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What about the lifestyle didn't meet your expectations? - Preconceptions and disappointment. - I'm home bored, so stop here if you don't want to read a bunch of shite. lol. I think we both entered the lifestyle with some preconceived notions of what the people in the LS would be like, but that was mostly from our limited experience with being vanilla and having LS peeps try to hit on us. It just seemed creepy, desperate and gross at the time. We assumed most of the players would be super aggressive, ready to fuck anyone and have zero interest in relationships outside of sex. Our initial entry was simply to watch and be watched. We quickly learned that there are just as many wonderful people in the LS as out of it. Maybe more. There will always be the outliers, the few percentage on each end of the spectrum that are more extreme, but that happens in any population. Overall, it was a happy surprise. So that would be a negative expectation that wasn't met. As far as things we were hoping would happen or expectation that weren't met, we have very few. But we also went into the labyrinth without really expecting or assuming anything. I don't think we were naive enough to think that this segment of the population was somehow immune from the social characteristics that reveal themselves in any other social class or group. You will always have the "cool kids" the "shy people" the "jocks" the "geeks" the people who classify themselves as the "pity party" and blame the world for their problems. Those things will exist anywhere and should. Swingers are a diverse group of people with a few, maybe very few, common goals. Those goals I think are to meet others with social deviancy and those interested in expanding their sexual experiences or simply to meet new friends. Swinging, in itself, doesn't solidify your beliefs in anything else (politics, food preferences, choice of travel location, or even how or what you are looking for as swingers). I think that is where expectations can fail. If a person goes into a situation thinking, "I/we think "x" so everyone else must think "x" as well", they are bound to be disappointed. I've said this a lot of times, the lifestyle is not black and white. Life isn't black and white. There will be frustrations around every turn if you allow yourself to be duped into thinking your way of thinking is more than just your viewpoint, that it is universal to everyone. I see people complaining of flakes, people who meet once then run away, etc. That's how they roll. That's their truth. It's what they are comfortable with or wanting and who am I to judge. That being said, I don't have to associate with them and hopefully learn how to avoid that situation or become more efficient at finding people with similar interests. The lifestyle is work. Sometimes a lot of work. I think it's foolish to think that it should be easy to find 4 people who all jive. Think about how many people you have dated before settling on the right one for you. And to assume that somehow changes in the lifestyle and that after chatting on kik for a few weeks then meeting over drinks will somehow magically connect you. Ugh. Sometimes it happens. Sometimes not. But I wouldn't expect it. For others, the thought of any connection past the one-nighter is absurd. Why would you want to make friends with your fuck-buddies? It may be too risky and cause too many emotions. Point is, we are all different and that is what makes the journey so beautiful. And, just a note about flakes, since it is a recurrent theme. Yes, maybe there are more flakes in the lifestyle, but I'm guessing it's specifically related to the nature of the LS. Swinging for some can be very intimidating and frightening. Sometimes the chase is much more fun than the fucking. Not excusing them that do flake, it seems a problem for sure, but I think I understand, at least in part, why it happens so much. There is so much social pressure not to be in the lifestyle and most were brought up without it being the normal way to live. So society is telling us we are wrong, gross, deviant, etc. Add to that the fear of actually getting naked and fucking someone else and it can cause a lot of anxiety in some. When we first started we were petrified to even go the parties thinking it was going to be a fuck/rape fest. lol. Turned out we were wrong but it was a learning process. Lastly, if you are already treading carefully and the couple/person you are supposed to be meeting gives off any bad vibes, maybe flaking is best. It's hard not to hurt someone's feelings and honesty isn't always what happens. I know we have been honest with couples and it turned into a shit-show. Why don't you like us? If you only meet us and give us a chance we can prove we are wonderful. Other's like us, why don't you. It's hard to be honest at times about why there isn't a connection. May flaking be a way to spare feelings? I don't know. There are probably a plethora (Hefe, do you know what a plethora is?)of reasons people flake and some of those my be that they are just douches. But likely there are other people that aren't and are just trying to get out of a situation they are unfamiliar with. Avoid the douches but maybe give those others a second chance. Evil: always good topics you bring to the table. So you think because people like sex they should be good at it? I know a lot of people who love food but suck at cooking. haha. Maybe having too many options on the table can also make people lazy. I don't have to try hard if I know tomorrow is another partner. To some it's the quantity and not the quality. But I can see why the expectation would be there. All in all we really have no complaints. It's been a fascination journey. Some ups, some downs, but always and adventure. We will keep our expectations low, both of ourselves and those around us. Less disappointment that way. I'm going back to sitting in my underwear, drinking a beer and watching TV. Zero expectations. haha. :) Mr. SRO

Orgy Party by Swingers Circle in Las Vegas - - [quote=SLCCOUPLEFUN]We attended once, left at the break...comically bad, like something that swinger horror stories are made of. Words can't describe the creep factor vibe that the organizer gives off, we still laugh about it several years later.[/quote] Same here, wouldn't recommend. I'm still having nightmares.

Has anyone else had or still have this problem? - Mixed emotions when it's your turn to play - [quote=UCANTOUCHMYMONKY]Sugarandspice said "most swingers are down on single men. So many males are here for their own pleasure period. It is the God

Mormonmomtok - Tiktok mormon swingers - Agreed! I think it's just a bunch if attention seekers really. Swinging shouldn't be drama, just fun and enjoyable

Taking one for the team - Yay or nay - Here Here DARKNLADYJEDI Aka Barbi :p but yeah alot of swingers on here are becoming so picky about the physical they forget all about the sexual side. Its a fuck just like gettin drunk and pickin up a pratical stranger in a bar pratically.

UFO's - Your Opinions Please... - Being one of those that firmly believe that with all that open space up there it would be a terrible waste to be truely all alone. I have seen in my life things that I can not explain, I am hoping that when contact is made that i am one of the first to make their greeting. Or...........................we may already be here watching your kinky swingers parties and your highly erotic couple and are just waiting to make our move???????

swingers defined - - LOVE IT!!! De ja vu

Any swingers advise for Spain? - Swing clubs in Madrid - [quote=FUN4ALL208]One thing to watch out for are escorts(prostitutes) if you see an odd couple say an obese Turkish man with a hot lil thing. Escort. Half the time they'll say they aren't going to do anything, just want to watch their "girlfriend" have some fun. Just don't do it. Same goes with most of the swinger clubs in Europe. Sorry we don't have a recommendation for a club.[/quote] I dunno about Spain, but the STD thing isn't much of a problem among the licensed prostitutes/escorts in Germany, it's legal, and they're careful and have regular checkups, so I'd say have fun with the girl and let the old perv watch and jack off. Who cares? And a lot of the prostitutes over there are otherwise "normal" girls. The old cliche about the girl working her way through college? Happens in Germany, and some other European counties. Prostitution isn't exactly a high class job, but doing it while young doesn't necessarily ruin a girl's whole life. Different laws, and a different social attitude. Now that doesn't apply to streetwalkers, who are most likely drug addicts, and may also not apply in Spain. It's a highly Catholic country, and while I don't know their laws, I wouldn't be surprised if prostitution was illegal there, and if they had all the problems associated with it that exist in the U.S.

Swingers In Uniform - Pay your memorial day respects here. - HAving been on the sideline and reading the responses from Don I am compelled to say a thing or two. I for one do not expect anyone to kiss my ass for my having served. Yes I do admit that I worked for those paying taxes and did so freely and of my choice. See I was raised to believe that a person should get over themself and be a part of something that is for the betterment of others. I made the free and conscious decision to serve this country and its people in the service. I have served through at least five of the armed conflicts this country has been part of. Do I expect some genuflection or ass kissing no. Would I expect some respect for what I have done? No I guess I don't expect it. I do appreciate it when it happens but at the same time realize there are those who would make light of it or even as Don seems to do speak disparagingly of it. I guess I find it disconcerting that he supposed served in the Navy and still didn't come away with any greater appreciation of the sacrafices those in uniform make whether in combat or in a support role. If he wants to rant and be a legend in his own mind he is entitled to that. I am just saddened that he has so little respect for others that he would offend people and spout belittlements for people who choose to blieve in something other than themselves. To those who posted negative comments to Don I do appreciate how you can feel so angered as to bring you to want to use bodily harm to shut him up or make a post that will shut him up. At the same time I have to say it is like a phrase my grandfather used to say. "Don't try to teach a pig to sing. It only frustrates you and annoys the pic". IT is better to just ignore him and feel sorry for the small mindedness that doesn't seem to allow him to appreciate or respect others. I for one will feel sorry for him and move on. I do however wonder if Clitty and Don are actually the same person and that they seem to get great satisfaction in disrupting forums and getting people upset. LEt's ignore them and not feed their ego by reacting to them. ANd I to say God Bless America, the men and women who serve in uniform and the families of these brave men and women.

BD/SM- Why are there no groups? - - Hello! I have never started a discussion form topic before (btw-this is Dana not Terry) so please be forgiving of me. Anyways, I have a question. I was looking for groups on this site that are into the BD/SM L.S. I know there are other websites that cover this interest, however I know of many swingers who are also into the "darker delights" such as myself. But I have found none on this site (as far as I know) that cover this subject/interest. So is there any groups that cover this topic that I can join, or if not, would anybody be interested in starting such a group on this site?I know this subject can be a little more touchy than other LS related issues. I also understand that people who partcipate in these activties would want their activties kept private. So if you don't feel comfortable posting here, please feel free to send me a private e-mail. Thank You and have a wonderful day![em]Emo_49[/em] Dana