomical; when we tried to talk with a couple we had been in a long multi year relationship with about it, it turned into a mess of arguments, blaming, threats, name calling and just all around hurt feelings... AND, this all came from my male partners desire/need for more emotional connection! It got more emotional alright... in all the wrong ways. LOL
So there are levels within levels in this fun and exciting little world. So my advice to you at this time would be to make sure and get everything VERY straight and solid between you and your primary partner before going any further, as to not make things more difficult than needed. Because they could very easily and quickly get more difficult if your not solid and undeterrable!
We made it through just fine because we are absolutely solid with each other. It would be wise to make sure you are also.
Yeah. I think that is spot on. He has no concern about me cheating on him but I think that it may take something away from our connection. Which it does not.