Swingers Forum - hall passes

I have heard that there is an "all unicorn" group being formed. Check into it.....

There are those in the lifestyle who are not as they seem and who tell you what they believe you want to hear to get their foot in your bed. It feels like a betrayal, once you learn they weren't what they represented themselves to be and you hope that everyone who nears that person knows the truth about them before going further, but the truth is, some people don't really care.

I've learned all too well, there are those who have their own set of morals when it comes to this lifestyle. Some wouldn't consider being with a dishonest person while others just want to get laid regardless of the outcome in anyone else's life.

The best we can do is hold to our own standards and let those who have different standards, drift to the wayside. People who are of your same mindset will gravitate toward you. You can share notes with others before enjoying some special time with someone new, hopefully getting input from others who may know that individual you are considering as a playmate.

I'm pretty cautious these days about who I meet and how far things go before I have more intimate background information on them. That's just the measure of my standards. As I said, not everyone cares or has the same qualms.

If you'd like to share, you know where to find me. I'll share my stories with you, also.

What the lying scoundrels don't understand is that people of integrity usually have a lot more sex and a lot more enjoyable sex, with no regrets, whether they are swingers or monogamous, married or single because of their honesty. I am not saying that we all should go tell everyone, everything about our sex lives, when that information, is irrelevant in our communications and interaction with them. Our sex lives are not everyone's business. It frankly is however, relevant information, for anyone you are trying to develop a sexual and or romantic relationship with, and lying or leaving out information makes the person that does it a scoundrel. As for the two of us, we hope to avoid any sort of sexual proximity with scoundrels. We would also like to avoid people that knowingly give sex and sexual safe harbor to scoundrels. Scoundrels get a bad reputation, and a bad reputation is a barrier in life, sexually and otherwise.

LilMiss, completely agree with your take and I feel Poet's comments sound a lot like sour grapes or at least trying to taint HP's or men in a bad lite or the couples who do use the Hall Pass. A truly honest couple would probably list themselves as an Open relationship, rather than depend on a some catchy phrase, but that doesn't mean couples don't use HP as a means to broaden their boundaries. In our case my wife has a FWB that she enjoys spending time with, including traveling with him on occasion. But she is done screwing the world as she puts it. I have a FWB that I spend time with, even travel with, we have all 4 traveled together, gone to concerts together and hosted parties together. So keeping to the topic I don't think all of these HP situations should be taken so negatively as Poet has suggested.

LILMISSRIDINGHOOD wrote:

POET_RAYL wrote:

Hall Passes, is a married mans way of saying I'm looking to fill a sexual void that my wife can't keep full.

If this is true, he needs couples therapy, not a hall pass.

Do you know females who can always get wet on a dime. An full fill there mans needs probably not so it's good that there is such thing as the hall pass rule for those men. Since a lot assume its always the mans fault with a ED issue when it could be with the woman who has a low sexual drive.

But Like a ways you assume you have the answer for not knowing the situation and assume that there cheating or something else.

POET_RAYL wrote:

Hall Passes, is a married mans way of saying I'm looking to fill a sexual void that my wife can't keep full.

LILMISSRIDINGHOOD wrote:

If this is true, he needs couples therapy, not a hall pass.

POET_RAYL wrote:

Do you know females who can always get wet on a dime. An full fill there mans needs probably not so it's good that there is such thing as the hall pass rule for those men. Since a lot assume its always the mans fault with a ED issue when it could be with the woman who has a low sexual drive.

But Like a ways you assume you have the answer for not knowing the situation and assume that there cheating or something else.

So, you think every woman should get "wet on a dime" during intercourse with you? You definitely have troubles. I know men who aren't so selfish that they don't care to take the time to get their lady wet. I've been with single men and women who were very skilled at this. Sorry, if you're incapable of rising to the challenge.

Additionally, a person who is married shouldn't use the excuse that they don't have time to get their wife wet so they're going to go get someone else's wife wet instead. The hall pass isn't for a man to tell his wife she can't get "wet on a dime" so he's going elsewhere to find someone who will. Hard to believe your wife would put up with that.

And the comments on this thread aren't stating that ALL men with Hall Passes are cheaters. It's the belief that those who say they have a hall pass but don't, are cheaters. If your protests to our comments mean that you aren't getting any from your wife and you are cheating on her and lying about a hall pass, then you just outed yourself and you are the very type of person who, as stated above, needs professional help. I, for one, will only go out with someone with a "Hall Pass" if I've met his wife and we have an agreement. I Don't break up marriages. That's not my style.

No one said anyone was breaking up marriages but if my understanding is right some are married female here on a hall pass, passing them self off as a single female. An using my figure of speech again if females can't be wet for there man, than yes he should be allowed a hall pass, same if a man can't get it up for his woman. Some couple are on here as a couple and they use there couple profile vs a single profile and use the hall pass to have sex date and so forth alone since some of the other half aren't into the LS.

In this lifestyle there is no such thing as a cheater for when you think about having sex or being with someone else other than your mate you just became a cheater, and that's according to the people who have been raise with that understanding of the word.

POET_RAYL wrote:

No one said anyone was breaking up marriages but if my understanding is right some are married female here on a hall pass, passing them self off as a single female. An using my figure of speech again if females can't be wet for there man, than yes he should be allowed a hall pass, same if a man can't get it up for his woman. Some couple are on here as a couple and they use there couple profile vs a single profile and use the hall pass to have sex date and so forth alone since some of the other half aren't into the LS.

In this lifestyle there is no such thing as a cheater for when you think about having sex or being with someone else other than your mate you just became a cheater, and that's according to the people who have been raise with that understanding of the word.

If you're lying to your mate, you're a CHEATER. Period. And the single female profiles with a significant other (and therefore a hall pass) tend to also have a couples profile. They are HONEST with their SO.

AGAIN, this thread is about LIARS, not people who have a legitimate hall pass from their SO. If that's hard for you to understand, perhaps that's why you can't get others to be with you and your wife.

POET_RAYL wrote:

You're making a pissing contest out of a general statement so what ever, I made my 2 cents take your understand and comprehension of me defending the hall pass and reason for why people may use it. Not saying people lie or what ever but sounds like you're taking it a little to personal.

Oh, no. You misunderstand me. I'm not taking it personal at all.

You just seem upset that the OP has an issue with people who are dishonest, saying they have a hall pass when they don't.

I know men in a couple situation who have hall passes. I've enjoyed their company before. But I know their wives and know that they're being up front (read: Honest about it).

I just wanted to clarify for you that this discussion is not about attacking people who have them honestly.

I also feel that you have an unhealthy attitude toward this lifestyle. Thank you for helping me to recognize this and to know how I should handle the situation, should you decide to send me a friend request. I appreciate any help I can get to weed out the wheat from the chaff.

you are now listed as single female now instead of on your husbands profile so no need for me to send ya friends list since we don't deal with single females or married single females profiles too much drama.

We may be arguing over semantics, at least to some degree, and we may be also discovering we don't all share the same perspectives on some of the terminology we use in discussions within the "lifestyle" community, even when we agree on it's definition. Hall pass, to us suggest that he or she who has a hall pass, received their hall pass, from a significant other, from whom the hall pass holder, felt they need to seek approval, to be sexual with others, without the hall pass approving party actually being there. A open relationship, where all parties within a significant bonded or somewhat bonded relationship, consisting of two or more people, where none of those people expects to be consulted, or feels they have the need, or right, to approve each others sexual liaisons, would not require a situational hall pass. Permission is not required, or expected, so no hall pass would be required. So for someone, in an open relationship, to say they have a hall pass, and then for their new playmates, to discover that they never actually consulted any one they are already intimate with, would not suggest that they did anything to offend the other people they might already be intimate with. What they failed to do, is explain in detail, the circumstances surrounding their existing sex life. Whether they did that on purpose, or it was an accidental omission, it is still information, that probably would have carried some weight in the decision making process, as to whether or not the new relationship would have ever become intimate. Could be a sin of omission as it were. But, whenever anyone, just out and out lies, and says that they are not in a relationship, and they are, especially when they know that the person with whom they are in a relationship, would be hurt by their entering into another relationship, then that would seem wrong to a lot of people, including the two of us, that perhaps fit somewhere within the swing community. To try and gain sexual access to others, by deception, is obviously dishonest. To try and gain sexual access to others, while you are telling a significant someone, that you are sexually only available to them, is dishonest. For us, a Hall Pass suggest that you have permission. Open relationship suggest that the notion of permission is not relevant to the person's significant other or others. Liars could try and gain access by saying that they either have a hall pass, or are in an open relationship. We all know there are liars that do that. Soooooo, perhaps we should not be surprised that some of us would like to hear it from the person behind the hall pass bestowal, or the persons in the open relationship, before we agree to become intimate with anyone saying they have a hall pass, or are in an open relationship. It should not be a surprise that many of us want to avoid liars.