Original had hit 20 pages and was getting to be a pain in the ass to use.
Here's the new and (improved?) version.
Here's the new and (improved?) version.
CARRIERMANANDGEEKGIRL wrote:I'm guessing that it's HER and she's got it all in hundred dollar bills hidden in those fake tits?
Original had hit 20 pages and was getting to be a pain in the ass to use.
Here's the new and (improved?) version.
DID I GET IT, DID I GET IT????
FUN4MWF wrote:CARRIERMANANDGEEKGIRL wrote:I'm guessing that it's HER and she's got it all in hundred dollar bills hidden in those fake tits?
Original had hit 20 pages and was getting to be a pain in the ass to use.
Here's the new and (improved?) version.
DID I GET IT, DID I GET IT????
DAMN - ya just can't fool some people.
Those tits look "real" real nice
OOPS
Hahaha that is hilarious!!!
balls!!!
balls!!!
This is hilarious!!!.. I think the first time is just magical like this lol jk.
lol,,,
It's funny because it's true.I realized last night the best reason to keep your house clean! You never know When someone is Going to show up and roll around on your floor
HOTFIRELOVERS wrote:
[video]
This is hilarious!!!.. I think the first time is just magical like this lol jk.
OMG,, that's so funny,,,
The teenager was developing rapidly, so her mother thought it about time that she understood the facts of life.
"Liza," she began, "I think it would be nice if we had a little chat about how life is formed. As you know, a baby grows in a lady's tummy and..."
"It might be interesting to hear you tell it, Mom," interrupted the daughter, "but what I really want to know is how to fake an orgasm."
Sorry!lol
"Liza," she began, "I think it would be nice if we had a little chat about how life is formed. As you know, a baby grows in a lady's tummy and..."
"It might be interesting to hear you tell it, Mom," interrupted the daughter, "but what I really want to know is how to fake an orgasm."
Sorry!lol
lol,,,
Q: How did they know that Jesus was Jewish?
A: Because he lived at home until he was thirty, he went into his father's business, his mother thought he was God, and he thought his mother was a virgin.
A: Because he lived at home until he was thirty, he went into his father's business, his mother thought he was God, and he thought his mother was a virgin.
We're headed to Las Vegas in the morning, and I don't have my supply of jokes on my Lap Top.
Chuckles will resume when we get home with our bags of money.
Chuckles will resume when we get home with our bags of money.
Two men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke.
He asks the other guy if he has a lighter and the other replies
"Yes, I do" and hands a 10 inch long BIC lighter.
Surprised, the guy asks "Where did you get this?"
The guy replies "Oh, I have a personal genie"
The first man asks "Can i make a wish?" "Sure" - says the other man - "Just make
sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing"
"Ok I will" says the other. As he rubs the lamp
a genie appears and asks the man what he wants. The man says " I want a Million Bucks." The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds
later a million ducks fly over head. And the guy says to the other "Your genie realy sucks
at hearing, doesn't he?" The other man replies "I know. Do you really think
i asked for a 10 inch BIC?"
He asks the other guy if he has a lighter and the other replies
"Yes, I do" and hands a 10 inch long BIC lighter.
Surprised, the guy asks "Where did you get this?"
The guy replies "Oh, I have a personal genie"
The first man asks "Can i make a wish?" "Sure" - says the other man - "Just make
sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing"
"Ok I will" says the other. As he rubs the lamp
a genie appears and asks the man what he wants. The man says " I want a Million Bucks." The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds
later a million ducks fly over head. And the guy says to the other "Your genie realy sucks
at hearing, doesn't he?" The other man replies "I know. Do you really think
i asked for a 10 inch BIC?"
...
the doc suggested that as a way of getting some exercise and my ex left me
What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
They can both smell it but can't eat it.
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing and gargling.
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.
What should you do if you girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down and use a lubricant.
What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
Money.
What's the definition of a male chauvinist pig?
A man who hates every bone in a woman's body, except his own.
Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?
Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.
What do blondes and the Bermuda triangle have in common?
They've both swallowed a lot of semen.
Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
They can both smell it but can't eat it.
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing and gargling.
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.
What should you do if you girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down and use a lubricant.
What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
Money.
What's the definition of a male chauvinist pig?
A man who hates every bone in a woman's body, except his own.
Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?
Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.
What do blondes and the Bermuda triangle have in common?
They've both swallowed a lot of semen.
A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. When he finally gets himself to the doctor, he says," How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fianc
Who else feels like this? 
A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks, 'Why in the world are you walking around
like this?'
... The cowboy says, 'Well it's like this Sheriff .... I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.
We get inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt... So I did.
Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants... So I did.
Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts...so I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now go to town cowboy...
'And here I am.'
As he is locking him up, he asks, 'Why in the world are you walking around
like this?'
... The cowboy says, 'Well it's like this Sheriff .... I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.
We get inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt... So I did.
Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants... So I did.
Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts...so I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now go to town cowboy...
'And here I am.'
Time for X-Mas presents.
.
...Do you know why they Classify a Woman as a Tornado?...
They Twist and Turn when Their Cumming, and Take the House and Cars when Their Leaving...
They Twist and Turn when Their Cumming, and Take the House and Cars when Their Leaving...
If you are over 45 yrs old you MUST take this Alzheimer's Test
How fast can you guess these words and fill-in the blanks?
1. _ _NDOM
2. F_ _K
3. P_N_S
4. PU_S_
5. S_X
6. BOO_S
answers below
Answers:
1. RANDOM
2. FORK
3. PANTS
4. PULSE
5. SIX
6. BOOKS
You got all 6 wrong....didn't you?
You do NOT have Alzheimer's
You are a Pervert!!
How fast can you guess these words and fill-in the blanks?
1. _ _NDOM
2. F_ _K
3. P_N_S
4. PU_S_
5. S_X
6. BOO_S
answers below
Answers:
1. RANDOM
2. FORK
3. PANTS
4. PULSE
5. SIX
6. BOOKS
You got all 6 wrong....didn't you?
You do NOT have Alzheimer's
You are a Pervert!!
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football
game. They had great seats right behind their team's
bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the
tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't
understand why they were killing each other over 25
cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team
got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming
was... 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm
like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!"
game. They had great seats right behind their team's
bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the
tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't
understand why they were killing each other over 25
cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team
got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming
was... 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm
like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!"
lol
lol
Brings up a very good question:
If you were to be walking through an airport, and you saw that same uncle at the other gate area across the way, would you yell "HI JACK"?
If you were to be walking through an airport, and you saw that same uncle at the other gate area across the way, would you yell "HI JACK"?
Only in america.
Thanks to House Republicans, pizza is now a vegetable. That
Thanks to House Republicans, pizza is now a vegetable. That
A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note - romantic, but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he bought a pair of white gloves; the younger sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the... clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents first, he sealed his package and mailed it to his sweetheart along with this note: Darling, I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears short ones that are easy to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I were there to put them on you for the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my Love, Hollingsworth. P.S The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.
An airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served them food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came Swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big...... scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if... you could just put your trays up, that would be super." On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed a well-dressed rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground." She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one." To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch."
...
...
.....
....
This probabally true
.
A man was pulled over for speeding the officer went to the driver's window and said, "Sir, may I see your driver's license and registration?" The man said, "Well officer I don't have a license, it was taken away. "The officer said," Do you have a registration for the vehicle?" The man said "No sir, the car is not mine I stole it, but I'm sure I saw a registration in the glove box when I put the gun in it." The officer stepped back, "There is a gun in the glove box ?! " The man said, "Yes sir, I used it to kill the woman who owned the car, then I stuffed her in the trunk." The officer steps toward the back of the car and says," Sir do not move ! "The officer calls for backup minutes later another policeman arrives. He walks up to the window slowly and asks the... man for his driver's license and registration. The man said," Yes officer it's all right here. " It all checked out so the officer said," Is there a gun in the glove box sir?" The man laughs and says," No officer why would there be a gun in the glove box." He opened it and showed him that there was no gun. The second officer asked him to open the trunk. The man agrees and opens the trunk, no dead body. The officer says, "Sir I do not understand, the officer that pulled you over said that you did not have a license, the car was stolen, there was a gun in the glove box, and a dead body in the trunk."The man looks at the officer and roll's his eyes.. and says, "Yeah and I'll bet he said I was speeding too !"
...
lkjlkj
,.,.,.
...
...
Funny for computer geeks...:-)
Well, what can I say.....
John was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Mary to the hardware store.
At the hardware store, Mary saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Carl, the manager, to finish waiting on another customer.
When Carl was finished, Mary asked "How much for the teapot? " Carl replied, "That's silver and it costs $300!" "My goodness, that sure is a lotta money!" Mary exclaimed. Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that John had sent her to buy, and Carl went to the back room to find it.
From the back room Carl yelled, "Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?" Mary replied, "No, but I will for the teapot."
This is why you can't send a woman to a hardware store!
At the hardware store, Mary saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Carl, the manager, to finish waiting on another customer.
When Carl was finished, Mary asked "How much for the teapot? " Carl replied, "That's silver and it costs $300!" "My goodness, that sure is a lotta money!" Mary exclaimed. Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that John had sent her to buy, and Carl went to the back room to find it.
From the back room Carl yelled, "Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?" Mary replied, "No, but I will for the teapot."
This is why you can't send a woman to a hardware store!
Amish Sex
An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day.
The daughter said to her mother, 'My hands are freezing cold.'
The mother replied, 'Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up.'
The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.
The next day, the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said,
'My hands are freezing cold.'
The girl replied, 'Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up.'
He did and warmed his hands.
The following day, the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter.
He said, 'My nose is cold.'
The girl replied, 'Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up'.
He did and warmed his nose.
The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said, 'My penis is frozen solid.'
The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again, and she says to her mother, 'Have you ever heard of a penis?'
Slightly concerned the mother said,' Why,yes...?! Why do you ask?'
The daughter replies: 'They make one hell
of a mess when they defrost, don't they?!
An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day.
The daughter said to her mother, 'My hands are freezing cold.'
The mother replied, 'Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up.'
The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.
The next day, the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said,
'My hands are freezing cold.'
The girl replied, 'Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up.'
He did and warmed his hands.
The following day, the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter.
He said, 'My nose is cold.'
The girl replied, 'Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up'.
He did and warmed his nose.
The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said, 'My penis is frozen solid.'
The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again, and she says to her mother, 'Have you ever heard of a penis?'
Slightly concerned the mother said,' Why,yes...?! Why do you ask?'
The daughter replies: 'They make one hell
of a mess when they defrost, don't they?!
Putting Your Affairs in Order
A woman went to her doctor.
The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, 'I've some bad news. You have
cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order.'
The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting
room where her daughter had been waiting.
'Well daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when
things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. Let's head to
the club and have a martini.'
After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were
some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the
woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. The
woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end.
'I've been diagnosed with AIDS.'
The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty
retreat.
After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered, 'Momma,
I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you
were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that??'
'Because I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I'm
gone.'
And THAT, my friends, is what is called, 'Putting Your Affairs In Order.'
A woman went to her doctor.
The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, 'I've some bad news. You have
cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order.'
The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting
room where her daughter had been waiting.
'Well daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when
things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. Let's head to
the club and have a martini.'
After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were
some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the
woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. The
woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end.
'I've been diagnosed with AIDS.'
The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty
retreat.
After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered, 'Momma,
I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you
were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that??'
'Because I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I'm
gone.'
And THAT, my friends, is what is called, 'Putting Your Affairs In Order.'
Daddy's Phone Call.
**Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg,**
**'Hello?'**
**'Hi honey.**
**This is Daddy.**
**Is Mommy near the phone?'**
**'No, Daddy.**
**She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.'**
**After a brief pause,**
**Daddy says,**
**'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.'**
**'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy,**
**Right now..'**
Brief Pause.
**'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.**
**Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs**
**And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy**
**That Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway.'**
**'Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.'**
**A few minutes later**
**The little girl comes back to the phone.**
**'I did it, Daddy.'**
**'And what happened, honey?' **
'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.**
**Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser**
**And now she isn't moving at all!'**
**'Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?'**
**'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too..**
**He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window**
**And into the swimming pool.**
**But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water**
**Last week to clean it.**
**He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead.'**
*****Long Pause*****
*****Longer Pause*****
*****Even Longer Pause*****
**Then Daddy says,**
**'Swimming pool? ...........**
**Is this 486-5731?'*
**No, I think you have the wrong number........*
**Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg,**
**'Hello?'**
**'Hi honey.**
**This is Daddy.**
**Is Mommy near the phone?'**
**'No, Daddy.**
**She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.'**
**After a brief pause,**
**Daddy says,**
**'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.'**
**'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy,**
**Right now..'**
Brief Pause.
**'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.**
**Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs**
**And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy**
**That Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway.'**
**'Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.'**
**A few minutes later**
**The little girl comes back to the phone.**
**'I did it, Daddy.'**
**'And what happened, honey?' **
'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.**
**Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser**
**And now she isn't moving at all!'**
**'Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?'**
**'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too..**
**He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window**
**And into the swimming pool.**
**But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water**
**Last week to clean it.**
**He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead.'**
*****Long Pause*****
*****Longer Pause*****
*****Even Longer Pause*****
**Then Daddy says,**
**'Swimming pool? ...........**
**Is this 486-5731?'*
**No, I think you have the wrong number........*
.
a
These are great!! I could use a cheering up thanks everyone!!
a
a
...
Why are camels called ships of the desert? Because they are filled with Arab seamen.
What's the difference between men and women?
The thought that comes to mind from the word "facial".
The thought that comes to mind from the word "facial".