My wife and I have started talking about fantasies in a more open and honest way. She knows that I have always wanted to have a MFF threesome. She finds women attractive but isn't sure she would actually do anything with another.
I recently expressed to her that I have fantasized about having a MFM threesome with her. We have played around with toys and simulated this but it was only recently I expressed this. We also started talking and fantasizing about having sex with another couple that we know in which we both find them attractive and would be fun to try and seduce them together.
We have been reading a lot about swinging and having threesomes, couple sharing, etc. and the potential issues it can cause with relationships. The thought of doing this is exciting, we are just not sure, if facing down the barrel of a gun either of us could go through with it.
Finally to my questions:
1. What are really good ground rules to set?
2. What are some of the pitfalls for new couples to the lifestyle?
3. Any tips or secrets anyone would like to share?
4. If we decide to do it, what is the best way to ease into things?
I recently expressed to her that I have fantasized about having a MFM threesome with her. We have played around with toys and simulated this but it was only recently I expressed this. We also started talking and fantasizing about having sex with another couple that we know in which we both find them attractive and would be fun to try and seduce them together.
We have been reading a lot about swinging and having threesomes, couple sharing, etc. and the potential issues it can cause with relationships. The thought of doing this is exciting, we are just not sure, if facing down the barrel of a gun either of us could go through with it.
Finally to my questions:
1. What are really good ground rules to set?
2. What are some of the pitfalls for new couples to the lifestyle?
3. Any tips or secrets anyone would like to share?
4. If we decide to do it, what is the best way to ease into things?
Great questions and ones each couple should ask themselves before jumping in.
1) Talk openly and honestly about what you think might possibly make either of you upset or jealous or insecure and use your answers as a guide for any ground rules. Also, be open and honest with potential playmates about what your rules are and why you have the rules. You might want to consider a soft-swap type situation to begin with and see how each of you feel afterwards. Don't let more experienced couples try to talk you into doing things beyond your ground rules even though some will definitely try. A few possible rules that some newbies start out with are.
-No separate rooms.
-No penetration.
-No kissing (some feel like this feels too intimate at first)
2) Probably the biggest pitfalls are jealousy and/or one partner really getting excited and wanting to jump right into the deep end while the other partner either just isn't feeling it or wants to take things much slower. Contrary to popular belief it's not always the guy who is eager to go farther, faster after the first experience or two. Communication is paramount!
3) No tips. Just remember you're a couple and your allegiance is to each other and to your relationship which takes precedence over anything else...especially swinging.
4) Again, soft swap. We think that in many ways it's even better than MFM or FMF. We were completely soft swap for our first few years in the lifestyle and it gave us time to really think about and talk about everything and for neither of us to feel pressured or coerced.
Good luck and have fun!
1) Talk openly and honestly about what you think might possibly make either of you upset or jealous or insecure and use your answers as a guide for any ground rules. Also, be open and honest with potential playmates about what your rules are and why you have the rules. You might want to consider a soft-swap type situation to begin with and see how each of you feel afterwards. Don't let more experienced couples try to talk you into doing things beyond your ground rules even though some will definitely try. A few possible rules that some newbies start out with are.
-No separate rooms.
-No penetration.
-No kissing (some feel like this feels too intimate at first)
2) Probably the biggest pitfalls are jealousy and/or one partner really getting excited and wanting to jump right into the deep end while the other partner either just isn't feeling it or wants to take things much slower. Contrary to popular belief it's not always the guy who is eager to go farther, faster after the first experience or two. Communication is paramount!
3) No tips. Just remember you're a couple and your allegiance is to each other and to your relationship which takes precedence over anything else...especially swinging.
4) Again, soft swap. We think that in many ways it's even better than MFM or FMF. We were completely soft swap for our first few years in the lifestyle and it gave us time to really think about and talk about everything and for neither of us to feel pressured or coerced.
Good luck and have fun!
Great info Evildoers! Even for us that have been in the LS a little while
Choosing to be non-monogamous is just that, a choice. You make that choice, for yourselves, depending on the moment, the circumstances, the people. Live in, and maintain control of your moments. Each and every time you find yourselves in a situation with some potential, remember it is a choice. It does not define you, or obligate you in in any way whatsoever. If it is something you both want to do, at that time, then do it! Enjoy it! No pressure, no pressure, no pressure. You don't owe anyone in the "lifestyle" a damned thing. You never have to do anything, or be with anyone, that you both are not really, really, really excited and motivated to do, or to be with. Know who you are! You define yourselves together and as individuals! Define your limits together.
I would add something to Evildoers post, and give an alternate view of sorts. First thing is to move at the pace of the slowest member. That is important because as Evildoers mentioned, that’s were jealousy and hurt feelings can come in. Communication is paramount!
Second, softswap works for some but not others. Again I would follow their number one. Talk, communicate, be open and honest.
Most couples start out with a bible sized code book of rules and end up widdling away this and that, finding new rules along the way, and finding different likes and dislikes they wouldn’t figure they would have had. Communicate before, during, and after every situation.
Have fun guys!!
Second, softswap works for some but not others. Again I would follow their number one. Talk, communicate, be open and honest.
Most couples start out with a bible sized code book of rules and end up widdling away this and that, finding new rules along the way, and finding different likes and dislikes they wouldn’t figure they would have had. Communicate before, during, and after every situation.
Have fun guys!!
Good point VAN. And I would go so far as to say not only move at the pace of the slowest member but also agree ahead of time that if either of you wants to quit, you quit. We've seen FAR too many marriages end in divorce when, for whatever reason, the couple wasn't on the same page when it came to the lifestyle.
I would also add, however, that a very tiny nudge (NOT a push or any kind of coercion!) can also be appropriate. We were totally non-swap our first two years in the lifestyle. It was, it seems, hard for both of us to overcome a lifetime of religious inculcation. Ultimately, though, it was Ms. Evil who was just never quite ready to take that step into actually fucking someone other than me.
Finally, after a LOT of heart to heart talks, I convinced her to track down her old high school boyfriend that she had ALMOST gone all the way with and fuck him...assuming he was amenable to the idea. Long story short, he was, and though it turned out to be a disappointing experience (apparently his little problem with premature ejaculation while petting in the back seat of his car persisted into adulthood) it showed her that she could indeed separate love and sex and we've been full participants ever since.
I would also add, however, that a very tiny nudge (NOT a push or any kind of coercion!) can also be appropriate. We were totally non-swap our first two years in the lifestyle. It was, it seems, hard for both of us to overcome a lifetime of religious inculcation. Ultimately, though, it was Ms. Evil who was just never quite ready to take that step into actually fucking someone other than me.
Finally, after a LOT of heart to heart talks, I convinced her to track down her old high school boyfriend that she had ALMOST gone all the way with and fuck him...assuming he was amenable to the idea. Long story short, he was, and though it turned out to be a disappointing experience (apparently his little problem with premature ejaculation while petting in the back seat of his car persisted into adulthood) it showed her that she could indeed separate love and sex and we've been full participants ever since.
Well, I went touring with a couple of bands when I was just a lad, and discovered the wonderful world of no strings attached sex, bisexual women, orgies and such. It was just a couple of years but it did put an interesting finish on my late teens and early twenties. In my mid twenties I fell head over heals in love with a 19 year old virgin, who was saving herself for marriage, so I married her. The marriage has been fantastic as has been the sex. We had a bunch of kids and enjoyed great monogamous sex for over twenty years. As the kids were beginning to become happy and successful adults, we sort of decided to consider acting on some fantasies we had discussed. That was about 2005 we think. We got an invitation to a meet and greet they used to have at a place called Club Vegas, and we met a few swingers. We had one hook up with a couple where nobody got around to actually saying lets get naked, even though we all wanted to. Our next encounter ended up to be really sexual, as in there was full swap sex. It was the first time Mrs. Delicious every had sex with anyone other than myself. It went swimmingly well. Soooo, we hooked up a lot at first, in quite a few scenarios, with couples and or singles. There were a few difficult moments, but nothing traumatic. It was good, good! From time to time we have just really wanted to only sexually focus on each other, but really never all together lost interest in swinging, but really did not try and hook up very often. We are kind of there now. Our family is growing, with kids getting married, having kids, and consequently, so are family events on the calendar. Family first, because as much as we enjoy swinging, we actually prefer family time. We don't make it out to the big events, or very many meet and greets. We play with some old friends from time to time and yes we are still interested in meeting some new lovers, and we still pursue that a bit, but frankly, we are pretty hard to nail down time wise. Are we happy we decided to step into the "lifestyle"? Yes we are. Perhaps it was relatively easy for us to adjust, because we have always had faith and confidence in each other, and we discovered that we both seemed to have married someone with whom we are very compatible in all sorts of ways including sexually. We still remain each others favorite lovers.
If you are both on the same page about trying this adventure, then try it! Nothing ventured nothing gained. If you discover it does not fit in with your relationship, then give it up. If it does not make you happy don't force it.
If you are both on the same page about trying this adventure, then try it! Nothing ventured nothing gained. If you discover it does not fit in with your relationship, then give it up. If it does not make you happy don't force it.
Listen to the Life on the Swingset podcast. It’s on iTunes and other places. They have a series of episodes covering entering the ethically non-monogamous lifestyle (episodes 59, 60, 62, and 63). It’s good stuff.